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post #181 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 05:23 PM
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Yes, but they have nothing to do with forum rules. For example, it doesn't say anywhere in the guidelines that you aren't allowed to create a thread seeking romantic partners. SAS has a "Friends and Connections" forum after all. I've also seen threads closed with the given reason something along the lines of "this thread has run its course." The mods are clearly not moderating according to the guidelines, but are closing threads as they see fit. I don't think that they're solely responsible for killing SAS, but they certainly aren't helping the case, lol
Do you interpret "Connections" to mean romantic? I've never thought of that, I took it as meaning acquaintances or pen-pals.

At any rate, on a site full of easy prey, I don't see the appeal of having one member post a dozen threads over the years persistently asking other posters to date him. If you allow that, a lot of similar people are going to join and a lot of them are going to be predators. Lots of people have dated other members here, but posting "date me" threads is not the healthy way to do it.

I do dislike "thread has run its course" closures. It tends to happen in threads which were okay topics, but drew persistently bad replies... and eventually the moderators run out of patience to continue editing. But I'm not paying them to invest the time.

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post #182 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 05:59 PM
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Originally Posted by veron View Post
Yes, but they have nothing to do with forum rules. For example, it doesn't say anywhere in the guidelines that you aren't allowed to create a thread seeking romantic partners. SAS has a "Friends and Connections" forum after all. I've also seen threads closed with the given reason something along the lines of "this thread has run its course." The mods are clearly not moderating according to the guidelines, but are closing threads as they see fit. I don't think that they're solely responsible for killing SAS, but they certainly aren't helping the case, lol

I have been paying attention and they are not in any way responsible for the overall decline of these types of forums. And particularly this one has some problems the moderators can't do anything about.

These people have spent hours and hours and hours of their lives trying to keep this place civil and safe. I suppose SAS would still be alive without mods but I don't think I'd want to post here.

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post #183 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-21-2019, 12:38 AM
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I don't really think that's it though. The mods rarely lock anything.
It may be pretty rare now for threads to be closed. But, like many things on this site, there used to be a lot more of it. Many of those would have been because a thread had run it's course. There were quite often threads that got so badly derailed the mods considered them too messy to edit, which doesn't really happen now. I suspect some users still just have the perception that thread closure is commonplace, even though it really isn't any more.

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post #184 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-21-2019, 12:35 PM
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Do you interpret "Connections" to mean romantic? I've never thought of that, I took it as meaning acquaintances or pen-pals.
"Connections" can mean anything I guess. Friendship, romance, business, etc. I've never really thought about it.

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At any rate, on a site full of easy prey,
I disagree. I'm not sure why some people think that shy people are "easy prey," because I think they're anything but that. If a potential predator is trying to get women to meet up with him so that he could kidnap them or whatever, women with SA are the hardest people to convince to meet you face to face. He's on the wrong forum, lol. As for money scams and the like, I would think that most people here are intelligent enough to perceive who has genuine intentions and who doesn't. Being shy doesn't make one naive nor stupid.

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These people have spent hours and hours and hours of their lives trying to keep this place civil and safe.
...because they have nothing better to do? Anyhow, I'm not saying that SAS would benefit from having no moderation; I think it would benefit from better moderation.
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post #185 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-21-2019, 05:44 PM
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I disagree. I'm not sure why some people think that shy people are "easy prey," because I think they're anything but that. If a potential predator is trying to get women to meet up with him so that he could kidnap them or whatever, women with SA are the hardest people to convince to meet you face to face. He's on the wrong forum, lol.
Well the predators seem to think these are fertile grounds since we've had a few persistent ones. What they're looking for isn't shyness or anxiety but rather people with low self-esteem (which we have a ton of), because people with low self-esteem are easier to manipulate and less likely to understand when they're being treated inappropriately or stand up for themselves (because they believe they deserve it). The exact goals vary of course and have yet to include kidnapping, sometimes it involves meeting in person* but sometimes they prefer to stalk remotely for their safety. And if you have good self-esteem and are just shy/anxious, they'll ignore you and focus their time on the obvious prospects.

Money scams are much less common here, but I think I did hear of one a long time ago, can't remember the details.

As for the moderators, they're not perfect, but I think they're a tremendous improvement on the style of moderation we used to have here. Which is about the only positive thing about the VerticalScope ownership era.

* And people here meeting in person is a lot more common than you might think. I've met several dozen SASers myself (though only a handful one-on-one).

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post #186 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-21-2019, 07:38 PM
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Originally Posted by veron View Post
Yes, but they have nothing to do with forum rules. For example, it doesn't say anywhere in the guidelines that you aren't allowed to create a thread seeking romantic partners. SAS has a "Friends and Connections" forum after all. I've also seen threads closed with the given reason something along the lines of "this thread has run its course." The mods are clearly not moderating according to the guidelines, but are closing threads as they see fit. I don't think that they're solely responsible for killing SAS, but they certainly aren't helping the case, lol
Some people without social anxiety could join SAS to find someone who will date them, and some of them could be predators, which might be more likely if they keep posting the same threads over and over and never post about much else.

It has happened before, and some well-known members have turned out to be predatory without the knowledge of the mods until we were told about it. These members have now been banned, but they were here for a long time, and some had multiple victims. It isnít something we post about in the public areas of the forum, but it is something that has happened more than some people might realise.

Those types of threads usually become filled with other messages that are off-topic, and they have been locked before now.

This was added to the Harassment rule last year:

Anyone found to be using SAS in ways that are inappropriate, such as harming others for their own personal or monetary gain, or stalking or harassing other members will immediately be permanently banned even if this behavior occurs outside of the forums. These offenses are serious, and as a result, they will be dealt with accordingly. As many members of SAS are vulnerable, this rule will be strictly enforced.

Threads about body types break this part of the Who Has It Worse Rule, which was updated last year:

Body shaming" posts are not acceptable as many other users have similar body types or concerns, and will also negatively identify. Many users struggle with body issues, eating disorders and appearance related anxiety and we encourage helpful support and positive discussion in making efforts to improve, not dwell on or discuss in frustration what is considered ugly or unwanted.

Threads are always closed for a reason. If another mod disagrees with the closure of a thread, they will usually say so and the thread will be reopened if enough mods agree to it. It can be easy to see which threads might cause problems.

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post #187 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-21-2019, 08:46 PM
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Well the predators seem to think these are fertile grounds since we've had a few persistent ones. What they're looking for isn't shyness or anxiety but rather people with low self-esteem (which we have a ton of), because people with low self-esteem are easier to manipulate and less likely to understand when they're being treated inappropriately or stand up for themselves (because they believe they deserve it). The exact goals vary of course and have yet to include kidnapping, sometimes it involves meeting in person* but sometimes they prefer to stalk remotely for their safety. And if you have good self-esteem and are just shy/anxious, they'll ignore you and focus their time on the obvious prospects.

Money scams are much less common here, but I think I did hear of one a long time ago, can't remember the details.

As for the moderators, they're not perfect, but I think they're a tremendous improvement on the style of moderation we used to have here. Which is about the only positive thing about the VerticalScope ownership era.

* And people here meeting in person is a lot more common than you might think. I've met several dozen SASers myself (though only a handful one-on-one).


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Originally Posted by Silent Memory View Post
Some people without social anxiety could join SAS to find someone who will date them, and some of them could be predators, which might be more likely if they keep posting the same threads over and over and never post about much else.

It has happened before, and some well-known members have turned out to be predatory without the knowledge of the mods until we were told about it. These members have now been banned, but they were here for a long time, and some had multiple victims. It isnít something we post about in the public areas of the forum, but it is something that has happened more than some people might realise.

Those types of threads usually become filled with other messages that are off-topic, and they have been locked before now.

This was added to the Harassment rule last year:

Anyone found to be using SAS in ways that are inappropriate, such as harming others for their own personal or monetary gain, or stalking or harassing other members will immediately be permanently banned even if this behavior occurs outside of the forums. These offenses are serious, and as a result, they will be dealt with accordingly. As many members of SAS are vulnerable, this rule will be strictly enforced.

Threads about body types break this part of the Who Has It Worse Rule, which was updated last year:

Body shaming" posts are not acceptable as many other users have similar body types or concerns, and will also negatively identify. Many users struggle with body issues, eating disorders and appearance related anxiety and we encourage helpful support and positive discussion in making efforts to improve, not dwell on or discuss in frustration what is considered ugly or unwanted.

Threads are always closed for a reason. If another mod disagrees with the closure of a thread, they will usually say so and the thread will be reopened if enough mods agree to it. It can be easy to see which threads might cause problems.
Great post, Paul and Silent Memory!
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post #188 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-22-2019, 03:37 AM
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[color=deeppink]Some people without social anxiety could join SAS to find someone who will date them, and some of them could be predators, which might be more likely if they keep posting the same threads over and over and never post about much else.

It has happened before, and some well-known members have turned out to be predatory without the knowledge of the mods until we were told about it. These members have now been banned, but they were here for a long time, and some had multiple victims. It isnít something we post about in the public areas of the forum, but it is something that has happened more than some people might realise.
That's very worrying to think there were pieces of **** here like that. Such a shame we can't go and see them in private. Scumbags.
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post #189 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-22-2019, 04:24 AM
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Well I guess that's one explanation for why long-term members who I've never seen break a rule are suddenly banned.
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post #190 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-22-2019, 10:38 AM
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That's very worrying to think there were pieces of **** here like that. Such a shame we can't go and see them in private. Scumbags.
It is puzzling when they have been here for so long. A couple of them just "snapped".

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Well I guess that's one explanation for why long-term members who I've never seen break a rule are suddenly banned.
I'm still here .


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post #191 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-22-2019, 11:56 AM
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Yes, I heard about him John - that one sort of surprised me but it didn't if you know what I mean. But I don't know much about anyone else - probably just as well.
There have been quite a few. I know of at least two who attacked me personally. One was a three-day PM back and forth when I was a moderator. He had anger issues. I had to report what he was doing and other moderators had stepped in and banned him.


The other decided to blast me on here under two different accounts.


There was yet another one who was following a member on here and other sites for some time. Authorities were called on that one.

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post #192 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-22-2019, 01:30 PM
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Well the predators seem to think these are fertile grounds since we've had a few persistent ones.
What exactly do you mean by "predators," if you aren't referring to either bodily or financial harm?

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Body shaming" posts are not acceptable as many other users have similar body types or concerns, and will also negatively identify. Many users struggle with body issues, eating disorders and appearance related anxiety and we encourage helpful support and positive discussion in making efforts to improve, not dwell on or discuss in frustration what is considered ugly or unwanted.
The thread that was closed was not a "body shaming" thread. It was a thread asking people what physical preferences they had in a potential partner. If the thread was named something like "*** people are ugly", then that would have been a body shaming thread. SAS has had threads that have lasted for years where users post pictures of people they find attractive. I'm not sure how a thread in which users verbally express what they find attractive is all of a sudden "body shaming."

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Last edited by Silent Memory; 10-22-2019 at 11:47 PM. Reason: Discussion of banned members is not allowed, so a quote and reply have been removed.
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post #193 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-22-2019, 03:24 PM
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I have been paying attention and they are not in any way responsible for the overall decline of these types of forums. And particularly this one has some problems the moderators can't do anything about.

These people have spent hours and hours and hours of their lives trying to keep this place civil and safe. I suppose SAS would still be alive without mods but I don't think I'd want to post here.
I agree. I think all the mods have been doing a great job at keeping the place nice. However, the website is a mess, and the biggest reason I think currently it is in decline is because of a forum bug where if you don't click remember me when you sign in it will automatically log you out again once you try to enter a new part of the website..

I mean how is such a devastating bug not fixed yet?
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post #194 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-23-2019, 12:45 PM
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The thread that was closed was not a "body shaming" thread. It was a thread asking people what physical preferences they had in a potential partner.
The thread was called 'best woman body: thin or curvy' and there was nothing mentioned about it being related to potential partners. It was literally just a comparison thread.
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post #195 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-23-2019, 01:05 PM
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The thread was called 'best woman body: thin or curvy' and there was nothing mentioned about it being related to potential partners. It was literally just a comparison thread.
There was nothing mentioned about comparison, either. I still fail to see how asking users what body type they like best is "body shaming."
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post #196 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-23-2019, 01:30 PM
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There was nothing mentioned about comparison, either. I still fail to see how asking users what body type they like best is "body shaming."
Mostly semantics. Think if it was called 'which body type do you prefer: thin or curvy' it might have 'felt' different and more subjective/based on preference than 'best woman body: thin or curvy' which seems to have a more objective, right or wrong answer. I mean, whether or not it seems picky, phrasing, tone, all that matters.

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post #197 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-23-2019, 01:33 PM
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That said, there have been a few threads that got closed where I was like what the hell. It was a few months ago, think 2 happened back to back. The reasoning was along the lines of it might hurt pple's feelings or something to that extent. It was pretty weird. Wonder if there's a way to search recent closed threads so I can be more specific. Not that any if this matters, just now it's on my mind.

Edited- think one said it might make pple sad or something like that.

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Sometimes, SA is a symptom of significant developmental, attachment or interpersonal trauma (emotional neglect counts). If you're still stuck after you've tried SA treatments such as CBT and exposure, research C-PTSD and see if it resonates. Here's an awesome resource. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
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post #198 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-23-2019, 01:34 PM
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There was nothing mentioned about comparison, either. I still fail to see how asking users what body type they like best is "body shaming."
It's in the title. You're comparing two things about which one you think is best. I think the main issue though is that it's also asking what is the best body type for a woman which could negatively influence someone's thoughts if one body type was dominating the discussion. Maybe if the OP worded it better it might have been more tolerable, but that wasn't the case.
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post #199 of 202 (permalink) Old 10-23-2019, 02:01 PM
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If 100 people say 'thin is best'. And 0 say 'curvy is best' (or vice versa or whatever). Somebody who stumbles in there who is 'curvy' might not feel all that good about their self. When there are so many people on here who are already depressed or have body issues, I think that's why those types of threads are typically shut down.

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post #200 of 202 (permalink) Old 11-08-2019, 05:55 AM
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i don't know what thread you guys are talking about, but it's funny how such topics get closed.
people get offended when other people give opinions on what they think is attractive, wtf?

and if such topics aren't allowed here, what about real life/society standards, beauty ads, magazines, tv?

i mean we're supposed to be grown people.

if i don't like something my self, i don't see how forcing people not to express their opinions would help.
if it seriously bothers me that much, why not just use that as a motivation to work on myself/ care a little bit more about my health/ fix my diet, etc..
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