[TRIGGER WARNING] Serious health scare... still waiting - Page 4 - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #61 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-07-2020, 08:05 PM
Royally F***ed
 
truant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Cislandia
Gender: Transgender
Age: 48
Posts: 9,810
My Mood: Brooding
Wow, @Lisa , that's a brutal story.

Living with that kind of health concern is very, very difficult. I'm not surprised you're going a bit out of your mind. I had a health scare last year and spent several months reading about the relationship between stress, immune system dysregulation, autoimmunity disorders, and cancer. It's not a fun way to spend your summer. (I think I saw somewhere that you said you were a scientist. Check out the data on low-dose naltrexone/LDN. There aren't any good studies about it yet, but there are some promising preliminary studies.)

You're not responsible for what happened to your brother when he was a kid, and you're not responsible for him now. You're responsible for you. It's very unfortunate that he experienced all that abuse and that he's struggling now, but you have a responsibility to protect yourself because you are the only person who can do that. You are a person, and you have a right to be protected. If avoiding contact with your brother is necessary for your own well-being, you have a responsibility to avoid that contact. You can feel regret over not being able to help him, but you shouldn't feel guilt because it's not your responsibility to save him. And it certainly wasn't your responsibility to save him when you were a child. It was the responsibility of the adults who chose to turn a blind eye to the matter. If that social worker believes it is your responsibility to save him now, they should get a different job.

I never had to experience the kinds of things you experienced, but I do have an adopted sister who was badly abused before my parents got her and who was diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder. We have to avoid contact with her because she's dangerous (the police have a big file on her, though it's mostly of the 'filing false police/fire/etc. reports' variety because she's a pathological liar). There was also stuff going on in my own family that I can't talk about here and that may or may not have contributed to some of my own problems. Stuff that we're never supposed to talk about outside of the family. (Or in it, for that matter.)

I hope you're in the clear and that you never have to worry about something like this ever again. In the meantime, anything you can do to reduce your stress is a good thing. Go for walks, meditate, watch funny movies, listen to upbeat music, give yourself a treat. I've become a lot more proactive about that kind of thing myself and it helps. If you want to talk, feel free to send me a PM. I know how hard it can be to find people who are willing to talk about terrible things. I'm not afraid of the darkness. I pretty much live there.

The road to poverty is paved with artistic pretensions.
truant is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #62 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-08-2020, 01:00 AM
Temporarily Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: I've come to burn your kingdom down one ****post at a time
Language: Eng (UK,) 下手な日本語
Posts: 40,311
That's terrible.

It's not your responsibility to save your brother it was your parents, but they were psychopaths. Sadly they team up sometimes like the West family.

Also all the health/social care workers where you live seem to be ****ed up.

On a somewhat separate note hybristophiles who can't keep it in their pants piss me off.
Persephone The Dread is offline  
post #63 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-08-2020, 06:30 AM Thread Starter
insert witty comment here
 
Lisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,024
@truant and @Persephone The Dread

You both get it. The story I posted isn't even the half of it. But you both understood the extent of the issue.

@truant I know exactly what it feels like to have such a dangerous sibling. My brother isn't just psychotic without other problems. He is severely ill, dangerous and permanently so. I don't think he was looking for a sister to help him. He was looking for a victim. Perpetrators like that approach you in a nice way, portray themselves as victims in need. The minute you reconnect, they pounce on you. My father was like that. Your adopted sister is probably similar. I know what it must have been like for you growing up. s

Sibling's mental health issues take a huge toll on you. Whatever went on in your family, with the parents and the sister, is likely to have affected you. I know exactly what it means to not talk about that stuff. I can stay silent for years, decades even. I never mentioned anything to anyone in 2018. I did it all by myself. But you know what? **** not talking. **** staying silent. I just posted the family secrets on here. They can all go **** themselves. I am done suffering in silence. I am done suffering. Period. Bottling stuff up gave me cancer, I think.

I will send you a pm

@Persephone You likened my family to the West family. Yes. That is what people I come from. My father got away with it though.

Out of everyone in my family, I am the only one that lives a normal life. My father was sick and dangerous. My mother knew and never told on him. My brother grew up with my father and my father turned him into just as sick and dangerous. My father's siblings were abused by him when they were little. One aunt is an alcoholic, another one has significant mental health issues. Their children either died early or live with mental health issues. It is likely my father abused them at some point. My father's brothers died early. One wive was a cocaine addict, one daughter was an alcoholic by the time she was 20.

My therapist told me to never talk to my family again. When I was in therapy, some would reach out. We carefully looked at it and all of them tried to pull me back in. Back into their sick world of psychopathology and serious violence. In therapy, I learned to comprehend what went on back then. I haven't talked to them in some 20 years. And that allowed me to actually live a reasonably normal life.

I once asked my therapist why I was so different. She said that sometimes one child miraculously gets way. Some tiny circumstance allows that child to escape and develop in a way that is at odds with the family. I do remember the elderly neighbor that looked after me. And I remember other people in my life that gave me love and a sense of normality. Maybe it was them.

I was already the odd one out when I was 4. I protested against my brother's abuse and so they hid it from me by shutting doors. I reported them to the police at 4 years old. To no avail but I did try. And I was only in kindergarten at the time.

My brother would sometimes say: "You have to change. They don't like the way you are." I never changed though. I only fit in when my mother married my stepfather and we lived normally. The sick ****s didn't like me. Well, I don't like them, either.

My brother is the only one that I retain some emotional attachment to. I remember holding him when he was a newborn. I remember how much I loved him. That is what pulled me back in in the fall of 2017. It is time to let go. Some things are lost forever. Holding on means getting cancer.

Thanks for reading my stuff. I know it is one hell of a story.
Lisa is online now  
 
post #64 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-08-2020, 07:05 AM
Temporarily Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: I've come to burn your kingdom down one ****post at a time
Language: Eng (UK,) 下手な日本語
Posts: 40,311
@Lisa

Yeah it's pretty lucky that you managed to avoid being socialised like your brother. That's why I'm kind of sceptical of people who overemphasise the importance of family units, because if the family unit is corrupt then you need other people to intervene to mitigate damage like the elderly neighbour you knew.

My family + some extended family are pretty mentally ill and unstable too (myself included,) but I never personally witnessed violence. Also mostly undiagnosed though. It takes a lot to get diagnosed most of the time tbh like one of my cousins has a schizophrenia diagnoses but only because he tried to stab his sister while having a psychotic episode. (I can't talk about stuff too much really for various reasons.)
Persephone The Dread is offline  
post #65 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-08-2020, 07:45 AM
SAS Member
 
kesker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Ricola
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,001
My Mood: Breezy
I think it's quite astounding you managed to be, what sounds to me, like a very good person. That social worker is in the wrong profession. She either did not retain anything she was taught or went to a woefully incompetent learning establishment. Best wishes on your upcoming appointment.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

~bad baby

"Daisy, may I ask why you're holding Miss Sybil's biscuit jar?"
kesker is offline  
post #66 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-08-2020, 09:30 AM
SAS Member
 
millenniumman75's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Dayton, OH
Gender: Male
Age: 45
Posts: 154,024
My Mood: Angelic
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa View Post
Thank you to those that are still reading this. I realize that I sound like I am experiencing an unreasonable anxiety. And maybe I am.

I was stressed but handled it all well until my previous doctor told me on the phone (after the operation): "Everything went well, you are in the clear." The following day I went in for a check up, she looked at me and said: "With cancer, they remove the organ." I was like:"What? Yesterday you said I was in the clear." She told me that I was indeed in the clear but that cancer leads to the removal of organs. I was confused and didn't know if I was in the clear or not. That was the first time I had a breakdown.

During another appointment she said: "You lived an unhealthy life. That is why you have cancer." What? I haven't lived an unhealthy life. And I thought I didn't have cancer. WTF! I had another breakdown after that appointment.

I talked to my GP and he said to change doctors as that woman was clearly sadistic.

I changed doctors and the new one looked at the letter from the hospital and said: "Well, it was very advanced. It basically already was cancer. And if it comes back, they will take out the organ." OK. I didn't have another breakdown after that. I just walked through life like a zombie.

Those conversations took place in the summer. Shortly after, I went to the hospital for another check up (7-8 weeks ago). The result came back inconclusive. So now I am waiting for the next check up in a few days. And stuck in my head are those comments about cancer and losing my organ.

That is why I am in the state that I am in. Having a health scare is one thing. But being repeatedly told that you are in the clear or that you may lose your organ is rough. Particularly when the results are inconclusive.

I talked to a medical helpline the other day. I read out the letter from the hospital to them and the doctor said: "It is serious. You should talk to an oncologist." Ok, so I should talk to someone that specializes in cancer. Does that mean that I have cancer? Probably. Maybe. Who knows.

I did talk to an oncologist. They said that it was a pre stage and not cancer. Does that mean that I don't have cancer? Probably. Maybe. Who knows.

So this a where I am at in my head. 3 different doctors told me that I have reason to be scared/ where trying to terrify me deliberately. I was stressed before but handled it like a grown up. Ever since those conversations I have unravelled. I have no words for the despair I feel.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave View Post
Wow. That was pretty harsh. I hate doctors. I really do.



I hope you can get some good news and/or at least find a doctor who will discuss things with you in a way that is informative but not mean.
Some are bad, yes.

In July 2016, I am not sure how much I talked about it, but I had what amounted to a sinus infection so severe that it caused a hemorrhage in my left eye - on two occasions one night, I lost the vision in the bottom half of my eye and then it would come back like static on a television set. I looked up the situation and they said "go to a doctor" - at 1am?

I ended up going to the ER when it happened a third time. I go in, they lay me down, and check me out. When the vision left a fourth time, the hemorrhage occurred in the ER and I had a blood floater in the center of my eye. The doctor sonogrammed my eyeball like a pregnant mama and could find no retina damage (tear or detachment)....but scheduled an eye appointment later that day.

I could see around the floater, but not through it - a rusty-red Space Invader.

I get there, kids running around, and I finally get tested with a peripheral vision test. I was told I had severe macular degeneration, a detached retina, and a strong possibility I may have permanent vision loss. He sent me across town to a specialist....in the hot June sun (32c/90F+) with dilated pupils!

I get to the specialist, fail the vision test because of the Space Invader. Eye pressure a little high, but not worrysome; the Michael Jackson Off the Wall laser test for my retina landscape was taken...and then the visual test from the doctor - no tear, no detachment, but an obvious hemorrhage.

Over the next week, I had two additional visits to the ER. The first was a blood test two days after the first visit that resulted in my nearly passing out....and a fourth occurrence of the vision loss in the left eye! That was ruled dehydration and I was later sent home.

The third visit was day 6 (the following Monday) when I went to the specialist for an angiogram to look at the arteries in my eye. Stupid me, I took two decongestants that morning and it shot my blood pressure to 148/108 (I was only borderline HBP before, but the stress was there). They sent me back to the ER saying that I may have had a stroke - CAT scan, more blood work, urinalysis, and EKG......nothing but elevated blood pressure.

I kept going back to the specialist after the hospital set me up with a new doctor....the floater itself turned black, formed a Mercedes-Benz logo (without the circle) and then started spinning like a pinwheel when I moved my eye....it was starting to break up in the fluid of my eye.

Today, I can only see what is left when I look at a bright background. Other than that, I don't pay any attention and I can see fine. I am typing this without even wearing my glasses.

The moral to the story is - yeah, unknowns are scary even to the anxious. Your best weapon is to get informed and to take things daily as they come.

Don't worry about doctors, they all have their own personalities. When it comes to your friend, he had a bad reaction which probably scared him off, but you told him in person. That's hard to do and is commendable.

I would think that if things were really bad, you would be in a different situation right now.

Not bad for post #154,000

millenniumman75
You are a success story waiting to happen!
Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover....
Live and HELP live is better!

TROLL ALERT STATUS:
CHAT -> BERT

FORUMS -> ERNIE
(troll activity on the increase)

WATCH WHAT YOU TYPE!
millenniumman75 is offline  
post #67 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-09-2020, 11:24 AM Thread Starter
insert witty comment here
 
Lisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,024
Today was a good day.

Opening up in this thread made a huge difference. It put things into perspective. I thought differently about my brother afterwards.

So today I went and talked to the neighbor. I was going to just talk for a couple of minutes. It turned into a nearly 2 hours conversation about just anything and everything. His girlfriend came back home from work and the conversation ended with them inviting me for dinner sometime.

Things are definitely looking up today.

So tomorrow is the check up. After that it will be a long few days until the results come back. Hopefully I will be ok.
Lisa is online now  
post #68 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-10-2020, 12:42 AM
Royally F***ed
 
truant's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Cislandia
Gender: Transgender
Age: 48
Posts: 9,810
My Mood: Brooding
Hope the results are good and that things keep moving in a positive direction.

The road to poverty is paved with artistic pretensions.
truant is offline  
post #69 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-10-2020, 02:22 AM
experimental sincerity
 
rabidfoxes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,168
It's very unpleasant when you have to question whether your doctor is competent, whether they have your best interests at heart...at the point where you're vulnerable it would be so nice just to have someone competent and friendly to look after you. Especially considering everything else. Damn.

I had a friend whose doctors kept changing his diagnosis between cancer and tuberculosis - so one day he would have cancer, another - TB. It was ridiculous(ly bad).

I really hope you'll get some good news this time.

Leonard Cohen (Bird on a Wire): I have tried in my own way to be free
Mrs Hudson (BBC Sherlock): Sherlock! The mess you've made!
rabidfoxes is offline  
post #70 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-10-2020, 07:49 PM
SAS Member
 
lily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Language: English
Posts: 1,756
Glad you took that step to talk about all that has been bothering you in the past until now and if you feel you need to let out more of course then, it's good to do it! You r very lucky that you ended up w/ your mother and nice stepdad but your brother was very unlucky I feel so bad for him and your father since I think he, too, could've become the way he was/is because of his upbringing, though I think it's right that they're violent/dangerous to be around, especially when your brother has been physically abused since he was a baby! That is so sad and hard to change but it's still possible? I don't know! And you not letting him into your apartment was wise since he has a severe mental illness and he's violent/dangerous, he could've been looking for an opportunity to hurt you like your dad! it sounds like you did your best as a little child, in your child's mind to protect your brother and it was an adult's responsibility so it was not your fault! You r a scientist so that could be beneficial! I would highly suggest that the next thing to do is to look up/google "tumor/cancer-fighting foods", things like that. God gave us natural medicine for disease and every health article would tell you to eat fruit and vegetables to prevent disease. If you're worried about your condition, do not drink or especially smoke! That's carcinogenic. Lastly, as someone else has said, something like do what you enjoy, watch a funny movie for example, all the best!
lily is offline  
post #71 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-11-2020, 12:53 PM Thread Starter
insert witty comment here
 
Lisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,024
Went to the clinic yesterday. I also spoke to my GP.

A second operation is likely.

They have no idea how it could come to this. How I could fall so very ill so very quickly. Things like this usually take years to progress. It wasn't detected in all the check ups I had over the years (because I always went as you are supposed to do) or it progressed from not present to nearly cancer within 12 months (which is biological not possible, I am told). The only explanation they have is that it developed at a spot that could not be reached during a check up. That#s how it went undetected for years.

Maybe. Who knows. I just hope that it still is at a pre stage if and when I will go back to the hospital.

In my head, I am desperate again. I felt ok after airing all of my thoughts and feelings in this thread. Now, I am back to despair. I just hope it isn't cancer yet. And maybe the result will come back saying that I am fine now. But everyone tells me that is highly unlikely.
Lisa is online now  
post #72 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-11-2020, 01:11 PM
❤️ Terminator ❤️
 
iAmCodeMonkey's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Earth.
Language: English, some Italian.
Gender: Male
Age: 31
Posts: 12,593
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa View Post
Went to the clinic yesterday. I also spoke to my GP.

A second operation is likely.

They have no idea how it could come to this. How I could fall so very ill so very quickly. Things like this usually take years to progress. It wasn't detected in all the check ups I had over the years (because I always went as you are supposed to do) or it progressed from not present to nearly cancer within 12 months (which is biological not possible, I am told). The only explanation they have is that it developed at a spot that could not be reached during a check up. That#s how it went undetected for years.

Maybe. Who knows. I just hope that it still is at a pre stage if and when I will go back to the hospital.

In my head, I am desperate again. I felt ok after airing all of my thoughts and feelings in this thread. Now, I am back to despair. I just hope it isn't cancer yet. And maybe the result will come back saying that I am fine now. But everyone tells me that is highly unlikely.
Oh god, I hope you are staying strong through this. "hugs"

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
❤️♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡❤️
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
iAmCodeMonkey is offline  
post #73 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-11-2020, 01:15 PM Thread Starter
insert witty comment here
 
Lisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,024
@iAmCodeMonkey Thanks
Lisa is online now  
post #74 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-11-2020, 01:26 PM
❤️ Terminator ❤️
 
iAmCodeMonkey's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Earth.
Language: English, some Italian.
Gender: Male
Age: 31
Posts: 12,593
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa View Post
@iAmCodeMonkey Thanks
No problem! One of my cousins died from cancer so this hits close to home for me. I just had to reach out.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
❤️♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡❤️
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
iAmCodeMonkey is offline  
post #75 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-11-2020, 04:02 PM
Some people juggle geese.
 
introvert33's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Gender: Female
Age: 33
Posts: 941
Oh no, that's tough news! Keep up the fight, its bad but it doesn't sound hopeless.
introvert33 is offline  
post #76 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-11-2020, 05:30 PM Thread Starter
insert witty comment here
 
Lisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,024
@introvert33 thanks

I am not sure what I would do without this thread.
Lisa is online now  
post #77 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-11-2020, 07:26 PM
SAS Member
 
lily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Language: English
Posts: 1,756
Quote:
Originally Posted by iAmCodeMonkey View Post
No problem! One of my cousins died from cancer so this hits close to home for me. I just had to reach out.
Yeah I hear a lot about cancer these days and it's not a very distant disease for me either so you're not alone, Lisa!

Quote:
Originally Posted by introvert33 View Post
Oh no, that's tough news! Keep up the fight, its bad but it doesn't sound hopeless.
there's always hope and that's the mind-set we should all have when dealing with disease [staff edit]

Last edited by WillYouStopDave; 09-14-2020 at 12:31 PM. Reason: Incorrect (Unproven) medical advice
lily is offline  
post #78 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-14-2020, 09:38 AM Thread Starter
insert witty comment here
 
Lisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,024
I have thought about it over the weekend.

The situation is hellish. Ever since I was diagnosed in the spring my life has spun out of control. I cannot even remember what it is like to be relaxed or happy. I have not laughed since the spring. I am barely able to work as it takes up most of my energy just to manage my thoughts and emotions.

So here is a new idea: Why not take charge of the situation? Why not decide to have the organ removed? That way, the cells would be gone.

I researched it. Lots of woman actually live without that organ. Most have it removed for reasons other than pre stage cells. It is a largish operation, 3 - 5 days in hospital and 4 - 6 weeks until full recovery, but it is doable. They all go on to live full and normal lives.

It would be a way out of this life destroying nightmare. It would be a way to regain control over my life. Anxiety and despair have been the dominant forces in my life for a very long time. I can't live like this anymore. Time to take charge.
Lisa is online now  
post #79 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-17-2020, 04:49 AM Thread Starter
insert witty comment here
 
Lisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,024
***UPDATE***

I just spoke to the hospital re the check up I went to a week ago. Part of the results are back, the rest will be in on Monday.

The pre stage cells developed back to virtually normal.

I do not have words for how I feel right now. My head is spinning. This is the news I did not dare hope for.

Let's wait for the rest of the results on Monday but yeah, right when it matters the most my body seems to not let me down. I think. OMG. Head spinning. Going for a run to process.

Lisa is online now  
post #80 of 93 (permalink) Old 09-17-2020, 11:04 AM
I Am Second
 
Kevin001's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: USA ~ Louisiana
Language: American
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Posts: 57,613
My Mood: Inspired
^^ Congrats, prayed for ya .

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
Kevin001 is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome