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post #161 of 163 (permalink) Old 05-27-2015, 03:27 AM
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I don't know if I still have social anxiety when I am drunk but I am sure I feel better when I am drinking. I don't get sad if I say a wrong thing that time but I still don't talk much.
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post #162 of 163 (permalink) Old 05-27-2015, 05:43 PM
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Recently, I've started drinking... a lot. Last week I got the drunkest I've ever been... and it was the best I've ever felt. I spoke exactly what was on my mind, I had absolutely NO anxiety... I acted how I truly want to act in front of people. If only I acted like this before, maybe I would have a friend or two, maybe I would have had a reason to go to graduation last year, maybe I wouldn't even be on this site. The only problem: I don't want to depend on alcohol. I want to act on impulse without the use of alcohol, I just want to be free of this freakin' anxiety so I can just... finally talk to people.
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post #163 of 163 (permalink) Old 05-28-2015, 12:52 PM
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sydney?? like australia?? well im on the other side of the world so i doubt ill be attending ha, but a reply none the less.

from 12 through 19 i drunk heavily just so i could socialize atall. many called me an alcoholic but im not sure you can be a holic at such a young age. maybe im wrong, but it just felt like a social crutch to me. whilest it helped me be vocal and outgoing in public, it was a drunken out of hand sociability and i ended up making a name for myself as abit of a ****, though i really am not that kind of person at heart, and all the wrong friends. many regrets from those years. how i acted and how i came across. it was honestly just my attempt to not be alone all of the time. so i quit, turned to weed to help get off it but that stuff exhasibates my anxietys and paranoias to the point of daily panic attacks. so in turn i went back to the booze to counteract the weed just a fortnight ago, my therapist tells me to stop self medicating, but booze isnt a medication so i just.. dont really agree on a level that i can really understand. nowa days its not for sociability as my social life is truely broke beyond repair, but simply to pass the time alone.

''dreams are memories aswell,
and some of them read just like hell''
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