Why are people mean to ugly people - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-19-2015, 12:28 PM Thread Starter
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Why are people mean to ugly people


People are mean to me because I'm ugly. My therapist and psychiatrist don't believe me. I tell them the things that happen to me and they say the normal b.s. like that person's having a bad day or it's not about me, it's about them.

But I'm suffering so bad from it and I get no help from therapy because they will not acknowledge the problem. I'm really depressed about this and I don't go out of the house. How do I deal with the world when people are unfair to me just for being ugly? I can't change it. How do I get a therapist to help me? Will anyone ever believe me?
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post #2 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-19-2015, 12:33 PM
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Wow.
People can just be full of themselves and it makes them feel better picking on the weaker person.

I don't think you have the right therapist too.
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post #3 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-19-2015, 12:36 PM
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It's just how people are. We can't change others, so really the only fix is to find some way to deal with it within ourselves. Not that I've ever figured out how to do that. If you ever do, please let me know.

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar. I am the son and heir of nothing in particular.

You shut your mouth. How can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.
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post #4 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-19-2015, 12:38 PM
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People are mean to me because I'm ugly. My therapist and psychiatrist don't believe me. I tell them the things that happen to me and they say the normal b.s. like that person's having a bad day or it's not about me, it's about them.

But I'm suffering so bad from it and I get no help from therapy because they will not acknowledge the problem. I'm really depressed about this and I don't go out of the house. How do I deal with the world when people are unfair to me just for being ugly? I can't change it. How do I get a therapist to help me? Will anyone ever believe me?
First, you're not ugly. People have ugly attitudes, that's all. It might be time to change therapists (if this is possible). At the risk of seeming harsh, telling yourself you're 'ugly' no matter how much you believe it yourself, doesn't make it true and doesn't make it legitimate in your reality. There's only two vibes -- the vibe you've got inside and the vibe out there. There's always going to be hateful vibes outside, but you owe it to yourself to own your own reality -- it's yours, think nobody else is going to have the life that you have and that's special.

I'd encourage you to just do things you enjoy, and always keep your mind occupied (watch a movie, listen to music) and when surroundings get crowded with negative thoughts, just break out and go walking. Don't try to eradicate negative thoughts altogether, just accept that they're there, accept that maybe things happened in the past, and try to rise above it, not for the people who've hurt you but for yourself.

'We want happy paintings. Happy paintings. If you want sad things, watch the news.' -- Bob Ross
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post #5 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-19-2015, 01:13 PM
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Originally Posted by river13 View Post
People are mean to me because I'm ugly. My therapist and psychiatrist don't believe me. I tell them the things that happen to me and they say the normal b.s. like that person's having a bad day or it's not about me, it's about them.

But I'm suffering so bad from it and I get no help from therapy because they will not acknowledge the problem. I'm really depressed about this and I don't go out of the house. How do I deal with the world when people are unfair to me just for being ugly? I can't change it. How do I get a therapist to help me? Will anyone ever believe me?
If you honestly believe people don't like your appearance that much, then are you doing about your appearance?

Anyone can make themselves look better through trying certain things. For guys, lifting weights can help out a lot.

For girls, making their bodies more fit by exercising and eating healthy, or finding sexier clothes, wearing more make up, dying their hair etc.

My thoughts on the attractiveness thing is this.

Looks can matter. Yes, people can be more dismissive to someone who isn't attractive.

But the thing is, if someone feels the whole world doesn't like them just cuz they aren't attractive....i feel there is more to it than that.

I would say that person is probably shy and is accidentally sending off "don't talk to me" signals.
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post #6 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-19-2015, 03:29 PM Thread Starter
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If you honestly believe people don't like your appearance that much, then are you doing about your appearance?

Anyone can make themselves look better through trying certain things. For guys, lifting weights can help out a lot.

For girls, making their bodies more fit by exercising and eating healthy, or finding sexier clothes, wearing more make up, dying their hair etc.

My thoughts on the attractiveness thing is this.

Looks can matter. Yes, people can be more dismissive to someone who isn't attractive.

But the thing is, if someone feels the whole world doesn't like them just cuz they aren't attractive....i feel there is more to it than that.

I would say that person is probably shy and is accidentally sending off "don't talk to me" signals.
I try everything and I'm still hideous. I am already thin and I walk a lot so I'm in shape. I have no chest but I wear push up bras and I wear trendy clothes and I wear makeup, straighten and dye my hair. My problem is my face. Everyone hates it. I see guys roll their eyes whenever I walk into a room. They flirt with girls in front of me and sometimes i even think they do it to make me feel like crap not just to hook up with the girl. Men hate me so much. I know I'm ugly because I grew up with a pretty sister and she gets treated completely different. I'm tired of being told to try harder to be pretty because Ive done all i can do and it will never be good enough. I hardly even have enough energy to try anymore, I'm severly depressed. Ive been in the hospital three times for suicidal feelings but I'm too scared.. Ican't take this much longer. its awful to live this way. I'm not even a bad person and people show me such hate. its made me bitter and angry inside. its starting to get to the point where i cant control that anymore.
the only thing i had about me was that i was good person and now its being destroyed. I feel like I cant take it much longer because nothing is getting better and i dont feel strong enough to take this for the rest of my life. if this is the plan for me, i can't take it
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post #7 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 12:48 AM
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I'm sorry to hear that I'm actually nicer to "ugly" people, I feel they've dealt with enough crap in life and I always hope I can bring a smile to their face. Sadly I'm not that good at cheering people up lol >.< but I try. Plus what matters is what's on the inside. Yeah I know, cheesy line, but it's always true.

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post #8 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 01:05 AM
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I have same problem none my therapist believe me they think i'm imagineing it they really think i'm hearing voices when ppl say mean things to me but i know i'm not they even diagnosed me with schizophrenia although i don't see or hear things but they think i do but i know i don't now i take meds for schizophrenia when i don't even really have it that might mess me up taking meds for misdiagnosis i'm so upset about it i don't hide home alone everyday for no reason with blinds closed why won't anyone believe me that ppl are very very very mean to me in public and have harsh reactions to me like HOLY F U UU C KK WHAT IS THAT CREATURE GET IT AWAY FROM ME PUKING NOISES

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post #9 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 10:33 AM
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I see guys roll their eyes whenever I walk into a room. They flirt with girls in front of me and sometimes i even think they do it to make me feel like crap not just to hook up with the girl. Men hate me so much.
Believe it or not, I've had many girls do the same thing to me.

Do you know how many times I've had girls give me that look of "gosh dang it, he's shy. Ugh. Next!" I've even had girls give me that look on dates.

What I'm saying is I'm really not much different than you. See, I am good looking, but as a male, that doesn't necessarily mean all that much if the guy is shy.

I'd venture to say most people don't like me. I've had numerous experiences where people would walk by me and call me names such as p----, wimp and loser. You name it, I've been called it a lot.

Again, what I'm getting at is I think you are making too big a deal about a lot of people not being in favor of you.

The truth is that it's rare to find people that actually like me.

With that said, I do agree with a lot of what you said. And yes, looks are the most important judged characteristic of a female by far. I have no argument there.

If it makes you feel better, even though I'm good looking, I've had many girls just go after my friends because my friends were more socially confident than me. Right in front of my face. I've even had to listen to my roommate in college sleep with multiple women while i was all alone in the bottom bunk.

Some of us just have things about us that a lot of people don't like, and we just have to move on and forget about it if there is nothing we can do. Just keep living and try to find happiness.

I've gotten to a point where I've stopped dating completely. And honestly i feel better.
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post #10 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 11:10 AM
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People are mean to me because I'm ugly. My therapist and psychiatrist don't believe me. I tell them the things that happen to me and they say the normal b.s. like that person's having a bad day or it's not about me, it's about them.
Are you male or female? It matters.

Beauty of course is an advantage in life. No doubt about it. This is true for both genders but much more important for women obviously. A man can compensate his looks by his status (money, strength, dominance, and so forth).

The real question is if you actual are ugly or have a wrong self image. You can't change your face but you can affect your body and how you groom yourself. So work on that. If you are fat, loose weight. If your a boy/man and skinny start eating more and go work out to get some muscles. If you are a women and skinny, keep that way but also work out. Skinny is better than fat but even better is in shape.

Now besides that this actually has obvious benefits also for your health, you will actually start to like your looks better and you will be more confident because you did something and achieved something.

I guess people smell your low confidence what makes you an easy target. So yeah your therapist is in fact right. They are not making fun of you because your ugly but because your weak and lack confidence. Hence they have no fear of any rep recursions.

A quick and temporary solution would be to fight back, So they have to fear you just a bit to go for another target, Especially if you are in school. But some hurt on the bullies. Play a prank on them and make that prank public so everyone sees the humiliation. Or if your a boy, punch him in the face (or first balls and then face) but be prepared to get punched as well. Doesn't matter if you loose, they will think twice afterwards to go after you.

So yeah, therapist is right. It's not looks but confidence.

EDIT:

OK your a girl. What actually are the people doing to you?

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I see guys roll their eyes whenever I walk into a room. They flirt with girls in front of me and sometimes i even think they do it to make me feel like crap not just to hook up with the girl.
That sounds like ultra low-self confidence to me. Your also making the mistake thinking the whole world rotates around you. People mostly think about themselves and not about making you feel crap.
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post #11 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 03:15 PM Thread Starter
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I knew no one would understand, I don't know why I bothered posting. I said people treat me like crap because they think I'm ugly. I've been told I'm ugly, weird, annoying, people say "ew" when i walk by. People laugh when they see me. How can I have self confidence? Who in their right mind would have self confidence if they were constantly told they were weird and ugly, that wouldn't be normal. Guys always tell me girls are prettier than me. People do go out of their way to treat others like crap too. what kind of world do you live in where you think no one bothers anyone else? That would be amazing if the world was that way. But its not. People are horrible to me for being ugly and my face ruins their day and they take that out on me. I don't go out because of this. that is the only way i can cope. I said before that i tried everything to be pretty but i cant because its my face that is ugly. I can't help that. i would do anything to be beautiful because that is all i truly want out of this life. I try to focus on the other things that people say matter the most but i know i always go back to wanting beauty.
and i understand being nicer to ugly people but i just want to be treated normally. i can sense when people pity me and its not a good feeling either although its better than being treated badly.. @AlwaysImagining . It hurts to be uglier than most people no matter what.
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post #12 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 03:19 PM Thread Starter
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I don't want to go back and forth about this. I posted this because I needed to vent. I'm really distressed about it and I just don't know how to fix it or cope with it. I guess it just helps to vent sometimes
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post #13 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 03:33 PM
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I get about my weight sometimes even though I'm 9 stone 4.. I think people treat others differently who dress poorly or don't take care of their appearance as it looks as if they don't care about themselves and lack confidence. If people can sense that, they see weakness.

I think anyone can look well and brush up smartly if they put some focus into it.. Aka, get braces, exercise more, take care of their skin and hygiene, wear classic attire that stays in fashion over the years, look smart, tidy etc. It isn't too hard to achieve and the effects are noticeable very quickly.

Or.. You could just **** societies standards and do as you please. It isn't their place to dictate your life or how you live it. Although I know comments can be cruel. Living well is always the best revenge. Fact.
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post #14 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 03:37 PM Thread Starter
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Guys have laughed at me, called me ugly, called me weird, called me scary looking. I often have men scowl at me like they want to kill me. I have had guys cover their eyes after looking at me.
My sister is pretty so I had guys say things like they can't believe we're related and that's just being nice. I've had guys take pictures of my sister in public and then they turn to me and say "you're hideous".
I hate going over all this stuff because it makes me cry but I feel like I have to explain how bad it is so people understand why I feel so depressed and horrible.
Girls are just as bad. Girls laugh at me, say "ew", look down on the ground with a mean look on their face towards me, call me weird. waitresses cant stand to serve me at restaurants or in stores. They can't stand that they have to acknowledge me and be nice.
Most people don't understand how bad it is for me so I feel like I can't get help. I don't even know what help there is for someone like me.
I barely do what I have to do in life because I have no energy to do it from depression. I don't work right now because of this. It's hard to clean or go shopping or do anything. I take meds and they help with what they can but it 's just unbearable to live this way. I just want to be beautiful so bad.
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post #15 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 03:38 PM
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Can you PM me a selfie? I'm interested in seeing how bad it actually is. I'll give an honest opinion. If you're unwilling to do that, can you at least describe what it is about your face that you don't like?

But yes, some people are just blatantly physically unattractive; and no amount of confidence can change that fact. The most you can do is work on your charm in other areas. That, or give up on caring what other people think, and just accept the fact of the matter for what it is. Being alone isn't really all that bad.

"If life scares you to death, you and me: we feel the same. We feel the same."
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post #16 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 03:55 PM Thread Starter
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Can you PM me a selfie? I'm interested in seeing how bad it actually is. I'll give an honest opinion. If you're unwilling to do that, can you at least describe what it is about your face that you don't like?

But yes, some people are just blatantly physically unattractive; and no amount of confidence can change that fact. The most you can do is work on your charm in other areas. That, or give up on caring what other people think, and just accept the fact of the matter for what it is. Being alone isn't really all that bad.
No I won't send a picture. I just don't see the point in continuing to live then. I'm not going to get married, I'm not going to have kids, I'm not going to be happy doing things because people treat me badly. Why continue?
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post #17 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 04:26 PM
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No I won't send a picture. I just don't see the point in continuing to live then. I'm not going to get married, I'm not going to have kids, I'm not going to be happy doing things because people treat me badly. Why continue?
Why do you care about any of that? What's the point of getting married and having kids? Is that really all you want out of life?

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post #18 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 05:28 PM Thread Starter
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Why do you care about any of that? What's the point of getting married and having kids? Is that really all you want out of life?
No that's not all I want out of life. What I meant was why should I continue to live if I'm just going to suffer everyday?
What is wrong with wanting that anyway? Everyone wants different things out of life, who is anyone to decide what someone should want out of their life?
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post #19 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 11:37 PM
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No that's not all I want out of life. What I meant was why should I continue to live if I'm just going to suffer everyday?
What is wrong with wanting that anyway? Everyone wants different things out of life, who is anyone to decide what someone should want out of their life?
Only you can decide what you truly want. Do you truly know yourself though? Suffering shows us who we are. How much can we take until we either find light or accept our path in darkness. Darkness can be a path that is valid, but light is more enjoyable. If you suffer for long enough without giving it up, eventually you will find light.

Will is resistance to conformity. Will is strange. It is neither conformity now or chaos, but Right. Right is the way. Mysterious and unending. Higher order that is revealed in hindsight.
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post #20 of 102 (permalink) Old 08-20-2015, 11:41 PM
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By the way, the most imperfect of us who can finally make it work turn out to be the most special. I'd rather be imperfect and fight my way through to shine bright, than be simple and fit in right away... that's boring.

Will is resistance to conformity. Will is strange. It is neither conformity now or chaos, but Right. Right is the way. Mysterious and unending. Higher order that is revealed in hindsight.
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