Therapy fear... Please help? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-13-2006, 04:13 PM Thread Starter
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Therapy fear... Please help?

Hello, I think this is my first post (sorry, terrible memory),
but I was just wondering if anyone has any advice on it?

I've been forced to go for other reasons (SA is just a part of it)
but I'm finding it soo difficult!
I've only been to a few meetings for it but every time I get so anxious and I can feel myself shaking/going red/sweating etc...
and I can't even say anything.

I don't know where to look in the room... I haven't yet made eye-contact with the doctors, one of the times that I went I just stared at the door constantly but they kept asking me why I was looking at the door and whether I was worried about the people outside (I think that may have had something to do with wanting to run out of there as fast as I could lol).

I have less than a week until the next appointment.

It doesn't make sense to me!
Why make someone who is afraid of talking, talk?
I actually feel as if my anxiety has been getting worse since I've been going. If anyone has any advice, please let me know.
I'd appreciate it so much.

Even worse, apparently I have to interact with other people at some of these "therapy sessions" I don't know what to do! I have no choice in going, I'm more or less being forced. Please help anyone?
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-13-2006, 05:58 PM
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re: Therapy fear... Please help?

ok well i was scared ****less to goto my first therapy session aswell...the fact is its not going to be easy, and you just need to start to open up to ur therapist because he is only there to help you. Yes he is going to pry into parts of your mind you wish to never go again but this is part of the healing process and you need to accept it. Hopefully after a couple times you'll begin to feel more comfortable with talking to him, after all he is sworn to privacy and it is his job to listen to ppl like us...know that its not like ur the first person he's met like you, im sure he's seen it all before and hes not thinking your crazy in the back of his head...hes probably going to be the one person that fully understands what its like to be in your do your best to prepare yourself mentaly and try to open up as much as you can. it will get easier the more times you go i promiss... far as forcing you to interact with others i dont agree with that at all... i suggest you explain to him that ur just not ready for that step and you want to work in one-on-one sessions for awhile. If hes a smart then he should understand that we can not be pushed into things were not ready for...and if he still insist then i highly suggest you try and find another therapist on your own. Take Care!!!!

...and dont worry i also dont make eye contact...i talk to my shoes when im in therapy!!!
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-13-2006, 06:12 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the reply.

I know it is part of the healing process which is why part of me kind of wants to go and I'm not going to give up this easily.
I'm going to try and talk I guess... it will probably be to my shoes as well though... ah well... *shrugs*
I just can't help but be so nervous every time grr
I'll try and explain that I can't do the group therapy thing... it really wouldn't help.

Once again, thanks for replying.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-13-2006, 07:45 PM
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re: Therapy fear... Please help?

Maybe you could try writing a note to your therapist explaining how you feel.

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―Balon Greyjoy
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-13-2006, 08:21 PM
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Re: Therapy fear... Please help?

Originally Posted by counting_heartbeats
Even worse, apparently I have to interact with other people at some of these "therapy sessions"
Tomorrow morning is my second session and I hope she never makes me do that.

The first time around I was really nervous, I had to force myself to go...just like I'll have to force myself tomorrow...
Do the best you can. That's all we can do.
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-14-2006, 01:37 AM
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re: Therapy fear... Please help?

Therapy isn't that bad. I was really nervous at first, but after a few sessions it was actually something I started to look forward to. I didn't (and still don't) have any friends I could talk to, so therapy was my chance to spend an hour a week talking to someone about my life and my problems. And although in the long run therapy didn't really help my anxiety, just talking about things really helped me at the time. I would feel so much better just telling someone about my problems, even though nothing really changed.

Try not to be too nervous, or worry about the what the therapist thinks. It's not about him, it's about you. Think of him as a captive audience that is there to listen to your problems. Don't be afraid to express your emotions. Whine, *****, yell, swear, complain, cry, do whatever it takes for you to get what's bothering you off your chest because the more you talk, the better you will feel. And the more you talk the easier it will become, and pretty soon you'll be so comfortable around the therapist that you'll wonder what you were so afraid of in the first place.

Oh and my therapist also wanted me to interact with other people. I wasn't ready though and I told him I wasn't going to. He brought it up from time to time, but he never forced me to interact with anyone.
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-14-2006, 05:29 AM
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re: Therapy fear... Please help?

My therapist used to ask me really personal questions and I used to avoid giving a straight answer, I would only say a little bit about the problem but once I felt more comfortable I was able to open up more.

I used to go to a support group where we used to sit around in a circle. Each person had a chance to talk about their problems and other people used to offer suggestions and advice. The first few times I never said a word until I realised that we were all in the same boat. We all had similar problems and were able to help each other. Sometimes just hearing what someone else is going through helps as you may be having a similiar problem and can help and support them.

It may be really scary but the more you go the easier it gets
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-14-2006, 09:59 AM
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re: Therapy fear... Please help?

I've seen a few therapists, and generally used to come out feeling much worse and with lower self-esteem than before I went in.

This changed when I finally found a decent one. Instead of giving me general feedback, like you do in human conversation, the previous therapists would just sit and stare. I'd make huge efforts to say something but then it wouldn't be worth it due to the lack of reaction I received. It was very unsettling. If they'd only spoken to me like a human being and showed proper interest, it would've made all the difference. As I said, since then I've seen a therapist who did this, and I felt much more relaxed around them and could talk properly.

If you're not able to change therapists, try mentioning you'd feel easier if they didn't stare, or whatever it is they do to make you uncomfortable. It doesn't sound as if forcing you to interact in a group before you're ready would be very beneficial. However, it's probably worth a go because you might gradually settle into it. I tried the group thing, but it was with other people without S.A. and I couldn't talk with them at all. I'm currently waiting to join one specifically for those with S.A.
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-14-2006, 03:13 PM Thread Starter
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Wow! People on this board are so nice... you've actually responded to what I said! Even if it did show how stupid I am. Thanks...

Well I'm not quite sure how these things work, guess I'll reply to each of you individually. :S

I think I'm going to try your idea of writing a letter to them actually... thanks Andy1984... that's a good idea I'm just worried she'll laugh it off or something :S I know she won't but there is still the risk.

Strange religion, I hope your second session went well. You're so much braver than me for going, I know you feel nervous but at least you've got guts all I want to do is cancel the session but I know it won't be helping me in the long-run.

Wow... comfortably numb (ps if of you meant for your name to be from the Pink Floyd song then great choice, if not then ignore me! I'll regret writing all of this embarrassing rubbish in th morning when I'm not tipsy lol!), I'm so happy for you, I mean that you look forward to the therapy sessions. Hopefully I'll be like that one day (as much as I know I won't, I can still have hope, eh?) I know the therapy thing is about you, and not the doctor, but it just feels as if I am there for someone else each time. I've never said much and it's as if I'm doing it for them (I know full well that it's about me, not them, but whenever I'm there it's as if I forget that or something...)

Neddy, I understand about the personal question thing... I've been asked stuff but I can't reply. Well done for saying something (even if it is only a little, it's still brave to say something), I just shrug or answer with "I don't know", when I obviously do know. Meh. How long did it take you to become more comfortable with them? If I have to go to the support group I know for a FACT that I won't anything. This feels weird to know that other people feel like this... whilst at the same time it's a little comforting... :S

Odd one out... that must have been really uncomfortable to have your therapist sit and stare at you. I know that I feel really anxious if I'm I'm just looked at by the doctor. I'm glad you found a therapist who actually helps you... I guess the previous one must have thought they were helping. Yeah... the group therapy thing I;m supposed to be going to isn't specifically lfor those with SA... which is not going to help in any way. At all.

Thanks for the replies everyone...

Ah... I'm so making a fool out of myself :@

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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-14-2006, 05:06 PM
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re: Therapy fear... Please help?

the last s does stand for support

...and ur not stupid everyone needs a little helping hand here and there. Your therapist will be sure to tell you this but you need to rid yourself of all those negative thoughts!!!!
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-14-2006, 06:20 PM Thread Starter
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LOL! Yeah I guess (ahh silly keyboard just deleted everything I wrote and now I can't be bothered to type it out hehe), I guess it does stand for support (okay, I don't guess, I know) but I just didn't expect a response like this. I'm ever so happy though! THANK YOU! Wow! I'd lo0ve to rid mysel;f from all of those negative thoughts but I dp't think that is possible... oh well.
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-14-2006, 08:14 PM
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re: Therapy fear... Please help?

Yeah, I can relate with the negative thoughts. Like my therapist said, it's a tape recorder we play over and over in our head. I'm so used to those negative thoughts, it seems impossible for me to change them into positive ones. It's definitely not going to be an overnight thing.

...and thankyou. My session did go well today. It was good to talk about things and she made me an appointment with a psychiatrist February 2nd to see about meds. I'm looking forward to that.
She still wants me to see her once a week which is cool. I like her.

Best of luck to you!
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-14-2006, 09:58 PM
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Counting Heartbeats,

I would also write down anything you need to say. Even after two years, I still have trouble coming up with things to say. Well, this month will be different, but it took work. You will eventually get tot he point where you are comfortable. Remember, they are there to help you!

You are a success story waiting to happen!
Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover....
Live and HELP live is better!


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