Originally Posted by anxietyandfear
I have been seeing this therapist for 4 years. I just got back from residential treatment program that was very costly. I reached out to here asking if I could have a reduced rate because my family couldn't afford her price anymore. She responded by saying that I should look for someone else that I could afford and gave me a referral.
I feel so heartbroken. She was someone who has been there for me for 4 years, and all I was to here was money. I had an attachment to her and she just completely threw me in the garbage. I guess I need to realize she supported me and validated me, while on her side of the couch I did nothing for her. I feel so hurt and said.
Would you guys feel hurt or am I just being overly sensitive?
That's very sad. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Did this therapist also make her price more expensive for you from time to time? Like every year or every two years? Also did you think of reducing the number of sessions instead or you think it wouldn't be enough for you or it would still be too expensive and you'd have to see her very rarely? Were there ''finishing sessions'' at least?
Yeah, on one hand she is a paid professional, but after 4 years especially she maybe could have reduced her price for you as a long-term client of hers, maybe temporarily at least. I know it's not for me to say, but in my opinion she got a lot of money from you through the years so that's why I think so. Their prices are usually high. Plus it's incredibly hard to build that relationship you built with her through the years, to build that trust and connection you built over these years, especially if you weren't someone who'd open up and trust that person soon. Some people say you should find a new one and it's no problem, but they just don't understand the whole process of it or they think it's like just CBT sessions or just like going to psychological consultations.
She did support and validate you, but you didn't give nothing in return because you were paying for the sessions and it's considered to be the price that fully covers what they give to you. Even if you wouldn't, she would still get money for it from the government or insurance companies or whatever else as a salary for her work. They always have a right to refuse a client because of not feeling resourceful enough to work with them and because of all sorts of other different reasons. So if she didn't refuse you during all this time you shouldn't feel like she was the unconditional giver and you were only the receiver.
I would also feel hurt and it's not ''overly sensitive'' at all. Nothing is in therapy and this is something that is especially not because it's one of the most obvious things in this field... And no way you should be colder and more detached despite feeling the opposite because that's the very point of this kind of therapy. It's based on attachment and without it it doesn't work. It's normal to feel this way and these sort of feelings are something that should be there for the therapeutic effect to happen at all. That's what I've been told by my therapist many times because I was asking her about where I was in therapy and had serious issues with anxiety, opening up and trusting her, feeling any attachment and connection at all. It's a little bit better for me now than before, but I still have it after two years in therapy now... So I understand how difficult it is to build these sort of things and then lose them, to want to progress so badly, but to have to start this whole process from scratch again... It would take a lot of emotional strength not to give up and I'm not sure if I'd have it. I'm scared of that myself. (Although there's still a little bit of progress so maybe it would be different with another therapist if that happened).
In general I still find it strange that in order to get this care you should get a paid professional doing this for you. Things we're used to think of as something you get for free, that you ''can't buy love''... There's certain ethics behind it though such as that in adulthood other people will always want something from you emotionally in return and with therapist money is the only thing so they're only focused on your own emotional wellbeing minus the money part.
But as people have said, the prices are so ridiculously high most of the time and not that many people can afford it despite needing it so much. It's probably mostly because of capitalism. People like anarchists propose not only a different economical and political system, they also propose a different model of human relationships in order for that to happen, for example. They want it to be based on cooperation and they claim that people wouldn't be alienated from each other in that kind of society. It's what they have in theory.
It's hard to imagine what would be if the society has changed and how that would be in practice. Attachment-based therapists say that it's a job of one person because the emotional connection should be deep and there should be lots of time and attention one on one. Also in childhood there's only one primary caregiver whose relationship with a baby is especially influential for the baby so that's why, as they say, there should be one person doing this job. I still think that if society would be different, more aware of this problem and more sympathetic towards these struggles, their own and other people's, some things still would be better in terms of mental health. But then again I don't have a lot of insight in therapy and its theory so I can't tell for sure. What I can say though is despite being quite helpful for many people it's definitely still far from ideal in its current form and there's so much of research still to be done. So even though they're more educated on this issue even they can't say things like that with 100% certainty, what can and what can't be. Oops, sorry for saying things out of topic. I got too carried away.