Therapist Terminated With Me Bc of Money - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-18-2019, 05:40 PM Thread Starter
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Therapist Terminated With Me Bc of Money


I have been seeing this therapist for 4 years. I just got back from residential treatment program that was very costly. I reached out to here asking if I could have a reduced rate because my family couldn't afford her price anymore. She responded by saying that I should look for someone else that I could afford and gave me a referral.

I feel so heartbroken. She was someone who has been there for me for 4 years, and all I was to here was money. I had an attachment to her and she just completely threw me in the garbage. I guess I need to realize she supported me and validated me, while on her side of the couch I did nothing for her. I feel so hurt and said.

Would you guys feel hurt or am I just being overly sensitive?

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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-18-2019, 05:57 PM
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With all due respect I think you are being a bit oversensitive. In saying that though I can see how you'd feel a bit hurt and even lost - I probably would too. After a while you make a sort of connection with these people.

But you need to try and remember this is their job - you aren't in a relationship with them. It's her job to remain objective and not get involved emotionally.

It's incredible what some of these people charge though. I've been amazed a few times when I was told what they expect to be paid. If they were worth it I'd maybe understand but often in my case they weren't.

Hopefully you'll find a new one that's more affordable and maybe not so obsessed with how much she's making.
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-18-2019, 05:57 PM
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It's very unfortunate. But a professional can't allow haggling. Pretty much every client of a therapist is going to have a really sad story, they will be depressed, anxious, have a horrible life, whatever (they are in therapy), and if they reduce their rates they end up doing it for all their clients. It would also be a signal to themselves they don't value themselves.

I totally understand though, and there isn't any such thing as "overly sensitive". Your reaction is totally understandable and expected. Ideally a period of transitioning away should have happened. A patient therapist relationship is honestly one of the most intimate relationships anyone will have, and its a difficult thing for it to end. You have my sympathies, it must be a pretty unpleasant thing, but I don't think there was any way they could realistically reduce their rates for you.

I hope they explained this though.

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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-18-2019, 06:00 PM
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Caring comes at a cost bro, sanity has a price , get with the programme @[email protected]






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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-19-2019, 03:02 PM
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I don't know how often you've been seeing this person, but if after 4 years of therapy you still feel like you need therapy, I'd say that she's a lousy therapist. Go find a better one.
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-19-2019, 08:26 PM
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I don't know how often you've been seeing this person, but if after 4 years of therapy you still feel like you need therapy, I'd say that she's a lousy therapist. Go find a better one.
I agree and I also feel for you, anxietyandfear! I know that some people just won't like you later for outwardly/societal reasons as for my topic and that's very sad, life can be really sad, we just have to enjoy it as much as we could. Good luck and take care!
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-21-2019, 12:40 PM
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I am afraid you are being a little oversensitive, but at least you are realizing the situation. i think that is a sign of growth more than anything. Yes, professionals do care about patients, but in a professional way....they have to detach themselves from personal relationships. That's their job. It's understandable if you knew how many clients they deal with. They are using their knowledge to help you in your own situation.


Your next therapist should be less financially stressful. I am glad your therapist is referring - that is what he/she is supposed to do.


My first doctor cut me off because he had heart issues and couldn't take on the workload he had.....he said that I was doing fine enough to go to another doctor. The second one was my doctor from my near nervous breakdown of June 2004 through about mid-2009 when she retired. She actually told me that her facility (the same place) didn't have another doctor who could take me as a client (they were booked!).


I ultimately had to find a place that was covered by my insurance. I ended up with a new facility later in 2009. I had doctor #3 until 2017 when she was promoted to helping inpatient care (it is a hybrid inpatient/outpatient place). I was transferred to a therapist who is not yet a doctor, but can still prescribe. She's pretty cool, but there is still the professionalism there. I have had interns join her in my recent sessions. They are learning the ropes on what to do.

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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-21-2019, 01:57 PM
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I dont think you're being overly sensitive. I think you're just seeing the reality after a long time of being tricked. that's what therapy is.

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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-21-2019, 07:43 PM
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Yeah I mean it seems like you didn't understand what you signed up for essentially someone to help you feel better in exchange for cash, they're not going to help you 'fix yourself' because then they won't get paid and in many cases they don't know how.
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-21-2019, 10:26 PM
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The best person I ever spoke to was for free on one of those lifeline phone things. She talked me down at a time when I was feeling really bad and for some reason just talking to her made me feel a bit better.

Some of the high price people are hopeless - I've seen a few of them. One guy was a professor and connected to one of the Universities here - he could tell I didn't like him and just said one time "if you don't like me then you don't have to see me." He also tried to charge a lot extra when I was inpatient one time - I told him I wasn't paying him a cent - he could just get the insurance money and that was it. He was a wanker.
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-23-2019, 12:20 AM
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I know what its like to lose a good therapist. So sorry! My therapist moved to another country. I was so sad and cried. I hope you find someone else you can be comfortable with and open up to.
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-02-2019, 03:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anxietyandfear View Post
I have been seeing this therapist for 4 years. I just got back from residential treatment program that was very costly. I reached out to here asking if I could have a reduced rate because my family couldn't afford her price anymore. She responded by saying that I should look for someone else that I could afford and gave me a referral.

I feel so heartbroken. She was someone who has been there for me for 4 years, and all I was to here was money. I had an attachment to her and she just completely threw me in the garbage. I guess I need to realize she supported me and validated me, while on her side of the couch I did nothing for her. I feel so hurt and said.

Would you guys feel hurt or am I just being overly sensitive?
That's very sad. I'm sorry that happened to you.

Did this therapist also make her price more expensive for you from time to time? Like every year or every two years? Also did you think of reducing the number of sessions instead or you think it wouldn't be enough for you or it would still be too expensive and you'd have to see her very rarely? Were there ''finishing sessions'' at least?

Yeah, on one hand she is a paid professional, but after 4 years especially she maybe could have reduced her price for you as a long-term client of hers, maybe temporarily at least. I know it's not for me to say, but in my opinion she got a lot of money from you through the years so that's why I think so. Their prices are usually high. Plus it's incredibly hard to build that relationship you built with her through the years, to build that trust and connection you built over these years, especially if you weren't someone who'd open up and trust that person soon. Some people say you should find a new one and it's no problem, but they just don't understand the whole process of it or they think it's like just CBT sessions or just like going to psychological consultations.

She did support and validate you, but you didn't give nothing in return because you were paying for the sessions and it's considered to be the price that fully covers what they give to you. Even if you wouldn't, she would still get money for it from the government or insurance companies or whatever else as a salary for her work. They always have a right to refuse a client because of not feeling resourceful enough to work with them and because of all sorts of other different reasons. So if she didn't refuse you during all this time you shouldn't feel like she was the unconditional giver and you were only the receiver.

I would also feel hurt and it's not ''overly sensitive'' at all. Nothing is in therapy and this is something that is especially not because it's one of the most obvious things in this field... And no way you should be colder and more detached despite feeling the opposite because that's the very point of this kind of therapy. It's based on attachment and without it it doesn't work. It's normal to feel this way and these sort of feelings are something that should be there for the therapeutic effect to happen at all. That's what I've been told by my therapist many times because I was asking her about where I was in therapy and had serious issues with anxiety, opening up and trusting her, feeling any attachment and connection at all. It's a little bit better for me now than before, but I still have it after two years in therapy now... So I understand how difficult it is to build these sort of things and then lose them, to want to progress so badly, but to have to start this whole process from scratch again... It would take a lot of emotional strength not to give up and I'm not sure if I'd have it. I'm scared of that myself. (Although there's still a little bit of progress so maybe it would be different with another therapist if that happened).



In general I still find it strange that in order to get this care you should get a paid professional doing this for you. Things we're used to think of as something you get for free, that you ''can't buy love''... There's certain ethics behind it though such as that in adulthood other people will always want something from you emotionally in return and with therapist money is the only thing so they're only focused on your own emotional wellbeing minus the money part.

But as people have said, the prices are so ridiculously high most of the time and not that many people can afford it despite needing it so much. It's probably mostly because of capitalism. People like anarchists propose not only a different economical and political system, they also propose a different model of human relationships in order for that to happen, for example. They want it to be based on cooperation and they claim that people wouldn't be alienated from each other in that kind of society. It's what they have in theory.

It's hard to imagine what would be if the society has changed and how that would be in practice. Attachment-based therapists say that it's a job of one person because the emotional connection should be deep and there should be lots of time and attention one on one. Also in childhood there's only one primary caregiver whose relationship with a baby is especially influential for the baby so that's why, as they say, there should be one person doing this job. I still think that if society would be different, more aware of this problem and more sympathetic towards these struggles, their own and other people's, some things still would be better in terms of mental health. But then again I don't have a lot of insight in therapy and its theory so I can't tell for sure. What I can say though is despite being quite helpful for many people it's definitely still far from ideal in its current form and there's so much of research still to be done. So even though they're more educated on this issue even they can't say things like that with 100% certainty, what can and what can't be. Oops, sorry for saying things out of topic. I got too carried away.

Sorry for not currently replying to your posts addressed to me. I will do that later (hopefully in a few days) because now I can't Please, don't take it personally because you have nothing to do with it.
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-04-2019, 11:12 AM
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well sure the oath they take does not matter, after all it's all about the money. she could at least after that long have suggested to give you some type of discount for a few months until maybe you get the money she wants..instead of just writing you off, but money comes before health.. for example said i will make an exception for a few months or so and if not i can't do it, but who would ever do that??? moneyyy baby!
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