Shame Attacking Exercises - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-09-2010, 03:32 AM Thread Starter
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Shame Attacking Exercises


More info about them here:
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/...allenge-28746/

Basically, you need to do a shameful activity purposely in order to:

- realize that imaginative reaction is often exaggerated
- get used to shame/reject

I invite you to join this thread and participate actively.

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post #2 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-09-2010, 03:35 AM Thread Starter
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I will start.

SITUATION:
I will go out with my big headphones on. These headphones also got a microphone, so I will look quite silly.

EXPECTED REACTION:
People should look at me funny. I may get thrown with snowballs. I may get laughs or negative remarks. I'm almost SURE that I will get some negative reactions.

RESULTS:
OK, the results are quite interesting.
I didn't get any reactions from strangers. I even saw a dude I knew, raised my hand -- he raised his back.
But, when my mom saw me, she said: "wow, you came to me wearing it? you look like a retard"
So, I got a reject I was looking for, sadly, it came from my mother.

It also shows that my fear of criticism and rejection may stem mostly from my conservative parents. They both have quite a thin line of how they believe people should look and act.

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post #3 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-09-2010, 03:36 AM
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I hope you're going to be singing into the microphone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fortune Cookie Wisdom;
Do not fear going forward slowly; fear only to stand still.
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post #4 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-09-2010, 03:47 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberryjulius View Post
I hope you're going to be singing into the microphone.
That would be too intense for me right now. But it's a good advise.

But people, I really hope you look at this seriously. Just start slowly and share the results here.

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post #5 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-09-2010, 05:44 AM Thread Starter
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exercise for tomorrow:

SITUATION:
I will ask an unknown shop-assistant her telephone number.

EXPECTED REACTION:
I give about 60% that she will find an excuse.

RESULTS:
FAILED

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post #6 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-09-2010, 08:23 AM
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Ooh, this seems like fun. However I think I'll just lurk for now

Andy, good luck with your new exercise. Hopefully she'll give you her number. If anything, it'll give her a confidence boost, lol.
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post #7 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-09-2010, 05:38 PM
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Mines quite mild lol, but I'll give this a go anyway


SITUATION:

I'll walk to Uni Monday morning donning my best ninja impression; Shinobi eat your heart out!




EXPECTED REACTION:
Funny looks, possibilty of insults


RESULTS:

~






**Secondary Reasons for doing this:




It's quite cold over here at the moment!

slow progress is still progress.
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post #8 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-11-2010, 02:39 AM Thread Starter
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SITUATION:
I will say to unknown shop-assistant "how's going?"

EXPECTED (worst scenario) REACTION:
She will look at me in disgust and won't say anything back.

RESULTS:
Wow, that was exciting! She responded in a pleasant and curious manner. She said more than one word, though I can't remember them all.

I think, she got excited as well as me!

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post #9 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-11-2010, 02:41 AM Thread Starter
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SITUATION:
Say "Hi" to random people.

EXPECTED (worst scenario) REACTION:
They will say something very rude.

RESULTS:
I'm doing this constantly. Today I managed to say "Hi" to a sexy girl.

Most of the people respond pleasantly and just about 10% doesn't say anything.

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post #10 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-11-2010, 02:44 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paper Samurai View Post

How did it go?

People, I'm very sad to see so little reaction from you. These exercises along with some thinking will definitely help you a lot!

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post #11 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-11-2010, 02:45 AM
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amazing~~~


also props on the ninja look ha, made me cheerful for a minute thanks!
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post #12 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-11-2010, 02:54 AM Thread Starter
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SITUATION:
Show myself topless to roommate's girlfriend.

EXPECTED (worst scenario) REACTION:
Girlfriend will laugh at me and roommate will say "WTF" angrily.

RESULTS:
I was almost certain that it would be an awkward situation. And yeah, my roommate didn't say a word, but his GF laughed a bit and got frustrated.

So i got some shame today!

Ok, I need to rest now.

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post #13 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-11-2010, 02:55 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl_Loner View Post
amazing~~~


also props on the ninja look ha, made me cheerful for a minute thanks!
Wanna join in?

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post #14 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-11-2010, 10:27 AM
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Lol the reaction was not what I expected, no funny looks (that I know of ) and no random comments from strangers. I even went past a large group of chav-ish looking people, and not even a word was mentioned! I was certain that they would lol.




Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl_Loner View Post
amazing~~~


also props on the ninja look ha, made me cheerful for a minute thanks!
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndyLT View Post
Wanna join in?
I could always do with a ninja companion

slow progress is still progress.
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post #15 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-11-2010, 02:31 PM
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I think this is a great idea! Congrats on all the great responses so far.

Sometimes I wish I were someone else, but then why not just try to be the person I want to be?

Crazy girl
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post #16 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-11-2010, 11:07 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyg View Post
I think this is a great idea! Congrats on all the great responses so far.
This is not something new and wasn't invented by me.
Big part of CBT is devoted to behavior exercises.

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post #17 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-11-2010, 11:09 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paper Samurai View Post
Lol the reaction was not what I expected, no funny looks (that I know of ) and no random comments from strangers. I even went past a large group of chav-ish looking people, and not even a word was mentioned! I was certain that they would lol.
Congrats.

Even if you didn't get any shame out of it, it's extremely beneficial:
- you managed to do something voluntarily that you thought would be shameful. And you showed your mind that people are not THAT criticizing.

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post #18 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-11-2010, 11:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AndyLT View Post
This is not something new and wasn't invented by me.
Big part of CBT is devoted to behavior exercises.
Oh, I know- I've done CBT as well, and have tried various things such as this myself. I just meant that it was a good idea to give it a try and to post your experiences.

Sometimes I wish I were someone else, but then why not just try to be the person I want to be?

Crazy girl
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post #19 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-13-2010, 12:16 AM Thread Starter
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SITUATION:
Say "How's going?" to shop-assistant in a very little shop. We were only two in it.

EXPECTED (worst scenario) REACTION:
I feared that there might be other people who would think I'm weird (untestable expectation). I also feared a negative response.

RESULTS:
Anyways, it was much easier than the first time. Shop-assistant didn't seem interested and responded coldly and politely.

I could see this as a reject, because the girl didn't seem too happy about my question. She didn't care. But I didn't care too. So it's a good sign.

Now I need something harder.

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post #20 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-14-2010, 02:38 AM Thread Starter
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Ok, I'm proud of myself today:

SITUATION #1:
Ask shop-assistant for salads, then change mind after she has filled half a bucket.

EXPECTED REACTION (worst scenario):
I really expected so hear something like: "duh, make up your mind before ordering"

RESULTS:
She was a bit confused and surprised. Maybe I didn't express myself properly.
But anyways, she didn't say anything bad, just took a new bucket and threw the dirty one away.

-----------------

SITUATION #2:
Say something more intimate to a shop-assistant I like (yeah, shops are the only place I see strangers).

EXPECTED REACTION (worst scenario):
She would respond coldly or would even say something bad.

RESULTS:
Ok, so I told her something a bit more personal. Apparently, she's even more shy than me.
I could treat this as a reject, because she didn't even look at me. But something tells me that she was just too shy to do it.

Anyways, I got a feeling that it's OK to be a bit weird and to get cold response. It didn't kill me.

-----------------

Encouraged by these successes I said "Hi" to three random people and visited another shop to ask "how's going?".

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