Weekly trips he says! Tell me some more! I can relate not having much to lose and much to gain from the use of psychedelics and them peeling away coping mechanisms. It creates tremendous opportunity for personal transformation. Back to the drawing board, in a sense. I don't know about you, but I was very vulnerable in the aftermath of my experiences and I can't imagine having to go to work or school in such a state. For a couple of months. Those environments are difficult to navigate with a weakened ego. That's why I think psychedelics-assisted psychotherapy is a very good idea. The iron needs to be forged when hot.
What I find myself becoming more aware of and dis-identifying from are (subtle) ways of hypervigilance and reactivity. I'm finding other ground to stand on within. This is a result of integrated trauma. There is less in the outside world I have to defend myself against because there's less inside which is on the verge of entering my consciousness when it resonates with that. I'm less afraid to be authentic and more willing to be vulnerable in social interactions and also more aware of the suble ways I was not in the past. I'm able to be more present instead of fighting with internal sensations in particular situations. It's all still very fragile though. A seed is sprouting and I'm doing my best to nourish it in every way I can. Microdosing is one, but I find it very hard to determine what it does for me.
Suffering continues as long as that stuff under the hood is being triggered by situations in the outside world and your defences against horrible **** rising to the surface remain at the wheel. If life is somewhat livable like that it might be better to leave it alone. I have no choice but to go for the source though. Getting there has failed with many other approaches and living around it failed miserably. The strength of aya for me, is that it removes the illusion of "away" while it puts me in the midst of where the hurt is. This internal connection is changing how I connect outside (a friend says it's one and the same thing). There's a lot of overlap with what Rosalind Watts talks about in this talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtU3FP-ZLGw
Bit of a read, hope it isnt too boring to read. I get carried away sometimes lol.
Oh i'll just have a mild trip once every week or so. Havent done any super deep stuff yet. Yeah psychedelics can really help you to think for the best, i mean they shake up the foundations of your coping mechanisms to some extent but they do allow immense opportunity for growing as a person. And a lot of it all from my point of view is really just coming to terms with your problems, undergoing catharasis so to speak, and then deciding how to deal with it all and what kind of grip on reality/coping mechanisms you can use that works best. In that sense, i think psychedelics have helped me to really shoot for the stars emotionally/mentally. But too bad psychedelics are not quiiite a time machine haha. Yeah, "back to the drawing board" lol, although lets hope we dont spend too much of our lives "drawing". Damn, that's awful, do you mean the aftermath of the negative incidents you experienced? Cause i can probably relate to that feeling of a weakened ego, i often feel like my ego is so weakened that i cant really cling on to reality properly. Unless of course you are talking abour your Aya experience. Oh i agree with you there, sometimes the best time for a psychedelic therapy experience is right when the iron is hot. Right when your ego is loose, when you feel really lost and distant from everything. It can be a refreshing or depressing but crucial opportunity to just step back and view everything from a more universal perspective.
That's great, that you are improving in that area. I think it is true when they say that the worst enemy is ourselves. We should be worrying less about the external environment, because that is why we worry internally in the first place. Instead of gluing our ego's, and consequently our emotional response mechanisms, to external factors that dont quite flow with our ideal state of being, we can just be ourselves and be happy. By letting go of our ego a bit. And in some sense, i feel like people should just be vulnerable and speak their mind really, i mean humanity is so compartmentalized into individual ego's and perceptual cages of culture or social expectation. When instead we could just eliminate all those barriers altogether, along with their corresponding limitations and negative effects, by breaking away from it all. With our without the unilateral effort of people. Society is a prison, and ego is a cell, and the only way to break from it all is to break from it. Hmm yeah i dont know much about microdoses either but maybe it helps you to sort of break down those walls a bit.
Good point, it is hard to be happy when there's some real big nasty problems looming over your mind all the time, constantly being triggered by day-to-day life. I guess with my problems, i have recently learned that staying at the "wheel" all the time is no way to go through life. Maybe it even contributed to a lot of my detatchment from reality, just getting so lost between all these concepts to the point where my ego is losing its grasp. But i do think it is possible, at least for my problems(i dont know about yours), to sort of let go of that wheel and to let go of that control. I found this extremely hard to do, and it took me years of immense frustration, but i was finally able to just let go. It might not apply to your situation, but it may be possible to sort of be one with your reality despite the majority of negative circumstances. To sort of just revert to a more primal level of existence, to dwell in a more survival ego rather than a thrive ego. I use this whenever things get too tough to cope, i try to just breathe and accept reality and deactive those fear/anguish mechanisms. I try to attain a perspective/perception that allows me to be at peace, regardless of past or future. Almost as if problems arent to be a source of suffering, but rather to be a situation that is to be calmly navigated, the worst outcome of which would be something that does not threaten the physical wellbeing and does not have any benefit in affecting the psychological wellbeing. But i havent really been through trauma, so dont know if it would help with your situation much or not. Been through a crap ton of misery and psychological deprivation/distress though and i can say it helps me. I hope you find a way out of it some day, and find the source.