ok, im gona do my own cbt-like thing right here! - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 10:00 PM Thread Starter
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you can have hope all you want, but the results are the results! no one is particularily close to AJ and no one ever has been! do you dispute this?
yes i do. The people AJ hung out with today are close and growing closer everytime
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the goal is not relevant because the goal is impossible
why is that impossible? many people do it all the time

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post #22 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 10:06 PM Thread Starter
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ok fine, the goal may be possible and therefore yes, the goal is all that is relevant. However, just how to you intend to achieve this goal?? The majority is hostile to AJ! its like finding a needle in a haystack. and every failure is going to hurt bad

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post #23 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 10:08 PM Thread Starter
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ok fine, the goal may be possible and therefore yes, the goal is all that is relevant. However, just how to you intend to achieve this goal?? The majority is hostile to AJ! its like finding a needle in a haystack. and every failure is going to hurt bad

you just agreed that the goal is all that is relevant.
hurt is irrelevant. rejection is irrelevant. The search will go on. AJ will be slowly weened into more effective search methods to ease the pain so it is not overwhelming

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post #24 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 10:10 PM Thread Starter
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ok fine, the goal may be possible and therefore yes, the goal is all that is relevant. However, just how to you intend to achieve this goal?? The majority is hostile to AJ! its like finding a needle in a haystack. and every failure is going to hurt bad

yin
its either a choice of the hurt of rejection or the hurt of lonliness. but at least if we risk rejection we will find some people who will make great friends

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post #25 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 10:14 PM Thread Starter
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They must pay for rejecting AJ!

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post #26 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 10:15 PM Thread Starter
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They must pay for rejecting AJ!

Why? doesnt everyone have the right to choose their friends? must we force two incompatibles together? is there a shortage of people in the world?
rejection is irrelevant

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post #27 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 10:18 PM Thread Starter
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Why? doesnt everyone have the right to choose their friends? must we force two incompatibles together? is there a shortage of people in the world?

There is a shortage of people for AJ, cause they're stupid culture is against AJ just going up to people and making friends! What if AJ walked up to someone on the street and tried to be friends? they would think he's nuts. This sort of thinking must be punished with hatred of them! It must not be allowed!

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post #28 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 10:24 PM Thread Starter
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What if AJ walked up to someone on the street and tried to be friends? they would think he's nuts.

jumping to conclusions. they may respond positively, its been seen happen.
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There is a shortage of people for AJ, cause they're stupid culture is against AJ just going up to people and making friends! What if AJ walked up to someone on the street and tried to be friends? they would think he's nuts. This sort of thinking must be punished with hatred of them! It must not be allowed!
the culture is such so that people may walk freely without being stopped. There are places where people go to make friends: bars, social gatherings, clubs, internet. This allows all the people who are trying to make friends to do it together, and not bother people who arent interested. its a good system.

We can easily cooperate with this.

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post #29 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 10:26 PM Thread Starter
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Anything else yin? any issues or problems you have with my plan to achieve the goal are very important to me. If were gona do this, we have to do it together.

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post #30 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 11:37 PM Thread Starter
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if theres no further arguement, then Id like yang to take over AJs social life. yang, could you go over some of the new beliefs you'd like to incorporate.

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post #31 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 11:43 PM Thread Starter
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if theres no further arguement, then Id like yang to take over AJs social life. yang, could you go over some of the new beliefs you'd like to incorporate.

ok, well sometimes AJ doesnt like things people do right? but should those people fear AJ cause of this? should they avoid him? nope

so why should AJ fear others? they're alright, decent people, just like AJ! I want this to be realized on a regular basis.

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post #32 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 11:58 PM
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You seem to think that emotions should match behaviour, and you are therefore trapped in a tug-of-war between following your emotions or justifying your actions.It's a lost cause because emotions can change and always will change, but actions that are taken, have happened and can not be taken back. The actions to take in gaining friendship or love, are a bunch of absurd customs and incoherent rituals practiced by irrational humans. They can not be justified or emotionally reconciled. If something works, just keep doing, and if something doesn't work, change that behaviour.

As for emotions, they are burned into our souls by mysterious means either biologically or socially . What one feels emotionally deep inside isn't relevant to how one should deal with other people, because other people can not feel what you are feeling. People only see the actions of others, and any inter-action with others is purely a series of culturally significant actions. Actions are not the output of emotions, and should not be.

In forming friendships or any other relationship between humans, one should concentrate on whether or not their actions is appropriate to the cause or goal from an outsiders perspective- not whether or not their emotions justify those actions.

Humans know that emotions are fleeting and can not be trusted. It is for that reason that relationships are earned by a series of actions that indicate that a person is willing to hold his/her emotions at bay, in order to neutralise both his/her offensive emotions as well as the other person's defensive emotions.
Emotional bonds between friends and lovers, are built by ignoring irrational emotions of the self, and re-enforcing unnecessary customs shared by the participants.
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post #33 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-24-2010, 03:37 PM Thread Starter
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yes, the negative emotions must be neutralized. but positive emotions are needed for
emotional bonds between friends and lovers.

action is and will continue to be taken so that time is spent with people, but going out to outings and coffee doesnt appear to be creating any strong emotional bond.
if something doesn't work, change that behaviour, so the proposed behavior change will be towards "wanting to help and make people feel good."

so that will be done , as well, I hope to bond by fighting a common enimie as a group. the common enimie would be anxiety in this case, so Im going try and get me and my friends to try going to various places and new environments. hopefully this facing of fear as a group will create some bonding. so thats the action that will be taken.

we'll see how it goes, but what i dont want to happen is to go into these outings with the idea that "everyone is out to hurt me." This is what Ive done in the past, and the main point of this thread is to change that

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post #34 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-24-2010, 03:44 PM Thread Starter
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joking about stuff when you go out is pretty fun!
so is talking about your day, your plans in life, your problems, your successes
so is hearing about other peoples'
it satisfies the curiousity!

all those things will make a nice bond happen too

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post #35 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-26-2010, 08:26 PM Thread Starter
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Alright, theres a few more issues that need to be resolved here
1)unfairness
as we know life isnt fair and some people have it easy while everyone else has to work hard:
-celebrities
-rich people
-attractive women

I say we hate these people! its only fair!

2)being left out

we still never addressed the issue of Person A leaving AJ out, a few days ago.
as was said, this is not an isolated incident, its actually a quite common and expected occurance on any social outing. rejection is irrevelvant, fine! but what are we gona do about these people?!
AJ should terminate all contact with these people immediately and permanently!

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post #36 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-26-2010, 08:38 PM Thread Starter
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Alright, theres a few more issues that need to be resolved here
1)unfairness
as we know life isnt fair and some people have it easy while everyone else has to work hard:
-celebrities
-rich people
-attractive women

I say we hate these people! its only fair!

no, to hate them would mean its ok for someone in a poor country or someone in a wheel chair to hate AJ
everyone is at their own place in life with their own set of problems.

AJ should care about everyone like family. if a family member is doing well you dont hate them! you be happy for them
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2)being left out

we still never addressed the issue of Person A leaving AJ out, a few days ago.
as was said, this is not an isolated incident, its actually a quite common and expected occurance on any social outing. rejection is irrevelvant, fine! but what are we gona do about these people?!
AJ should terminate all contact with these people immediately and permanently!
no, things can change, relationships can improve, terminating contact at the first difficulty is weakness and giving up! just cause your family memeber enjoys time with someone else more than you, doesnt mean you disown them. a friend should be like family

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post #37 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-29-2010, 05:44 PM Thread Starter
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Anything else on those matters?

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post #38 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-29-2010, 05:45 PM Thread Starter
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no? then I guess thats settled
any other issues?

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post #39 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-29-2010, 05:50 PM Thread Starter
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alright, we've been beating about the bush here, avoiding the real problem!
so lets get to the real the issue! and thats the sheer lack of results AJ has had!
how many girlfriends has AJ had? zero!
how many very close friends does AJ have? 1?2? and really, just how close are they if AJ barely spends time with them, if AJ still considers life lonely??

you can justify anything you want, but in the end AJs record speaks for itself. people dont like AJ. I mean sure, they dont hate AJ, but they dont want to be close to AJ, they dont wanna spend time with AJ. and why?? AJ goes out, he hangs out with people, he goes on dates, why after all these years not a single girlfriend? why arent these friendships becoming close? why dont you tell me why, yang

or maybe you could ****ing figure it out, intelligence, you smartass

its either one of two things, either everyone is a ****ing *** to AJ, or AJ just isnt good enough for these *******s

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post #40 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-29-2010, 06:14 PM Thread Starter
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alright, we've been beating about the bush here, avoiding the real problem!
so lets get to the real the issue! and thats the sheer lack of results AJ has had!
how many girlfriends has AJ had? zero!
how many very close friends does AJ have? 1?2? and really, just how close are they if AJ barely spends time with them, if AJ still considers life lonely??

you can justify anything you want, but in the end AJs record speaks for itself. people dont like AJ. I mean sure, they dont hate AJ, but they dont want to be close to AJ, they dont wanna spend time with AJ. and why?? AJ goes out, he hangs out with people, he goes on dates, why after all these years not a single girlfriend? why arent these friendships becoming close? why dont you tell me why, yang

or maybe you could ****ing figure it out, intelligence, you smartass

its either one of two things, either everyone is a ****ing *** to AJ, or AJ just isnt good enough for these *******s


The cycle continues. Yin dominates the mind. AJ goes out with people. Yins belief that "people dislike AJ" causes AJ to exhibit hostile body language, hostile tone, hostile mannerisms and most importantly a general refuting of the possibility that a person likes AJ. The people typically respond with reciprocation. Yin gets more proof for his cause that "people dislike AJ" and maintains his dominances stronger that AJs foreign policy should be defensive in nature.
The cycle must end.

In other words:
This cycle is the very reason for AJs lack of results by comparision to the average person. however, Yins constant reminder of AJs record only strengthens the negative belief and the negative cycle.

don't you see yin, the reason for the poor results is because of you
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