ok, im gona do my own cbt-like thing right here! - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-19-2010, 07:25 PM Thread Starter
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ok, im gona do my own cbt-like thing right here!



ok, Ive been trying to do this in my head and I just freakin need to type it out to make sense of everything. cbt is so expensive and only an hour a week. doing it to myself is free and 24/7. Also, theres a stronger sense of independance in doing it yourself, plus more confidence in yourself in finding out the right beliefs yourself as opposed to a therapist telling you your beliefs are wrong (which could hurt your confidence if you constantly feel your wrong)

plus, i can custom make this to however it works best.

so Ive noticed there are 3 personalities in me. there is

yang - my desire to love, care and make other people feel good, my need to bond with them.
yin - my hate, my fear of others, fear of their hostility, which creates hate for them, avoidance and any other defense mechanism.
and then there is me, the
intelligence - emotionally neutral, fully rational, dedicated to success.

Other definitions:
The goal- To create a cycle of positive thinking and form close friendships and relationship
AJ - Every part of my mind and body that makes up the person I am

so, my main problem is that yin, my defensive personality seems to be in charge of social interactions. this is clearly going against my goal to achieve friendships and relationships. yin is very useful for anything competitive or dangerous, but not for bonding. I need yang to be in charge of this, but yin seems unwilling to give up control.

beliefs that people are hostile is what keeps putting yin in control, since he is the specialist on defense. so those beliefs will now be addressed and confronted here.

so basically I'm going to let the aspects of my personality speak, feel free to jump in and help if ya want, here we go:

Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the decision to act in spite of it.
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post #2 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-19-2010, 07:26 PM Thread Starter
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people have been avoiding AJ, and enjoyingg talking amongst each other, and completely ignoring AJ. this shows that people are cruel and heartless things. they hate AJ, and they must pay for what they have done!

Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the decision to act in spite of it.
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post #3 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-19-2010, 07:28 PM Thread Starter
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people have been avoiding AJ, and enjoyingg talking amongst each other, and completely ignoring AJ. this shows that people are cruel and heartless things. they hate AJ, and they must pay for what they have done!

what have they done wrong to conclude they are cruel and heartless? they're just out there trying to have fun like AJ is. They have not attacked AJ in any way

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post #4 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-19-2010, 07:30 PM Thread Starter
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what have they done wrong to conclude they are cruel and heartless? they're just out there trying to have fun like AJ is. They have not attacked AJ in any way

they bond with each other, but they avoid AJ! this isnt just a one time thing, its a consistant life long pattern. maybe if they all had trouble talking to each other and were introverted, then it would be ok. but they clearly have no problem talking, so they exclude AJ on purpose! they're monsters and deserve to be hated

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post #5 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-19-2010, 07:39 PM Thread Starter
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they bond with each other, but they avoid AJ! this isnt just a one time thing, its a consistant life long pattern. maybe if they all had trouble talking to each other and were introverted, then it would be ok. but they clearly have no problem talking, so they exclude AJ on purpose! they're monsters and deserve to be hated

This is all-or-none thinking. either they make extreme efforts to show they like you, or else you conclude they hate you. What about the middle ground? maybe they have a difficult time bonding, like you, but they can bond with people who are less defensive.

Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the decision to act in spite of it.
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post #6 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-19-2010, 07:43 PM Thread Starter
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This is all-or-none thinking. either they make extreme efforts to show they like you, or else you conclude they hate you. What about the middle ground? maybe they have a difficult time bonding, like you, but they can bond with people who are less defensive.

hey, Im not defensive at all. In fact nothing makes me happier than making someone else feel happy and good . Wouldnt it be nice if I could talk to them and ask them stuff and give them a chance to share their thoughts and feelings? you know how much people like to share! I could share stuff too, and then I get to have fun too

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post #7 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-19-2010, 07:47 PM Thread Starter
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This is all-or-none thinking. either they make extreme efforts to show they like you, or else you conclude they hate you. What about the middle ground? maybe they have a difficult time bonding, like you, but they can bond with people who are less defensive.
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hey, Im not defensive at all. In fact nothing makes me happier than making someone else feel happy and good . Wouldnt it be nice if I could talk to them and ask them stuff and give them a chance to share their thoughts and feelings? you know how much people like to share! I could share stuff too, and then I get to have fun too

yes, this is all soundds very nice in theory, but are you forgetting all the outings AJ has been on, all the times AJ has actually tried this?? remember how they reacted?? that time AJ went bowling, AJ gave it his best attempt, they responded with a short answer and went back to babbling with each other! AJ wasnt being defensive then, AJ was really trying to be friendly, and it wasnt good enough for them!! no, they would rather talk with the guy who was much better at being fun and charismatic.
This is cause they are selfish and without compassion! they will not even take a moment to help out someone who is weaker at socializing!

Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the decision to act in spite of it.
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post #8 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-20-2010, 02:07 PM Thread Starter
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yes, this is all soundds very nice in theory, but are you forgetting all the outings Ive been on, all the times Ive actually tried this?? remember how they reacted?? that time I went bowling, I gave it my best attempt, they responded with a short answer and went back to babbling with each other! I wasnt being defensive then, I was really trying to be friendly, and it wasnt good enough for them!! no, they would rather talk with the guy who was much better at being fun and charismatic.
This is cause they are selfish and without compassion! they will not even take a moment to help out someone who is weaker at socializing!

ok, this is a society of variety and not everyone will enjoy talking to anyone. some people are easier to talk to, though. why dont we just keep trying, maybe find easier situations and get better and better.

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post #9 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-20-2010, 02:08 PM Thread Starter
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ok, this is a society of variety and not everyone will enjoy talking to anyone. some people are easier to talk to, though. why dont we just keep trying, maybe find easier situations and get better and better.

this is stupid! animals dont need to do any of this ****! they just have fun with each other and not have to say a damn thing! humans are dumb, and put unreasonable expectations on AJ, with absolutely no training, no teaching, no help, not even for money!! they're ****ing *******s!

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post #10 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-20-2010, 02:16 PM Thread Starter
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this is stupid! animals dont need to do any of this ****! they just have fun with each other and not have to say a damn thing! humans are dumb, and put unreasonable expectations on me, with absolutely no training, no teaching, no help, not even for money!! they're ****ing *******s!

no , this is not true, people all have the ability to care and love inside them. we just have to get it out of them, maybe by being the one to take the first step. there are many benefits to being human as opposed to being an animal. you never have to worry about being jumped on by someone you dont like. you never have to live in a cage, or to be someones food. as an animal you wouldnt be able to express your thoughts.

Its so much more fun to like people. theres no reason to hate anyone, all thats doing is making things worse.

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post #11 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-20-2010, 02:25 PM Thread Starter
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yang is right, hating people is not going to create any bonds between us and people.

our goal is to create the proper cycle as seen here

if we can accomplish this, forming relationships and close friendships will be very easy. yin, I really dont see any justification for your revenge.

Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the decision to act in spite of it.
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post #12 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-21-2010, 06:21 PM Thread Starter
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no , this is not true, people all have the ability to care and love inside them. we just have to get it out of them, maybe by being the one to take the first step. there are many benefits to being human as opposed to being an animal. you never have to worry about being jumped on by someone you dont like. you never have to live in a cage, or to be someones food. as an animal you wouldnt be able to express your thoughts.

Its so much more fun to like people. theres no reason to hate anyone, all thats doing is making things worse.

you can speculate all you want, but I have actual real proof! you saw what happened today, you saw it! they dont like AJ! AJ was not good enough for them!! AJ was magnificant! he was funny, friendly, caring, fun! AJ was evenb trying to help them! but none of it was good enough for these ****ing human creatures! they rejected AJ just like they always have!!

this fantasy of people having good inside them is nonsense!! they arent like AJ, they are cruel beings, selfish and uncaring. Why does AJ even bother trying to help them, why help the enimie defeat you?

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post #13 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-21-2010, 08:20 PM Thread Starter
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We were doing so well, until todays incident

I had lots of fun conversations with people I never had before.
haircutters, cashiers, customers, people on the street!

the belief that people are *******s was almost gone, I was seeing the good in people! then someone does something to me that throws me right back to where I started, sigh.

Alright, discontinue contact with this person immediately. We will adjourn for a bit, so that AJ can recover from this incident. Just remember of the two people who were there for you to talk to when you were sad. let them show that not all people are bad.

Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the decision to act in spite of it.
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post #14 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 03:19 PM Thread Starter
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ok, were reconvening. so, lets analyse what happened that last few days:
person A would rather spend time as friends with person B than with AJ
This causes me to believe Person A does not like spending time with AJ
Yin brought up that this is a consistant pattern based on simular past events
Yang is saddened by this and becomes depressed
Yin is infuriated and concludes something is wrong with other people
Yin dominated and the descion to discontinue contact was made in a way that attacks Person A. Then Unusual circumstances occured that allowed for this course of action to be halted and a non-aggressive neutral solution was formulated. The nature of these circumstances is still under debate as to whether it was coincidence or some sort of divine intervention.

so lets all just be clear on one thing:
The goal is to form close relations with people.
The goal is all that is relevant. Depression is irrelevant. Attention is irrelevant. Fear is irrelavant. Suffering is irrelevant. Anger is irrelevant. Revenge is irrelevant. Being disliked is irrelevant. People not wanting to hang out is irrelevant. Person A is irrelevant. Person B is irrelevant.
Finding people who do like spending time with AJ is relevant.

does anyone wish to dispute this? speak now:

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post #15 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 09:36 PM Thread Starter
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no such people exist. no one likes AJ! They will persecute AJ like they always have. The elementary crew did! The high school crew did! The college crew did! The HK crew did! The ETP crew did! The posties did! The bentley crew did! remember the hudsons incident!

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post #16 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 09:37 PM Thread Starter
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no such people exist. no one likes AJ!!
overgeneralization
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They will persecute AJ like they always have.
all or none thinking
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Originally Posted by _AJ_ View Post
no such people exist. no one likes AJ! They will persecute AJ like they always have. The elementary crew did! The high school crew did! The college crew did! The HK crew did! The ETP crew did! The posties did! The bentley crew did! remember the hudsons incident!
avoiding the question. the question was: does anyone dispute that the goal is all that is relevant?

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post #17 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 09:48 PM Thread Starter
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no such people exist. no one likes AJ! They will persecute AJ like they always have. The elementary crew did! The high school crew did! The college crew did! The HK crew did! The ETP crew did! The posties did! The bentley crew did! remember the hudsons incident!

May I remind you of the friends
the elementary crew: Tyrone, James, Eddie, Adam, Rodney
the high school crew: Dean, Andy, Christina, greg, Anusha, Amit, Sam
the HK crew: sanjay, nitin
the Bentley crew: Pam, Kayla, Leah, Michelle, Lanie, shushi's daughter, Debbie
the ETP crew: savana, BC guy, harley, guy with harley, gay guy
posties: danny, cool guy, steve, jonesy
college crew: romi, george, sammy, cynarra
hudsons incident: Sarah Rob
all of which tried to be friends!

yes, some people werent interested, but all you ever do is focus on them! what about all the people I listed above?
many are still in AJ's life, still friends!

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post #18 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 09:51 PM Thread Starter
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overgeneralization

all or none thinking

you can have hope all you want, but the results are the results! no one is particularily close to AJ and no one ever has been! do you dispute this?

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avoiding the question. the question was: does anyone dispute that the goal is all that is relevant?
the goal is not relevant because the goal is impossible!

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post #19 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 09:57 PM Thread Starter
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May I remind you of the friends
the elementary crew: Tyrone, James, Eddie, Adam, Rodney
the high school crew: Dean, Andy, Christina, greg, Anusha, Amit, Sam
the HK crew: sanjay, nitin
the Bentley crew: Pam, Kayla, Leah, Michelle, Lanie, shushi's daughter, Debbie
the ETP crew: savana, BC guy, harley, guy with harley, gay guy
posties: danny, cool guy, steve, jonesy
college crew: romi, george, sammy, cynarra
hudsons incident: Sarah Rob
all of which tried to be friends!

yes, some people werent interested, but all you ever do is focus on them! what about all the people I listed above?
many are still in AJ's life, still friends!

The majority of the people were against AJ

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post #20 of 127 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 09:58 PM Thread Starter
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The majority of the people were against AJ

The fact that even a small amount of people were friendly shows that there are some compatible! Aj doesnt have to be friends with everyone!

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