my therapist disaproves of this website - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-13-2007, 09:07 PM
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


Do some therapists read these threads? That would make me uncomfortable. I don't like people who think they're normal reading my insanity.

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar. I am the son and heir of nothing in particular.

You shut your mouth. How can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.
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post #22 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-13-2007, 09:18 PM
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


Quote:
Originally Posted by whiteclouds
But I do agree with the "blind leading the blind" part. For example, if I wanted advice on how to give a presentation, I wouldn't be looking here. I'd look in a book, most likely. This site is more appropriate for venting, talking to like-minded people, and sympathizing with each other, and there's nothing wrong with that.
I agree.

BTW, my therapist was fine with the idea of an SA website/community. He was more concerned with the overall internet thing in general as an escape, heh. In a way SAS isn't much different than other group based programs in the real world if you want to take it that far. Basically a group of people who suffer from similar problems talking about and sharing their experiences.I don't care how skilled a therapist is, they cannot really replace the empathy and knowledge that occurs from actually living this disorder for 10, 20, or 30 years.
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post #23 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-13-2007, 09:28 PM
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


i don't think people necessarily come here to complain about things, when they vent here, they are asking for emotional support. and that comes as people reply to their thread empathizing with them and/or providing advice. and for some people, this board is their only source of emotional support.

it is proven that emotional support in a time of need does in fact increase your chances of recovery. thats one of the ways therapy works. just having someone to talk with, to empathize with, just having a caring relationship with someone is therapeutic in of itself. and thats a fact.
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post #24 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-13-2007, 09:39 PM
 
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


I have to wonder how familiar he is with this site. Its many different things to many people. I agree that this place is not the answer to overcoming SA. And it can be depressing, I have been absent in the past just cause I got too depressed visiting this forum. However its a place to get tips on what works and what doesn't in coping with everyday life, its a place to vent, its a place of support. The biggest thing for me is that it is a group of people who understand what I am going through. Before finding this place I thought I was the only person who had trouble with simple social interaction, but I find out their are a lot of people who can understand the effects SA has on a your life. Just knowing their are other people going through it is comforting.
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post #25 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-13-2007, 10:11 PM
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


I think this site can be extremely negative at times. Unless someone is really disciplined, he or she may wander into forums or discussions and feel worse for the wandering. I soemtimes go into forums I know may piss me off, in an effort to show myself that I can handle being pissed off. I know that's my choice, but I think its human nature to make crappy choices sometimes.

I'm not saying being a member here is a crappy choice, or that visiting any particular forum is. But this thread, for example, evinces a decent amount of hostility. I know myself well enough to know that viewing hostility causes me to choose sides and to invest in one side of a debate. Sometimes that can be productive, in that I channel my feelings toward articulating an argument. Other times I just get bogged down in the negativity. It doesn't have to be, but it can be a downward spiral.
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post #26 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-13-2007, 10:42 PM
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


This may sound strange, but the posts that really bring me down on SAS are the ones of people who are conquering their SA. Reading about the success of others fills me with such despair about my own situation. Especially those that say "If I did it so can you", because of how untrue it is. I feel completely hopeless.

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar. I am the son and heir of nothing in particular.

You shut your mouth. How can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.
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post #27 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-13-2007, 11:06 PM
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


Things aren't so black and white in my mind. I don't think this board is either "positive" or "negative." It depends on the person cuz different people have different experiences of things. For one person, it's more negative cuz they perceive all the pain as depressing and overwhelming. For someone else, it's more positive cuz one of the hardest things for them is feeling alone in something (that's like me). I've talked about SAS to my therapist for a long time now, and she thinks it's been more of a positive for me. I've grown a lot here. I'm able to be more expressive and assertive, even if it's just online. That gives me confidense that maybe sometime I can do it in the "real" world too.
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post #28 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-13-2007, 11:08 PM
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


Atticus, I agree that SAS can be very negative. Some forums are depressing. I don't spend too much time on the hardcore SA related ones. I'd rather just socialize... in a weird sort of way.

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post #29 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-13-2007, 11:49 PM
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


I think it could be negative if you never socialize or try to make real life friends because SAS is safer. Or just using the internet way too much in general isn't the best idea if you want to get over your anxieties.

However, it is positive because we are communicating. And it is better than just playing video games or watching TV endlessly.

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post #30 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-13-2007, 11:55 PM
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


Quote:
Originally Posted by LostInReverie
Especially those that say "If I did it so can you", because of how untrue it is. I feel completely hopeless.
You are no different from the rest of us. But you really shouldn't worry too much about what other people have done and just worry about how to make your own life better.

"Sure there are plenty of other fish in the sea; but you're not anywhere near the sea. You're in the desert. Alone."
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post #31 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-14-2007, 12:02 AM
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


Quote:
Originally Posted by Classified
You are no different from the rest of us.
Actually, I am different. We're all different. Not that I would expect you to know what I am capable of.

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar. I am the son and heir of nothing in particular.

You shut your mouth. How can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.
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post #32 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-14-2007, 12:29 AM
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


Quote:
Originally Posted by LostInReverie
This may sound strange, but the posts that really bring me down on SAS are the ones of people who are conquering their SA. Reading about the success of others fills me with such despair about my own situation. Especially those that say "If I did it so can you", because of how untrue it is. I feel completely hopeless.
That is so true. I've found no more effective way to ruin my day than reading the 'triumphs' board.
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post #33 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-14-2007, 01:11 AM
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mngirl
I hope I dont get people upset by this, but my therapist thinks that this website is a bad idea becuause all of our minds think exactly alike (well very similar) so its kind of like the blind leading the blind. He didnt say it in that way, but that is what I gathered. He thinks its a bad idea because we cant really help eachother by just complaining to eachother, it will just make us more depressed. I agree that it doesnt help much to just complain to eachother, but i think if we can try to stay positive and focus on getting better rather than posting things like "i cant live anymore" it will be better for all of us.

I agree that it feels good to post an "outburst" of frustration on here much like it feels good to journal but unfortunately it puts the reader of the post at a disadvantage to getting better.
Are you sure?
It must depend on where you are in overcoming. It would be harmful if you aren't getting anything out of it or are using it as an excuse to not improve. My doc actually likes the idea of having a site like this since it is a simulated world where we can build up our social skills without the fear of being rejected. Since we are all on the same base, we can build from there. I call it "social training wheels". We ride with the training wheels to learn how to balance. After we are confident enough to ride, we take them off. It is the same with this site.

Now given my post count , it would appear that I am some kind of groupie. Well, I have taken advice but have also given advice along the way. I have learned so much from the people here and have seen people grow and become more outgoing. It is a nice thing to see .

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post #34 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-14-2007, 08:24 AM
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


Quote:
Originally Posted by LostInReverie
Actually, I am different. We're all different. Not that I would expect you to know what I am capable of.
We are just at different stages of SA. But all of us are capable of getting over it if we work at it.

"Sure there are plenty of other fish in the sea; but you're not anywhere near the sea. You're in the desert. Alone."
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post #35 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-14-2007, 08:41 AM
 
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


You can't please everyone. The problem is that some people enjoy reading about misery because it confirms that they are not the only one experiencing that misery. At the same time its difficult to read anything positive because that can be seen as an affront to a negative worldview that can be quite comfortable at times. Unfortunately, as good as expressing negativity and reading about it from others can be it doesn't really help in the long run. Short term gain, long term loss. I think only very disciplined people are able to balance venting their frustrations and proactively making changes. There is a tendency to follow the path of least resistance, whether that is willed or not.
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post #36 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-14-2007, 01:31 PM
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


Another thing about therapists... they don't understand how much loneliness factors into the problem of SA. Most people don't understand the austere, unrelenting loneliness many of us live with.

Nobody loves me but my dog, and I think he might be jivin', too.
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post #37 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-14-2007, 01:34 PM
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


Very true.

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar. I am the son and heir of nothing in particular.

You shut your mouth. How can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.
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post #38 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-14-2007, 02:00 PM
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


I can see where he's coming from.

Always happy to talk to folks!
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post #39 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-14-2007, 04:05 PM
 
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


I think this is a great forum, I poo-poo what your therapist says! (i like this smily, reminds me of the simpsons)

It is (for me) so reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who has sa. Before I accidently found this forum, I felt a lot more hopeless and that I was some kind of freak and that nobody could ever understand what I was going through. It's great having others to relate to, especially with how difficult it is for us sa'ers to reach out to people. I also found out ways to try to overcome sa, without this forum I would still be lost.

If you think the negative posts aren't helping you, then stay on the positive forum. Sometimes it feels good to rant though
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post #40 of 94 (permalink) Old 10-14-2007, 04:21 PM
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Re: my therapist disaproves of this website


Quote:
Originally Posted by LostInReverie
This may sound strange, but the posts that really bring me down on SAS are the ones of people who are conquering their SA. Reading about the success of others fills me with such despair about my own situation. Especially those that say "If I did it so can you", because of how untrue it is. I feel completely hopeless.
I'm glad that I'm not the only one that feels worse reading those.

There are coping methods that allow me to lead a normal (albeit lonely) life, but there's no way life will ever be like that, and no amount of "it's so easy, all of you can do it too" is going to help.
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