Thank you very much people!
I took ibogaine when I hit rock bottom. I can't recall the dosage, but it sure had an effect on me. Time got distorted and I felt feverish and sick. Throwing up all the time. I've been in bed for about three days and felt like an old man when I finally stumbled out of it.
What happened to me emotionally was a continuation of the state I was in at the time. I can't tell for sure if it was the iboga or just that. I believe it was the latter. I'd broke up with my girlfriend some months before and had been struggling hard to keep on living. The feelings of loss, grief, loneliness, worthlessness, hopelessness were so intense, also before the iboga, I could have never imagined possible before. And I had my share of that before, I guarantee. It was so oppressive, that I felt like I was going to choke in it. It was all that existed and ever would exist. I couldn't bear it. I even asked the lady that was keeping an eye on me to stay in the room for some time when she came to check on me. Me, who always always always wanted to be alone. In the end I didn't have any particular insights or an alternative view on myself and my life. I was looking for a way to reach the heart of it all within me, but I felt I didn't get there. Perhaps I did. I'm convinced the feelings I tried to describe above are one and the same thing, and they remain the core of my issues. If I had to sum it up, I'd say it's a lack of love.
I recently went to two months of this again. It took me completely by surprise. My ex contacted me after ten years and I fell into this bottomless pit again. There are no words for it. I just can't live with it. I can't go on like this. Something needs to happen. No conventional approach is going to help me enough, I'm sure. It's like you say, there is no other way to bring about another way of experiencing. I'm scared to have a bad trip and I'm glad there are some counter measures known for it. I can understand it can leave you with PTSD. I may have some form of it already, just from life experiences. I've come to the point where I feel I don't have much to loose anymore but I'm not reckless. I'm going to do my homework, like I also did with iboga, and talk to people about it as much as I can. Again, thank you for sharing!