I'm still a virgin and my psych didn't raped me, bummer
Sarcasm aside, this is what happened:
First she asked me how I've been and I mentioned that despite being mostly ok, I did had depressive episodes. she asked me if I've seen any psychiatrist (I have not), and if those episodes have affected my academic performance, I told her that they may make me do things at the last moment but I still get my good grades. She didn't asked more about it and moved on to the programmed exercise, so I guess she doesn't think is something to worry as long as it doesn't stop me from functioning, but I know I had my own part about forgetting to ask how to deal in the short term with depression and frustration.
For the exercise itself, I started asking her in what scenario was I supposed to flirt with her. She made things easier by laying out a scenario where we would pretend she was a random girl doing nothing in the college's library, and I would approach her with any excuse to start talking. It took me a couple minutes to muster the courage to start talking to her (pretending I was approaching a stranger of course, I do talk normally to her as a psychologist). I made up some dumb excuse about school paperwork,and she pretended to be receptive and responsive, while playing to be a freshman having difficulty with her physics class. At that point I feel I was getting stuck making the conversation too academic, and she made a random move (still in the role-playing context) by taking out her phone and saying her boyfriend was calling her. That instantly disconcerted me because I didn't had the slightest idea of how to react. She of course noticed, and told me that precisely she wanted to see my reaction. Then she told me to relax and keep pretending as if the phone thing didn't happened, but then she changed her character by making her less shy, and probably noticing that I was getting stuck, she asked me if I have or had a girlfriend. I answered that no, and she asked me why, to what I mentioned school keeping me busy, she asked if that was the only reason and there was the first time in the conversation I started to mumble because besides the school excuse I had nothing, not unless I would've mentioned my pathological fear to express interest in women, which of course would be a very dumb thing to do whether while pretending or in a eventual real case. Here she made a pause and told me that I should not say to woman I just met that I've never had a girlfriend, she didn't told me to lie either, just to say something vague like "I've had some friends here and there, but nothing really serious, I guess the right person hasn't come by yet".
Back to the role-playing, she asked me what kind of woman was I looking for. I said that an understanding one (later she said it was very good that Ididn't mentioned something physical, as that would've been a complete buzzkill), and she replied that she was a very understanding person. She asked me what else was I looking for and I can't really remember why, I got stuck again, may be thinking that anything I would mention would sound like if I'm asking too much (no self worth, feeling undeserving, all that crap). Again she made a pause and told me that it was ok, and that I need to pay attention to any time I mention I like something and the woman says that she fits that description or likes that as well, and that when such thing happens is the appropriate moment to make a move and ask the person out. Then she made a change and and wanted me to take more initiative, so this time I would be the one asking her what she was looking for on a man, and what I should do was to tell her that I was those things and compliment her. So I asked her and she told me that she was looking for a sensitive, caring, thoughtful man. I tried to say first that I fitted that description but started to mumble unsure what to do. She told me to start again and trying to make the talk about her, since I already and material to work with. Here I technically took out the best of me, and told her that she seemed to be a sensitive and thoughtful person herself, who deserved someone like the one she described, that I am a thoughtful and sensitive person as well, and for what she said she was looking for someone like her, the same way I'm looking for someone like me. Then I started mumbling again, once again clueless what to do next. She called it a day and told me I had listened well to her indications and I performed well making a fluid conversation in general. But I said technically my best because well, I felt like an idiot talking to her like that, talking like if I knew her deply, I felt really phony and lame, like Johnny Bravo, but no funny.
However more than a couple times she had to call me upon my extremely tense body language, like holding my own hands and playing nervously with my fingers, or trying to hide my legs below my chair, things that I had to make an effort to control. Then she told me that for the next appointment, I will have to go all out and captivate her (in the role.playing, of course), and that this time she wouldn't make pauses to let me regain my grip or advice me, this time I will have to figure out how to keep it going myself. The interesting part, is that we will do the exercise twice. She will play a no receptive woman, nearly only giving yes or no answers, so the whole weight of the conversation will be over me. In the other scenario, she will play a very responsive and daring woman... and that her act will include putting her hand in my leg, grabbing my hand and putting her face close to mine. She pointed that at any point that would make me uncomfortable I must say it and she will stop (surely will make me nervous but no way I'll ask her to stop :P ), and also made clear that it won't me touching her because "this is not what this is about". When she was explaining this she did put her hand over mine and over my knee, and I instantly tensed. She said that I needed to let loose all that tension, so she showed me a couple relaxation exercises I need to practice daily. The idea is that I'll be cooler for next appointment, which will be in a month from now.
At some point, I forgot when, she asked me if then there wasn't anyone that was interested in me, I told her that no and she said "are you sure?", to which I answered that, well, as long as I knew it, no, nobody is interested in me right now, she said "ok" and moved on.
Something potentially very messy happened this same morning. My mom went to an appointment at the very same clinic that I was (nothing serious just checking a small allergy), just two hours earlier, and she told me that she almost got the 11:20 appointment. My appointment was scheduled at 11:30 and the psych saw me at 11:40. It's a small clinic and had my mom taken that appointment, it would had been very likely that she would see me. I guess sometimes I get a weird luck.
I will do the relaxation exercises. About how will approach her, my brain is fried at the moment, so I'll think later of that. I guess that's it.