Yea I did watch the video and some of his other videos. What I find interesting is his idea that "you are the prize"
I am finding it hard to wrap my head around the idea that "I am the prize" if I am the one asking girls out and getting rejected.
Because a woman not being interested in you romantically isn't actually a measure of your value. It's a measure of you not being what she is looking for. It's only a measure of value if every single person is looking for the exact same thing in a partner (and even then its not really your value, just how others might perceive your value). Yes, there are common things people find attractive, but (for example), walk around and observe couples (if there are any to observe lol, but you get my point) - people who very obviously aren't the most conventionally attractive are in relationships. It's totally possible to have someone be not interested in you, and experience no perceived drop in value:
"Hi, just thought you had nice eyes and wanted to come over and introduce myself, I am VIncymon"
"Hi Vincy, how are you"
- insert brief conversation
"Was really nice speaking to you, want to grab a coffee sometime?"
"Oh, thanks, but I am really busy atm, thanks for asking though"
"No worries, have a nice day
Reasons why she said no:
1. Has a boyfriend
2. Is into women
3. Isn't looking for anyone atm
4. Just got out of a relationship
5. Doesn't find you attractive (likes men with red hair or whatever)
6. You didn't come across as confident enough (though, tbh, most women will respect that you had the balls to ask)
7. She didn't feel any spark
8. She was having a ****ing **** day
9. It was the third time that day someone approached her and she was tired of it
So many reasons, and almost none of these come down to "You are low quality Vincy, you failed, you are unappealing to women, you don't have the ability to generate sexual chemistry".
So, "being rejected" (or more accurately, her saying no) isn't actually inherently reducing your value, or your position as the prize, unless you choose to opt into "every woman wants gigachad".
Now, I am not saying, don't work on improving your attractiveness, money, charisma, charm, and all of that, because generally speaking it opens more doors, I am just saying (and I am also talking to myself here btw, because holy **** I feel rejected easily), don't rush to mistake a "no" as an "I am not worthy". What you actually do, every time you approach, and have the balls to do it (its ****ing ballsy mate, I've only done it a few times), is you are improving your courage, your charm, your comfort in doing it. But try not to make the experience maladaptive by interpreting a no as a "you aren't worth it", because that just ruins the learning experience.
PS I try not to BS what I want. Just because I use the phrase "sexual attractiveness" all the time, it doesn't mean I'm literally looking to have sex on the first date. Obviously I am interested in companionship and all the other emotional benefits of a relationship with a woman.
I'm just trying not to beat around the bush about what I want. I've read and seen in videos that beating around the bush is one of the sure-fire ways to miss out on romantic opportunities.
Why is it relevant how sexually attractive you feel you are
Why would it not be relevant ? Sexual attraction is the difference between "let's just be friends" and "I want to see you again"
Oh, more what I am getting at here is, make sure you aren't trying to find someone out of low self esteem (and to prop that up because you were dumped), rather than because you find the girl interesting / attractive, or whatever. If you don't feel sexually attractive, which you wont, because you got dumped (it has no bearing on your attractiveness, ofc, but it certainly feels that way), you will want to rectify that asap, which means you asking out women you might not be actually interested in, or your brain tricking you into thinking you are super low value.
There is a big difference in
a: restoring self esteem post breakup and
b: finding someone to **** / get in a relationship with / whatever
It's not so much that I have an issue with one night stands (nothing wrong with that), moreso that validating yourself through one night stands might not be ideal, especially in a breakup context.
PS yes, I get your point about vetting to see if the person is better for me, than remaining single. Well...I don't know, since I have never been in the position to dump a girl.
Sure you have, you could have dumped your ex. You never thought about it? Do you think, retrospectively, you should have dumped her?
I actually stopped calling the two women I mentioned earlier...what's the point ? To remain just friends? to stroke their egos ??
Good. One no is enough. Get used to doing this. It's almost like slightly turning them down.