ECT - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #41 of 68 (permalink) Old 10-12-2018, 01:41 PM
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ENT


I thought

ear, nose, throat (threat??)

my swallowing ability assessment involved only sticking my tongue out
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post #42 of 68 (permalink) Old 10-13-2018, 01:29 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ladysmurf View Post
never say never!! the pain is too much..never mind the other problems i deal with anxiety, ocd, ptsd, etc......rTMS did nothing it was a waste of money..so my last option was ECT and it worked far more than any other medication had...yes at first the memory loss is annoying, but the more you space out the treatments..the better it gets..
Thanks Lady Smurf

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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post #43 of 68 (permalink) Old 10-13-2018, 01:30 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twitchy666 View Post
I thought

ear, nose, throat (threat??)

my swallowing ability assessment involved only sticking my tongue out
lol

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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post #44 of 68 (permalink) Old 10-15-2018, 10:15 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twocky61 View Post
Currently on Section 17 Extended Leave (similar to ROTL (Release On Temporary License out of prison))

Spending quality time with my partner (& away from Psycho Nurse lol)

Perhaps she'll forget me; hopefully lol
Now back at psyche unit & with my personal nurse

Thought perhaps, with me being home for nearly a week, things with her would have gone off the boil

I should be so lucky

She hugged me as soon as we were back together, with her clinging like a limpet mine

I thought my partner was psychologically damaged from her DV experience; my nurse is pretty much the same

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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post #45 of 68 (permalink) Old 10-21-2018, 01:16 AM Thread Starter
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Anyway....

We have reached an understanding; my nurse & I

I have reminded her of my emotional unstableness

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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post #46 of 68 (permalink) Old 10-22-2018, 07:46 AM Thread Starter
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But will she listen?

I should co co lol

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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post #47 of 68 (permalink) Old 10-22-2018, 09:30 AM Thread Starter
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Yes, she's hot & shaggable (to put it bluntly) & she is fully aware she is

She's eighteen on placement from uni

I'm 57 old enough to be her father; even her grandfather

Yes, I do listen to her issues which match my partner's, but I burn out, as it is, being there emotionally for my partner

My partner has told me she has divulged & is still divulging to me, far more than to her therapist

Last week she terminated the therapy sessions preferring to divulge to me

My partner is one thing; she is my partner

My nurse? Our roles have already reversed as if she's the patient; I'm the nurse

Despite that we do get on like friends

But she doesn't or refuses to notice how I act emotionally with self harm & stuff

As stated elsewhere here on SAS, she comes onto me

We have gone as far as kissing & with tongues, as I have mentioned elsewhere here on SAS, the saliva exchange traps me emotionally, as tongues/saliva exchange makes it, for me, a full blown relationship, taking our friendship too higher a level for me. That is reserved for my partner, like my nurse & I tongue kissing. Again the saliva pushes it too far towards a full blown relationship

Of course, with my nurse, it stops at kissing with no sex (not that I could have full sex with anyone being physically castrated pre TG



#

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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post #48 of 68 (permalink) Old 10-24-2018, 06:55 AM Thread Starter
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I escaped lol

I was on the M6 hitch hiking north & when I hit Keele Service area yesterday

The police saw me & took me into custody as a place of safety

No actual arrest, as they have to return me to the psyche unit

Only problem is Keele Staffordshire to this psyche unit is a few hundred miles, at least, which would take Staffordshire police well out of their patrol area

So what did they do?

They contacted social services & a social worker bought me all the way back here by train

We gave her lunch before she got a train to Stafford railway station

It was a day out for her on expenses lol

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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post #49 of 68 (permalink) Old 10-28-2018, 06:44 AM Thread Starter
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Four days ago since I last posted here

Things going on as usual

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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post #50 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-11-2019, 08:54 AM Thread Starter
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ECT has been going for a while now; three times a week

Maybe I'm becoming immune to the side effects. I still wake emotionally confused & my nurse is always there holding my hand when I lose consciousness & when I come to.

As mentioned elsewhere on SAS I have come to accept the hand holding

I feel uncomfortable her holding my hand but now I accept it & put up with it; I can't be bothered refusing

When she administer me Tamazipan during the day she does so when I am laying on my bed. This is safe, she claims, so when I lose consciousness & awaken I'm safe laid on my bed & again she is holding my hand. She uses one of those rubber things around my arm to bring to the surface my vein. As the needle pierces my skin I flinch as it causes me pain. But then the drug kicks in & I'm unconscious

Sometimes when I awake I pull my hand away & tell her to fk off.

It's getting to the point I crave suicide to get away from her

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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post #51 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-11-2019, 09:46 AM Thread Starter
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She asked me earlier if I don't like her anymore; don't I wan to be her friend?

I told her if we can keep this professional, then I do. But if she carries on with this intimacy crap then she can fk off

I have told her she is driving me to suicide; that she is so intense with me I can't cope with it. Surely she must know I'm emotionally fk'd up & if she keeps this up...

She claims she worries about me which is why she looks after me

I have repeatedly told her I can't emotionally cope with her being with me all day. At least at the end of the days she goes home until the morning.

At night I have another nurse on bed watch outside my room monitoring me. This is a guy & we chat together giving me a break from Nurse 'Ratchett' lol

Then in the morning she comes into my room with the first dose of the day of Quatiapine

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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post #52 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-12-2019, 02:34 AM Thread Starter
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About midnight last night I'd had enough of psycho nurse

The guy was sat outside my room & I knew he'd cop it, my achieving suicide & the fact my partner relies on me

But anyway...………….

All rooms are single occupancy, each with en suite with a shower

So I locked myself in the ensuite, leaving a note to my night guy, apologising for putting him in this position & a rider that I did it between his watches of me

As for psycho nurse she can fk off. As for my partner a separate card leaving my estate exclusively to her

So as for suicide...…….

I'll leave that to you're imagination, as stating method here on SAS goes beyond site ToS remit

I did end up in A&E/ER though. I was triaged as priority & when I regained conscious I asked why am I here?

So about 8am I was stabilised & returned here. Usually I'm at a mate's company offices online, but they have given me access to staff wi-fi. because they deem it as good therapy chatting online

Psycho nurse is here with me in my room asking why I resorted to suicide last night

I said to her "Why do you fkn think?"

She played dumb, pretending to not understand me

So I had a go her

(Indirect quote)

"Don't you fkn understand anything? I resorted to suicide because you are too fkn intense, I try to help you, listening to you divulge your past to me; the past of yours my partner shares.

Will you fkn understand you are pushing me too far? So why do you think I did it?"

Again she played dumb

"I've had enough of you crap; If you want to carry on my partner will happily strangle you"

Now she's looking hurt

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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post #53 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-12-2019, 07:55 AM Thread Starter
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Since then I have taken her out to lunch as an apology to the way I spoke to her earlier

She's perked up & is now chatting happily. Her sweet smile enhances her beauty

But I have to forget about that, lest I fall for her again, after rejecting her

She did hug me when I apologised & tried to kiss me, but soon realised she was going too far with me again

So we just hugged. Maybe too far too as it easily goes further; which it will

She has asked to see my wounds & I let her

So anyways....

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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post #54 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-12-2019, 08:28 AM Thread Starter
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I've let us kiss gently, closed mouth. She seems happy for that; a compromise; for now anyway

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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post #55 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-12-2019, 10:19 AM Thread Starter
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Earlier she forgot (conveniently for her) what we discussed.

In my room I was laid on my bed & she laid beside me. She pulled my hand towards her open blouse

I said to her

"Are you fkn thick or what?"

She hugged me & asked what was wrong

I told her to fk off before I do something she'll regret

She left me & is sat outside my room

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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post #56 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-13-2019, 12:22 PM Thread Starter
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So anyway....

We could possibly be at a point of her understanding me

I already understand her & her thought processes

She thinks we can be more than nurse & patient & friends

She doesn't (or wont) accept I don't want a relationship with her

I have my partner to think about; not her

I've told her this more than once. She then gives me the water works

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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post #57 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-13-2019, 12:37 PM
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This place you're getting treatment at seems disturbingly unprofessional. No clue how anyone is expected to get better in such an environment.

And that "nurse" should be reported and fired, if not criminally charged. Who even knows what she's doing with other clients.

But hey, what would I know.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

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post #58 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-14-2019, 09:02 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks tehuti88

I suppose I could report her; but she is on placement from uni

But that would get her struck off when she's just starting her career

She claims I'm the only one

I tend to believe her; what with the level of intimacy with me

But thanks anyway tehuti88 xx

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
Nick Attwell is offline  
post #59 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-14-2019, 09:54 AM Thread Starter
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OMFG

This afternoon & now, we are at my mate's company offices

My mate closes his offices 4pm each day

So this is how far my personal nurse is prepared to take things

She went to the toilet

She returned topless, wearing only her lace knickers

She obviously craves sex with me. As I have said elsewhere here on SAS, I am physically castrated & can't have physical sex anyway

I told her to fk off back to the bathroom & put her clothes back on

She wouldn't even consider doing this in my room; lest she be caught

But here?

She ignored me and is sat here, virtually in the 'altogether'; as they say

I don't know why I can't get through to her

As she sits here beside me, I have told her I am prepared to show this CCTV footage to her line manager

She say "'course you wont"

I have more than once now; she puts her clothes on or I WILL show this CCTV footage to her line manager

She is still sat here ignoring me

I have just phoned my mate & asked him where his CCTV footage is stored

He has given me the PIN number to unlock the CCTV footage room & all I have to do is record said footage onto CD-Rom

I know have that CD-Rom

So.……………………..

I have played this footage to her, which clearly shows, her sat next to me, only wearing her knickers

At long last she has realised I'm not joking

She is now in the bathroom putting her clothes back on

When she comes back in I don't want to talk to her

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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post #60 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-14-2019, 10:49 AM Thread Starter
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She has since returned with her clothes on, she has asked me if we are ok

I just looked at her & told her to fk off

She is still asking if things are ok with us

This is my reply (direct quote)

"Look you stupid little scrubber; would you have done. what you did today. here in my mates office. in my room? No you wouldn't. You would be sacked on the spot & prosecuted for statuary rape

You're a nurse; I'm your patient

Do you really want to be a nurse?"

If you really want to be a nurse then cut this fkn crap with me"

She looked at me shocked, that I should say that to her

Maybe I have got through to her; after all

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man, wishing he could talk softly in her ear...

While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND, & INSULT her,
there's a man flirting with her, & reminding her, how wonderful she is.

While you HURT your woman,
there's a man wishing he could show her love

While you make your woman CRY,
there's a man stealing smiles from her.
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