"Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), formerly known as electroshock therapy, and often referred to as shock treatment, is a psychiatric treatment in which seizures are electrically induced in patients to provide relief from mental disorders. The ECT procedure was first conducted in 1938 and is the only currently used form of shock therapy in psychiatry. ECT is often used with informed consent as a last line of intervention for major depressive disorder, mania, and catatonia. ECT machines have been placed in the Class II category (special controls) by the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) since 1976.
A round of ECT is effective for about 50% of people with treatment-resistant major depressive disorder, whether it is unipolar or bipolar. Follow-up treatment is still poorly studied, but about half of people who respond relapse within 12 months. Aside from effects in the brain, the general physical risks of ECT are similar to those of brief general anesthesia. Immediately following treatment, the most common adverse effects are confusion and memory loss. Among treatments for severely depressed pregnant women ECT is one of the least harmful to the gestating fetus.
A usual course of ECT involves multiple administrations, typically given two or three times per week until the patient is no longer suffering symptoms. ECT is administered under anesthetic with a muscle relaxant. Electroconvulsive therapy can differ in its application in three ways: electrode placement, frequency of treatments, and the electrical waveform of the stimulus. These three forms of application have significant differences in both adverse side effects and symptom remission.
Placement can be bilateral, in which the electric current is passed across the whole brain, or unilateral, in which the current is passed across one hemisphere of the brain. Bilateral placement seems to have greater efficacy than unilateral, but also carries greater risk of memory loss. After treatment, drug therapy is usually continued, and some patients receive maintenance ECT.
ECT appears to work in the short term via an anticonvulsant effect mostly in the frontal lobes, and longer term via neurotrophic effects primarily in the medial temporal lobe."
The above I have copied from a leaflet, my consultant gave me, so I can give informed consent to ECT.
My consultant thinks it could be beneficial. I think so too
Before signing consent my consultant took me to the ECT room to do a test run, so I can see what is involved
I lay on the examination couch, on my back. My wrists were cuffed either side of the couch, along with my ankles, leaving me secured in a spread eagle position, keeping me secure and unable to struggle.
The electric shock is given to my brain with pads either side of my head. My nurse was there with me and held my hand with my wrists secured. Unusually I accepted her doing this. I squeezed her hand to show it's ok. She squeezed my hand in return. I told her I wanted her with me on Wednesday, again holding my hand. Maybe, now, I am ok with her holding my hand. I feel it shows closeness between her & though of course, she knows I don't want a relationship between us. She has tried to talk me out of it though.
I was also given a block to bite into, so I can't bite my tongue, which happens as a reflex, with the electric shock to my brain. The two pads were placed either side of my head; obviously not switched on. I am fully aware I could die, or at least become comatose or brain damaged; but I feel it is worth the risk.
I will be sedated to keep me calm & compliant. I'm conscious though.
I decided today to sign the consent form
I will receive ECT on Wednesday
I phoned my partner we need to talk, but not on the phone. She came in & we went down to the beach. She looked at me wanting to know what I have to say to her
On the beach we hugged & kissed before I told her
"Fk off, you could die & then what the fk will I do? If you die I will follow you"
I told her my accounts are quite a lot & it will be for her
Again she pleaded with me not to do it
Now she seems to have accepted it; respecting my wishes
Believe me. If you already have problems with your brain, this is not something you want to do to it!
Worth a try, though
+++Placement can be bilateral, in which the electric current is passed across the whole brain, or unilateral, in which the current is passed across one hemisphere of the brain. Bilateral placement seems to have greater efficacy than unilateral, but also carries greater risk of memory loss. After treatment, drug therapy is usually continued, and some patients receive maintenance ECT.+++
My consultant has suggested bilateral (across whole brain) regardless to the fact, it has more serious implications, side effect wise
I have actually been diagnosed Bi-Polar with Asperger, so my consultant says bilateral will be more effective
Both my personal nurse & my partner, have tried to dissuade me, from either form of ECT
My partner & I hugged & kissed, with tears she might lose me. I have assured her it is not a form of CP, as is utilised certain US states. I gave her a Xerox of the consent form to read
She is still not convinced
As for my personal nurse, expressing her feelings to me, that she loves me & similar to my partner, is frightened she will lose me
I really can't cope emotionally, with her crap. alongside my partner. As I have asked her to be there & hold my hand, she seems to think this will bond us together
When I fk her off she doesn't seem to think I am serious; especially with the hand holding
Today things went too far
On the beach she kissed me & without thinking I kissed her back. Our tongues entwined, things were going way to far. I tried to resist, but she held me tightly as we kissed
She even released her top, pulling my hand to them. She had worn me down to accepting her
She even tried to pull my hand to her bikini bottoms but that was way far to far. It was that which made me reject her
Now we are having coffee & cake in a beach café. She is looking at me questionably, but I'm unable to hold eye contact with her
I believe she realises she took things way to far for me and that I feel extremely uncomfortable with her; especially her pulling my hand to her bikini bottoms and virtually underneath & my feeling her there
I told her I am not comfortable with her breasts; and as far as inside her; that is way too far & if she does it again I will go straight to her line manager
She asked "Really? I don't think so"
I told her if she pushes me too far I will
I believe she is taking that on board, then things between us will be ok. But for how long?
I am seriously hoping, on Wednesday, I don't come out the other side
Only thing stopping me is my intense love for my partner.
My nurse has asked me if I still want her with me when I receive my ET
I told her I don't know. Let's see how things between us pan out
Earlier my nurse gave me an injection of Tamazipan, telling me I need it. I lost conscious from the high dose
As usual when I came to, there she was holding my hand
I have begun to accept this now; especially seeing I have asked her to be with me, holding my hand, when I am given ECT on Wednesday
She never comes onto me on ward. Obviously she knows she knows we will probably be seen. But away from the ward? She is always full on declaring her love for me
She says she wants sex with me; but there are two reasons this will never happen:
1) Being physically castrated, pre TG, I have no sex drive; especially receiving estrogen & thus diminishing my testerone
2) I am in a LTR with my partner
Still, when we are in the sea she kisses me, holding me tightly as she pushes her tongue in my mouth.
She has worn me down so I respond to her
My mate, whose office I am in online, says to just shag her
I haven't told him I am pre-TG, without the equipment to satisfy her
When I go full TG, I will have a penectomy, so I can be genitally become female
Of course, depending how my ECT goes
My partner is staying with me tonight & tomorrow, being with me while I receive ECT
The staff said it is against the rules to have a visitor stay overnight
I told them it is not open for discussion; she's staying, whether they like it or not
This may well be our last time together, if I don't come out the other side from ECT, as I could very well become comatose, or even die from the treatment
So tonight we are going to be together, her sharing my bed, with us being intensely intimate together
I have told my nurse I don't want her with me during ECT; my partner will be with me holding my hand tightly. I want to see her as I receive ECT & if I die, I want her to be there for me; for her to be the last person I see as I lose consciousness into death
I really don't think you're going to die - although i can see how you'd be afraid to have ECT. I knew quite a few people in the hospital that had it - one was helped enormously by it, it lifted her depression so much you wouldn't even have known it was the same person.
Can have a considerable effect on memory though, but they've already told you about that.
I received ECT first thing this morning with me partner with me
ECT was the only treatment offered by me consultant
When I was subject to ECT, there were blinding lights & I found myself losing my memory; even not recognising my partner at first
I am set to receive ECT a few times a week, for the next few weeks, at least
As I survived today, I don't need to call in my partner; my nurse, I will allow to be there, holding my hand
Probably will Dave
the though of it doing something to my mind that is anything like the drugs I've been on scares me to no end. Well the fact that it would be irreversible, that's just too much, so many bad stories too, regrets, about having it. I just want to go back to being all natural and not having my mind controlled by substances or whatever else.
Probably a couple of days a week, I believe; maybe three times a week
My consultant is monitoring me for side effects
Those side effects include confusion, nausea, drowsyness & memory loss & I currently have an intense headache
My consultant says this is normal
He suggests two or three ECT treatments a week, for the next few weeks or months, until I show improvement in my mind set
Today my nurse & partner are here with me as I am online
Earlier after my ECT I did find both my partner & nurse annoying
I wanted to talk to my partner privately so my nurse realised I didn't want her there while my partner & I discussed where we go from here
After my ECT we hugged in my bedroom kissing on my bed. She was so intense; probably because I survived
She told me while she was beside me holding my hand I convulsed; so much so she squeezed my hand
Afterwards, my partner told me she is not going through that again, terrified I was going to die, especially with the convulsions
All further treatment my nurse will be beside me holding my hand, as she wanted to be there for me
Earlier, after my treatment, my nurse gave me a Tamazipan injection to calm me from the ECT. I lost consciousness, as usual, on my bed, with her holding my hand. As she, was, too, when I regained consciousness
I have told her I want those injections each time I recover from ECT
I know the more ECT treatment I have, the more chance I could drop into a coma or die
But, as things stand at the moment I want them. In a way it is like charging the batteries
Last night was very special for my partner & myself
She offered herself totally to me
Naked together we hugged each other tightly and deeply kissed whilst we lay together
She has never before offered herself to me unreservedly. Obviously the fact she trusts me and loves me, knowing I love her intensely.....
All night we were intimate together; holding me tightly believing I may not come out the other side
One thing about my partner she didn't tell me...…………
She has expressed the desire for us to have a baby together, despite the fact she already has conceived four times already. Her kids are no longer kids, having left home and now have their own families making her a grandmother
So what is it she has not told me
Before I was physically castrated we did try for a baby
Whilst we were having physical sex, I noticed from her facial expression I was hurting her
I asked her if she was ok. She just said yes but let's carry on
I knew something was wrong; especially as she was bleeding
I directly asked her what's wrong
It was then she told me
She has internal injuries from being raped by her ex, when she wasn't naturally lubricated
It was from that point I insisted on intimacy without physical sex
It was not long after that, I was physically castrated, on my way to being post TG & the woman I want to be
So now, intimacy is what we both most desire
The more she tells me about what her ex subjected her to, the angrier I feel towards her ex
Now she has told me of her injuries; the more I find it difficult to cope with it
She allows me to feel her, to make her orgasm; she tells me she enjoys this; that it arouses her sexually. Penetration is out. I have actually felt her internally. Her tissue is torn. So the more intimate we are the happier she is
Her internal injuries is why, even pre physical castration, we didn't have penetrative sex after the first time. I know she finds it painful to have penetrative sex
Last night I found out my partner met someone for sex
As I have said above, she feels pain having penetrative sex & bleeds from her torn vaginal tissue; but as she enjoys penetrative sex, she puts up with the pain
No big issue normally, as I'm totally oblivious, which is how I like it. I don't want to know. I have told her if she loves me, as she claims to, then she'll be discreet & not let me found out
But last night she was blatant, not giving a monkey's whether or not I found out.
So when she arrived home I asked her if she loves me
She replied "Of course I do; you know I do"
So I told her how I found out. I told her where to go, that I need time to consider where we go from here
She started to apologise & pleaded with me not to dump her
If I did dump her, I would see she's alright. I would pay the rent on a flat/apartment for her to live & give her money to live on. Of course I still love her, but I feel hurt. This isn't the first time I have been hurt in a relationship, so I should be used to it
I reminded her, that before I was castrated, I only had sex with her once, until I found out about her vaginal injuries. But if she desires penetrative sex elsewhere; fine, as long as she has the decency to be discreet, not letting me find out
But she wasn't discreet. Currently she is being quiet, knowing what she has done to me, looking at me occasionally, as if asking me if things are ok between us
As usual, I am online in my mate's company office with both my partner & my nurse.
When my partner went to the office kitchen to make coffee, my nurse asked me if I was ok
I just told her to STFU
She looked at me, looking hurt, I should respond to her like that
She too, is being quiet
Yes; I was mean to both of them; I'll obviously eventually be nice to them both & forget what happened last night
But anyway.... There's a lot to be said, in favour of being a bachelor; which I was before my partner & I met
But of course, now it is different. I would be at a loss without my partner. She doesn't know this; I have not told her, hence her apologising & pleading for me to forgive her. As I have said above, of course I'll forgive her
But why should I make it easier for her? Same with my nurse
I suppose I should let it go. I'll have forgotten all about it by tomorrow & welcome my partner back with open arms
Yep; I've let it go
From here on in it will be like it didn't happen
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