Can't make any progress with my therapist - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 08:50 AM Thread Starter
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Can't make any progress with my therapist


She is really smart and all but she just can't help me. My problem is that I'm very afraid of being judged so I never say what's on my mind and usually very guarded. Whenever we have a meeting I go in say hello and then there is a silence for a few long minutes. The thing about this silence is that it is extremely uncomfortable for me. I feel like I should say something because it's so awkward but I'm too afraid to say anything so it just goes on forever until I mumble something. I told her that I just CAN'T speak what's on my mind because I'm too afraid that I'll make a fool out of myself or she'll think I'm stupid or something. She told me I have to be bold and try but it literally gives me a headache. I hesitate so much before I say anything my mind just goes blank at some point.

This is going on since the first meeting and I really want to believe she will some day some how help me but my pocket is starting to hurt and I'm getting frustrated. Last meeting as this silence went on I was so angry at her. I feel she can do more for me other than tell me to try harder or explain some things. Maybe I should try another therapist? What helps you guys?
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 09:28 AM
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This might be obvious or dumb, but have you tried thinking of something you want to say beforehand, just one thing.
And no matter what, just spill it out. Think of nothing else but saying that one thing, regardless of how dumb it seems. (Of course, bigger and more realistic concerns might be easier, but one would figure that getting started is the most important part..?)

If you want to take it further, write it on a piece of paper beforehand.

Take the paper with you and give it to her.
If you can't do this, try telling her you wrote your concerns on paper.


Idk if this helps or if you have tried it, but if not I would recommend at least giving it a shot

"If you need a safe space, see a therapist" - Jordan Peterson
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-07-2016, 12:00 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Raies View Post
This might be obvious or dumb, but have you tried thinking of something you want to say beforehand, just one thing.
And no matter what, just spill it out. Think of nothing else but saying that one thing, regardless of how dumb it seems. (Of course, bigger and more realistic concerns might be easier, but one would figure that getting started is the most important part..?)

If you want to take it further, write it on a piece of paper beforehand.

Take the paper with you and give it to her.
If you can't do this, try telling her you wrote your concerns on paper.


Idk if this helps or if you have tried it, but if not I would recommend at least giving it a shot
I actually think of some things I want to say before I meet her but I never have to courage to just say them. For example I had this dream I wanted hear her thoughts about but I was to afraid it wasn't apropriate to say it =[
I've never tried this method though but it seems like something I can do. I'll be sure to try it so thanks =]
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-18-2016, 07:39 PM
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This seems one sided unless you're not giving the whole picture. Shouldn't she be asking some questions? That's what my therapists always did. There was one that just sat in silence, like you are talking about, and I only saw her once before I said later. No it should be a two way road. But yes I do actually bring in a question or two. The last therapist I saw always asked questions and offered feedback.
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-24-2016, 09:58 AM Thread Starter
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I come in, sit down , we say hi and than silence. During this time I feel very anxious because I feel I should say something but it takes me a lot of time to find something to say. Maybe after a few looong minutes she'll say something like "what are you thinking about?" which is very hard for me to answar since I feel like my thoughts are very private. I told here this but she just says I should feel comortable to say what is on my mind even if I think it's stupid but that's pretty much imposible for me.
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-07-2016, 11:16 PM
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Sounds like a crap therapist to me, honestly. There shouldn't be frequent awkward silences, is it not their job to find the root of the problem and attempt to treat it? I'd be the same way if I was you, I have a hard time opening up and I know a therapist like that would not work for me.

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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-08-2016, 01:02 AM
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Her therapy style may just not suit you. You probably need to someone who is willing to do a lot of the talking when you come in until you can warm up, your anxiety drops and you can join in. Over time, with developing a rapport you may be able to start initiating conversations first. But I think your current therapist's approach of waiting for you to speak is actually back-firing and making you more anxious.
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 04:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blawnka View Post
Sounds like a crap therapist to me, honestly. There shouldn't be frequent awkward silences, is it not their job to find the root of the problem and attempt to treat it? I'd be the same way if I was you, I have a hard time opening up and I know a therapist like that would not work for me.
It's a technique, to break the awkward silence, the patient is forced to talk and say what's on their mind without being lead by the therapist.
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-12-2016, 05:16 AM
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It's a technique, to break the awkward silence, the patient is forced to talk and say what's on their mind without being lead by the therapist.
Yes, the silence is common in therapy and police interrogations. People can't stand to sit with someone in silence so they feel the need to talk and fill the silence. It's called a "therapeutic silence". Next time when you go in tell her right away that you don't want her to do the therapeutic silence technique. Tell her it just makes your anxiety worse and you close down and don't say what you want to. She should be willing to work with other techniques.

Hopefully if you get past this and talk more, you'll gradually be able to open up to her. You've got to make the effort because therapy is only worth anything if you actually talk about what is important.

It took me four years to tell my therapist that I had been molested as a child, which was actually the root of my problems. I kept it pretty deep in my head and convinced myself it didn't matter after all these years. I would start to think "maybe I ought to tell her about... and then it was like a steel door slamming in my mind. After I told her, it made a big turn in my therapy. It actually got worse before it got better because I had to dredge up all that crap again, but I think it was necessary for me to move forward. The therapist can't help you if you keep your real issues hidden.

If you can't imagine opening up to this therapist, but maybe to someone else, you should switch to someone new.

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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 02:59 PM
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If it's not working it's not working, but on the other hand sometimes these things take time. If you're SA yeah no wonder you have difficulties with this. I would say just take it easy, don't pressure yourself! Don't feel like you have to go there and force yourself to be say stuff if it only gives you more anxiety. It takes time, try to set small goals. E.g., next time you go do try to challenge yourself to say something simple and see how it goes. Also, as someone in the field myself, believe me that they've seen it all and won't look at you as someone to judge but a human being who is just having a real hard time dealing with something intense. The fact that you're going to the meetings and sitting opposite her is something you should be proud of, that is nowhere easy.

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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 12:23 PM
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Yeah same, 1 years ago she said she can't really do anything with my social phobia. It's my fault if she can't help me.
I'm in the same hole since 2013, i can only blame myself.


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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 02:24 AM
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Lol sounds just like me, wow, maybe you have selective mutism?!?! My first psychologist was great, she really tried everything to make me talk, she used play therapy with me and some kind of sound tapping in headphones. She would keep asking me questions and telling me stories, I just couldn't say anything at all, she also told me about her own life during my first few appointments, she was so kind. I think it went on for 1 month, until she told my dad it wasn't working and I should see about getting on medication and quit with her for now. And the rest is history. I changed so fast, I might have had very sensitive receptors. I was talking to her and didn't care that I might have looked crazy, I just felt good, when you feel so good you can talk so much more. No, this was way more than that, I was talking to everyone, even people on the street and in the waiting room.... What an embarrassment I made everywhere I went, outrageous!

Find a psychologist who is specialized in Social Anxiety, might have more luck there.

I'm ****ing astonished myself at these psychologists, I would think they could help me, but as I've sat in silence with so many others, I've thought up more of how I could have helped myself if I were in their position than they even dare to try. It's so frustrating when I can't talk and they can't seem to try anything else that they can do to reach out to me! I could do much better, it's absurd.

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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 08:59 AM
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My sessions don't exactly mirror yours, I'm very open and talkative when I'm with my therapist. But she doesn't really help me solve my problems. Therapist essentially tell you to do things that you can't do. Things that you sought help for. I think this is true with majority of therapist and I'm not sure you'll have any luck even if you do switch therapist. Perhaps a support group or maybe someone who you do feel comfortable talking to can come to your therapy sessions and play middle man until you do feel comfortable talking? Good luck.
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