I know I sound desperate when I type this but I just don't get how I am meant to be alone. I'm 25, have a bachelors, own a condo and have a decent job. I don't think I look overweight & I try to take care or my appearance. So why can't I find a man? I've tried the apps on and off for years. I always attract what I don't want. And what I do want: doesn't like me back, only wants casual or is a total jerk. I'm told I'm nice so what gives? I have no friends either. I'm pretty easy going and feel like I have been able to accomplish what I want out of life, for the exception of a social life and good boyfriend. I am very distrusting of people in general, due to my bad experiences. I don't think I'm overly picky and have every right to standards. I see people bigger and uglier or average looking, capable of finding a partner that I find appealing. I was fatter and didn't get attention, I'm smaller now and still alone. I don't message guys too often on the app, when I do make the first move, it doesn't work out. Am I the problem (clearly not)?
Your description by your name doesn't give gender...so...I'm gonna assume you are female (shrugs shoulder) ....if you aren't female then...disregard this next bit.
Here goes. First of all. Congratulations on setting yourself up financially.
Now onto the subject at hand.
As
@WillYouStopDave said ...a combination of being too picky and using the wrong bait is at work here.
See the highlighted part...
I have a bachelor, a condo and a decent job. Don't lead conversations with that, please. These are personal acheivements for yourself, but non of these are particularly "sexy" qualities from a man's perspective.
I'm going to drive this point home with a very exaggerated example. Donald Trump is
very boastful about his business acheivements, and it is well known that he has had many women in his life. However...if a successful businesswoman behaved just as pridefully as Trump...she would be very lonely.
As men we are socialized into competition from a young age. Everytime we step outside we are competing...from school life to adulthood. Failure isn't tolerated. It's a cold harsh world out there, and the last thing most men want is to feel like he is competing at home with his own woman.
If you ever fantasize about laying your head on a man's shoulder and telling him about your problems...remember men fantasize just as much about laying his head in the bossom of a beautiful woman and just closing his eyes and leaving the world's troubles behind.
So just remember, your personal acheivements are yours. He will find out soon enough what you are passionate about you don't need to lead every conversation by talking about your qualifications etc.
Next is
the Husband Store
I'm sure you've seen this seemingly sexist joke circulating the internet.
As sexist as the joke may seem...it does have a bit of truth to it...be weary of pricing yourself out of the dating marketplace, using these "standards" that you speak of.
Let me give you a simple personal example. When I was a teenager, I thought I wanted a woman with long flowing hair ...after all...that's the beauty standard shown in movies. However my actual girlfriend has VERY KINKY hair but has a more rare quality that I wouldn't trade for the silkiest hair in the world...and that is...comfort.