While crying and being frustrated i asked GOD how can i even do anything like this, referring to my social anxiety being so bad i couldn't even do anything at the church i had been attending, a voice which i knew was the HOLY SPIRIT said" YOU CAN PRAY" after thanking GOD for letting me hear this, i did pray maybe 10 minutes a day, but i knew it meant like a prayer warrior kind of thing which i knew nothing about. I looked up prayer sermons on you-tube and the HOLY SPIRIT come back on me and stopped me on this sermon.
When i got saved it was through praying for GOD to fix me, but the HOLY SPIRIT convicted me of sin and i knew i had never wanted anything to do with GOD just use him, to live a life completely in contrast with him and his ways, and i only thought of him as a genie in the lamp who existed to give me everything i wanted, i said i give up the life i wanted and thanked him for who he was and what he did on the cross and i would live my life the best i could with how i was. The next morning i woke up, the HOLY SPIRIT came on me and made me normal( i had horrible Social anxiety since i was 4,i completly hid from the world, live in my head in fantasy world 24/7 , and had bad depersonalization) and i slowly reverted back to my "messed up self" but i saw everything that had happened to me from age 4 -25, and my warped thinking was amplified so i could see why i ended up how i was.
A much bigger issue though was me being convicted of sin in the life i had always wanted to live but couldn't, which i had prayed all my life for GOD to fix me, the HOLY SPIRIT showed me my sinful, selfish desires my pride lust, how i everything was all about me, my social anxiety wasn't my issue my whole inner being motives/thoughts/desires was corrupt and my soul needed help, and JESUS who created the whole universe and needed nothing came down on the cross, died took the wrath of GOD to take my place and wants to help me and give me a new heart, and gives us his spirit to come and live inside us to help us and know us personally and have a relationship with us.
The LORD pointed me to how different Christianity and the church is today compared to how it used to and should be. its just a boring hour long ritual that we grow though, then rite back to the world, no different than when we came in, no power to help those stuck in sin, or to change people's/community's lives.GOD's presence inst there,no teaching on his Majesty,his Holiness. Were not living for eternity,were seeking prosperity, worldly things. The church in the new testament was radically different, Peoples lives were completely changed 24/7 freed from the bondage of self and sin, and they went into the world proclaiming the resurrection with power from on high and completely changing communities. one difference The apostles would tarry together in prayer for hours/days and JESUS would regulary spend all night in prayer. they moved with GOD's power directing them you can read the BIBLE and see how important prayer was to the great men in the Bible,,you can read biographies of people who were greatly used by GOD and fined the same thing about their prayer live's.
Going back and listining to some of these older preacher's was eye opening to me, living eternity conscious, learning to pray/commune with GOD, JESUS being the center, his majesty, his holiness, and power, are so the heart of their preaching compared to most modern preaching. the Gospel has been rearranged, we dont talk about the condition of man and sin/ who we are and why the cross, living the christian life, and why Christianity is rejected by the world. many christians go to college and hear Jesus debunked because, cancer/death/suffering/accidents exist. The earth isnt perfect , but it tells you rite in the BIBLE, the world was cursed because of sin, and man has been appointed to die, read the book of Job. most preachers are preaching humanism, not the Gospel. heres a playlist of some older preachers that will point back to the roots we've gotten away from https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMP..._as=subscriber
The power of prayer is drastically forgotten if you have bad social anxiety, you can still pray wich is the most powerful thing we can do, and the most vital in our relationship with Jesus, no man is greater than his prayer life. prayer playlist https://www.youtube.com/playlist?lis...gDwZb4dCZKN1ad