If I Ever Got a Christian Girl Friend - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-09-2020, 10:47 PM Thread Starter
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If I Ever Got a Christian Girl Friend


Pastor Bob as well as other Pastors and Teachers say that if you got a Porn addiction then you shouldn't be trying to get a girl friend until you get yourself over it. The whole porn thing falls under the sin of lust. Namely sexual lust. But it seems to me that maybe they are being too hard on men. I know what Jesus and the Apostles say in the Bible. But I don't know of any guy who is a 100% mentally sexually pure. Because that is what I'm talking about is "mentally sexually pure" not merely physically pure. Because physically pure, I think I'm in pretty good shape. After all I am physically still a virgin. The problem is in the mind. Another issue I have is what I call the "Porn line". When does it become porn? After the woman gets naked? That seems to be where the world draws the line. But scripture seems to put the line even farther back. By saying who looks at a woman lustfully has committed adultery. See that is why I started using the word "Porn" in more of my writings. Because I think in God's eyes, I'm a porn addict even though I don't usually visit porn sites. I've even heard some ministers suggest not to even go to the beach because of how little everyone is wearing. You'll be tempted to lust, they say.

I realize you've seen me write stuff like this before. But I felt like I needed to write it again, so that I could say the next thing.

I kinda disagree with Pastor Bob and those like him. I think a man and a woman is meant to be a team. We all have our faults. I think the purpose of going through life with relationships, like friendships, and marriage, is so that by putting to use each others abilities (what your good at) helps each other. In my case I have sex drive that got out of control because I can not use it the way it's designed to be used. I have mental issues and other problems built up on me, because I don't have friends to walk with me through life. Some say that Jesus doesn't get you out of bad situations. Instead He walks through them with you.

When it comes to women. I want a woman who I can be open and honest with. Someone that will take me as I am, and then by walking side by side, we begin improving each other. That is what I think it's all about. Often times I don't think we get better on our own. As someone who has never had a good friend, I can testify friendship is very very very important in this life. I observe people who have friends. Those are the people who go the farthest in life. They get jobs easier because they know people. I get jealous of them. I don't understand because my entire life, I have tried to be open and honest with people. I have tried my hardest to be kind and caring of people. But something about me, just doesn't click with them.

I know I sound stuck and repeat myself over and over again. That is because as long as my life is where it's at. This is all I got to say...
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post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 05:46 PM
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You definitely don't want to bring a porn addiction into a relationship or marriage. It wouldn't be fare on the other person, addictions need to be worked on beforehand. I personally wouldn't court someone addicted to anything but Jesus. I've seen many relationships destroyed because of lust/porn.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
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post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 06:06 PM
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Not to sidetrack or anything, but I wanted to share that my dad's porn addiction really impacted our family. As kids me and my siblings witnessed things we should not have. My parents met through their church and were strong together as Christians, but as my dad's issues grew he distanced himself from my mom and his faith.

My parents' marriage was effected and my dad couldn't connect with my mom anymore with time. I knew too much because when my parents separated they only spoke through me and I was a teenager at that point.

I learned way too much about my parents' marriage and it really made me afraid to be close to anyone. I do not want to go into the details of why it effected their marriage but you can imagine how it just sort of warped things and made it difficult to connect, and just deteriorated their relationship.

I am sorry for the grief and struggle with this, but I just thought I would share from the perspective of growing up in that. In no way does that mean you should be alone though, so please do not think that!

Sometimes churches have men's groups to help cope with that issue. I don't think it is impossible to have a relationship, but just that it can definitely put a strain on things and it is an area you really need to go to God about. He really can lift you out of things sometimes. And if not, His grace suffices.

It is not an easy walk. I have gone through childhood abuse and various pains, but Jesus covered over. I do not have a heart of resentment or despair, I do not go through life as a victim but rather healed and stronger with Him, then on my own. In the places I struggle most, He is always there to pull me out of it. Some things do not just leave us, but I have the consolation that He never does either. I am not afraid to be in a relationship anymore, and my heart was healed in a way that I was able to accept a marriage proposal.

The moment you tell yourself that anything good cannot be for you, you are closing yourself to allowing goodness in. It is not an easy thing to accept sometimes, I know it. It is true that on our own, many things are impossible. But with God, nothing is impossible for Him.

He is so much bigger then we even realise. Sometimes we have this idea of God that confines Him within the bounds of our mortal minds, that we are susceptible to doubt of His abilities and His presence and hold ourselves back. He is not a man in the sky, He is not limited like we are. He is a grand deity encompassing all of existence, that created ALL things.

A being like that, nothing can be too much for. He is also the very core of love, and does not seek to condemn or punish you, and if you endure any trial it is because He is going to get you through it, never let it destroy you. He does not seek pain and destruction for His children, the enemy does.

Never confuse the enemy's plans and desires to that of our God's. All examples of good in the world, of innocence and love, come from Him. Love goes beyond nature, where such things are disregarded and unnecessary, but reserved for mankind as we are of His image.

Give yourself some peace, find time, somewhere quiet and where you feel secure, and just turn on some worship music and pray. You do not even have to have words, just let your heart speak and quiet the thoughts and concerns and just wait on Him to meet you in that place. It is always where I find my peace.

God bless.

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post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 06:46 AM
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When you're in a household with a porn addict, you sometimes come across the things they are watching and more, becoming a victim of their perversion. Imagine having a kid in this type of house. It is dangerous and a form of abuse. You have to get away from the abuser to protect yourself and your family. That's not being judgemental.
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post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 07:00 AM
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He really can lift you out of things sometimes. And if not, His grace suffices.

It is not an easy walk. I have gone through childhood abuse and various pains, but Jesus covered over. I do not have a heart of resentment or despair, I do not go through life as a victim but rather healed and stronger with Him, then on my own. In the places I struggle most, He is always there to pull me out of it. Some things do not just leave us, but I have the consolation that He never does either. I am not afraid to be in a relationship anymore, and my heart was healed in a way that I was able to accept a marriage proposal.

The moment you tell yourself that anything good cannot be for you, you are closing yourself to allowing goodness in. It is not an easy thing to accept sometimes, I know it. It is true that on our own, many things are impossible. But with God, nothing is impossible for Him.

He is so much bigger then we even realise. Sometimes we have this idea of God that confines Him within the bounds of our mortal minds, that we are susceptible to doubt of His abilities and His presence and hold ourselves back. He is not a man in the sky, He is not limited like we are. He is a grand deity encompassing all of existence, that created ALL things.

A being like that, nothing can be too much for. He is also the very core of love, and does not seek to condemn or punish you, and if you endure any trial it is because He is going to get you through it, never let it destroy you. He does not seek pain and destruction for His children, the enemy does.

Never confuse the enemy's plans and desires to that of our God's. All examples of good in the world, of innocence and love, come from Him. Love goes beyond nature, where such things are disregarded and unnecessary, but reserved for mankind as we are of His image.

Give yourself some peace, find time, somewhere quiet and where you feel secure, and just turn on some worship music and pray. You do not even have to have words, just let your heart speak and quiet the thoughts and concerns and just wait on Him to meet you in that place. It is always where I find my peace.

God bless.
Thank you for sharing. Such a beautiful and true message. Congratulations on your engagement!
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post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 07:26 AM
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I grew up in a Christian household 30 years ago & my mother was out cheating with other men & I know my father had a good sized collection of risqué material, lust is/was always pretty common among either gender, how can we ever be perfect when we're born of imperfect vessels ? And why do some insist on punishing themselves for it.

Simple answer is we can't escape it, we're born sinners, the only way to stop it is act in good conscience & don't make any more sinners.






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Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 08:08 AM
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Frankly, porn and religion are just fundamentally incompatible. Regardless of whether you think religious people are right or wrong in their beliefs, trying to have a relationship with someone who believes it's wrong is just going to be a disaster. If you're not willing to completely give it up for good, it's going to be a very bumpy ride.

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post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 10:40 AM
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Frankly, porn and religion are just fundamentally incompatible. Regardless of whether you think religious people are right or wrong in their beliefs, trying to have a relationship with someone who believes it's wrong is just going to be a disaster. If you're not willing to completely give it up for good, it's going to be a very bumpy ride.
That's because there is more to it than the video.


There is fornication if they are not married.
There is adultery if one of the parties is married.
There is homosexuality/fornication in some instances.....threesomes, foursomes, moresomes…..
….that doesn't even account for what you don't see!


One or more people could be on drugs to numb the pain of performing....or to get to the performing.
There could be theft to pay for the drugs - and then there is the compromise of one's own morals for the extra money. "Gay porn pays more than straight porn".


The constant blood tests to prove health to perform and then it is used to track disease with a month -long moratorium on the industry to investigate.


The cleanliness of the sets...….and the diseases one can get from that alone......Staph infection, UTI (male and female).


There have been several long-time porn actors leave the business for Jesus - women and men.

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post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 11:24 AM
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That's because there is more to it than the video.
My post was not intended to be any kind of attack. This is the spiritual support section, after all. It is not for debate or arguing. I just stated a fact. If the OP likes porn and plans to continue watching it if he gets into a relationship with a religious woman, it is almost certainly not going to go well for him. I did not mean to say religion has the right or wrong view of porn (in this context, it doesn't matter).

It is like asking if you should swear in church. I would obviously advise someone not to go to church and swear. Same thing.

/WYSD
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post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 11:41 AM
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Yeah this is the wrong subsection for debating and bashing of beliefs. The other spiritual sections might be of better use .

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 12:34 PM
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I am an atheist. If you watch porn in a relationship with me I'll ninja attack you in the crutch.
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post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 01:30 PM
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Its hard to get porn out of the mind when you want to move on from it. I used to watch it daily and owned some porn dvds at a time. But after reading through the bible and getting to understand a little about lust I've been trying my best to avoid it all together. Even remembering about favorite scenes in porn is not good when you want to kick the habit. I believe that God has the right plan when He wants us to not think or look lustfully at another woman. You get a bit of heaven when you find a wife and experience the closest way a human can bond with one another in the bedroom.

Touching on what TB said, it was disturbing when I was young and came across my dads porn stash on his computer. He didn't even try to hide it and there was so much, including photoshops with women he knew. My parents were never married so he didn't think it was a problem for him I guess. Just that it was so not fun finding out my father was like this. So I can get why it would put a heavy strain on a relationship, or ruin a relationship if the other person isn't used to porn.

[Everyone disliked that.]
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post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 09:29 PM Thread Starter
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In my opinion a Lust addiction is like an addiction to alcohol. You never get over it. Just one little sip and your right back into it. Unfortunately Lust is even worst because you can't get away from it. Some people say just repent to Jesus and things get better. I think that works for some people. But God works in mysterious ways. It doesn't work for everyone. Back when I was just 19 years old, I wanted to get this problem fixed. I talked with two Pastors. They were two people I trusted. The first one abandoned me. The second one started rumors, that wrecked my parents reputation, other people's reputation, and did bad things that destroyed the church! I have no Church connections. And my job prevents me from getting help. Do you have any idea how hard it is to do things in normal life when your job forces you to work at night? That is why I do what I can. Right now all I can do is a) admit I have a problem and b) ask for prayer.

Just my guess, but there is probably other men who should be confessing. Maybe even some on here who is living in denial. I've heard many Ministers say that every man struggles with this.
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post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-12-2020, 05:36 AM
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I don't support religious abuse either. Yes, sadly some Christians do this but this is not what is going on here. Nobody here is condemning the OP. Addiction effects both religious and nonreligious families. We are encouraging OP to seek help to avoid issues.
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I am an atheist. If you watch porn in a relationship with me I'll ninja attack you in the crutch.
This is actually good. I mean, the honesty part. If you have dating profiles, you should put what you wrote there on there. There is not enough honesty in the world. I think sometimes that so much bad stuff could be avoided if people just used this kind of honesty from the start.

/WYSD
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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-14-2020, 03:42 PM
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REMINDER: This is not a section for DEBATE. If you do not agree then please ignore this thread and post elsewhere. It is OK to have different beliefs, we just ask that here we be respectful to one another. Only support is encouraged in this section, not bashing of other people and their beliefs.

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REMINDER: This is not a section for DEBATE. If you do not agree then please ignore this thread and post elsewhere. It is OK to have different beliefs, we just ask that here we be respectful to one another. Only support is encouraged in this section, not bashing of other people and their beliefs.

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Thank you for staying on top of things. This thread is mostly a confession to fellow Christians. I have another thread where I share how and why I became addicted to "lust". In fact I kinda wish I never would of used the word "porn" in this thread. Because my main problem is sexual lust. You wouldn't find porn on my computer. It stays pretty clean due to two different blocking systems, I have in place. Also I don't collect pictures. You wouldn't find any pictures of Women on my drives. In fact you wouldn't even find any pictures of me anymore.
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Thank you for staying on top of things. This thread is mostly a confession to fellow Christians. I have another thread where I share how and why I became addicted to "lust". In fact I kinda wish I never would of used the word "porn" in this thread. Because my main problem is sexual lust. You wouldn't find porn on my computer. It stays pretty clean due to two different blocking systems, I have in place. Also I don't collect pictures. You wouldn't find any pictures of Women on my drives. In fact you wouldn't even find any pictures of me anymore.
I'm sorry things got off track, and I hope you didn't feel overwhelmed. I didn't mean to take anything out of context and I just want the best for you. It should be a safe space here.

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I grew up in a Christian household 30 years ago & my mother was out cheating with other men & I know my father had a good sized collection of risqué material, lust is/was always pretty common among either gender, how can we ever be perfect when we're born of imperfect vessels ? And why do some insist on punishing themselves for it.

Simple answer is we can't escape it, we're born sinners, the only way to stop it is act in good conscience & don't make any more sinners.
We aren't expected to be perfect, and we don't have to be It's more a sense of...doing what you can to abstain from habits or activities that may be detrimental to your wellbeing. We're not supposed to punish ourselves, really. It's actually our wrongdoings that punish us, not God. He knows very well our vulnerabilities and temptations, and has a ton of grace for it. All the guilt comes from us really, and it's never been my impression that that's what God wants us to feel, but rather freedom from such things.

An example of the way we punish ourselves is, like in an addiction...when we stumble and it cuts into our relationships and we're suddenly doing things we wouldn't normally do, because it's sunk in so deep and we're acting out. It's the effect of our mistake, the mistake was getting drunk regularly, the effect was what was done while repeatedly drunk (losing job, hurting loved one, etc.). It isn't always intentional, and that's why we need help to overcome those things when they consume you. To abstain from the small things is so that you don't wind up in the extreme of it. To work on one's anger is to make sure it doesn't escalate where serious consequences arise from it, for example.

There's ill effects to the things that are not good for us, and it causes strains in our relationships, ourselves, and our ability to be close with God. God is the one that intercedes, and is the element that is beyond man's capabilities. To heal, to protect and guide. It's just unfortunately it all gets lost in the chaos of interpretation and legalism, mankind's ego, etc.

That's what I believe anyway

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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-15-2020, 02:38 PM Thread Starter
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I can't decide if I really want to say what I want to say about this. I feel like people will judge me as "just making up excuses". I've had a "problem" in this area, most of my life. And I've read and heard various ministers speak on the subject. I get the impression that sometimes Christians try to come up with more than one reason as to way Porn or Lust is bad. As far as I can tell, and I could be wrong, the Bible seems to only mention one reason. It never talks about Lust in the addictive sense. It just simply says that it is a sin of the heart. There are other scriptures which seem to indicate that you think about doing something bad before you do it. While that is all true, I don't think just because a Man or Woman looks at porn from time to time, that they are going to go out and physically cheat on each other. That's like saying, If a person watches a violent movie, they are going to go out and do something violent. I also heard the argument that it changes your brain. Every thing that we are or have chosen to expose ourselves too changes our brain. Perhaps that is why the Bible says to renew our minds. I say all of this because I get tired of Society casting judgment on people just because they happen to have some dirty pictures. Now days, we are all on the internet, and the internet is full of dirty pictures. Anyone can be tempted and fall at just a click of a mouse. I believe that there are a lot of good people, who have fallen simply because of how easy it is to fall now. These are people who would of never gone into an Adult store. But now the adult store is right at your fingertips. I don't even use the internet as much as I used too. Because when I'm online, that's when the temptation is the worst. Don't get me wrong I filter stuff like crazy. But no filter, is good enough to keep all junk out. Especially since, even popular general audience websites like facebook, instagram, youtube, etc promotes pictures and videos that promote lust. It's like the grocery store. Back in the day, if you wanted to buy alcohol, you had to go to a special store for it. Now all you got to do is go to the grocery store and it's mixed in with all the regular beverages. That might not seem like a big deal to you. But imagine if you were in AA trying to get over your alcoholic addiction. Everyone needs to buy food. Like wise, youtube is my main source of important tutorials. As far as facebook and instagram goes, I block them for privacy issues with data collection, and both of them somehow makes me depressed. There is no good information on them that I find helpful at all! Sadly most people can't seem to have friendships without the social media supplement on their cell phones. It really stinks how people would rather look at their devices then to have a face to face conversation with you. ...And then someone will argue, I found my best friend online... Good for you! I've been hoping for that for 17 years....
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