I'm sorry about all the suffering you've been through. I'm sure that God has good things in store for you. Sometimes you just have to let go of everything you are going through. I know you feel like God is punishing you, but those feelings are what's keeping you from God's best. You may not have everything you want in life, but God can lift you up high and calm your spirit, no matter how bad things are. If you turn your focus away from your problems, and towards God. God will start making changes in your life. He wants you to be happy, and he wants to give you a new life. Instead of asking God to help you with your struggles, ask God what you can do for others. Even if you have nothing to give, there is always a way to help someone in need. Sometimes all you have to do is pray for someone, give something you don't need away, or give someone a smile. Once you focus on what God wants you to be, God will start to make changes in your life. So keep your head up, and start asking God to guide you and tell you what he wants you to do. If you do your part, God promises that he will do his part. He is all knowing and all powerful, and the God in you is greater than the problems you face.