Anticipation: Did God Make Me Weak and Stupid? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 08:06 AM Thread Starter
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Anticipation: Did God Make Me Weak and Stupid?


Due to Covid-19 restrictions, I don't know if I'll ever work again. Covid-19 is not my only problem. I'm already not good enough, add it onto top of that, I might as well dig myself my own grave and throw myself into it! I often point to my so called "learning disability" as the reason for why I can't seem to anticipate or visualize what other people are doing. My boss told me that I'm not good enough because He doesn't have the time to explain everything to me. My Dad expects me to remember things that I have forgotten. If I try to tell him that I don't remember something He just argues that I do remember. I guess He's calling my liar. He seems to think that when we are doing something and I'm not pitching in, that I'm just being lazy or not concentrating enough. But sometimes he also says I over concentrate. I'm afraid that most of you don't understand what I'm talking about. I live on a farm, and sometimes that means hard heavy work. We had to load up some heavy and dangerous logs from a tree that we had to cut down yesterday. One wrong move and someone could end up with a crushed foot. I've helped Him do this sort of thing my whole life. But my brain and strength has never been fully up to the task. At 72 He's still twice my strength, and faster at thinking. We are not a good match for this kind of work, and yet we've always somehow got the jobs done. But I always feel terrible. After taking the same criticism that I've endured my whole life, an Evil song formed in my head. "I'm dumb **** you know that I ****. It's all your fault, God, You made me this way. Why did you make me a Dumb **** that ****s so bad? Oh! It must make you so glad! But it makes me Mad!" The reason why I find myself blaming God is because I don't have any control over these things. Where do our abilities come from? They are a gift from God. And yet I don't feel like I'm gifted at all. I feel like God created me somewhere in the middle. I'm not so bad as to be completely worthless, and yet I'm not so good to be worth anything. The last time I tried to write about this, I got into some trouble. Because in order to explain my issues, I break the rule about how I got it worst then someone else. I don't want to break rules, this is my reality. This is what I'm dealing with. Also I know that there are some Christians who will say things like: A true Christian doesn't fear anything. Or a true Christian doesn't think or say swear words. At least I wasn't raised in a home where I was taught that a true Christian never fears. But I was and still live in a home where it is believed that a true Christian doesn't swear. I don't know if that is a good thing or not. There are different ways of looking at this. For example, just because your a believer doesn't automatically make your old nature go away. It doesn't automatically take away all your fear. I do believe that God does take some of your old nature away. But it doesn't seem like He always takes away the exact same sins in every individual.
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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 09:41 AM
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God doesn't make mistakes and He didn't start with you .


~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 02:02 PM Thread Starter
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God doesn't make mistakes and He didn't start with you .
I'm not saying that God made a mistake. I don't understand why He made me the way He did. I do not understand what my purpose is.
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 03:29 PM
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I'm not saying that God made a mistake. I don't understand why He made me the way He did. I do not understand what my purpose is.
To show the world that they're messing everything up. I see it all around me, and then God has to remind me that -> I <- have to be the example because most people don't know $#!7 from shine-ola. My mom's from Elkhart, too, so I get them apples.

You posted about the industrial cleaner you used at your school. Well, I found a similar product at Menard's - a large bottle for $4 and I SAVED BIG MONEY! I bought some, used it to kill me some Corona, Sal Monella, E. Coli, AND any mold or mildew that would even think about hanging out in my bathroom! It gave me a slight sinus infection, but that was from the virus death. I wouldn't have known about the product at all if you hadn't have mentioned it!



If your mind is being messed with like it is right now - that's the enemy trying to defeat you. He wouldn't be after you if you weren't such a prize. He already has a ton of bozos in the world wrapped around his little finger.
Every negative thing he says to you is a trick, a slight, trying to pick a fight. The "learning disability" is only that if you let it be. It's hard to remember things when there is worry and anxiety keeping the mind going at 100% CPU.

I learned one thing about bosses in this past year - they don't know squat; the only know to keep their own boss away. He's an employee just like you.

Your dad just wants motivation. My dad was like that, too. Unfortunately he's gone so he only has the angel view to me - if he was here in person, he'd be shocked at what I have accomplished.

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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 03:39 PM
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I've never been diagnosed with a learning disability, but I did suffer brain trauma from encephalitis around the age of 11 that made learning for me difficult both academically and socially. It hit me at a pivotal time in social development. Nothing really feels intuitive to me. Things that seem automatic to most people, feel more manual for me. I am slower than most people. I know this, but most don't. Others who know me well, know this but often don't fully understand. Partly because I have struggled to communicate coherently ever since. It is hard because though a person may know their own internal condition, others have based a lifetime of social expectations and experiences over how people are to act or perform "normally." And it is a very hard thing to try and understand the experiences of other human beings from the inside out rather than the outside in.
Sometimes, they see someone else's inhibitions almost as deliberate choices. For some people, I think "normal" simply isn't so. I don't think I can really give any advice or comment that would help, because I often don't see value in myself. I don't think God sees us as worthless. I don't really know why God allows such conditions to exist or happen, but I do think he fully intends to bring about good with them. And, if nothing else, Christ being fully man and fully God, who is omniscient and has lived as a human being, knows and has experienced the human condition in full, on the cross, I think Christ is co-sufferer with every human, even those with unseen conditions, whether mental or physical. Also, I think God wants us to be genuine with him, even when we are angry. I have cursed in prayer before. I know that God knows my heart even before I speak. I think some might see this is as a lack of self control, however, I think we must bring everything before God in prayer--otherwise, we sideline problematic things in our heart rather than dealing with them in earnest with God.

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well." - Psalm 139: 14

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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-01-2020, 09:28 PM
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I'm not saying that God made a mistake. I don't understand why He made me the way He did. I do not understand what my purpose is.
Your purpose is to glorify Him in everything you do.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-02-2020, 06:06 PM
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Don't be discouraged at what your employer says. You just got to find a fit. Once you do, I think your dad will come around.

It's okay to be scared and okay to have doubts about yourself. Fear doesn't just go away. The Bible is full of accounts of people we are taught we should look to model ourselves after, and they weren't always sure about themselves or God's plans. Right away I think of Moses who told God he didn't want to lead his people out of Egypt because he wasn't a really great speaker. & someone else should do it. Moses thought God had the wrong guy. Turns out God was right, but Moses had to learn for himself. Meanwhile, Jesus specifically called outcasts and those society had shunned: women & the blind, for example.

You seem to write out your thoughts very well typing them down. I wouldn't have guessed you have some kind of learning disability. You do have gifts. Think of some of your hobbies. What do you like to do? That shows what you're good at & what God's given you.

Physical labor is tough. It doesn't sound like it's for you. and that's okay because it can mean something else is. Find it & pursue it. You can do it!

The world is quiet here.

"The world...what a glorious place! Seek your dreams, and they will lie stretched out before your eyes. If the endless wind guides your restless spirit, seize it! Raise your flag, and stand tall!"
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-02-2020, 06:06 PM Thread Starter
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Your purpose is to glorify Him in everything you do.
I have never heard a Christian explain how that is possible.
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-02-2020, 09:40 PM
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I have never heard a Christian explain how that is possible.
Just make sure everything you do is pleasing to Him. What would Jesus do? Does this song or movie glorify Him? What about overeating? Before I do anything I always ask myself will this glorify my Father .

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 08:48 AM Thread Starter
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Just make sure everything you do is pleasing to Him. What would Jesus do? Does this song or movie glorify Him? What about overeating? Before I do anything I always ask myself will this glorify my Father .
This depends on how much of a perfectionist you are. I think from a perfectionist point of view, no movie or song perfectly glorifies God. Something about the question "What would Jesus do?" doesn't feel right to me. Because it's impossible to answer this question. If Jesus was on the earth today, I don't know what He would say or do. All I can do is try to look at the words in the Bible, and then try to apply them to my life. However, I think this gets away from the point of this discussion. What is my purpose in the Body of Christ? Please refresh your memory of this passage of scripture before you reply. 1 Corinthians 12 What do you think your purpose is in the Body of Christ?
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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 09:02 AM
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This depends on how much of a perfectionist you are. I think from a perfectionist point of view, no movie or song perfectly glorifies God. It is my personal opinion asking the question "What would Jesus do" is a stupid question to ask. Because it's impossible to answer this question. If Jesus was on the earth today, I don't know what He would say or do. All I can do is try to look at the words in the Bible, and then speculate. This gets away from the point I'm trying to make. What is my purpose in the Body of Christ? Please refresh your memory of this passage of scripture before you reply. 1 Corinthians 12 What do you think your purpose is in the Body of Christ?
God sees your heart, all we can do is try our best to glorify Him. The gifts are cool, I have the gift of discernment and exhortation .

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 09:06 AM Thread Starter
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God sees your heart, all we can do is try our best to glorify Him. The gifts are cool, I have the gift of discernment and exhortation .
How do you know?

Honestly I don't think I have any spiritual gift.
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 09:11 AM
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How do you know?

Honestly I don't think I have any spiritual gift.
Every believer has gifts . God will reveal it/them to you. There are also good tests online that can lead you in the right direction and show ones you might have. I love churches that really preach on this and showcase it.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 04:46 PM Thread Starter
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Every believer has gifts . God will reveal it/them to you. There are also good tests online that can lead you in the right direction and show ones you might have. I love churches that really preach on this and showcase it.
If God can reveal them, then why take the test?
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-03-2020, 08:39 PM
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If God can reveal them, then why take the test?
Just a tool that helps you discover what you have that you didn't realize. Sometimes we miss God and what He is trying to show us as well.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #16 of 16 (permalink) Old 07-04-2020, 12:07 PM Thread Starter
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Just a tool that helps you discover what you have that you didn't realize. Sometimes we miss God and what He is trying to show us as well.
I'm sure that is true. God is bigger and stronger then the whole universe. When He wants to get a message across to a person, I don't think He has a problem doing so.
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