Have you ever been bullied? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-27-2020, 12:01 PM Thread Starter
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Have you ever been bullied?


I have , in high school.
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post #2 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-27-2020, 03:08 PM
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Yes, mostly online. Much of it was before "online bullying" was even recognized as a thing; whenever I reacted or mentioned it, to anyone online or off, I was told to "Get off the computer and go for a walk, it's just the Internet, it's not real!"

I've been criticized, mocked/ridiculed, trolled, impersonated, parodied, been blamed for things I didn't do, had people call my personal experiences lies, banned without cause, stalked, harassed, and even threatened with rape once. Hahaha, just log off and take a walk, it's just words on a screen, it's not real.

Nowadays it's recognized as a real thing, there's awareness and all. Makes me feel pretty bitter about the way everybody brushed it off back when I was the one being hurt.

I went through what would nowadays be considered "bullying" several times in school as well, though again, back then, it wasn't recognized as bullying and even I didn't consider it that (the term "bullying" was mostly reserved for threats and intimidation whereas what I went through was mocking and ridicule). And again, the reaction I got from others whenever I reacted was generally "Just remember, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!'" I wanted to say that yes, words DO ****ing hurt, but what was the point.

The one time I told a guidance counselor about two girls bullying me every day when I waited in the hall after lunch, he was apathetic about doing anything about it, insisting that his hands were tied since I didn't know their names. I said I could ID them from a yearbook, and I did so--still remember their names to this day. Guidance counselor was still reluctant but said he'd talk to them and get it settled. Well, he must've changed his mind because nothing was ever done, the two continued bullying and teasing me in the hallway after lunch (they'd follow me around, snickering just within earshot; when I'd go to get a drink from the fountain one of them would jump in front of me to cut me off while they both laughed; passive-aggressive **** that could be excused as "Oh, I didn't even know you were there!" like typical coward bullies)...I ended up going to wait in the hall at the other end of the school just to get away from them. This almost made me late for my next class every day. Nobody cared.

The irony is the guidance counselor was the one who'd requested to start seeing me because I was so shy and quiet and depressed in school...I didn't go to him on my own. Lot of good it did, he was just one more in a long, long line of professionals who pretended to care but then decided I wasn't worth the effort. Having professionals brush off your pain all the time is just as bad as the bullying, it proves you don't matter.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

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Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

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post #3 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-27-2020, 03:21 PM
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Yes, in Jr High but not very badly. There were maybe 8-10 incidents. And maybe 2-3 of those involved actual physical violence. The other incidents were more psychological in nature. Several teachers knew I was being bullied in didn't do **** about it.

It was mostly in 7th grade, didn't really experience it again in 8th grade or in HS. In HS I think we were too old and mature for bullying, I think that was seen more as a thing kids did.

Not sure if the bullying contributed to the SA at all. I was a shy kid and didn't really start to become socially anxious until late HS or early college so can't say the bullying was really a contributing factor.

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post #4 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-27-2020, 09:18 PM
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yes. all throughout my life, by family, at school, just in general lol.

see, i'm real...if you want me to be.
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post #5 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-27-2020, 11:33 PM
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Yes, at the end of elementary school and all through middle school. It was bad; I wanted to kill myself throughout 7th and 8th grades. But I was always too much of a coward to go through with it.

Good thing we moved overseas before I entered 9th grade; I probably wouldn't be here if we hadn't.

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post #6 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-28-2020, 12:14 AM
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Yes. One of the reasons why I think public schooling should not be mandatory, at least not in the form of a place where you physically corral children who may not want to be there and may hate each other's guts.
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post #7 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-28-2020, 01:20 AM
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It's funny how bullying is just an intuitive human behavior that just naturally rears it's ugly head with pretty much no provocation.

Sometimes I think how odd it is that humans seem to be hardwired to be "evil" (in a figure of speech sort of way).
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post #8 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-28-2020, 01:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave View Post
It's funny how bullying is just an intuitive human behavior that just naturally rears it's ugly head with pretty much no provocation.

Sometimes I think how odd it is that humans seem to be hardwired to be "evil" (in a figure of speech sort of way).
I don't think most humans are hardwired to be "evil," but I do think they're hardwired to be selfish and cruel, no figure of speech needed.

"Sin" is an imaginary disease invented to sell you an imaginary cure.
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post #9 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-28-2020, 01:58 AM
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Yeah, lots, but I've talked about it plenty of times on here already. I can't be arsed to repeat it all.

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In HS I think we were too old and mature for bullying, I think that was seen more as a thing kids did.
What!? Lol. Not in my hs! The bullying in hs was way worse than anything I got in elementary/middle school. Bullying doesn't have anything to do with age. That's why we have things like discrimination.

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It's funny how bullying is just an intuitive human behavior that just naturally rears it's ugly head with pretty much no provocation.

Sometimes I think how odd it is that humans seem to be hardwired to be "evil" (in a figure of speech sort of way).
Humans are hardwired to learn and adapt. That means the possibility for evil (cruel, selfish acts) always exists in everyone and can probably never be eradicated. If the conditions are right, people will rise to the occasion. But since everyone experiences different conditions, not everyone will be conditioned for "evil". Some people are conditioned for kindness and acts of altruism. I have absolutely zero interest in making anyone feel bad.

Is it just me or is it getting crazier out there.
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post #10 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-28-2020, 02:15 AM
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Almost daily in grade school. My last two years there I had a principal that hated my dad from when they were in school together and he pretty well let other kids bully me with zero consequences. Happened less in middle school and high school and never as an adult.
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post #11 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-28-2020, 01:42 PM
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Yes. When I was a kid it was because I was so small and skinny for my age. When I graduated from high school I was 5' 9" and 120 lbs. soaking wet. In my twenties I finally grew somewhat and the teasing stopped.
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post #12 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-28-2020, 05:30 PM
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What!? Lol. Not in my hs! The bullying in hs was way worse than anything I got in elementary/middle school. Bullying doesn't have anything to do with age. That's why we have things like discrimination.

I suppose it depends on where you went to high school. I mean the kids in my HS weren't angels and could be mean or there could be fights or animosity between certain individuals or cliques. But I don't ever remember anyone being singled out for ongoing and repeated bullying. Most people generally just got along and usually just ignored anyone they didn't particularly like. I think it comes down to the cultural mores prevalent in a particular community, whether its a high school, a corporation or town. In my HS I feel like you'd be in a lot of trouble with both the administrators and the student body if you were a bully, someone would definitely come to your defense. It was absolutely not cool to treat people like that and would reflect poorly on the person doing the bullying. If anyone was a candidate to be bullied it was me, I was nerdy and weird, but always felt very comfortable and included in my HS. In fact I wish I could go back sometimes, lol. So maybe just comes down to different time different place making a big difference.

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post #13 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-28-2020, 06:45 PM
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I got in trouble, because of my classmates behavior. The teacher always hold me accountable for my classmates behavior. I remember the last day of school, my fifth grade teacher sent me to another classroom.

I got bullied by quantum calculators, not by humans.

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post #14 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-28-2020, 06:50 PM
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Quote:
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Yes. When I was a kid it was because I was so small and skinny for my age. When I graduated from high school I was 5' 9" and 120 lbs. soaking wet. In my twenties I finally grew somewhat and the teasing stopped.
I was 5'11 weighing 120 lbs when I graduated High School. My doctor made fun of my body. She said that my body is all bones to my mother.


People still make fun of my body.

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post #15 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-28-2020, 06:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EmotionlessThug View Post
I was 5'11 weighing 120 lbs when I graduated High School. My doctor made fun of my body. She said that my body is all bones to my mother.


People still make fun of my body.
Did your doctor make fun or was she legitimately concerned as a health professional?
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post #16 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-28-2020, 07:06 PM
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Did your doctor make fun or was she legitimately concerned as a health professional?
My doctor made fun of me. She put her whole entire hands around my rib cage in front my mother in 2010, and said all bones. I feel offended by my doctor behavior during that time.

I never had a doctor did that before to me. Usually, my doctors would tell me that I have a fast metabolism.

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post #17 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-28-2020, 07:38 PM
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Oops - I voted "no" reflexively (self denial)? Anyway, the answer should be yes

In 4th grade a classmate threatened to kick me with their boot for like a week. I only told the teacher after they went through with it. My mother was disappointed that I didn't grab the girl's hair and beat her up but I was too much of a pacifist back then. Even today I feel more badly for them that something troubled them enough to have that kind of behavior. What were their parents like? Was there domestic violence in the home? I think of things like that rather than get angry.

In middle school I was the only one who turned in the homework one day and someone took it from the bin! I handed things in to the teacher after that! The assignment took all weekend too... Still I am better off. I still have that same hardworking determination that has allowed me to be financially stable and independent today! If they kept up their laziness it surely didn't get them far...

And there was this one time in middle school when we were all sitting in our assigned seats. One of the more dramatic students wanted my spot so they could be closer to their friend. I told them I was uncomfortable with disobeying the teacher's seating chart and they got mad. They passed notes in a notebook to the person next to me several times to communicate secretly as the teacher spoke. At some point they handed the notebook off to the person without looking and the corner of the book hit me in the white of the eye!!! They acted like it was an accident and back then I was too naÔve to think it could have been on purpose. I didn't think it was a big deal until I looked in the mirror at home, pulled my lower eyelid and saw a small red mark!!! It healed quickly but thinking of it today makes me realize how evil some people are. For some the evil stays hidden below the surface and kept in check until something sets them off and it rears its ugly head. We are all sinners in need of forgiveness but some people make it more obvious.


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post #18 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-28-2020, 07:59 PM
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Quote:
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I suppose it depends on where you went to high school. I mean the kids in my HS weren't angels and could be mean or there could be fights or animosity between certain individuals or cliques. But I don't ever remember anyone being singled out for ongoing and repeated bullying. Most people generally just got along and usually just ignored anyone they didn't particularly like. I think it comes down to the cultural mores prevalent in a particular community, whether its a high school, a corporation or town. In my HS I feel like you'd be in a lot of trouble with both the administrators and the student body if you were a bully, someone would definitely come to your defense. It was absolutely not cool to treat people like that and would reflect poorly on the person doing the bullying. If anyone was a candidate to be bullied it was me, I was nerdy and weird, but always felt very comfortable and included in my HS. In fact I wish I could go back sometimes, lol. So maybe just comes down to different time different place making a big difference.
Yeah, it depends on a lot of things. Though I don't necessarily think you could know that it doesn't still happen just because you haven't observed it. If I get harassed by 20 different people (most of whom don't even consider what they're doing bullying, ofc) I'm aware of all 20 people harassing me; but they're only aware of their own interactions with me. So they only see 1/20th of what I see. What looks to you like "fights or animosity between certain individuals" might only be the tip of the iceberg. Ofc, I hope that you're right and that things are much better now than they used to be. All I know is that most people were probably not aware of the extent of bullying I experienced because I hid it from everyone. Abusers always threaten you with violence if you tell anyone about what they've done to you. This is standard stuff.

I grew up in a small, rural, redneck town in the 80s. Back then, being trans wasn't a thing. There were transvestites (men with a weird fetish), f*****s, and pedophiles/child molesters, and people basically considered them all the same thing. They were basically synonyms. If you were any one of those things, you were all of those things, and you were a pervert. That's just how people thought about it when I was growing up. You couldn't come out back then, because if you came out, people assumed that meant that you molested children. And people felt perfectly justified in talking about how they would kill a person like that if they ever met one. I heard stuff like that all the time. And because people suspected I was "queer", even though I never came out, they felt justified in making my life hell.

People threatened to kick my *** all the time. When guys harassed me in the halls (usually in groups of two or more), other students frequently encouraged them. The ones who didn't just looked the other way. Not one person ever stood up for me. (Though I stood up for myself every time.*) Teachers never intervened, but it's not like bullies threatened you in front of the teachers. And it's not like I could go to the teachers, because "snitches get stitches". (And the teachers wouldn't care anyway, since they didn't like queers, either.)

I used to take a different path home from school every day, and leave at different times, just to throw people off. I got jumped a couple of times (from behind, ofc). One guy held my arms behind my back while the other guy punched me in the stomach. Another guy punched me in the back of the head from behind and when I fell over he got down on top of me and kept hitting me. One guy (the town bully, who had a history of violent assault) threatened to kill me and stalked me for a couple of weeks, following me around in his car. (That guy beat up 3 of my friends a couple years later.)

Another time, a guy and about 7 or 8 of his friends took me and my friend out to a field so the guy could beat me up. He said if I fought back, they'd hurt my friend, so I just curled up in a ball and let him hit me until he got tired. He told me if I told anyone, they'd kill both of us. There's no one to turn to when the police and the school administration think the same way as everyone else. Cops don't care if some queer gets their *** beat. I "had it coming". Just like girls who wear skimpy clothing. So there was no way I was going to get the police or my parents involved. It would have made everything more dangerous. If I pointed my finger at one person, his friends would just beat me up as "payback". If it happened that my "secret" came out to my parents, they might have kicked me out of the house. (And they did kick me out when I was 18, when I dropped out of school, partly because I didn't feel safe there.) It was my parents who told me to stay away from the one "known queer" in town (who I met and who was very nice) because he "probably molested children".

Ofc, things are a lot better now, and I'm glad LGBT+ kids don't have to grow up the way I did, but that was the world I grew up in. I think people have trouble imagining what it was like. When I tell people about the stuff that happened to me, a lot of people don't seem to believe me. And maybe it would have been different in some place more progressive. But my experiences aren't atypical for trans people. Lots of trans people have gone through far worse than I ever have. I was never hospitalized or raped or murdered. But I probably would have been if I'd come out of the closet.

High school was hell. I hated pretty much every minute of it. And now I get to bask in the unrelenting anxiety of being afraid of pretty much every person I meet.

*One time, at a hs dance, a bunch of preppy kids and their gfs came up to me and my friends and the head prep made some comment about us being homosexuals (because we weren't dancing with girls, I guess). I asked him if he was jealous and wanted to cut in. That kind of pissed him off, and he made some kind of comment about how they had 'ladies' to dance with (which made them straight, I guess). And I told him all I could see were a bunch of skanks. Which didn't go over very well. Man was he pissed. He told me he was going to kick my *** after the dance (ofc) so I snuck out a little early. Ngl, my big mouth definitely made matters worse, but at least I don't have to live with regret about not standing up for myself. I did the best I could, within reason.

Is it just me or is it getting crazier out there.
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post #19 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-28-2020, 08:11 PM
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post #20 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-29-2020, 12:15 PM
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I still do. It's because it's hard for me to ignore things and not react. Bullies love getting a reaction.
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