Your finest dumbass moments?
Anyone ever let themselves go at times without even thinking? Ever gone through a short conversation and surprised yourself with how daft you sometimes have the tendency to be? Is it generally social anxiety which influences this or do you otherwise consider yourself to be an intelligent person?
Sometimes I'm not so sure what to think. I tend to keep away from most people these days as I feel a perpetual inadequacy whenever I open my mouth, but inequity in intelligence levels really comes to the fore at times as I often find myself tangled in the usual family banter. My younger two half-siblings have a very intelligent mother from a collectively intelligent family and quite often I can't help but to feel like trash when I stack myself up against the genetics and the wiring they have. Sure, it's not all genetics, but given the evidence of my biological mother's side of the family being more than a few fries short of a happy meal, it's definitely hard to not instinctively make the connection.
I'll give you a prime example of my mental inadequacy and slowness in the spirit of the thread title anyway.
This afternoon I sat together with my mother and younger half sister and watched The Green Mile. During a moment of silence I was suddenly struck by the inspiration to offer up a fact about one of the leading roles, Michael Clarke-Duncan. I had mentioned how he passed from complications of a heart attack in 2012 and my mother not knowing which character the actor was pointed to the screen and asked, 'Who? John Coffey?' and I said, 'No, Michael Clarke-Duncan'. It was one of those moments where that inner voice immediately says, 'you ****ing idiot' as you try not to notice your younger half-sister looking across to her mother and smirking.
I don't even know why I don't bother catching myself half the time. I know that this kind of daftness is ultimately the ruling factor in my SA and really one of the biggest causes for overall social anxiety and not wanting to be around people or really do anything normal people do at all. I also feel that there is an obsession with intelligence in our society that often leads to the alienation and isolation of those who don't fit into the dominant narrative.
Eh, whatever. Those I've spoken to in the past about this just trivialise it and tell me I'm being stupid. I guess they are right on that.
No one will talk to me, they tend to go. Their faces say there's something I should know