Why do people think having friends is a must in life - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-27-2019, 08:16 PM Thread Starter
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Why do people think having friends is a must in life


I was talking to a coworker and she asked if I had any friends and I said no. I actually do have a few but I dont make any effort to hang out with them so I just said no. She acted like I was an alien and told me that not having friends was the saddest thing ever.

First of all, I hate feeling obligated to do things. If I had lots of friends, Id have to constantly make up excuses not to do things with them because I have no interest whatsoever in hanging out with random people. Unless theres sex involved and its with a female, Id rather just spend my precious time alone doing things I love. I guess that concept is just so ****ing hard to understand to normies.

Dont you guys get fed up with others assuming you live a sad life just because youre not constantly talking with lots of stupid humans around you?

It takes me a long time to actually like and care for someone so unless I really like the company of somebody, Im happy living my life the way it is.

My theory is that so many people these days (including some on here, apparently) get their happiness from others whereas my happiness comes from my hobbies, state of mind etc.

Sometimes I feel like I need to write a book explaining my ideologies and studies to people so they can analyze it.

Rant over, yall.



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post #2 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-27-2019, 08:40 PM
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Yeah that kinda irks me too. Those people who ack like is the saddest thing ever are morons who think everyone should be just like them. Nothing wrong with being social and hanging out with friends/ people of course. But there's also nothing wrong with being alone and doing your own thing if that's what you/we choose to do with our time.
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post #3 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-27-2019, 08:52 PM Thread Starter
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Yeah that kinda irks me too. Those people who ack like is the saddest thing ever are morons who think everyone should be just like them. Nothing wrong with being social and hanging out with friends/ people of course. But there's also nothing wrong with being alone and doing your own thing if that's what you/we choose to do with our time.
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Exactly.. not everyone wants to have people around them all the time. If someones happiness revolves around other people then cool but thats not my happiness. And it has nothing to do with being antisocial because Im very social when I have to be but I dont feel like **** I feel I dont hang out with people every day.



I've been seeking happiness for years.
I've lived in hiding from the darkness.
I've spent so many hours in question.
I've prayed that God finds me soon.
Only to realize I must find myself.
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post #4 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-27-2019, 09:31 PM
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I don't think most people get introverts. A lot of people feel energised by hanging out with random people and also find friendships easily because they meet lots of people so they don't get what it's like to not want to bother with superficial interactions.

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post #5 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-28-2019, 01:49 AM
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People confuse their personal preferences for universal preferences all the time. Even I do it, and I try to avoid it. It's a very easy mistake to make, because our own preferences usually seem very obviously sensible and "correct" to us.

That two people can feel completely differently about the same experience, and that they can both be correct, is an extremely hard thing for many people to grasp, ime.

The best things in life are free, but so are the worst things. And you need money to avoid those.
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post #6 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-28-2019, 04:06 AM
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Most have been institutionalised, it's not their fault, society is like Homer with the box, wear the box long enough & everything outside it becomes scary & weird.







And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
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post #7 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-28-2019, 08:11 AM
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Well I would say most people expect others to have friends basically because it's a societal norm. It's like anything else - getting a job, having a gf/bf, getting married, moving away from the family home. If someone doesn't do or have these things it indicates an abnormality. Most people don't like abnormalities and see them as a warning sign.

It doesn't seem particularly surprising to me at all.
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post #8 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-28-2019, 08:30 AM
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Because that's what they're supposed to think.

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post #9 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-28-2019, 08:38 AM
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I don't know if people view it as sad per say but there is this general sort of notion that you must be a little strange not to have any. However I've meet a few people who are weirded out by my lack of a social circle...but I'm always floored when they're anxious to do things independently. I.e the people who are quick to judge me negatively are always scared to be alone I've noticed. When I was a little younger I'd often go on break at work alone and browse around or sit on a bench enjoying the day. Completely content. However my coworker at the time remarked it was such a "loner" thing to do, which didn't really phase me....I just found it ignorant that she was attempting to insult me but it looked to me sad on her end that to be able to sit on a bench and enjoy life she needed someone else with her. I understand the importance of friends and having connections, though I've always been poor at it, so I'm not going to say it's better to be alone. Because my take is that having people in your life, and loving others, is important....but I also think it's important to be comfortable with yourself.

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post #10 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-28-2019, 09:15 AM
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There's no obligation in friendship. If you're making excuses, that's not a friend at all -- a friend is fine with the truth that you don't feel like going out. And there are no random people unless you choose that -- if they only hang out with you in company, they're your acquaintance, not your friend. A friend is someone to do the things you love with, and someone to learn new things to love from and grow who you are. Without them, there are many things you'll never discover.

It is sad when you reject something you clearly don't understand.

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post #11 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-28-2019, 11:55 AM
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I'm not sure why you expected her to respond differently. When you blatantly shun social norms that's about the reaction I'd expect. I make it a point to divulge as few details about my personal life as possible and I never pry into the personal lives of others. I doubt this attitude has ingratiated me towards coworkers in the past but I don't care. I have no patience or stamina for petty social games and office politics. That being said, I agree that having friends is highly overrated.
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post #12 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-28-2019, 01:47 PM
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https://www.quietrev.com/6-illustrat...troverts-head/





Quote:
Human faces may hold more meaning for socially outgoing individuals than for their more introverted counterparts, a new study suggests.

The results show the brains of extroverts pay more attention to human faces than do introverts. In fact, introverts' brains didn't seem to distinguish between inanimate objects and human faces.

The findings might partly explain why extroverts are more motivated to seek the company of others than are introverts, or why a particularly shy person might rather hang out with a good book than a group of friends.

The study also adds weight to idea that underlying neural differences in people's brains contribute to their personality.
https://www.livescience.com/8500-bra...al-prefer.html



It seems mostly linked to sensory processing abnormalities/sensitivity. A small number of people go on to be creatively gifted etc and it keeps the neurotype around despite the downsides in modern society (but I suspect it will be selected out of the gene pool soon.)

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3409988/

Quote:
The highly sensitive (HS) trait is a recently proposed human trait, found in up to 20 % of the population,[1] which allows to process information deeper than usual.[2] This trait makes HS people more prone to arousal, especially after exposure to sense stressors such as bright lights, loud noise, strong smells as well as dense and chaotic environments.[1] This people may process, at the same time, larger amounts of sensory information than usual, making this trait an excellent model to pick up subtle environmental details and cues. However, they feel easily worn out, overwhelmed and exhausted because they sense every single detail while interacting with their environment.[3,4] To recover from such attainable sensory overload, these individuals require more quiet time daily to be alone, as well as additional longer sleep times than those without the HS trait.[3–5] Further, the HS trait correlates with higher perception, consciousness, inventiveness, imagination and creativity.[1] Therefore, a relationship between higher sensory processing sensitivity, introversion, ectomorphism and creativity is proposed, which may have strong neurobiological and behavioral implications in developing rural areas, mostly in those under social conflict.
There are a number of disorders that have been created that are highly linked to this like the anxiety disorders, autism, schizophrenia spectrum, ADHD. All involve sensory processing abnormalities, hypo or hypermentalising and not differentiating adequately between objects and people. Leads to behaviour/outcomes like stimming, body focused repetitive behaviour (bfrbs,) hoarding, addiction/obsession, avoidance behaviour, objectophilia, zoophilia, attention/motivation problems, psychosis, creativity (from connecting abstract ideas together,) daydreaming, not tolerating change well, skinny nerds.


The only thing 'normies' if you will want to keep around is the cool idea/technological development part the rest freaks them out. I mean tbf to them on the one hand you get great artists/inventors and Einstein, but you also get Hitler and all the schizotypal serial killers (not the Ted Bundy's, normies get credit for that one and the basic psychopaths.)

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post #13 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-28-2019, 10:41 PM Thread Starter
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Well I would say most people expect others to have friends basically because it's a societal norm. It's like anything else - getting a job, having a gf/bf, getting married, moving away from the family home. If someone doesn't do or have these things it indicates an abnormality. Most people don't like abnormalities and see them as a warning sign.

It doesn't seem particularly surprising to me at all.
In that case, everything about me is abnormal. Ill die the way I am and Ill be happy to because theres no escape from your own DNA.



I've been seeking happiness for years.
I've lived in hiding from the darkness.
I've spent so many hours in question.
I've prayed that God finds me soon.
Only to realize I must find myself.
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post #14 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-28-2019, 11:18 PM Thread Starter
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There's no obligation in friendship. If you're making excuses, that's not a friend at all -- a friend is fine with the truth that you don't feel like going out. And there are no random people unless you choose that -- if they only hang out with you in company, they're your acquaintance, not your friend. A friend is someone to do the things you love with, and someone to learn new things to love from and grow who you are. Without them, there are many things you'll never discover.

It is sad when you reject something you clearly don't understand.
I understand friendship clearly. I have a few friends but I never make an effort to hang out with them. We have a lot in common but time is precious. If I had the choice of spending time alone and buying things for me or spending time with friends Id choose the me time. Also, when I do spend time with others, its either my dad or brother/sister. Like I said before, its hard for me to actually care for others who are not related to me. Most friends Ive had in the past became enemies because our egos got in the way. But I do know exactly what friendship is all about. Im just a ****ty friend to have.



I've been seeking happiness for years.
I've lived in hiding from the darkness.
I've spent so many hours in question.
I've prayed that God finds me soon.
Only to realize I must find myself.
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post #15 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-28-2019, 11:58 PM
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Angry

Not Allowed into a venue


if unaccompanied

invited by friends saying we playing tonight here... yep, i going

blocked by bouncers

WHERE YAA FRIENDS??? "INNN THERE!!!" BUT they not wiv ya! WEEEE can't see 'em!

social mechanisms

no rational logical processes work.

fear clumsy stupid humanoid laws.

police ganged up across road. i beg their assistance. police always respect me
bouncers mystify i intoxicated. breath test! police refuse by "WEEE CAN'T!!"
all's up to the bouncers
locked up overnight in cell because i was unwilling to leave the venue

exactly same happened summer
many years later back to hometown with wide open swimming pool with no walls or roof where i lived right next to. as ever a venue to been to so much my life!

why forbid AgaIN???
no children/family?? not alllowwwed!!! "CANNN UUU YOU SWIM?????"
YEP


all same

all life doing jobs same as advertised
LETT MEEEE do what i DO!

not allowed if not doing exactly that today!

SCRAMBLED SOCIETY Anything designed to prevent. Nothing evva possible
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post #16 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2019, 01:13 AM
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I think there are generally more extroverts than introverts. And most extroverts will tend to think others are just like themselves. Thus they will have the assumption that people with little to no friends or social life, they will be miserable and depressed. Because they will see themselves being miserable and depressed without a social circle.

Although in the real world, the hard truth is, most opportunities are tied to social networking and social connections and hookups. So I do think friendships in this regard is crucial and necessary, if you wish to thrive.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.

If I fail to adapt to the fault of others, it is my fault.
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post #17 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2019, 03:24 AM
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I think I'm more miserable if I have to be a part of a boring discussion in a group that is forced together because of social dynamics rather than personal interests, than if I'm alone in pretty much any situation.

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post #18 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2019, 12:46 PM
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I mean I'd like to have friends and stuff but I will never understand why people think it's so weird. No one keeps friends anyways so they must be lying to you and themselves when they say it's weird.


What even is a friend? Cause I havent had friends I hung out with since I was 11. I think I have some mental disorder that repels people from wanting to hang out with me cause I have never been able to make a friend you can hang out with. I don't count acquaintances. Those aren't people that would really want to be your friend anyways.

I dont even know what having a friend is like as an adult. That's how long I've gone without one. It's so pointless cause I hear of all these stories of people that say they have friends and 9 times out of 10 they don't seem like a good friend or someone you'd actually call a friend so idk.
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post #19 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2019, 01:35 PM
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I've been on both sides where I've had no friends, and several friends. I can tell you as nice as it is to be alone, experiences with other people and the feeling associated with it is something you can't get all by yourself.

Having a few, close friends where you can tell them anything is best IMO, vs having many friends at just a surface level.

Sounds like - if you wanted a friend - you would need a friend or 2 who gets that and wouldn't constantly push you to socialize.

The world is quiet here.
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post #20 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-29-2019, 01:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wmu'14 View Post
I've been on both sides where I've had no friends, and several friends. I can tell you as nice as it is to be alone, experiences with other people and the feeling associated with it is something you can't get all by yourself.

Having a few, close friends where you can tell them anything is best IMO, vs having many friends at just a surface level.

Sounds like - if you wanted a friend - you would need a friend or 2 who gets that and wouldn't constantly push you to socialize.
So have I. And I agree - having friends is better.

I had quite a few when I was younger. Good friends - not just acquintances. People that you could talk to about literally anything and that you felt comfortable around. We used to go out a lot together and we knew each other very well.

I've isolated myself a lot lately - I even pushed a few of those close friends away, plus I moved a thousand miles away from them so that made it harder to stay in touch. But it was mostly me, a combination of anxiety and poor mental health plus a number of other things.

I need to try and get back to how I was before because living like this is soul-destroying.
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