Who else is starting to accept that they will always be alone? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-16-2016, 02:55 AM Thread Starter
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Who else is starting to accept that they will always be alone?


At 20.5 and still a kissless virgin, a feeling of total hopelessness is starting to take over my mind. I've made huge strides as a person over the past few years, but I just feel like I am too stunted to have any hope of finding a girl. I feel like any possible encounter would have to be totally lead by the girl, which is obviously fairly unlikely. I have extreme rejection fears, and the idea of expressing interest in a girl makes me wilt up with anxiety.

I don't know, I just don't know what I can do anymore. I have a dark fear that my brain might be too jaded at this point to enjoy having a girlfriend anyway.

The other problem is my phobia of associating with someone on an intimate level. Sex, and other physical stuff is okay, but I just have a fear of "letting someone into my life". I have talked about it before- my mask of normality that I project constantly. I feel like I could never become emotionally intimate with a girl because sooner or later, she would see through my mask.

The numb but easy option of just giving up is starting to become more attractive by the day.
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-16-2016, 03:13 AM
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at 20 you still have time, 30 is the deadline

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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-16-2016, 03:16 AM
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I'm so ****ing lonely I just can't take it anymore.
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-16-2016, 03:19 AM
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That's why they have virtual girlfriends for people like us.
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-16-2016, 05:42 AM
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I have zero social contacts so it's ****ing hopeless for me.
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-16-2016, 05:45 AM
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Hey I was 21 when I had my first kiss. It's never too late bro.
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-16-2016, 09:59 AM
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No I will never give up on love, when we give up we die maybe not physically but definitely mentally and emotionally.

I had a 5 year relationship end with my ex was kind of blind sided by it but should have saw it coming. She wanted to get married I didn't yet because we couldn't afford it and logically was immature ideas at the time. We lived within walking distance to each other and her life was good actually, still she was unhappy without me living in her studio(hanging out 2-3x a week wasn't enough). So she left me, joined the military and then got married to her old friend from 5 years ago (right before we got together), dated him for 2 months then married him during her 10 day vacation from bootcamp graduation.

Now shes struggling, supporting him finacially(hes 4 years older than me), shes unhappy, controlled with military for 6 year contract and stuck on low enlisted rank.

It hurt me a lot but I cannot give up. Love is out there again for me and there is many beautiful women in the world out there that will appreciate you and value you. Just stay in the positive mindset and work on bettering yourself each day even if its only 1% better than yesterday.

Stay strong!

Whatever it takes.. this is what I want. I will bring it to life. When you have commited to do whatever it takes then you by definition are unstoppable
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-16-2016, 10:23 AM
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im 17 and i dont see my self ever socially active so no females IMPOSSIBLE
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-16-2016, 10:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SadnessAndDespair View Post
At 20.5 and still a kissless virgin, a feeling of total hopelessness is starting to take over my mind. I've made huge strides as a person over the past few years, but I just feel like I am too stunted to have any hope of finding a girl. I feel like any possible encounter would have to be totally lead by the girl, which is obviously fairly unlikely. I have extreme rejection fears, and the idea of expressing interest in a girl makes me wilt up with anxiety.

I don't know, I just don't know what I can do anymore. I have a dark fear that my brain might be too jaded at this point to enjoy having a girlfriend anyway.

The other problem is my phobia of associating with someone on an intimate level. Sex, and other physical stuff is okay, but I just have a fear of "letting someone into my life". I have talked about it before- my mask of normality that I project constantly. I feel like I could never become emotionally intimate with a girl because sooner or later, she would see through my mask.

The numb but easy option of just giving up is starting to become more attractive by the day.

Fear of intimacy is a very real thing, and in my experience it doesn't go away with age. Or. Experience. And it doesn't just apply to women, though if you're a guy and you bring up fear of intimacy issues you're likely to get laughed out of the room. I talk to my therapist about this from time to time. I don't like to talk about it but she makes me go there sometimes. It's really all about trust and letting someone in. I'm 45 years old. I'm not talking about experience, just about the here and now...and I'm single. I'm a 45 year old twice-divorced father of three who is in therapy and on meds, and is single. as. ***. I am just as single as the 18 year old virgins on this website right now lmfao.


Looking back I think it's actually harder to trust the older you get. Imo the more experience you have and the more relationships you've been in, the harder it is to let someone in. Imo you start to learn why you should not trust people. You begin to understand how your heart can get broken, and why, and...that not everyone out there has the best intentions. Some people have...really...cruel intentions.
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-16-2016, 11:02 AM
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Well I will say this, even though I get SA very rarely lately and am much more outgoing and confident, there is a point at which even if you can get dates and talk to girls, your going to have a real problem if you were as bad as I used to be for so long. The problem is the gaping hole in your life from years of severe SA. Were talking about a whole decade you did nothing while the girl you are not sitting with on a date has done tons and is know talking about another adventure she went. I think by around age 25-26 is when the trouble would start and by the time your in your early 30's it's 100 times worse and very close to a complete loss.
You on the other hand have never traveled, have no ex gf's to talk about and so even a simple little question like how long was your longest relationship forces you down one of two paths both not very appealing. You tell the truth, she finds this extremely strange and you soon never hear from her again. The second option is you have to start to tell what you rationalize in your head are small lies you have to tell and you only when absolutely necessary and only until she gets to like you enough that she won't bolt when you tell you had a problem with anxiety for a while. It's very stressful and you never know if you've gone too far and and lied too much or told too big a whopper. Sometimes you even start to dread talking to her even though you really enjoy it because what if another question comes up. Either you won't stop lying and actually lie more and more or you stop lying and then you look boring because you never have even one life story to tell.

That is my problem lately. I have to keep making small lies because I spent 5 years a complete shut in and almost 10 more with very limited social interaction. I've basically done nothing all my life, and it's starting to haunt me and cause trouble. If you get disability for mental health you have to figure out that too. I actually have what I consider in my head a small business that I just say makes ore money then it does.

You have to hide your meds and try to never let it slip that your kind of crazy and are just recovering from a nervous breakdown.

It's so stressful and I am almost sure will fail eventually it almost wants to make you try and find a half decent looking drug addict in recovery who also has done nothing with her life except drugs just so you don't have to keep lying anymore.

Life Shrinks and Expands in Proportion to one's courage

-Anais Nin-

Last edited by InFlames; 02-16-2016 at 11:06 AM. Reason: misspelling
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