Who do you blame more: yourself or others? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-15-2020, 03:09 PM
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It's more the situation than anything. I have a personality disorder and I exist in a society that doesn't really understand or accommodate people with that disorder. My physiology and psychology are F'd beyond repair and society hasn't really come up with a way to truly assist/support/remediate defective individuals. Hopefully things will be better in 100 years or so once we've developed gene therapies and the like to prevent most human afflictions, and society in general is more advanced and less ignorant.

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post #22 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-15-2020, 10:57 PM
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I always blame myself...
And sometimes others too...

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #23 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-16-2020, 02:32 AM
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Combination of both. Although as I got older, I like to say I've gotten better at looking at things more factually to correctly determine which one to blame.

While having had to deal with various difficult and unreasonable people and also growing up with an abusive narcissist, this is usually a struggle.

What goes up, will inevitably come back down. Whoever you have to step on when you go up, you will be at their mercy when you go down.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #24 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-16-2020, 09:15 AM
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Depends on the context I guess. For misery I would say that's my fault because other people can be happy in any conditions depending on their neurochemistry etc. I also hate myself but think I have good reasons for doing so, I wouldn't like myself if I was someone else either. I also don't like other people often for a number of reasons.

I suppose I do blame my parents in the sense that they're not normal people they have numerous issues. As a result of that both my brother and me have issues, I can see many of those issues in my parents especially my dad. They chose to have kids together when they shouldn't have, it would be silly to not acknowledge that. Many of my worst traits come from my dad. It's kind of done now though so nothing can be done about it.

The only thing to be done now is for me not to have kids, but that's pretty easy lol since it's basically not an option for me.

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post #25 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-16-2020, 04:16 PM
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No matter what happens I always blame myself. I can't help it. I start overthinking everything and saying everything is my fault. It makes everything somehow easier as I feel I can have some control over them.

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post #26 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-17-2020, 09:24 PM
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It varies. Sometimes it’s self-flagellation where I dwell on time and opportunities I wasted. Other times I blame my parents for genetically passing to me a neurotic, avoidant and awkward personality. Still other times I blame this collapsing society of excessive technology use and lack of community.
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post #27 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-18-2020, 12:35 AM
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I don't believe in free will, so I don't assign blame to anyone. Doesn't keep me from feeling angry and spiteful, because unfortunately I'm not a robot. I suppose within the narrow context of my own 33 years of existence, I was always "special", and not in any good way. And when you already can't fit in or conform to expectations at early childhood, well... your life's going to be derailed and keep careering the wrong way to the point where it's a totally lost cause by the time you're supposed to be a functioning adult.

I'd blame my parents for creating me when they didn't know for a fact that they could care for me indefinitely, or that I'd be able to care for myself indefinitely as an adult, but the truth is, they were only acting based on their flawed upbringing and genetics, and so were their parents, and so it goes all the way to the dawn of time. At least I can take comfort in the fact that this cycle of misery ends with me.
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post #28 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-19-2020, 05:31 AM
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Myself


Why would I blame others? In the end, it's my response to others that's the problem.

Bad people will always exist and it's the same for people who inherently don't like me. That's just a fact of life. You can't get along with everyone.

One can wish and demand that people should be nice to everyone all the time but we don't work like that. People are complex.

I let people get to me and refuse to move past it. Really, it's me getting in the way of me. I let myself drown in hate, fear, doubt, envy, etc.

Though I have always made it my practice to be pleasant to everybody, I have not once actually experienced friendship. I have only the most painful recollections of my various acquaintances ..."
― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human
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post #29 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-21-2020, 09:27 PM
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post #30 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-22-2020, 04:24 PM
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Myself ....sometimes fate/God.
Sometimes I look up and ask the Universe why I was given such a poor understandings of social situations.
Why was I made so resistant to having a high self-esteem.
Social interactions which feel normal for others feel like SAT exam for me.
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post #31 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-22-2020, 06:52 PM
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I blame myself for not being able to adapt to others in social settings, as it just doesn't come naturally.

I blame others for not understanding me. For thinking I am a fool when I know my issue is social and, therefore, it makes me look dumb around others and the label is put on you. It's not impossible to get their "approval" but do you need it?

It's a tough spot to get caught in.
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post #32 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-23-2020, 11:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fixxer View Post
I blame myself for not being able to adapt to others in social settings, as it just doesn't come naturally.

I blame others for not understanding me. For thinking I am a fool when I know my issue is social and, therefore, it makes me look dumb around others and the label is put on you. It's not impossible to get their "approval" but do you need it?

It's a tough spot to get caught in.
A lot of what you say resonates with me buddy. Yep. Different strokes...same problem
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post #33 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-23-2020, 01:14 PM
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Myself solely, which is a bit egotistical and perhaps narcissistic.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

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post #34 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-23-2020, 02:50 PM
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i guess the blame lies with the cause, which is society/parents and of course the universe and the way facts of life and how life functions. i don't understand blaming myself for things that happen to myself. i mean if i do blame myself then i blame the causes that made myself, which again is society and my parents and the facts of life and so on. which is why its dumb to get into your head too much an hate yourself or others etc. since it just boils down to the fact that i am upset because the universe is the way it is. blame is like the science of emotions - looking for causes, but emotionally, dumbly. which isn't to say that i don't exist very dumbly. i blame my flatmates for my unhappiness, which is to say i blame the way i interact with them and their behavior and society and the universe lol. which reminds me of that quote.

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What need is there to weep over parts of life? The whole of it calls for tears
i could just blame myself for functioning the way i do and not just feeling intense pleasure 24/7. but yeah when it comes to actual spending time thinking/feeling "you did this to me" etc, its generally my flatmates these days, sometimes my colleagues/boss, and before it was my parents. i don't spend time sitting in my room hating myself.

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. ― Mother Teresa
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