Who do you blame more: yourself or others? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-13-2020, 03:18 AM Thread Starter
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Who do you blame more: yourself or others?


I'm assuming a lot of people here feel miserable.

Who do you blame more for your misery though (or discontent, if misery doesn't feel right to you):

1. yourself?

2. other people: parents, community, the world, etc?

something bland and boring
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post #2 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-13-2020, 03:57 AM
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post #3 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-13-2020, 04:28 AM
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I'm a determinist. I don't really blame anyone. I can't help but be what I am and other people can't help but be what they are. All you can do is try your best to avoid the dangerous animals.

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post #4 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-13-2020, 06:19 AM
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Myself. Very hard to deal with that critical voice, and I don't think that is unusual, even in the non depressed. Pretty much everyone has a brutal critical voice, unless you take significant steps to counter it.

Talk to myself way more harshly than I would to a friend. I am way way better now, than I used to be, though, because I have spend god knows how much time spamming myself with compassion meditations and trying to tweak my thinking. Still very very self critical, and have let it slide recently, though.

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https://balancedminds.com/audio/
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post #5 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-13-2020, 10:34 AM
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I think it's basically a 50/50 thing for me. If I'm not pointing the finger at others, then I'm blaming myself and cursing my own foolishness. I won't tell you who I blame for my problems, because ultimately I believe you can't blame anyone. Everything is caused by other things and so on and so forth.

But, yeah, when I'm in that angry mindset of blame, it's generally a 50/50 thing for me.
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post #6 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-13-2020, 10:39 AM
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Not really who, what, I blame mother nature & the universe for creating the conditions for such a hideous beast as myself to exist<a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/lol.gif" border="0" alt="" title="" >:-)</a>... Seriously 4 billion years of evolution






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Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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post #7 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-13-2020, 12:39 PM
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Both, the resentment that I harbor towards my parent (just one) mirrors that of the resentment i carry within. The vitriol experienced I can take and reproduce within myself. It gets bad, so I try to keep it in check. I'm just so used to resenting and fuming that its second nature, even though with some people there's really no point to it. Pick your battles, I guess.
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post #8 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-13-2020, 12:49 PM
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I blame myself for every aspect in my life that I fail to succeed in or maintain. However, when I accomplish things, I firstly thank God for helping me and then I thank myself.

The world is harsh because although there may be an entity overlooking the bigger picture, we are fully responsible for what we can or canít do. Some people are physically weak, others are physically strong. Some are mentally weak and others are mentally strong. The world is a free fall.
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post #9 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-13-2020, 01:13 PM
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Hard to say. I would say I blame a mixture of uncontrollable life events but I'm not sure I can blame an event.

My parents homeschooled me, and I think a lot of my awkwardness comes from a minimal social life that included other awkward socially out of touch homeschoolers. I don't really hold it against them, but I never really learned to process rejection well or to be okay expressing myself. They also pretty much taught me that pretty much anything that wasn't Christian was bad, so I've spent my adult life bursting that bubble. I also think they never gave me a space to process feelings well--more or less I think my family pretty much all shove things deep down until we burst. Not healthy, and I actually feel like I'm more mentally unstable than they are socially because of how I was raised. I don't feel equipped to deal with the world.

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post #10 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-13-2020, 01:20 PM
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Myself only. I'm responsible for the position I'm in, and I don't have the energy or ability to get myself out of it.


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post #11 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-13-2020, 08:17 PM
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theres one of me and 7.5 billion others. soooooo....

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. ― Mother Teresa
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post #12 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-14-2020, 03:58 AM
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Technically I don't really "blame" anyone for my predicament - even myself. Although that's not quite true because it's my shortcomings/mental health problems that have put me in this predicament.

It's certainly no-one else's fault - no-one's doing anything as far as I can see to hold me down nor have they ever done. I did a pretty good job of that myself.
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post #13 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-14-2020, 10:50 PM
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Neither. It's just bad luck that I've been born to grow up under the specific set of circumstances that shaped my personality to become the person that I am now.
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post #14 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-15-2020, 09:51 AM
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post #15 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-15-2020, 10:02 AM
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Hard to say. I would say I blame a mixture of uncontrollable life events but I'm not sure I can blame an event.
Hard to say for me as well. I was certainly not born into the best family situation. Witnessed any lot of fighting between my parents and suffered a great deal of verbal abuse as well. Genetically I have a family history of anxiety / mental issues as well as alcoholism. So I had a lot to overcome which was out of my control.

Looking back could I have handled things a whole lot better and made better decisions? Hell yes!
I think my anxiety and the way my parents raised me affected my decision making in a negative way as well. If you grow up with a anxiety disorder that was not treated and grow up in a negative enviroment it does not set you up to have the knowledge to make the best decisions.

I compare life to a poker game. I was dealt a bad hand but sometimes you can win with a bad hand. Thats what im trying to do.

So Im a victim of chance but I wish I had made better choices in response to my circumstances.
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post #16 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-15-2020, 10:46 AM
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I blame every damn body. Except for people I like.
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post #17 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-15-2020, 12:01 PM
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Quote:
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Quote:
Originally Posted by donistired View Post
Hard to say. I would say I blame a mixture of uncontrollable life events but I'm not sure I can blame an event.
Hard to say for me as well. I was certainly not born into the best family situation. Witnessed any lot of fighting between my parents and suffered a great deal of verbal abuse as well. Genetically I have a family history of anxiety / mental issues as well as alcoholism. So I had a lot to overcome which was out of my control.

Looking back could I have handled things a whole lot better and made better decisions? Hell yes!
I think my anxiety and the way my parents raised me affected my decision making in a negative way as well. If you grow up with a anxiety disorder that was not treated and grow up in a negative enviroment it does not set you up to have the knowledge to make the best decisions.

I compare life to a poker game. I was dealt a bad hand but sometimes you can win with a bad hand. Thats what im trying to do.

So Im a victim of chance but I wish I had made better choices in response to my circumstances.
The whole who to blame thing for me is like "well, if I am to blame, and I am solely responsible for myself, then it only matters how I treat myself and not anyone else" and suddenly I can't, with a stretch of imagination acknowledge there's injustice in the world. I can't acknowledge the tragedy of traumatic event and life circumstance. Not acknowledging that is like a disservice, not just to the people who never "make it out," but to the people who give everything just to make out of their own hell and barley make it. When it takes mental fortitude just to stay alive, that's a strong person in my mind.

On the other hand, if I say, "I blame anything but myself" then it's like I'm saying I have no responsibility in my life choices and everything is owed to me.

In my mind, these aren't just mental health narratives, these are also people's political narratives--it's not just what they believe about themselves, it's how they socially engage and treat other people and why people prefer certain policies.

I never want to turn that part of my brain off that says: someone out there just got a truly terrible hand in life that significantly decreased the probability of them getting out of a terrible mental state and life circumstance (vice versa). Partly, maybe selfishly, because I want people to tolerate me.

I think, a lot of us here are only capable of lifelong, incremental changes for the better. But I can, with my imagination, sometimes think that I can get better in terms of my mental health. It's just never going to be as fast as I like, and not everyone will tolerate me as I am right now. I know one thing, I can't move at all when I abuse myself by hating myself.

Life's Wack
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post #18 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-15-2020, 12:16 PM
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I blame myself and I take responsibility for my setbacks. I didn't make very good decisions. I could blame my parents, my learning issues, bullies at school but its on me. There are external life situations that make having the life I wish I could have impossible but I have to take the hand that's been dealt me.

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post #19 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-15-2020, 12:26 PM
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I was a young helpless child during my emotional development and when my self identify was created. I don't blame myself. I don't blame anyone else either. There are so many internal and external factors that led to my emotional problems, I wouldn't know who or what to blame.

- Strong
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post #20 of 34 (permalink) Old 11-15-2020, 01:15 PM
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The world. Itís a ****ed up place and why I want to stay home most of the time.
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