Hard to say. I would say I blame a mixture of uncontrollable life events but I'm not sure I can blame an event.
Hard to say for me as well. I was certainly not born into the best family situation. Witnessed any lot of fighting between my parents and suffered a great deal of verbal abuse as well. Genetically I have a family history of anxiety / mental issues as well as alcoholism. So I had a lot to overcome which was out of my control.
Looking back could I have handled things a whole lot better and made better decisions? Hell yes!
I think my anxiety and the way my parents raised me affected my decision making in a negative way as well. If you grow up with a anxiety disorder that was not treated and grow up in a negative enviroment it does not set you up to have the knowledge to make the best decisions.
I compare life to a poker game. I was dealt a bad hand but sometimes you can win with a bad hand. Thats what im trying to do.
So Im a victim of chance but I wish I had made better choices in response to my circumstances.
The whole who to blame thing for me is like "well, if I am to blame, and I am solely responsible for myself, then it only matters how I treat myself and not anyone else" and suddenly I can't, with a stretch of imagination acknowledge there's injustice in the world. I can't acknowledge the tragedy of traumatic event and life circumstance. Not acknowledging that is like a disservice, not just to the people who never "make it out," but to the people who give everything just to make out of their own hell and barley make it. When it takes mental fortitude just to stay alive, that's a strong person in my mind.
On the other hand, if I say, "I blame anything but myself" then it's like I'm saying I have no responsibility in my life choices and everything is owed to me.
In my mind, these aren't just mental health narratives, these are also people's political narratives--it's not just what they believe about themselves, it's how they socially engage and treat other people and why people prefer certain policies.
I never want to turn that part of my brain off that says: someone out there just got a truly terrible hand in life that significantly decreased the probability of them getting out of a terrible mental state and life circumstance (vice versa). Partly, maybe selfishly, because I want people to tolerate me.
I think, a lot of us here are only capable of lifelong, incremental changes for the better. But I can, with my imagination, sometimes think that I can get better in terms of my mental health. It's just never going to be as fast as I like, and not everyone will tolerate me as I am right now. I know one thing, I can't move at all when I abuse myself by hating myself.