When people just suddenly stop talking to you... - Page 7 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #121 of 126 (permalink) Old 11-09-2014, 10:13 AM
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Originally Posted by sad vlad View Post
If I write once and they do not reply to me I never contact them again. If it was someone really special to me I would do it once on few means of communication or twice on same. If no reply, I will never contact that person again.
In both cases I will assume that person no longer enjoys my company and that it is all dead.
This. I stopped chasing friendships a long time ago, it must be a mutual thing. I used to have a few bouts of awesomeness or being entertaining to interact with, and some people actually miraculously claim they miss me or attempt to reconnect. /shrug

I'm guiltly of cutting people off by fading away, I for the most part assume they're better off without my cynicism, negativity, apathy and boredom. I often place up a facade of optimism and happiness yet it slowly crumbles away. I attempt foolhardedly to joke around a lot and not take life too seriously and share laughs and yet deep down inside I'm always in constant pain, a brooding depression. Humans are more intuitive than we give them credit for sometimes and they can sense certain vibes. Obviously our social awkwardness will get in the way as well and miscommunication will cause them to jump to conclusions and thus not want to associate with you.

Also your reputation has a huge factor in things, people gossip and will tarnish your rep if they are bored and have distaste for you, even if you were just trying to make friends and lighten the mood, quite often people will judge people on what they say, or look like and not what they do or how they act on the whole.

I'm running out of patience trying to live up to the expectations of fake friends, people who genuinely appreciate my character know where to find me. Those who arbitrarily decide I'm not good enough to qualify as a pal, well that's their loss. Most people suck cause humans are inherently selfish, so choose your friends wisely yet don't get too attached, just make new friends or try rather until they prove their loyalty as well.

Can't please everyone, maybe they are just busy yet if they do have spare time to chat and it's been months, well, they sadly have moved on and you should too. Too many factors and if you confront them about it, they'll find a way to twist things in defense of their character sometimes.

Lost my real life friends, going on... Two years now.
Internet and coworker friends, they are mostly aquaintances, positive ones yes but no one seems interested to hangout/game or chat with me for long periods of time. Also doesn't help that I'm prone to ceasing all communication as well, I'm quite certain they feel wronged from me at times. So it's a mutual thing.

I think the best way to approach this dilemma is to simply widen your search for good friends by being amicable for as long as you can, and the ones you deem worthy by your standards, you try to keep in touch never show your ugly side if you can help it. Do not stress about pleasing everyone, just cast out more and more lines. People are very calculating and weigh the pros and cons of their connections, you should do the same for the sake of your sanity. It is a very heartless world we live in yes, but most people want to be deemed as good people, altruistic even. Or at least I hope so...

I communicate with hundreds of people on a weekly basis and yet I feel alone...

"All greatness of character is dependent on individuality. The man who has no other existence than that which he partakes in common with all around him, will never have any other than an existence of mediocrity. "
-James F. Cooper

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there... Wondering, fearing, doubting..." -Edgar Allan Poe

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post #122 of 126 (permalink) Old 11-09-2014, 12:18 PM
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it's not always you, more likely or not there's a reasonable reason to why it happened.

No need to stress, it happens to everyone, just to some people a little extra.
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post #123 of 126 (permalink) Old 08-03-2015, 03:16 AM
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One of the jerks who cuts people off

When I first meet people, I come off as overly enthusiastic because I am a people-pleaser. But this usually attracts "emotional vampires." (Despite the terrible name, emotional vampires are not necessarily predatory). But I do feel like all they want to talk about is themselves (which is fine when we first meet, but it gets tiring the longer we're "friends") and I keep giving them what they want - validation, praise, and sympathy. I know this makes them feel closer to me, even while it makes me hate both of us. But I can't stop? This is how our friendship started, and I don't know how to act around these people without being a people pleaser.

I'm too terrified to confront these people, but the thought of casually talking to them fills me with dread. I hoped that graduating from high school would put some distance between us, but when they kept trying to contact me, I felt overwhelmed. So I just cut them out of my life. I felt terrible for hurting them, relieved I would never have to pander to them, and guilty that I didn't address them directly. I won't deny I'm a jerk. (I'd use stronger language IRL). But maybe this will explain to some of you why others suddenly cut you off, since I wouldn't have the courage to tell it to anyone directly. I hope all of you find better friends.

I don't mean to demonize emotional vampires. Despite the name, they're probably emotionally vulnerable and probably have SA too, which is why they act this way. But I don't have the energy to be friends with them.
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post #124 of 126 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 04:18 PM
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This makes sense and would explain a lot. Could you tell me where you got this information?
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post #125 of 126 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 01:12 PM
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Red face

left behind

huge base of friends

I'd influence them and them to me, too

whoever loses interest is a long term unknown

now stopping talking, live...? yeah.. any threshold of had enough, or.. someone's busy, gotta go (me)

I'm persistent in my poetic ways I can't stop. any topic, leading to another.. my memories go so deep. Anything triggers my experiences of something the other talks about

an addiction of mine. fear of boring people.

I want to take up a different approach... I stop... their turn?
That's when 1-to-1. If I give 'em a break they might like it. I'm too self-obsessed. I do have plenty to ask about them. interest. The right people give me space to whine on.. anything good or bad.

any group, I am dead. Can't hear what's said. like we're in orbit?

I know I am a dog. I listen. No words. therefore I can but can't bring up any new topic if it's just mine, not relevant to me. Dog barking should be appreciated by anyone.
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post #126 of 126 (permalink) Old 03-10-2017, 01:33 PM
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This is quite frustrating, been through it many times in my life thus far. One scenario that takes it another step further to the point of agonizing is when someone comes back to you and apologizes for doing just this after three years since ditching you, only to do it again about two months later.
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