When people just suddenly stop talking to you... - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #41 of 126 (permalink) Old 11-26-2012, 09:43 AM
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I've had experience with this on an off. It's horrific to be quite frank. It's even more horrific when it's friends who know how you think (SAS and the like).
I struggle deeply with social interaction so it's stressful enough for me when everything's 'going well'. But on the occassions that people suddenly stop talking it becomes a major problem, I find they never explain the problem, or whatever offence you may have caused, or even if you've simply just started to bugg them (I have aspergers so I anticipate that quite alot).
It's a confidence killer to say the least and it makes forming meaningful friendships and by extention, relationships very difficult.
I agree that having one friend stop talking to you, has a knock on effect and makes us feel very unsociable.
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post #42 of 126 (permalink) Old 11-26-2012, 09:51 AM
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the unfortunate answer is that some people, many people, are just vultures. They pretend they are friends, even good friends, for a long time even...but that is all a game for them, and when they find something else, it's like discarding a tissue. You simply stop mattering to them and they don't care at all. They are not 'evil', they do not wear devil horns - and you can't really accuse them of anything. They just slip away quietly and comfortably and to others can appear to be great people.

How is such a thing possible? How can human beings have the capacity in them to treat others in such a way? Well, if we could solve that question, we could solve all problems in the world pretty much. It is a mystery, but one those of us who are different, who are not like them, have to deal with.
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post #43 of 126 (permalink) Old 11-26-2012, 09:54 AM
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This has happened to me many times.
Pretty much every friend I have tried to make will eventually start making excuses for why they can't see me and then after a little while they will stop talking to me and just drift away. Since I don't want to come off as clingy, I will just let them drift away.
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post #44 of 126 (permalink) Old 11-26-2012, 09:57 AM
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I have this too, except this happened to me a lot during high school. I was good friends with this girl, then one day, she just stopped talking to me. Seriously, I sat beside her in class and then one day, I try talking to her and she completely snubbed me. The same happened to another girl I used to be friends with.

At some places I have worked, I thought I got on really well with the people there and added them on facebook after I quit. I no longer heard from them even though I sent a message or text. Nothing. But they keep in contact with each other though. Seriously I have no idea why people don't want to keep in contact with me.

All I know is, it's horrible to be abandoned.
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post #45 of 126 (permalink) Old 11-26-2012, 10:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lordspurs View Post
I've had experience with this on an off. It's horrific to be quite frank. It's even more horrific when it's friends who know how you think (SAS and the like).
I struggle deeply with social interaction so it's stressful enough for me when everything's 'going well'. But on the occassions that people suddenly stop talking it becomes a major problem, I find they never explain the problem, or whatever offence you may have caused, or even if you've simply just started to bugg them (I have aspergers so I anticipate that quite alot).
It's a confidence killer to say the least and it makes forming meaningful friendships and by extention, relationships very difficult.
I agree that having one friend stop talking to you, has a knock on effect and makes us feel very unsociable.
Oh snap, SA is bad enough. Can't imagine having asberger's as well.
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post #46 of 126 (permalink) Old 11-26-2012, 10:15 AM
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Oh snap, SA is bad enough. Can't imagine having asberger's as well.
I think the SA comes from the Asperger's, fear of being awkwards and such.
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post #47 of 126 (permalink) Old 11-27-2012, 10:15 AM
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You are right...


Quote:
Originally Posted by FadeToOne View Post
the unfortunate answer is that some people, many people, are just vultures. They pretend they are friends, even good friends, for a long time even...but that is all a game for them, and when they find something else, it's like discarding a tissue. You simply stop mattering to them and they don't care at all. They are not 'evil', they do not wear devil horns - and you can't really accuse them of anything. They just slip away quietly and comfortably and to others can appear to be great people.

How is such a thing possible? How can human beings have the capacity in them to treat others in such a way? Well, if we could solve that question, we could solve all problems in the world pretty much. It is a mystery, but one those of us who are different, who are not like them, have to deal with.
I think you are very correct.. Just a quick update first, All my anxiety has been lifted so i'm feeling good about it all. Found out why my friends abandoned me, said I was "Controlling and Manipulative". Yet they couldn't present me with very good examples. Not only this they said it has been going on for 1 year, why didn't they tell me? Who knows.. Oh well.

Back on topic, as fadetoone was saying, I guess i can't really accuse them of anything, and maybe they really just don't like me anymore, and I slipped away and they do not l. . . man i'm ****ing tired, i'm typing this at 3:12am in morning LOL.. anyways...

In summary, How you said it was perfect, how they seem to be friends for long and then as simple to them as dropping a coin they let me lose. Yes I cannot call them 'evil', as much as I would love too. . But for whatever reason they chose me not to be their friends they did, its over now, all done and dusted.

My message to people out their, just keep your heads up, life does always get better, time heals.
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post #48 of 126 (permalink) Old 11-27-2012, 12:16 PM
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let people go if they don't want to be with you...i personally had experiences of stopping people whom i really felt attached with and cared a lot about their feelings,happiness,pain etc...but now if willingly they don't wish to continue talkin to you maybe due to any of the reasons that they feel is very valid..then don't stop..i m sure if u would plead for this friendship then again such an event might occur in the near future...you have a bf...you need not depend too much on others...
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post #49 of 126 (permalink) Old 11-27-2012, 04:13 PM
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Just another thing. Does anyone else feel like they're the one who always initiates contact (this relays more to online chatting and text I guess).
I feel i'm pestering people and maybe that's why they fade off :/.
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post #50 of 126 (permalink) Old 12-31-2012, 11:31 PM
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Originally Posted by zippywax View Post
This just happened to me too. My friend who was really close stopped talking to me. She got a boyfriend and they moved in together . She stopped calling me then started being really distant when I called her.
Then she started to just sound nasty so I didn't call again.
A few weeks later my beloved cat died. It was very sad and traumatic for me and she knew how much I loved him but i have not heard from her and its been almost 2 months now.
One of her friends I only met a few times even phoned me the night my cat died to say how sorry she was.
Its really upsetting when women just 'decide' to not be friends with you because they have someone now.
I find it very cruel espiecially when someone has lost someone.
I'm so sad right now and very alone without my little furry best friend.
Atleast I know he would never have done that to me. Animals are so honest.
I read this and I was touched when you said that your cat would have never take you away. Well, I sometimes feel that people look like monsters, without a heart and quite senseless. As I have read from many, that's the way life is. You should move on. I hope you will find a cat who will replace the dear one that you lost. Also, you will find one or some nice friends. I must say though that GOOD friends are hard to find...

Best of Luck and Happy New Year
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post #51 of 126 (permalink) Old 12-31-2012, 11:43 PM
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People don't understand how much that crap hurts, then again, a lot of them don't really care.
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post #52 of 126 (permalink) Old 01-16-2013, 09:42 PM
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Something similiar


I know this is terrible, but I have done it before, but it is like a gradual distancing from the person. I met a guy in my first year of college, but because I wasn't interested in becoming anything more than a friend with him, I sort of made it clear that I only want us to be friends. We met up a couple of times over the year and just stayed friends, but there was always this feeling inside of me that he wanted us to be more than friends. Sometimes, you know...the way he talks is noticeable, but I brushed it off.

Well, what I mean to say was that over the summer, he made a new friend who at the instant I met her, I knew she didn't want me in the picture. I didn't like the idea of being a 3rd wheel or being in the way and I hoped with all my heart that he noticed or tried to stop pushing me away and pulling her closer but he didn't. And so after he left me sitting by myself in a class we three had together, I figured he made a decision and I ended the friendship. I didn't like to think that I was being in the way of their blooming friendship/relationship so by the end of the summer, I didn't talk to him, rarely looked at him, avoided him, and they became a couple.

I'm happy for them, but sometimes I wish I didn't meet him. I feel like I wasted my time getting to know someone who just didn't value the friendship we had. I know some people need to put priorities on their relationships but I don't think that means they should push away their old friend. Do I miss him? No, because he hurt me without even knowing what he did wrong. That's the reason why I don't even want to see him sometimes. It brings bad memories.
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post #53 of 126 (permalink) Old 01-17-2013, 12:16 AM
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this happened to me once, I don't know what to say except that maybe they weren't really friends. i feel you op. we can get thru this.
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post #54 of 126 (permalink) Old 01-17-2013, 12:39 AM
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Ugh, I've been gave up. I've been through my share of fake friends, botched attempts at befriending others, etc. I guess some people aren't meant to have friends and I'm one of them. Many people, odd or ordinary, are too cowardly to just be blunt w/ you and say they don't want to be friends anymore and choose indirectness instead (what's the difference?)
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post #55 of 126 (permalink) Old 02-18-2013, 12:15 AM
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this happened to me my whole life.... I give up on people....
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post #56 of 126 (permalink) Old 02-18-2013, 03:29 AM
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I know the feeling. It has happened to me quite a bit.

One recent story: I met a girl (A) a bit over a year ago through another friend (J). She (A) seemed decent, and we had fun when we hung out with each other. I began working where she works a few months back, and about three or so months into working there, things began to seem off. She was hanging out with people she never had any interest before, and I seemed to never get invites anymore. When I asked her about it, she would give some excuse like - "Oh, we had it planned months before you even began working here." Lies. I knew they were lies, because she told me herself months back that she rarely talked to these people and had never once hung out with them outside of work, that they were strictly coworkers.

Anyways, this went on from about Oct. 2012 to January of this year when she decided to take my money to purchase me a concert ticket to go with her and those other girls to the concert... and then the night of the concert, just refused to reply to any text messages. I sent 3-4 texts asking for details. Where we were all meeting, how to get my ticket, etc. Nothing.

The next day she texts me back calling me a psycho, telling me not to blow her phone up while she's out. Despite the fact that I gave her the money to get my ticket... right. She ended up going home and telling our mutual friend, J, God knows what - because he sent me numerous texts that day telling me how crazy and psychotic I was, and that the reason I don't have friends is my "own damn problem."


Now I am pretty much paranoid around everybody, especially the people I work with.
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post #57 of 126 (permalink) Old 02-18-2013, 03:52 AM
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This happens to me all the time, especially on this website.

I don't take any of it personally though, because I often do the exact same thing without real reasons. Although in real life I see it a lot more as disrespect, if someone doesn't care enough to reply then ***** them. /friendsoff /deleted

On another note, some people can just be dicks like that. (me) Often when someone does actually reply I will just ignore them back, for the principle.
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post #58 of 126 (permalink) Old 02-21-2013, 03:48 AM
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sitting here wondering why a good (i thought) friend suddenly stopped talking to me. Did i say something? not say something? was i insensitive? was i needy? what happened? i asked , got a reply, its not you etc (Stopped communication, didn't want to appear a stalker) If only they knew what it took to let someone in. If my friend comes back will i let my friend (?) in again? maybe i don't know right now.
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post #59 of 126 (permalink) Old 02-21-2013, 06:03 AM
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This happens to me all the time on dating sites, when the girl I'm msging gets contacted by a better looking guy...
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post #60 of 126 (permalink) Old 02-21-2013, 06:22 AM
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This happened to me recently. A really good friend of mine (my only friend, actually) posted on fb that she was feeling really down. I texted her and asked her if she was ok, was there anything I could do. She never responded. She posted back on fb to a friend of hers, thanking her for helping her out. I called her and she declined the call, texted her twice more, and got no response. I honestly don't know what I did. In fact I know that I didn't do anything, so....whatever. I can't make her want to be friends with me. Whatever, I'm better off without friends than to have friends like that.
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