What would you consider as being behind in life? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-02-2020, 06:56 PM Thread Starter
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What would you consider as being behind in life?


What are things everyone should do by a certain age? I know ultimately thereís no such checklist in real life, but Iím just curious about whatís your personal opinion.
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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-02-2020, 07:47 PM
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Professionally I should be at the management or analyst level, and with a master's degree in progress. Personally, a fiancť or husband, plus a starter home (or about to purchase).

I'm 28F. I have none of these things in the works and probably won't for another 5+ years... except the degree (I don't even have an undergrad).
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-02-2020, 08:14 PM
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my opinion can only be that there isnt any behind. different people do different things and have different goals.

because otherwise I would say morally behind, which is the opposite of what people generally say is behind. but I do agree that those other ways of being ahead are kind of desirable too. so anything goes? just whatever you have in mind as being behind/ahead at the time, which can vary pretty wildly from moment to moment.

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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-03-2020, 12:52 AM
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You're behind if you're at the point where it's too late, late enough where it will obstruct you from ever reaching your goals, or reach enough at least be content, or to at least thrive.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-03-2020, 09:27 PM
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I come from a family full of people who have completely failed to function as normal members of society. From the standpoint of cultural stereotypes, I am a complete failure. From the standpoint of my family, I'm doing about as well or badly as the rest of my siblings. It's hard for me to take normative standards very seriously when I see how easy it is for people to fail to achieve them. Half of all the people in the world are below average.

Imo, the one thing everyone should do is be kind to themselves, and be kind to other people. Everything else is an accident.

Is it just me or is it getting crazier out there.
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-04-2020, 03:07 AM
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As long as you're enjoying yourself, and not sabotaging your future enjoyment, that's what matters. Not a single one of us was asked for permission to be brought into existence, so you owe nothing to anyone just for existing. Not children, not a career, not anything. Take what you can get and then GTFO before old age sets in with all the associated health problems. I don't blame anyone for living their life this way if they have the option.
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-04-2020, 06:26 AM
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It depends on your goals. I'm definitely behind.

believe in urself
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-04-2020, 07:07 AM
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I don't consider anything behind.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-04-2020, 07:46 AM
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When you aren't in a place you think you should be, given your own values, and taking into account your own problems, the things outside your control that have affected you, and the options available to you.

This implicitly relies on actually identifying your values, spending a lot of time thinking about your life, understanding how factors outside your control have shaped things, and where you realistically think you should be. If you aren't there, you then very carefully and kindly consider what it is that's stopping you, what you can do to get there, and reasonably do your best to move forwards (taking into account your issues).

If you want someone to say "you should have lost your virginity by age blah blah" or "you should have your own house by blah blah" zero chance I would do this, because I have no clue what anyone else's life has been like.

I don't even know if someone else has the value of "must achieve milestones", so how could I tell them they must have done something. If someone has the value of purposefully not achieving socially acceptable goals, they can be way ahead, and that's fine. Other peoples values and goals not my concern.

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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-04-2020, 08:07 AM
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Im behind job wise I would say. Im in my early 40's. Have a ok job but I should be far further along then I am now
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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-05-2020, 01:07 AM
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Life is a race so yeah
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-05-2020, 01:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crusader. View Post
Life is a race so yeah
Well if it is, I'm so far behind I decided to just stop & have a picnic






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-06-2020, 10:49 AM
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I have no idea what people should be doing by the time they are a certain age as I don't have a checklist for life to be honest.
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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-06-2020, 11:42 AM
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This is different cause it's based on social ideologies. 100 years ago the expectations for say teenagers were much different than what we see these days. And this varies by culture and country as well.

I think whether you're behind or ahead really depends on your own personal goals and where you would want to be in life. In the end, you have to live your life for YOU not anyone else.

In my life I've reached several of my goals but I still consider myself behind in other social aspects cause of my SA.
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-08-2020, 01:48 AM
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When most people you encounter talk about how contemptuous and disgusting people like you are. Not sure 'behind' is the right word because that's nonsensical and seems to require delusions of grandeur about Humans, but what you mean is 'how do you know when you are low status in a group/society' and that's how.
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post #16 of 16 (permalink) Old 09-08-2020, 04:04 AM
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I think there are certainly things most people would agree it's fairly reasonable to have done by a certain time in your life. Having your first gf or bf etc, leaving home, getting married (maybe) - although obviously not necessarily what everyone wants to do, having kids, settling down.

I'm very glad my son went to Uni at the "normal" time - as opposed to when I managed to go. I'm glad he's had girlfriends, he can earn a good wage in his 20's. If he hadn't been able to do those things I would have just been worried about him - it obviously wouldn't change the way I feel about him. It just means his life is fuller and he can fit in - so to speak.

As I mentioned in the post I deleted before - it's all a bit silly talking about these things on a forum full of people that have found doing many of these things quite difficult. (me included)
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