What's with this bad luck? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-20-2020, 02:18 AM Thread Starter
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What's with this bad luck?


Hi! I'm sorry this is going to be my introductory post but I am just feeling so frustrated right now I can't think of anything else.
I'll be short and tell you what's going on right now.
The thing is that many years ago I was having issues living with my father and dealing with his "men rule over women" kind of view. At first glance, it didn't seem harmful, but it got to a point where he even told me once that if were to be reborn one day, he would rather be a dog than a woman.



My mother passed away 9 years ago so I was left in charge of the house as the "eldest woman on the house", I was 20 then. I cooked, cleaned the house, washed the dishes and clothes. He grew up even more demanding. I've never been in a love relationship before with any man, but at that time I felt as if I've jumped straight into married life.



Many years passed, I graduated from college, got a job, but could not make it out of my house because I was getting paid so little. I remember going into forums asking for advice, everyone would tell me I had to leave my house, that my experience with my dad could even make me have a bad image of men in general and that's why I could never get into a relationship. Well, my father even got to the extent of threatening me with suicide if I left his house.



The thing is that finally, last year, I got the chance to travel and study abroad. I was nervous but somewhat excited to finally be able to leave my home. As I left, I was scared my father would do some harm to himself, but he didn't. Now I was in a new country with lots of new possibilities. I really thought I could start anew.


But now what happened? Well, as any student with a very limited budget I had to rent a house with other three guys: one girl and two guys. At the beginning we were all great. There was this italian guy I could not get along with that much, he was quite distant and more focused on dating every single girl he could find so we didn't talk much. Oh! But it took about two months and problems began to arise... this one guy showed his real self: he was messy, dirty, he would call us all names through whatsapp, criticize us for just about anything, but he wasn't helping to clean the house or take out the trash.



Well, I just went to ask him if he could help us with taking out the trash, that was all I did, he screamed to me, offended me and since that day he stopped calling me by my name, he would call me just about anything: stupid, idiot, he even got to the extent of saying that I needed to be taken to a psychiatrist. Why? Because I took out "his" trash on which he demanded total authority. Like... who ever fights for their trash? The thing is that with my other mates we decided to simply not talk to this guy, let him be and we would focus on our studies (the reason why we didn't leave right away is because we have a contract with the person who's renting us this house and if we rescind the contract, he takes away a part of our guarantee money let's put it that way).



Now, the thing is... quarantine came, the other two of my friends left and left me alone with this one abusive guy. Now I have to play the submissive woman role in order to prevent fights, I have to clean every mess he leaves behind and disinfect everything as he doesn't care about quarantine at all (he still goes out from time to time at night, probably to his friends' house to have a party or to some brothel that's still illegally opened) he also hates baths for some reason, baths like once in every 20 days or so. It's so frustrating... to feel like I'm stuck at a house being submissive to a man again... I left my country in order to stay away from this, why am I stuck playing the same submissive role again?

If my image of men was already quite bad, now it is even worse!!



I'm not generalizing, it's not like I think every single man in the world is bad, it's just that I can't help thinking every single man I am involved with is going to be mean to me...



Is this bad luck? Bad karma? What did I do wrong this time? Why do I have to be confined with this horrible man which is getting even worse as the confinement continues endlessly? Now he's drinking more, smoking cannabis even more than usual, with his music at full volume whenever he wants... and I can't say anything or I risk him screaming and offending me... or who knows what he may do now that I'm alone with him here...



I hate this bad luck, I hate the fact that I'm a woman, I hate it!



I'm sorry, I just feel so frustrated right now so take this as a crazy rant... I may even regret it later, I don't know.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-20-2020, 03:34 AM
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Sounds like you're just basing your "bad luck" on a relatively small pool of men. Your father and one guy (who sounds awful).

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-20-2020, 03:43 AM Thread Starter
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You are right. It's just that I was so desperately trying to run away from the submissive-woman role than now that I'm stuck with it again I can't help but wonder what's wrong with my luck.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-24-2020, 01:34 AM
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I feel really bad for you. You've had the bad luck of encountering 2 terrible men. I know because of current circumstances it's tricky moving now, but how about you plan to move with a new group? As soon as coronavirus circumstances are acceptable.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-24-2020, 02:46 AM
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If there's any way you can move now, don't wait. Escaping someone like that is certainly a valid reason to go out regardless of stay-at-home. But a shared lease probably makes that financially difficult, unless a friend can take you in.

If you continue to see a pattern, abusive people can be very skilled at sniffing out a likely victim and honing in on them... so there's a possibility you'd need to be more assertive to keep those types moving along to an easier looking target. But no reason to think that's an issue for you based on this one neanderthal you got stuck with by accident (or two counting your dad, also unavoidable). This guy doesn't really sound like someone who can be reasoned with.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hadara
Well, my father even got to the extent of threatening me with suicide if I left his house.
The moment a suicide threat is issued for clearly manipulative purposes, leaving is the best option. Obeying just rewards the behavior and encourages more threats, which can only increase the risk of their suicide. So you certainly did the right thing.

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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-07-2020, 02:56 PM Thread Starter
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@SeekingAdvi : Hello, thank you for your answer. I'm sorry I'm replying to late. I did move, but now again I'm in quite a complicated situation...just again... luckily this time is not with a guy... Those two men are not the only terrible ones I've met, actually I've met so many terrible men who would only see me as second option to their dates or who would seek me just to use me or tell me how ugly and weird I am... I think this is why it bothered me even more...


@Paul : Thank you so much for your reply. I'm sorry I'm writing this so late. In the end, I did move from that place, but as now I'm again stuck in a toxic place... I don't know why I am this unlucky with the people I meet, but I'm already getting tired of even trying... maybe I'm destined to be alone forever and maybe move to a place away from all human contact hahaha. Well, I'm glad you think I did the best thing with my father, I was really scared he may actually hurt himself.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-07-2020, 03:59 PM
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@Hadara Sorry that didn't work out. Could be that cheap shared housing in your area attracts horrible people. Actually probably the good people share a place with their friends so you're left with the people nobody else wanted to live with.

Thankfully I've never had flatmates (renting alone for 17 years), it sounds utterly exhausting even if they were good people. Maybe if you expand your area of search, look for low income housing subsidies etc you can find an affordable apartment?

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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 06-07-2020, 04:30 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paul View Post
@Hadara Sorry that didn't work out. Could be that cheap shared housing in your area attracts horrible people. Actually probably the good people share a place with their friends so you're left with the people nobody else wanted to live with.

Thankfully I've never had flatmates (renting alone for 17 years), it sounds utterly exhausting even if they were good people. Maybe if you expand your area of search, look for low income housing subsidies etc you can find an affordable apartment?

Yes, actually I think you are right. I need to find a place where I can live alone. I'm trying to get a scholarship from my uni. If I do, I may be able to find an apartment just for me at least while I find a job and can finally have an income that can help me pay for a place I can live in alone.
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