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post #1 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-15-2016, 11:37 AM Thread Starter
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What past experience set off your social anxiety?


So, most of us were not born with social anxiety. I am making this thread to see the different experiences people had in their lives that they believe created this. I’ll start:
I don't think my social anxiety came from one experience, but it was definitely helped by this experience. When I was in high school I was a shy boy but didn't consider myself to have social anxiety. One April Fools day I was sitting in the lunch room with my friends when a girl from my class that I had a crush on walked up to me and told me to follow her to her table with her friends that they wanted to tell me something. Once I get there, there was a girl sitting at the table that I had met before but never really talked to (I never thought of her as a crush neither and she wasn't in any of my classes). The girls at her table (which are in my class) say that this girl likes me and she wants to be my girlfriend. I never honestly thought of her as my girlfriend but since I never really had a girlfriend in my life I wanted to give it a shot and I said that I liked her too. After I said that all the girls in the table start yelling "kiss, kiss, kiss" and I was a little nervous since I didn't know the girl that well and she seemed a bit hesitant to do it. I had forgotten that it was april fools day until I was closing in to kiss her and all the girls at the table screamed "APRIL FOOLS" and they all started laughing including the girl I had a secret crush on from my class. I felt my heart sink when I realized it was a prank and I fell for it. What made it even more embarrassing were the people sitting in the other tables who were staring at what was happening. All the girls (who created the prank) then came over to me and tried to hug me and said sorry (while still laughing). I tried to pretend like it didn’t bother me but I just wanted to run out and cry my eyes out. I had never felt so embarrassed and humiliated in my entire life. I was so humiliated that I even thought of getting a gun and coming to school and killing every single person that did that to me (including my secret crush from my class who was also a part of this.)
This was not the experience that created my social anxiety, it was a combination of experiences, but I see this experience as the start to my problem and my anxiety towards people. I don’t understand people and it is hard for me to think how someone could come up with such a horrible prank and not think of the consequences it might have on others. What do you guys think of all this? Please share your own experiences too if you can. Thank you for reading through all of this.

Shine it up real nice, turn that son of a b**** sideways, and stick it straight up your candy a**!
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post #2 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-15-2016, 11:38 AM
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post #3 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-15-2016, 11:54 AM
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Sometimes i think it was this :
Growing up really obese thru junior high and high school. was like 5'6' nearly 300 lbs. People shunned me and i never learned social skills that you are supposed to learn at that age because no one liked me. Girls were especially mean to me. Guys no , i can always defend myself and i never got bullied or punked by guys
So i isolated myself playing video games and i just ate all day. Wasnt a loner in school but only had friends at school, never hung with them outside of school. So i became afraid of people and didnt talk to anyone. I think that whole experience is what made my social anxiety even worse. I havent been obese for a long time but i always in the back of my mind feel like an obese person.
I made quite a few friends who were popular guys after high school and im still friends with a lot of those guys today , it never bothered them that i was different. They treated me normal and we always went out on the weekends and played basketball throughout the week hanging at the gym or park. So that helped me improve my social anxiety x10 but no matter what i still have sa.

then i think i was always quiet , even in childhood, i didnt talk to anyone in my family and i had a pretty big family. My mom always acknowledged that i was different. My parents were always very supportive of me tho. They never put me down for any reason. Like you it might of been a combination of things.
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post #4 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-15-2016, 11:54 AM Thread Starter
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that's not much of an answer but alright. I know it is bullying but I considered many of these girls my friend at the time. It is weird that I look up many of these girls on facebook now and some of them have kids. I really wonder if any of them have told their child what they did and how they would react if the same was done to their child. One thing I did notice to is that all their husbands seemed to be rundown ghetto guys who I doubt will provide around the home. This experience doesn't bother me as much as it used to and I am getting better at managing my anxiety but I thought I would share this experience

Shine it up real nice, turn that son of a b**** sideways, and stick it straight up your candy a**!
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post #5 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-15-2016, 11:59 AM Thread Starter
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Sometimes i think it was this :
Growing up really obese thru junior high and high school. was like 5'6' nearly 300 lbs. People shunned me and i never learned social skills that you are supposed to learn at that age because no one liked me. So i isolated myself playing video games and i just ate all day. Wasnt a loner in school but only had friends at school, never hung with them outside of school. So i became afraid of people and didnt talk to anyone. I think that whole experience is what made my social anxiety even worse. I havent been obese for a long time but i always in the back of my mind feel like an obese person.
I made quite a few friends who were popular guys after high school and im still friends with a lot of those guys today , it never bothered them that i was different. They treated me normal and we always went out on the weekends and played basketball throughout the week hanging at the gym or park. So that helped me improve my social anxiety x10 but no matter what i still have sa.

then i think i was always quiet , even in childhood, i didnt talk to anyone in my family and i had a pretty big family. My mom always acknowledged that i was different. My parents were always very supportive of me tho. They never put me down for any reason. Like you it might of been a combination of things.
Thanks for the response dude. I don't think sa can be gotten rid off but we can definitely learn to control it. I have definitely seen some improvement but still have a long way to go. Thanks for sharing

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post #6 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 12:30 AM
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post #7 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 12:54 AM
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Growing up i was a quiet and sensitive kid ...When I was in 6th grade a teacher punished me in front of the whole school for talking with my friend in yoga class...I was made to sit like a monkey on the school stage and the whole school saw me getting punished I was there for 2 hours :'( it was the first time in my life I felt shame it deeply affected me ....that day I didn't wanted to show my face to anyone ..now it has turned into toxic shame
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post #8 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 01:01 AM
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post #9 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 01:07 AM
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Either bulling or weed. Maybe a mix of both.

Not that I can say I was ever bullied really hardcore, as some have been, but it was enough to leave a mark.

When I was 12 I got beat up by this girl's brother who was around 20 years old. I was so emberesed I never told anyone (except well, now that I'm older, I mentioned it once to my best friend and my gf). I'm not even sure why. I think I said something back to her, and she just didn't like it so she called up her big bro instead of trying to fight me herself. Coward. I can never get over how pathetic these people are.

I was also bullied a lot before school started, by these few girls who i considered my friends. They'd just use me, and this one time when i disagred with one of them on something, she pushed me in a pile of stinging nettles. (I still remember that, it hurt a lot.)

I was pretty much alone then until school started. It wasn't so bad until my first high school where I really tried to fit in and then said something dumb (as usual), and someone picked me their target, often coming up with pretty much anything to put me down. Even forgetting my slippers and being in my socks was a good enough excuse to bully me for it. They'd often laugh at me for saying something dumb (even when i'm sure it wasn't), and that dude would find something really stupid like me not having slippers or whatever else he could spot.

At my next high school it was sorta okay until the last few months where this girl and her whole crew (another coward) were calling me a **** (idk where that came from? I'm a ****ing lesbian but okay.) anyway, i said **** off and then they followed me. Their leader (I really wish death on this chick. I really do. No i hope she gets SAD. That'd make me really happy.) stopped me then started to slap my face, intimidating me. Later on, she'd blow at my neck during gym class and just keep being a *****...with her crew behind her of course....****ing ugly skunk, I'm actually gonna get her back one day, I swear it. I'm gonna be a coward as she is, and tell my friends to kidnap her or something then drag her to the woods and scare the living **** out of her before letting her go...that's my fantasy anyways. Or to plain kill her (not before I'm done with all the torture of course.) I blame her for my SAD mostly. This was probably her main fault.

On another note, it could also be my fault to some extent. I smoked a lot of weed and had the same effects as i have sober now (simptons of SAD) but i still kept smoking because...well...i was an idiot. I liked the company and i liked the sometimes good, magic trips that would come along and make me laugh a lot.

The breaking point for me however, was when i was working as a waitress. I one day randomly though i may start shaking, and I did. I was really anxcious to bring people stuff from that day on.

And then, one day, (true breaking point) when there was a party i broke a bunch of **** by accident and all the guests were laughing at me...didn't go out for months after that. When i finally did, i had a huge panic attack, and i was a whole different person.

It really sucks.


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post #10 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 01:14 AM
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Originally Posted by TreborHG9 View Post
So, most of us were not born with social anxiety. I am making this thread to see the different experiences people had in their lives that they believe created this. I’ll start:
I don't think my social anxiety came from one experience, but it was definitely helped by this experience. When I was in high school I was a shy boy but didn't consider myself to have social anxiety. One April Fools day I was sitting in the lunch room with my friends when a girl from my class that I had a crush on walked up to me and told me to follow her to her table with her friends that they wanted to tell me something. Once I get there, there was a girl sitting at the table that I had met before but never really talked to (I never thought of her as a crush neither and she wasn't in any of my classes). The girls at her table (which are in my class) say that this girl likes me and she wants to be my girlfriend. I never honestly thought of her as my girlfriend but since I never really had a girlfriend in my life I wanted to give it a shot and I said that I liked her too. After I said that all the girls in the table start yelling "kiss, kiss, kiss" and I was a little nervous since I didn't know the girl that well and she seemed a bit hesitant to do it. I had forgotten that it was april fools day until I was closing in to kiss her and all the girls at the table screamed "APRIL FOOLS" and they all started laughing including the girl I had a secret crush on from my class. I felt my heart sink when I realized it was a prank and I fell for it. What made it even more embarrassing were the people sitting in the other tables who were staring at what was happening. All the girls (who created the prank) then came over to me and tried to hug me and said sorry (while still laughing). I tried to pretend like it didn’t bother me but I just wanted to run out and cry my eyes out. I had never felt so embarrassed and humiliated in my entire life. I was so humiliated that I even thought of getting a gun and coming to school and killing every single person that did that to me (including my secret crush from my class who was also a part of this.)
This was not the experience that created my social anxiety, it was a combination of experiences, but I see this experience as the start to my problem and my anxiety towards people. I don’t understand people and it is hard for me to think how someone could come up with such a horrible prank and not think of the consequences it might have on others. What do you guys think of all this? Please share your own experiences too if you can. Thank you for reading through all of this.

What a horrible prank to pull on someone...I don't blame you for wanting to shoot them down lol. I know how that feels.

And in fact, when actual school shootings are reported, I never feel bad for the bullies. **** them they deserved it. I wouldn't even put the person in jail for it!

But anyway...young people....who don't know about suffering, do tend to do this things. And they don't get it. They're too self absorved, narcissistic.


“You're beautiful, but you're empty...One couldn't die for you. Of course, an ordinary passerby would think my rose looked just like you. But my rose, all on her own, is more important than all of you together, since she's the one I've watered."

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post #11 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 02:07 AM
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Being a sensitive person, thoughtful, strong memory that holds onto all the bad incidents and replays them in my head. All the verbal abuse, threads, intimidation, violence. Neglectful parents, horrible school system. All these things combined to make me a mentally ill person.
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post #12 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 02:08 AM
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It really sucks.
I'd want to get back those people who attacked you also. They deserve something bad to happen to them
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post #13 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 07:22 AM
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Being bullied as soon as I came out of the womb.


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post #14 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 10:22 AM
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I can't think of one particular experience that set of my social anxiety. It was a combination of events and difficult, unfortunate situations, I think.

One thing that comes to mind which no doubt put me on the 'back foot' socially was that I had Arthritis throughout my childhood (I still have it now, but it's largely in remission). As a result of regular doctors appointments and not really being able to go out, I couldn't mix with children of my own age. I only really mixed with them at school. I never had the out-of-school bonding as the rest did. I basically missed out on the earliest forms of socialising and was behind from there on in. As children are inquisitive and unforgiving creatures, I was looked upon by most as some sort of oddity. I wasn't bullied at such (certainly not before my teens), but I was largely ignored. By the time I reached my teens, it was clear there was a notable gap in my social skills compared to others. I felt completely out of my depth and others picked up on this... The rest is history, really.

I think this is the root of my social anxiety and where most of my problems relating to this spawned from.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TreborHG9
Once I get there, there was a girl sitting at the table that I had met before but never really talked to (I never thought of her as a crush neither and she wasn’t in any of my classes). The girls at her table (which are in my class) say that this girl likes me and she wants to be my girlfriend. I never honestly thought of her as my girlfriend but since I never really had a girlfriend in my life I wanted to give it a shot and I said that I liked her too. After I said that all the girls in the table start yelling “kiss, kiss, kiss” and I was a little nervous since I didn’t know the girl that well and she seemed a bit hesitant to do it. I had forgotten that it was april fools day until I was closing in to kiss her and all the girls at the table screamed “APRIL FOOLS” and they all started laughing including the girl I had a secret crush on from my class. I felt my heart sink when I realized it was a prank and I fell for it. What made it even more embarrassing were the people sitting in the other tables who were staring at what was happening.
That's horrible. I was once set up in a similar way and I've struggled to have trust in ladies ever since. Towards the end of my school career, I remember standing outside of French class in a line of about 25 other pupils. Out of the blue, one of the girls approached me and asked if she could be my girlfriend. She was someone who I hardly knew and perhaps had said four or five words to before. Naturally, I was extremely nervous, but I felt there was something wrong about it. Something didn't feel right. Towards the back of the line I noticed there was quite a lot of giggling going on but it was being held in quite well. I said "no thanks" and left it at that. She started to turn away and then about two thirds of the line burst into laughter at me...

Do you know what actually happened? I did find out a few hours later. Literally everyone in class wanted to set me up for a big, public failure. This was one example where my SA actually prevented the full effect of people’s wrath on me. What was supposed to happen was that she was sent to ask me to be her girlfriend. She had no feelings for me at all, by the way... Anyway, she was sent to ask and as I was about the only one left in the class who hadn't had some form of very basic, early relationship with a member of the opposite sex, I was expected to say "yes". Following this, she was going to turn me down, turn her back on me and walk away - whilst everyone was watching.

It wasn't even April Fools Day either... It was just a deliberate prank in order to upset me and embarrass me in front of everyone.

The one and only time I have ever been approached by a member of the opposite sex...and it was a hoax. Yet, I've got two former friends who were also approached once - and once only. Do you know what happened to them? They're now married to them and have a child each. See the difference...? This is also why I have social anxiety - but not one person outside of our community can see where I'm coming from. They can't see my point of view. They can't see how others reap all the rewards, whilst I reap nothing but the negatives.

Welcome to the story of my life.

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post #15 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 10:23 AM
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post #16 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 10:24 AM
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No one experience. Just the constant social misfortunes I experienced of being stared at, ridiculed, or at best avoided, have resulted in me being the way I am today.
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post #17 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 10:57 AM
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that's not much of an answer but alright. I know it is bullying but I considered many of these girls my friend at the time. It is weird that I look up many of these girls on facebook now and some of them have kids. I really wonder if any of them have told their child what they did and how they would react if the same was done to their child. One thing I did notice to is that all their husbands seemed to be rundown ghetto guys who I doubt will provide around the home. This experience doesn't bother me as much as it used to and I am getting better at managing my anxiety but I thought I would share this experience
don't you ever think your parents might have bullied anyone in their past? in my class there were only 2 people who did not bully me, and I'm sure in many other classes bullying happened too. I think at least half of (if not most) people must have bullied someone at some point in their lives. And these people become parents, even our parents.
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post #18 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 11:51 AM
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I can't think of one particular experience that set of my social anxiety. It was a combination of events and difficult, unfortunate situations, I think.

One thing that comes to mind which no doubt put me on the 'back foot' socially was that I had Arthritis throughout my childhood (I still have it now, but it's largely in remission). As a result of regular doctors appointments and not really being able to go out, I couldn't mix with children of my own age. I only really mixed with them at school. I never had the out-of-school bonding as the rest did. I basically missed out on the earliest forms of socialising and was behind from there on in. As children are inquisitive and unforgiving creatures, I was looked upon by most as some sort of oddity. I wasn't bullied at such (certainly not before my teens), but I was largely ignored. By the time I reached my teens, it was clear there was a notable gap in my social skills compared to others. I felt completely out of my depth and others picked up on this... The rest is history, really.

I think this is the root of my social anxiety and where most of my problems relating to this spawned from.



That's horrible. I was once set up in a similar way and I've struggled to have trust in ladies ever since. Towards the end of my school career, I remember standing outside of French class in a line of about 25 other pupils. Out of the blue, one of the girls approached me and asked if she could be my girlfriend. She was someone who I hardly knew and perhaps had said four or five words to before. Naturally, I was extremely nervous, but I felt there was something wrong about it. Something didn't feel right. Towards the back of the line I noticed there was quite a lot of giggling going on but it was being held in quite well. I said "no thanks" and left it at that. She started to turn away and then about two thirds of the line burst into laughter at me...

Do you know what actually happened? I did find out a few hours later. Literally everyone in class wanted to set me up for a big, public failure. This was one example where my SA actually prevented the full effect of people’s wrath on me. What was supposed to happen was that she was sent to ask me to be her girlfriend. She had no feelings for me at all, by the way... Anyway, she was sent to ask and as I was about the only one left in the class who hadn't had some form of very basic, early relationship with a member of the opposite sex, I was expected to say "yes". Following this, she was going to turn me down, turn her back on me and walk away - whilst everyone was watching.

It wasn't even April Fools Day either... It was just a deliberate prank in order to upset me and embarrass me in front of everyone.

The one and only time I have ever been approached by a member of the opposite sex...and it was a hoax. Yet, I've got two former friends who were also approached once - and once only. Do you know what happened to them? They're now married to them and have a child each. See the difference...? This is also why I have social anxiety - but not one person outside of our community can see where I'm coming from. They can't see my point of view. They can't see how others reap all the rewards, whilst I reap nothing but the negatives.

Welcome to the story of my life.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I think that when it comes to bullying, guys bully by being physical (beating you up) and girls bully you emotionally (by calling you ugly, or fat). There are truly some nasty NASTY people out there. They are so confident in themselves that they have to make others feel like **** so that they can keep their confidence high.

Another thing that I hated were these same girls who pulled the prank on me would sometimes come to me and ask me why I was so shy. These dumb s**** are so dumb that they didn't realize that they made me that way. I love how my mom also wonders why I never had a girlfriend after she spent YEARS AND YEARS calling me ugly and she not once tell me that I was cute or beautiful. You can't break the legs of a cow and then make fun of it for not being able to get back on their feet. It's so dumb.

Shine it up real nice, turn that son of a b**** sideways, and stick it straight up your candy a**!
TreborHG9 is offline  
post #20 of 48 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 03:46 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 84
My Mood: Lonely
Bullies, not having friends stick around, bad relationship with mom and sister.
AquarianHorse is offline  
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