What annoys you about the people you're cohabiting with? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 66 (permalink) Old 05-16-2020, 11:58 PM Thread Starter
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OP, this might be a terrible question to ask and I only ask because I'm maybe in the same situation, but are you afraid to leave this person because of the lack of social leaving,etcsupport? Or.. something along those lines (guilt over )? Hopefully you can gain some space soon and work things out and take care of yourselves.
It's not a terrible question. It's kind of complicated why I'm still here - It's a combination of many reasons I guess. I'd rather be living in my hometown but I have a terrible relationship with my parents, and can't stand being in the same city as them. I went back for 6 months and even though I wasn't living with them, I just felt consumed with anger.

I also thought I still loved him and we could be happy together, yadda yadda. And if I'm single, then the vultures come circling from back home again. My family never approved of me moving out and have talked down on me (for many reasons, again) - but they back off when I'm coupled.

I could simply just cut everyone out of my life, completely, and I have done that before. I always end up giving in and letting my parents speak to me again, and the cycle of bad feelings just continue on. It would be a lot easier if they moved overseas or something so they could be a world away, and I can move back home.

And with this pandemic going on, it isn't like I have many options. I don't want to move into a new place right now.

But I'll get off my soapbox now. If you don't mind me prying, what's the situation between you and your partner? I hope you are safe.
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post #22 of 66 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 02:23 AM
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how shes a hypocrite. how she doesn't acknowledge anything within the cohabitation that i do that she's not capable of. her lack of awareness and inability to see my own. a general lack of thinking outside one's self.
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post #23 of 66 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 10:10 AM
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My sister will fixate on one thing and that will be the only thing she talks about for weeks. She will literally ramble on forever about that one thing and nothing else until something new and shiny grabs her attention and then it will be that new thing that she won't shut up about.

If you try to talk to her about anything else, she will disregard whatever you say no matter how important and serious it is and just go right back to talking about the thing she's obsessed with.

She really has no idea what's going in my girlfriend and I's life because she doesn't listen or care. She just lives in her own little world. She's probably already forgotten that my girlfriend's stepdad recently committed suicide.
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post #24 of 66 (permalink) Old 05-17-2020, 11:17 AM
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Yes, and he doesn't care.

If I were to, god forbid, marry him and have a child - I would probably have to beg on my knees and cry for him to buy formula or diapers if we had run out. Or change a diaper.

And even then, I'd still probably wouldn't be able to convince him to lift a finger. That's the kind of guy I'm with.

I just like the song... and sometimes people like to listen to songs that might describe their situation.

The song actually reminds me of my previous relationship which ended about a year ago.

I hope it works out for you guys anyway though
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post #25 of 66 (permalink) Old 05-19-2020, 07:04 AM
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what annoys me is how they always need to dominate or be the most powerful one in a conversation, like they will be louder than you, talk more, always have the last say, always something to say in response to everything you say. So they are projecting their ego which wants to be the best. I heard from somewhere that the ego can bring you all the way to the top, but it is forced. True power comes from authenticity.

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post #26 of 66 (permalink) Old 05-20-2020, 06:26 PM
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@leaf in the wind , at first I feel bad about complaining but realize Im probably dwelling on it a bit much. My situation is weird, i went from going in between two places to just being in one because the other place houses my hypochondriac brother who I love dearly but I should respect his space as he's probably right in ways and better off not sick, even if a bit paranoid.

I haven't moved into this place officially and to be honest, I'm most likely taking certain behaviors I would call being a "helicopter" all wrong and it's supposed to be their type of caring when I just want space. Its hard to take traditional roles and to try to squeeze them into a non-traditional place.
For ex, i told my guy jokingly that i needed a wife and he said, "What leave-it-to-beaver world are you coming from?" Im like... it makes sense, though. One person is working for most of the day, it's hard enough to work things out for yourself. Maybe he wouldn't like to be a wife, maybe i just need to make things more clear. Maybe expectations are destructive in this case. Either way, when you're around someone all the time, certainly all their negative behaviors take on a new color.. i dont have many friends. Ugh. That just may be the problem and introverts have a limit, even from the people they love most. Thanks for reading, i mostly just feel uncreative in this time and need healthy new outlets.
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post #27 of 66 (permalink) Old 05-26-2020, 07:49 AM
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I'm only sharing with my partner now and he's not terribly annoying (I think his worst habit is frying things in the middle of the night).

I've lived with a wide range of people in the past and the mess always bothered me the most. Tinned beans spilled in the recycling bin, piss on the bathroom floor, food left until it had maggots. That sort of thing.

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post #28 of 66 (permalink) Old 05-27-2020, 12:00 PM
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It sort of bothers me that I'm the only one who cleans the bathroom downstairs. I've also taken out the recycling the last four times, and I don't think my downstairs roommate has ever done that. But I don't mind either of these things too much, since it makes me feel responsible when I do them.

The main thing that bothers me is dishes, but if anything, I'm the one who's needed to shape up in that department. And I finally have...I've kept the kitchen consistently clean for the past month. The downstairs roommate has followed suit, so it's been much nicer down here. I've been meaning to pick some flowers and put them on the kitchen table.

On the other hand, he still has barely spoken to me since the quarantine started, or anyone else in the house, for that matter. It bothers me, but at this point there's nothing I can do about it, if he doesn't want to talk. I hear him talking and laughing in his room all the time, and he leaves the house a lot (presumably to see his girlfriend), so I know he's doing alright, but I feel happier when everyone's getting along well. I suppose with eight people in one house, problems like this are bound to come up at some point.

Things have started to feel better with my one other roommate, since we had the last house meeting. I've been much less preoccupied by that.

We had a barbecue last night, and I actually had a great time. I also went to another bonfire with two of my roommates a few nights ago, and that was fun too. All in all it feels like the tension in our house is starting to lift, which is a huge relief. I've been doing a lot of gardening in back and around the side of the house, so that's one way I feel like I'm contributing.

I'm enjoying living here again.

OK, so after writing this post I've decided that over the next day or two I'm going to clean the bathroom again and pick some flowers to put in a vase/cup, and hopefully get one of those trash cans with the swivel lids so we don't have to look at the trash in the bathroom (which I find gross). I think that'll make me feel better still.

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post #29 of 66 (permalink) Old 05-29-2020, 07:48 PM
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post #30 of 66 (permalink) Old 06-15-2020, 02:01 AM
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post #31 of 66 (permalink) Old 06-15-2020, 03:14 AM
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Korean and Vietnamese housemate sleeping very early, while I and the fuccgirl and fuccboi housemates being night owls. Technically it's not really a problem if the fuccgirl and fuccboi couple do not always blast music late at night. And their room is directly above the vietnamese housemate's room, so it annoys her a lot more.

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post #32 of 66 (permalink) Old 06-15-2020, 03:16 AM
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Boomers who're depressed but pretend they're not. They pretend they love you but really just tolerate you and dont really care nor listen when I tell them something. "They" is exageration, cuz its my grandma. At least she brings groceries. Yeah, Im just a special snowflake probably. Still better to live with bored/grumpy ppl than with aggressive schizo alcoholics.
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post #33 of 66 (permalink) Old 06-16-2020, 11:53 PM
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My brother has undifferentiated schizophrenia. He's basically a mute and doesn't leave his room much, which is good, but he doesn't really know how to take care of himself so I have to do all the cleaning, handle all the repairs, pay all the bills, etc. He drops food on the floor and leaves it there, doesn't throw anything out, and plugs the toilet and doesn't plunge it. He sometimes gets (literal) **** on the floor that I have to clean up. He rarely showers or changes his clothes, and he's a pretty big guy, so he smells pretty bad. He's a bit of a hoarder and he's never once cleaned anything in all the years that he's lived here. I have to work pretty hard to control the bug population. He's basically a big baby, but I don't have to change diapers, so I guess it could be worse. I get really frustrated at times, but I know it's not his fault so I try not to get mad at him.

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post #34 of 66 (permalink) Old 06-17-2020, 12:05 AM
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Korean and Vietnamese housemate sleeping very early, while I and the fuccgirl and fuccboi housemates being night owls. Technically it's not really a problem if the fuccgirl and fuccboi couple do not always blast music late at night. And their room is directly above the vietnamese housemate's room, so it annoys her a lot more.

Oh oh... it's on. She finally confronted them. After blasting music until 2am nightly for a few weeks straight. Now they're both in their headphones. I wonder why they couldn't just do this to begin with.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #35 of 66 (permalink) Old 06-22-2020, 07:52 PM
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Ughh. The people close to me talk loud when I'm sleeping. When I'm doing something important the people close to me becomes very talkative.

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post #36 of 66 (permalink) Old 06-23-2020, 10:34 PM
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Overall dysfunction. Nephew comes and sits in front of the TV playing video games for 12 hours, goes to sleep and repeats - all while yelling at his friends in frustration. Lots of toxic blaming. His father is lazy asf and lays down watching TV all day next to him.

I try to get the kid outside, but he will throw a tantrum and a half - besides he's not my kid.

But, yeah, the dysfunction of it all bothers me. I definitely prefer the weekdays when I have my own space. Alone.

Also, my main focus is getting my own place ASAP, so what's the point in complaining. I take my ibuprofen, crank my AC to the max (for white noise) and deal with it.

The world is not my home. I'm just passing through.
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post #37 of 66 (permalink) Old 06-23-2020, 11:05 PM
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I forgot how much guys like to walk around home with nothing but their underwear.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #38 of 66 (permalink) Old 06-23-2020, 11:49 PM
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I forgot how much guys like to walk around home with nothing but their underwear.
Ha, I do that if I'm up early in the morning & no-one else is up, rubbin ma chubby belly like aladdins lamp : /






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post #39 of 66 (permalink) Old 07-09-2020, 10:14 PM Thread Starter
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My brother has undifferentiated schizophrenia. He's basically a mute and doesn't leave his room much, which is good, but he doesn't really know how to take care of himself so I have to do all the cleaning, handle all the repairs, pay all the bills, etc. He drops food on the floor and leaves it there, doesn't throw anything out, and plugs the toilet and doesn't plunge it. He sometimes gets (literal) **** on the floor that I have to clean up. He rarely showers or changes his clothes, and he's a pretty big guy, so he smells pretty bad. He's a bit of a hoarder and he's never once cleaned anything in all the years that he's lived here. I have to work pretty hard to control the bug population. He's basically a big baby, but I don't have to change diapers, so I guess it could be worse. I get really frustrated at times, but I know it's not his fault so I try not to get mad at him.
My partner isn't as bad as this yet, but the current struggle has been getting him to bathe. It's 41C this week and he's sweaty and disgusting, and I've literally been begging till my throat is hoarse for him to shower, but he absolutely refuses. His old excuse used to be having no clean underwear so I wash them for him. I buy body wash and soap. But he just. Won't. Bathe. He will go a week without bathing.

I think it's mental illness, some kind of desire to be coated with grime and be disgusting when though a shower is right next to him.

It is SO disrespectful to me as his partner. It's like he just doesn't give a sh.it anymore.
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post #40 of 66 (permalink) Old 07-09-2020, 11:21 PM
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Coming back here.. to find that it's not so bad. I just hate the lack of privacy and mental space. One of the two of us needs a social life. Or hobby. Or just something to occupy a large portion of the day out of our hair. Eek. Two homebodies make for one very frustrated body.

@leaf in the wind , Do you think getting him help would help any? Sorry to hear what you're going through and how much of a burden that can feel like. I feel like we can wrap ourselves so much in another person's problems that they become our own. I find some physical space once in a while helps. And you can never solve them, as hard as you might try or with the best of intentions, want to.
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