What annoys you about the people you're cohabiting with? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 11:55 AM Thread Starter
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What annoys you about the people you're cohabiting with?


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post #2 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 12:21 PM
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The bad: Sometimes communication is difficult because they have a habit of being prejudiced about some things, constantly misunderstanding the message I'm trying to get across, also insisting that their advice is always right

The good: They give me space, are supportive, are trustworthy

I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.
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post #3 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 01:26 PM Thread Starter
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The guy I live with is so lazy that when the garbage can is full, he'll start filling grocery bags with garbage and leave them around the garbage can. Since I moved in, he has not taken the trash out even once.

He also adamantly refuses to buy groceries even when I plead with him, and will instead eat all of mine.
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post #4 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 02:03 PM
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Originally Posted by leaf in the wind View Post
The guy I live with is so lazy that when the garbage can is full, he'll start filling grocery bags with garbage and leave them around the garbage can. Since I moved in, he has not taken the trash out even once.
Omg, yuck. I'll never understand that. Having so much trash in your house lowers your quality of life plus annoying little flying bugs spawn all over the place which are a ***** to get rid of. Why do you think he does it?

I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.
✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧
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post #5 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 02:22 PM Thread Starter
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Omg, yuck. I'll never understand that. Having so much trash in your house lowers your quality of life plus annoying little flying bugs spawn all over the place which are a ***** to get rid of. Why do you think he does it?
It's a small piece of a bigger story, but he completely gave up on life about six months ago.
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post #6 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 02:33 PM
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Originally Posted by leaf in the wind View Post
It's a small piece of a bigger story, but he completely gave up on life about six months ago.
Surely he wouldn't be able to handle it if the trash was in his room? While the fact that he has given up as you say is unfortunate and saddening and he should be supported, you are still living together which means each has to do their share around the house. Have you explained to him he is disrespecting you?

I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.
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post #7 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 02:53 PM Thread Starter
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Surely he wouldn't be able to handle it if the trash was in his room? While the fact that he has given up as you say is unfortunate and saddening and he should be supported, you are still living together which means each has to do their share around the house. Have you explained to him he is disrespecting you?
Yes, and he doesn't care.

If I were to, god forbid, marry him and have a child - I would probably have to beg on my knees and cry for him to buy formula or diapers if we had run out. Or change a diaper.

And even then, I'd still probably wouldn't be able to convince him to lift a finger. That's the kind of guy I'm with.
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post #8 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 03:16 PM
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I live on my own now after many years of living with my wife and son.

A few years ago when I first split up with my wife I lived in a huge house that was like a private hotel - everybody had their own rooms and we just shared the kitchen and bathrooms. But that sort of thing with the garbage happened there too. It was very annoying. I used to constantly be emptying the bins - taking the bags outside etc and just generally trying to keep the kitchen tidy. At home (with my wife) I did that sort of stuff all the time - plus a lot of cooking etc. I was sort of like a house-husband for a while there.

Hopefully OP this guy has some redeeming qualities. Otherwise - please don't have kids with him or you'll be doing everything. He sounds ridiculous. (no offence of course)
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post #9 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 03:22 PM Thread Starter
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I live on my own now after many years of living with my wife and son.

A few years ago when I first split up with my wife I lived in a huge house that was like a private hotel - everybody had their own rooms and we just shared the kitchen and bathrooms. But that sort of thing with the garbage happened there too. It was very annoying. I used to constantly be emptying the bins - taking the bags outside etc and just generally trying to keep the kitchen tidy. At home (with my wife) I did that sort of stuff all the time - plus a lot of cooking etc. I was sort of like a house-husband for a while there.

Hopefully OP this guy has some redeeming qualities. Otherwise - please don't have kids with him or you'll be doing everything. He sounds ridiculous. (no offence of course)
He does have good qualities but he isn't a good partner. (He used to be). I don't know if it was just an act and if that side of him is ever coming back.
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post #10 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 03:26 PM
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He does have good qualities but he isn't a good partner. (He used to be). I don't know if it was just an act and if that side of him is ever coming back.
You really find out what someone is like when you live with them. And people change over the years. Habits become entrenched etc.

Sounds like you need to be very firm with him. Have you tried giving him an ultimatum - like, get off your *** or I'm leaving sort of thing?
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post #11 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 05:22 PM Thread Starter
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You really find out what someone is like when you live with them. And people change over the years. Habits become entrenched etc.

Sounds like you need to be very firm with him. Have you tried giving him an ultimatum - like, get off your *** or I'm leaving sort of thing?
I'm not in a position to follow through with that ultimatum right now, even though I've thought about it at the peak of frustration.

He's caring sometimes. I puked all over myself and the bed a few months ago and he cleaned it all up without a word of complaint. He's not the type to be grossed out if I accidentally get period blood on something or if my hair clogs up the bath drain... I guess stuff like that is what he'd probably dislike when cohabiting with me lol.

I dunno, maybe it's just stress from quarantine making patience a lot shorter than usual.
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post #12 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 06:59 PM
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I'm not in a position to follow through with that ultimatum right now, even though I've thought about it at the peak of frustration.

He's caring sometimes. I puked all over myself and the bed a few months ago and he cleaned it all up without a word of complaint. He's not the type to be grossed out if I accidentally get period blood on something or if my hair clogs up the bath drain... I guess stuff like that is what he'd probably dislike when cohabiting with me lol.

I dunno, maybe it's just stress from quarantine making patience a lot shorter than usual.
Don't necessarily need to actually do it. Quite often just the threat will be enough.

Yeah, I'm going nuts here atm too - I'm so bored I'm going out of my brain. As for our partners - I guess it's just a matter of what we're willing to put up with, and whether we care about them or not. We all have our faults.

My wife used to put up with all sorts of nonsense from me - up until she didn't of course. (understandable though) Life's pretty crazy but what are you gonna do.
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post #13 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 07:07 PM
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My sister is a 26 year old narcissist going on 12 and she has been a complete wicked witch from hell lately.

I was cooking dinner for my gf and I and she comes home and throws a rod over the stuff on the counter. Slamming cupboard doors and telling me how "incredibly disrespectful" I am for making a mess in the kitchen. Her brain doesn't understand that this is what happens when you cook a big meal from scratch and I was still in the process of cooking said meal therefore I hadn't reached the clean up process yet.

Instead of thinking it through, through the use of mature adult logic, she becomes a total reactionary and throws a tantrum like a toddler that doesn't understand why they're not allowed to eat paint chips.
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post #14 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-08-2020, 07:29 PM
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what kind of annoys me is that they're not inanimate objects. they do things and stuff and i have to clean up after them and keep track of the next thing they've done that annoys me. the girl is less disgusting than she used to be but still often disgusting. the moronic guy moved out, so they're not at war anymore. someone who moved out a while back is moving back in. most of my complaints center on hygiene. and over-use of the shared areas. the way she does her rubbish is just dump it all in the bin and never empty it. organics and recycling all in there (and she throws out a lot of food). i moved the bin outside a long time ago and do my rubbish separately because the main rubbish bin is too disgusting to deal with. she normally doesn't tell me if someone new is moving in, or what was happening with the bills etc when we were overcharged.

at least the cooking abandoner is gone. as is the the guy that threw up in the hallway and left it there. there's a high turnover rate of flatmates here because its so ****.

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post #15 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-09-2020, 05:05 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by leaf in the wind View Post
The guy I live with is so lazy that when the garbage can is full, he'll start filling grocery bags with garbage and leave them around the garbage can. Since I moved in, he has not taken the trash out even once.

He also adamantly refuses to buy groceries even when I plead with him, and will instead eat all of mine.
Both those things you state are really low. Just empty the damned bin and replace the bag. Ugh. If it's his garbage, you should place all the bags and bugs in his room to teach him a. Lesson.

And eating all the stuff then yours. Can't you just hide some food stuff somewhere? Is he a flatmate or something of a shared place and you can't throw him out? Does he have a job?

Situation sounds like.it could get claustrophobic. :/

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Longed for Bliss,
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post #16 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-09-2020, 02:48 PM
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The only thing that bugs me about my fiance is that she talks a lot.
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post #17 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-11-2020, 02:15 PM
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Not sharing responsibilities. Or at least definitely feeling like the one who's taking more responsibility. I nearly flew off the handle complaining about getting the last two rounds of groceries, feeling unappreciated along with the fact that this person is able to consume more than i can. And if "we're" getting fast food or takeout, by default Im paying. He is a kind person, very patient, engaging but currently unable to return the favor, even pre-covid 19. I think a lot of it has to do with physical and mental space. Im usually more willing to forego this kind of stuff if I can get away and breathe on my own, but unfortunately, it's not entirely an option right now.

OP, this might be a terrible question to ask and I only ask because I'm maybe in the same situation, but are you afraid to leave this person because of the lack of social support? Or.. something along those lines (guilt over leaving,etc)? Hopefully you can gain some space soon and work things out and take care of yourselves.
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post #18 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-12-2020, 10:06 AM
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Too many things. My brother is a complete man-child that doesnt know how to do basic cleaning or cooking. My mother's okay but I can't emotionally lean on her and she doesnt get my sarcasm. Also my mother is a bordering on a hoarder so there's just so much tat in the house.


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post #19 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-14-2020, 12:52 AM
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Pretty much everything bothers me these days. It's not so much them as it is just the circumstances of everything. Every day brings it's own subtle changes to the trajectory of things but there are certain things you just can't change and have no control over. Other people are one of those things.

For the time being, the whole planet is a train wreck and the best anyone can do is just maintain the right balance and distance from one another to make it through this. I do my best to just avoid the circumstances that I know are going to cause annoyance and friction. If that means sitting in my room all day long and waiting until I don't hear them to go and do whatever I have to do, so be it.

My theory on it is the less interaction you have with people when the pressure is on, the less of a chance there is of friction. Kind of a "let sleeping dogs lie" type of philosophy. At least with the current state of the world.

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post #20 of 43 (permalink) Old 05-14-2020, 03:57 AM
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Nutin'


I think I'm actually the roomie people have a problem with, but I often have a critical view of myself that's unfounded so take that with grain of salt. I'm going to go take out the trash now.
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