went on an interview & was told I was "too soft spoken" & "didn't talk enough" - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 10:48 AM Thread Starter
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went on an interview & was told I was "too soft spoken" & "didn't talk enough"


"too soft spoken" & "didn't talk enough"


it's so not fair. This world caters to the outgoing way too much. The position did not involved selling or talking to customers or anything where those qualities are needed. It's an "introvert" job where you deal with numbers on a computer all day. WHY does it matter that I'm not a loud mouth who talks a lot? Because those qualities seem counter productive to this specific job anyway.

I HATE the corporate world. I hate SA.

"One's level of confidence is assumed to indicate their level of ability, but a high level of confidence can also be related to one's level of ignorance."
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post #2 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 11:05 AM
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Yeah, that sucks. Even if the job was not extraverted, your interviewer probably was outgoing or valued extraversion. They expect candidates to project themselves when they interview. American business on the whole is based on outgoing, confident, assertive (and even aggressive) personalities.

Can you find someone to practice with? It's like acting. You have to put on a certain character to get through the interviews.
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post #3 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 12:15 PM
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It's not fair to discriminate in that way. Don't the emloyers realize that quiet people are more likely to get on with their work instead of spending the day chatting?!
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post #4 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 02:27 PM
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Sorry that happened. Don't feel too bad about it though, if they are going to let that affect you getting the job maybe it's not such a good place to work for anyway. Some interviewers can be complete idiots, I've been to a few in my time. There are some good employers out there though, that can see past all that and recognise someone who will be good for the job they need to do, regardless of if they are introvert/extrovert. Stick with it, and good luck with the job hunt

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post #5 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 02:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mypasswordneverworks View Post
"too soft spoken" & "didn't talk enough"


it's so not fair. This world caters to the outgoing way too much. The position did not involved selling or talking to customers or anything where those qualities are needed. It's an "introvert" job where you deal with numbers on a computer all day. WHY does it matter that I'm not a loud mouth who talks a lot? Because those qualities seem counter productive to this specific job anyway.

I HATE the corporate world. I hate SA.
The way I deal with interviewers is fake it! Then when I get the job I sink into my normal cynical self lol. I am sorry that it didn't go well. You are in an extrovert world. Most people who are hired are told to look for "ethusiastic" people persons'. They think if you are quite that you aren't a team player or you will bring down or spread negative energy in the workforce. Try to ham it up next time and smile a lot!
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post #6 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 02:48 PM Thread Starter
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she was like "I can tell you will stay on task and do your work" "you're just too soft spoken"

I wanted to be like "well, maybe you're to loud!"

"One's level of confidence is assumed to indicate their level of ability, but a high level of confidence can also be related to one's level of ignorance."
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post #7 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 02:53 PM
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Sorry to hear. I would say to work on projecting your voice more so the next interviewer won't get that same impression.
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post #8 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 02:56 PM
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yea, it sucks. I have had similar experiences and will, no doubt, be having a lot more of these next year. I think we should medicalize being quiet, diagnose it early in life and treat it because it is a big handicap.
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post #9 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 04:03 PM
 
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This is really a sickness that is pervading the human race. It really means very little to nothing. But people put alot of importance on it. On nothing. Its really easy to disagree with and also find sides in an argument about it, because its so ingrained in our society.. Its just weird.. and brutal.. sick. The fact that someone is outgoing very much or whatever is considered the opposite of this or not also means very little. Its crazy that people put so much importance on such a meaningless sliver of life. Its SICK. And its very real, inescapable. People are brutal, compassionless.. and its not being weak.

What is important is that all this noise and brutality, hatered, really it is so called civilized fighting, killing, meaningless violence, just like in the animal kingdom or barbaric civilizations. It means nothing, just ruthless competition, greed, selfishness.. People have no education about this, and the ones that benefit defend this. The world is being destroyed, life is nothing but a battlefield. And of course if you have no love or passion you will defend what benefits yourself, but that doesnt give a person real happiness, passion.. it doesnt make a person compassionate.

I think its much more important to learn about all this, and understand it. Its much more important not to be hurt by it or forced into competing with it, bottom or top, that is the sickness. Real happiness makes a person compassionate.. without the concern of being seen as weak. They arent seen as weak.
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post #10 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 04:52 PM
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Originally Posted by mypasswordneverworks View Post
she was like "I can tell you will stay on task and do your work" "you're just too soft spoken"
That's a cue for you to say, "Oh, do you think so? Why is soft-spokenness a problem in this position?" Then you can find out what the interviewer is really afraid of.
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post #11 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 05:52 PM Thread Starter
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That's a cue for you to say, "Oh, do you think so? Why is soft-spokenness a problem in this position?" Then you can find out what the interviewer is really afraid of.
I totally would have if I could have got past the shock that she said that to me. I was too busy thinking "you *****" to formulate actual words to a question.

"One's level of confidence is assumed to indicate their level of ability, but a high level of confidence can also be related to one's level of ignorance."
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post #12 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 07:02 PM
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This is what I have found also! Why on earth do they need an "outgoing" person for a storeperson job? Don't outgoing people already have enough jobs specifically suited to them!

The other thing is interview performance. I think people with anxiety disorders like SA simply perform extremely poorly in interviews. Sometimes I just get so frustrated because I get the call back saying that I was rejected from some kind of basic job that was a hundred times below my potential. There was this one job that required map reading. Yes, I can read maps. Anyway, I went to the job interview and was so nervous that when the guy tested my map reading skills I failed miserably.

Hundreds of years ago we would have been forced to interact with people in a community setting. Also, you didn't really need a job interview because everybody already knew everybody else. Now you are put on the spot in front of some faceless corporation and must perform your tricks.
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post #13 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 07:22 PM
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there some people who are confident just because they are confident.

the person that you were against was probably in this category.

such people do not value intelligence as they dont have it.

Dont worry it was not the place for you.

You will find a place where your intelligence and hard work is appreciated and there you will improve your self esteem and be happy

Bran- "Can a man still be brave when he's afraid?"

Eddard - "That's the only time a man can be brave."
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post #14 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 07:47 PM
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That is simply [expletive]. Just because we are the ones that have to suffer more than anyone else because of something that isn't even our fault in the first place, we are the ones that are constantly getting the low end of the deal while seemingly everyone else goes happily about their business. Nothings irks me more.

If I were in the same position where I was discriminated against for an interview for a job that was well below my qualifications, due directly to problems related to SA, I would have simply flipped out - even with my SA the way it is, because the rare times that I have gotten openly angry about things like that have always felt good. [expletive] you, [expletive]. I don't [expletive]'ing need this [expletive] job. Strangely enough, the only times my SA ever really ceases to affect me is when I get angry.

End rant.
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post #15 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 07:58 PM
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I know where your coming from and it sucks. Every time i go to an interview, I get told that. I once applied at a Kaiser position and my sister who works for HR, at Kaiser, found out what went wrong on one of my interviews. The lady told her that I didn't speak very good english even though english is my first language and my english is very good. I am guessing it was because my first name is Juanita and because I am shy. Whatever though, I didn't want to work for them anyways.
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post #16 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-02-2009, 08:45 PM Thread Starter
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It really is unfortunate. I hope the wonderful outgoing person that they hired in my place talks all day and sends their productivity down. That is what the company deserves since that is what they wanted, Miss Loud Extrovert.

"One's level of confidence is assumed to indicate their level of ability, but a high level of confidence can also be related to one's level of ignorance."
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post #17 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-03-2009, 07:47 AM
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That is a bunch of crap! Be proud of who you are. I am sure its a place where people are constantly jacking their jaws, and won't shut the $*$* up. God, I have worked in too many places like that. That is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard an employer say. I am very sorry that happened to you.
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post #18 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-03-2009, 02:18 PM
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I hope you don't get down on yourself too much. In my therapy session we did a mock interview in a video tape exposure and i was told i was too soft spoken as well. It bugs me but i have to make a conscious effort every time i speak to project louder.At least you tried and went to an interview, that is more than i have done.

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post #19 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-03-2009, 08:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mypasswordneverworks View Post
"too soft spoken" & "didn't talk enough"


it's so not fair. This world caters to the outgoing way too much. The position did not involved selling or talking to customers or anything where those qualities are needed. It's an "introvert" job where you deal with numbers on a computer all day. WHY does it matter that I'm not a loud mouth who talks a lot? Because those qualities seem counter productive to this specific job anyway.

I HATE the corporate world. I hate SA.

I'm sorry that happened to you. It sounds like people are giving you a lot of good advice. You could try play acting like it's a role in the job interview. However, if the guy is so much against introverted people, maybe it's better you work in a more accepting environment. Afterall, you would have to keep the act up all the time. Maybe you should go to an employment center and try to find job matches that are good for you.
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post #20 of 31 (permalink) Old 04-03-2009, 08:51 PM
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I got so sick and desperate of not getting the jobs I interviewed for I faked my last interview and tricked the guy into hiring me. Once I got the job I did the mute thing, and couldn't open my mouth. He must have been really confused. I'm still there, and he's just used to me now. It's like I'm a plant pot or not real. They have not given me a raise in 3 years, but I consider myself lucky to have a job in this economy. I'm just wasting my time there, and I just know I don't belong there.

They layed off a really cheerful extroverted older woman recently instead of me. Everyone liked her, and she spent the rest of the day crying. I wouldn't have cared if they fired me, but the boss said "he doesn't know me from a hole in the wall, cause I'm so quiet, but they spent more money and time training me than her, so they were sad to let her go". Being quiet is def. a detriment to any career advancement really. I was so stupid to not realize this for so long.

sorry went off on a tangent there. I would say fake the interview if you can, and then be a really good employee after that. With some luck you could end up w/ a steady job.
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