want to go to boyf's graduation...
he's graduating from college! woo! how exciting, and omg i can't wait to see--
oh yes, i probably won't be there though because that setting for SURE will set me off freaking out.
and i feel bad because he really wants me to go if he can get me a ticket, and i would love to be there for him. and we haven't been together sooo long, just four months so far (by graduation it will be six :-) ) and i've been doing really well with my anxiety for awhile now, so he doesn't know that much about it/seen me with it. so when he was mentioning graduationg again, and i tried to tell him i really would love to go but really probably won't be able to as hard as i try, because of my anxiety...i could tell he just wanted to say "that doesnt make sense, if you wanna go, go." and telling me that it would be ok because his family would be there (his parents whom i've never spent ANY time with [and who from what i've seen, are not the warmest people in the world], and his brothers who i've hung out with but aren't good friends with), HE would be there (oh yes, miles and miles across the center sitting with your class), i go other places where there are lots of people, it'll be just like that (i only go to these other places when accompanied by friends closeby).
ugh. this is all too frustrating.
and i feel like by just having to deal with it in any context, it may be triggering my anxiety in general now.