Unwanted attention from men - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:04 AM Thread Starter
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Unwanted attention from men


How can I deal with this in a non aggressive manner. As a young woman... I hate going through this almost on a daily basis. I mean sure you guys would tell me to be flattered and that it's nothing really but I have been in situations where men would think of doing more than just staring at me for like what 10 seconds?? sometimes even longer than that. I have been followed around the store, had these men stand literally like one inch away from me and keep on doing so when I take a step away from them.. some even follow me in their cars or even out of the store. WTH am I suppose to do?? Most of the time... I like to go out in public alone or sometimes because others are too busy to accompany me. How can I deal with this without getting stressed out or even super angry or offended about it?? I've tried the ignoring them situation before. Of course that didn't stop them from continuing to harass me. FYI I do not dress up at all. I would wear plain jeans.. not even feminime clothing such as skirts or cute blouses.. I sometimes wear a hoodie or a t shirt.. some sneakers too. I dress appropriately and modestly. Not ****ty, or revealing at all in any ways... yet I feel like the one in the room they are focused on. This is one of the reasons why I Really hate going out of the house.
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post #2 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:11 AM
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Hmm, as long as they don't make an advance on you and just stare, ignore them (I know that's not what you want to hear). Are these the same men or just random ones? Also, the staring thing alone should just be taken as a compliment (I know, again, this is probably not what you want to hear). Sometimes I stare at girls I find attractive in hopes of catching their eye, not because I want to assault her or anything. But that following thing is pretty scary, stay away from those guys!
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post #3 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:17 AM Thread Starter
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Hmm, as long as they don't make an advance on you and just stare, ignore them (I know that's not what you want to hear). Are these the same men or just random ones? Also, the staring thing alone should just be taken as a compliment (I know, again, this is probably not what you want to hear). Sometimes I stare at girls I find attractive in hopes of catching their eye, not because I want to assault her or anything. But that following thing is pretty scary, stay away from those guys!
These are random men out in the public. Random different men. Although when I was 17.. I had a man in his mid 30's show me that he was attracted to me in a very wrong way. I was underage. Had to see him at church once a week. Crap. When I was 17 years old... that's where I was starting to get a lot of older men like 30s to 40s or even 50s coming on to me like this. It was not okay. Now that I'm 23... the situation doesn't really freak me out as much. Just annoys me to the point where I do not even feel like getting out of the house.
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post #4 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:21 AM
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I think it would be nice for a a few days, then get annoying real quick to have women do that to me. Just act crazy, cross your eyes, cluck like a chicken, talk to an imaginary friend

I dunno, I've never been in that position before. I think that is what I would eventually do, just for the laughs.

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post #5 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:21 AM
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It could be the way you elaborate your problem.. But to me, it seems to be all in your head. You're super duber self conscious, that is your main issue from what I can see. You know why they stand so close to you? Because you're in a line.. And maybe you smell good, I don't know.
The rest sound like paranoia. I see some stereotypical Things here; a woman who wants to control everything going on around her, but can't, then blaming all these innocent men for doing nothing.
You make it sound like every other guy is a stalker.

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Originally Posted by Paloma M View Post
How can I deal with this in a non aggressive manner. As a young woman... I hate going through this almost on a daily basis. I mean sure you guys would tell me to be flattered and that it's nothing really but I have been in situations where men would think of doing more than just staring at me for like what 10 seconds?? sometimes even longer than that. I have been followed around the store, had these men stand literally like one inch away from me and keep on doing so when I take a step away from them.. some even follow me in their cars or even out of the store. WTH am I suppose to do?? Most of the time... I like to go out in public alone or sometimes because others are too busy to accompany me. How can I deal with this without getting stressed out or even super angry or offended about it?? I've tried the ignoring them situation before. Of course that didn't stop them from continuing to harass me. FYI I do not dress up at all. I would wear plain jeans.. not even feminime clothing such as skirts or cute blouses.. I sometimes wear a hoodie or a t shirt.. some sneakers too. I dress appropriately and modestly. Not ****ty, or revealing at all in any ways... yet I feel like the one in the room they are focused on. This is one of the reasons why I Really hate going out of the house.
Inb4 " You don't know what it is like!"

I do. When I was at my most self concious point, I could always feel women stare at me from all over, and in my mind, they followed me everywhere I went, and seemed to Draw closer.
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post #6 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:23 AM
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Just give them the weirdest facial expression you have, and stare at them until they back away.

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post #7 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:25 AM Thread Starter
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It could be the way you elaborate your problem.. But to me, it seems to be all in your head. You're super duber self conscious, that is your main issue from what I can see. You know why they stand so close to you? Because you're in a line.. And maybe you smell good, I don't know.
The rest sound like paranoia. I see some stereotypical Things here; a woman who wants to control everything going on around her, but can't, then blaming all these innocent men for doing nothing.
You make it sound like every other guy is a stalker.
I've literally had men stand close to me.. facing me and just stare at me or even stare at my face for a long time. I think that's something to be freaked out about and I was in line in the personal space invasion issue but there was no one behind this guy and there was not even a tiny space between us.. he was seriously on me to the point where the tip of his nose could touch the back of my head. There was no one behind him so that did not give him the reason to stand so close to me.
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post #8 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Paloma M View Post
I've literally had men stand close to me.. facing me and just stare at me or even stare at my face for a long time. I think that's something to be freaked out about and I was in line in the personal space invasion issue but there was no one behind this guy and there was not even a tiny space between us.. he was seriously on me to the point where the tip of his nose could touch the back of my head. There was no one behind him so that did not give him the reason to stand so close to me.
Don't bathe or brush your teeth for several days. That oughta do it..
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post #9 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paloma M View Post
These are random men out in the public. Random different men. Although when I was 17.. I had a man in his mid 30's show me that he was attracted to me in a very wrong way. I was underage. Had to see him at church once a week. Crap. When I was 17 years old... that's where I was starting to get a lot of older men like 30s to 40s or even 50s coming on to me like this. It was not okay. Now that I'm 23... the situation doesn't really freak me out as much. Just annoys me to the point where I do not even feel like getting out of the house.
I know it's very uncomfortable, but you should try to relax. It's actually very rare for a guy to be that stalkerish and follow a girl around. There's probably a few times when you were right, but mostly I think you're misinterpreting what they're trying to do. As a guy, I see this a lot, I walk the street, minding my own business, and some random girl looks at me and starts acting very nervous and jittery, sometimes starts walking a lot faster to get away. Trust me, when that happens, it's very uncomfortable for the guy as well.
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post #10 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:32 AM
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Quote:
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I've literally had men stand close to me.. facing me and just stare at me or even stare at my face for a long time. I think that's something to be freaked out about and I was in line in the personal space invasion issue but there was no one behind this guy and there was not even a tiny space between us.. he was seriously on me to the point where the tip of his nose could touch the back of my head. There was no one behind him so that did not give him the reason to stand so close to me.
Well.. that happens to me too. And that's with both genders. Some people don't give any thought to others personal Space, does'nt mean that they're all out to get you. I know you would rather die before considering to Work on changing your mindset and solve some of the issues you've had in your life that has led you to this state of mind, but you know what?
It's the only way for you to go if you want to truely solve the issue of Unwanted attention.
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post #11 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:32 AM
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Stop wearing makeup, get a terrible haircut, only shower every other week, gain some weight and never brush your teeth. That ought to do it.

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Doncha just love how anxiety completely castrates you while leaving your libido intact?

Did a medieval torturer think this up?
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post #12 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:33 AM
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Woah, when you put it that way, men in Texas seem a tad bit more creepy than us Floridians, and I've seen some really creep customers in our store saying the most forward comments to the girl coworkers lol. I've yet to see a guy invade a girl's personal space like that and almost touch them, that's really really weird. Perhaps I just don't go out as much though, I'm sure if I did, I could witness a few atrocious events like that. This old man once slapped my butt on accident lol I felt awkward, I knew he was just trying to pat me on the back---I must tell myself this! Please!!! My mind can't take the alternative...


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post #13 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:37 AM
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Woah, when you put it that way, men in Texas seem a tad bit more creepy than us Floridians, and I've seen some really creep customers in our store saying the most forward comments to the girl coworkers lol. I've yet to see a guy invade a girl's personal space like that and almost touch them, that's really really weird. Perhaps I just don't go out as much though, I'm sure if I did, I could witness a few atrocious events like that. This old man once slapped my butt on accident lol I felt awkward, I knew he was just trying to pat me on the back---I must tell myself this! Please!!! My mind can't take the alternative...


It's very strange to hear these stories about overly sleazy guys. Not just on here but from anyone where I live. That kind of behaviour is almost unseen or unheard of in my area, unless the girl is overexaggerating (ie., an ugly guy showing interest towards her, which shouldn't be demonized by any means).

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Doncha just love how anxiety completely castrates you while leaving your libido intact?

Did a medieval torturer think this up?
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post #14 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:37 AM
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You have every right to be upset about inappropriate attention. Unfortunately society normalizes this kind of behavior and tells women they're asking for such attention, shifting the blame from the person who is behaving badly to the person who is getting inappropriate attention.

You could flip the script and try calling these people out on their behavior or turning the behavior back on them. My mother and I were at the beach the other day and this guy was staring at her. She turned and stared back at him until he turned his head away.
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post #15 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:48 AM
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I get creepy stares from old men, even when I'm wearing sweatpants and look like I rolled out of bed. *shudders*
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post #16 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:52 AM
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I get creepy stares from old men, even when I'm wearing sweatpants and look like I rolled out of bed. *shudders*
For me some really gross remarks and one even touched me.

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post #17 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:54 AM
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So many dismissive comments in here...

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How can I deal with this in a non aggressive manner.
Not really sure, but the first thing that comes to mind is body language. If you can appear closed-off, uptight, stressed, in a rush, etc. (things that tell people "don't even think about bugging me"), that may help your cause in deterring some of them...

What kind of neighbourhood do you go out in? Is it a seedy-sort-of area? If you're seeing this a lot in, umm, 'lower class' areas, then I would suggest sticking to the better parts of your city instead.


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post #18 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 11:57 AM
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I don't have this problem... humph.
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post #19 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 12:02 PM
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Woah, when you put it that way, men in Texas seem a tad bit more creepy than us Floridians
Did somebody call for a creepy Texan male?

Here I am!


Not very good at this.
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post #20 of 77 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 01:11 PM
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Your life must be so hard.
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