Triggers - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-22-2021, 01:29 AM Thread Starter
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Triggers


What are your triggers?

Mine are hearing about how people are close to their families and having supportive friends/network.

And when I know I'm treated differently because of the way I look.

When I'm triggered I would feel sad.

But one trigger that sets me off in which I become enraged and overwhelmingly hurt is witnessing my dad being engaging with my cousin and being happy for her.

Every now and then when I witness that I get so overwhelmed that I slam doors and I punch the wall. I then feel so ashamed afterwards.

She got a new job and yesterday she came over. He was happily asking her about it and so excited for her. He rarely ask me anything about my job. I understand that this is our dynamic because he was emotionally distant during my childhood, but it still hurts.

Add to the fact that he would usually mutter or get annoyed even when I ask him a question like where mum is. He is always complaining and whiny around me.

Yesterday I threw my tablet against the wall and it left marks. I punched the wall several times. I slammed doors. I cried. I howled. I didn't expect that howl to come out of me. I was shocked. I thought it would be a croaked scream but a howl came out.

I hate it when I'm triggered like that.
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-22-2021, 02:32 AM
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I triggered yesterday. Just got home from work, and I felt low. I tell my partner I feel like running away as I can't deal with how low I feel. He responded by saying.. I think your bi polar, you drag me down and I'm tired of it.
All I wanted was him to listen, hold me and tell me that he would run away with me to keep me safe. I'd of felt ten times better, but no. I didn't shout or scream, but I am walking around numb now, and have pretty much given up on the idea things will get better. Being totally uncared for is my trigger.
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-22-2021, 08:20 PM Thread Starter
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The fact that breaks me when I see my dad being engaging with my cousin is that he always says she's a happy person so that's why she got the job and gets jobs easily.

That really trigger me because I could have been a happy person. But I grew up around him being moody, depressive and complaining. He would always scold me whenever I was happy. So I'm scared to be happy around him. And I'm scared of people because I've been put down my whole life.

He's so proud of her. She was working at a restaurant and he would say she's the manager even though she wasn't.

He's always dismissive of me. A few months ago I went to a job interview a bit further away than my previous jobs. I usually get anxious about saying anything about myself to my mum around him. I told her. He heard it, scoffed and said that's far and walked away.

You can understand why I'm so triggered when I see him taking an interest in other people's children.

My deceased brother friend is married to my mum's cousin and my dad talks to him happily. Whereas my dad abused my brother when he was young and allowed his side of the family to abuse him.

My brother had schizophrenia and had an episode. He bear hugged my dad and was punching him in a rough housing way. My dad told him he should die and that my dad would be better off if he died.

One time my brother's friend (the one who is married to my mum's cousin) was having issues with his relationship and he came over and ranted to my dad.

My dad took him out to eat to calm him down.

He told his own child to die and is emotionally supportive towards another person's child.

It breaks my heart remembering how my brother was treated.
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-23-2021, 04:04 PM
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@melancholyscorpio Oh my, that is tough... I can't say I know how you feel, I would lie to you if I said that. My dad was also distant with me and my siblings and, as well, he's so caring with other children now. Maybe it's a copying mechanism, I don't know.

It's so sad your dad used to do those things to your brother and to you as well and of course it wasn't right for him to do that. But I hope you get to be in a place where you can avoid this trigger. Just know that you are not alone and even if there are people who judge you for how you look, there will be others who won't.



To me what triggers me is the feeling I will never get to experience love or a more intimate relationship with anyone. I've never been close to anyone, I've always felt left behind while the others around me are playing the game of love between each other. It's that moment when you go and meet new people and they end up liking each other, dating each other, having fun together and you are just there, alone, watching them all having fun and only waiting for them to come back once they are done with their dates. I feel like I would never be granted to chance to even try love because of some kind of curse that was placed on me.



Yesterday I had a sudden depressive mood, couldn't get out of bed, was crying all the time, I didn't want to talk to anyone nor see anyone, just wanted to sleep. It was a rainy day too, so terrible combination.

But yeah, my trigger is my own mind and I know only I can stop it, just don't know how or how to gain confidence after being rejected so many times and never had experience love before. (There are various types of love, I know, and I mean them all... I don't know why, but no matter what I do, people always leave).

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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-23-2021, 06:58 PM
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When ever my dad talks about getting older. I know it is technically a good thing, but I think about the fact that he wont always be here. Lately I have been trying to appreciate him
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-01-2021, 05:04 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hadara View Post
@melancholyscorpio Oh my, that is tough... I can't say I know how you feel, I would lie to you if I said that. My dad was also distant with me and my siblings and, as well, he's so caring with other children now. Maybe it's a copying mechanism, I don't know.

It's so sad your dad used to do those things to your brother and to you as well and of course it wasn't right for him to do that. But I hope you get to be in a place where you can avoid this trigger. Just know that you are not alone and even if there are people who judge you for how you look, there will be others who won't.



To me what triggers me is the feeling I will never get to experience love or a more intimate relationship with anyone. I've never been close to anyone, I've always felt left behind while the others around me are playing the game of love between each other. It's that moment when you go and meet new people and they end up liking each other, dating each other, having fun together and you are just there, alone, watching them all having fun and only waiting for them to come back once they are done with their dates. I feel like I would never be granted to chance to even try love because of some kind of curse that was placed on me.



Yesterday I had a sudden depressive mood, couldn't get out of bed, was crying all the time, I didn't want to talk to anyone nor see anyone, just wanted to sleep. It was a rainy day too, so terrible combination.

But yeah, my trigger is my own mind and I know only I can stop it, just don't know how or how to gain confidence after being rejected so many times and never had experience love before. (There are various types of love, I know, and I mean them all... I don't know why, but no matter what I do, people always leave).
Thanks for taking the time to read my post and respond.

I'm an adult and I can move out to avoid witnessing my dad being so supportive towards my cousin. Ignorance is bliss.

I only have myself to blame. I can control my life.

He can be supportive of her but it is heartbreaking seeing the disparity in his connection with her than with me. I'm basically a tenant and she is the beloved daughter that comes home to visit. An outsider would believe this to be the case if they saw the situation.

Such is life. I don't even respect him. I wish I can switch off my feelings.

**HUGS** I have the same trigger about not being loved and believing that I will never be in an intimate relationship.

Why do you think that is the case for you?
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-01-2021, 08:38 PM
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There's a lot of triggers that sets me off.

My aunt said to my mom, "My daughter can get a job, but your son doesn't want a job." This affected me emotionally, because I went out my way to put in for jobs everyday. Another time my aunt said to me that when I'm 30 years old, no job, no woman or anybody going to want me around them.

My sister would say to me that I missed out on my 20's, and that I'm not going to have much time for myself in my 30's. She would repeat this irrational thought process to me every year about my current age and upcoming age.

Never had a career, never had an income, never had a girlfriend, regardless of how many times I tried. The people have the same mentality, perception and belief about me since I was a child. The people behavior and communication induces my social anxiety and depression.

The A.I Computers/NSA engineers use a computational intelligence system to design a mentality by translating key information/cryptographic keys into thoughts, logic, and emotions that are fake to manage humanity 24/7.
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old Today, 05:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by melancholyscorpio View Post
Thanks for taking the time to read my post and respond.

I'm an adult and I can move out to avoid witnessing my dad being so supportive towards my cousin. Ignorance is bliss.

I only have myself to blame. I can control my life.

He can be supportive of her but it is heartbreaking seeing the disparity in his connection with her than with me. I'm basically a tenant and she is the beloved daughter that comes home to visit. An outsider would believe this to be the case if they saw the situation.

Such is life. I don't even respect him. I wish I can switch off my feelings.

**HUGS** I have the same trigger about not being loved and believing that I will never be in an intimate relationship.

Why do you think that is the case for you?

Hi, sorry I couldn't reply to you before. This week I've been quite busy. How have you been?
I am glad to know you can move away from your father to avoid witnessing him being like that towards your cousin.

I don't know what could be going on in his mind and sadly, I don't think there's any way to change his behavior. So yeah, I think moving away from him is the best option for you. I did the same with my father. I moved away from my home country a year ago and not a single day have we talked through video chatting and our conversation are mostly about money. But yeah, I think that's just the way he is and gotta move on from that.



Well, about that trigger it's because I'm very insecure about myself in terms of love. I mean, nobody has ever shown any interest on being intimate with me before so I grew to believe I'm unlovable. Being a straight woman and having guys treating me badly in the past, some of them even being violent towards me, or playing with my feelings (as to flirt with me because of some stupid challenge or just because they were tired of their girlfriends/boyfriends) AND having my father basically use me as my mother's replacement after she died (for about 8 years) just made me feel I am no way lovable. It just feels as if everyone else is playing the game of love and I'm in the middle, just watching at my friends hang out with each other in that sort of game I can't take part of.



I prefer not to think too much about it because I tend to get depressed whenever I think of the possibility of love, because I know that is something that will never happen to me. For some reason or another, I seem to be out of luck, boring or defective in a way that nobody seems interested on me in an intimate level. Whenever I see someone whose physique I like, my mind instantly pops up the thought that there's no way someone like him would ever like someone like me, that of course a person like him may already have a loved one by his side.



I know I shouldn't judge the present with all the past events, but it is difficult to be optimistic when all I've ever known are lies, codependency and violence. So yeah, I tend to fall for any guy who's remotely nice to me, who doesn't belittle me or scream to me, even if he shows no romantic interested towards me, so if he goes with someone else I feel totally destroyed.



I can't love, I don't know how to, I just have such a wicked concept of it, so whenever I think of it, it frustrates me because I simply don't know what to do about it. So yeah, that makes my anxiety pretty bad because I start picturing myself in the future all alone, as an older woman, always regretting never experiencing love.



So yeah, I just avoid anything that has to do with romance: romance movies or TV dramas, romantic songs, I try not to look at couples on the streets or subway, I avoid conversations that have to do with it or even things shaped like hearts hahahaha I soooo hate them!! xD I hate this world revolves about this so much hahaha


I also make myself very busy with lots of personal projects, studies and work just to not have time to think about it, I repeat to myself that I shouldn't worry about it and rather be grateful for the other wonderful things I already have, that I can't have everything I want in life. Of course that makes it that, when I have some free time, the issue pops up again and makes my head go crazy.

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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old Today, 03:43 PM
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I get triggered by the human voice talking about stupid meaningless crap in my vicinity. I hate people.
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old Today, 08:13 PM
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Happy families...it's true what they say that things aren't always as they appear though. I don't feel like going into too much detail right now other than it makes me think about if things in my past were different, what would my life be like now? But does it really matter now?

What you resist persists when pertaining to the inner world of thoughts and emotions...let it flow...
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