The World Doesn't See The World The Way We See The World - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-02-2020, 02:03 AM Thread Starter
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The World Doesn't See The World The Way We See The World


I know we over here have a special way of viewing the world. Not just us, but a lot of people with anxiety, depression, SA, etc. Over time, we have adapted to our problems and modified our outlook of the of the world based on this.

Sometimes we attempt to downplay our problems and not get bothered by them, because it doesn't really help in any way. Self pity will only make you feel worse. And the further it'll drag you down. So why do it? We like to not give our problems any importance and just continue despite them. Especially if its a problem that you can improve upon by practice (like social anxiety). So you know that the only way to get over it, is to just keep practicing and not let it get you down.

But then comes the rest of the world, to remind you of your problems. And not only that but it will LAUGH at you for having the outlook that you do, and wondering why you even have that outlook. Like it sees a guy struggling to push a heavy load and then saying '' Lol, why even bother? ''

This is a sidetrack but it makes the point of what I'm talking about: A lot of men say that you shouldn't be bothered by rejection when interacting with women. Rejection might be inherently bad and any normal '' default '' person would be hurt by it. But they have adapted their outlook on life to make themselves not look at it that way. Instead they look at it in a positive way (rewiring normal thinking patterns). Because why feel bad, when you can instead feel good? Also it will make you feel better in the long run. This is a great monk-like way of living life. Disassociate with negative feelings. But the world will laugh at you for even thinking like this. Look at the way people react to this guy in the video when he thanks them for rejecting him. They simply Don't get it! You can see the visible confusion on their faces. They have no idea where this guy is coming from.
. Yeah.....that's how the world reacts. They think all our ideologies are pathetic.

Now coming back to anxiety. I have a speech problem and the only way I can get over it is by practicing talking to people. I have done this in the past and its worked. Its quite a severe speech impediment, but the only way I can get through is to ignore it and get on. The problem is though that people don't look past it. They don't let me look past it either. They either get annoyed or wonder '' Why are you even talking when its difficult for you? ''. I think very few people have concluded '' Oh he's still talking because he's trying to improve! '' and finally figured out why I'm still talking. And by few people, I mean 1 in a 100.

Its almost like the world itself has a '' loser '' attitude by default.
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-02-2020, 10:48 AM
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I think negative emotions have their place, I would acknowledge the pain of rejection, heal from it, and be more happy afterwards.
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-02-2020, 01:48 PM
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Most people don't understand a problem unless they have it themselves, so they don't understand coping mechanisms or adaptive responses associated with the problem, either. (Not sure the video is a good example--I only watched a couple snippets--but violation of social scripts is probably a big part of the response.) People with a milder, more common, more relatable problem are more likely to get understanding and support than a person with a more serious, less common, and less relatable problem. That's just statistics. When a problem reaches a certain magnitude, the character/quality of the experience changes. So even people with a milder version of a problem don't understand the coping mechanisms/adaptive responses of people with a more serious version of a problem. This is one of the reasons why advice that works for one person won't work for another person. But yeah, how you think about the world determines the kind of evidence you accumulate and therefore how you see the world.

Rejection doesn't bother me. 99.9999% of the population has no interest in someone like me, so I don't take a person's rejection/indifference personally. There's no pain there to heal from, since I assume lack of interest to begin with. (I think "What did I do wrong? Why was I not good enough?" only applies when there's a possibility that the outcome could have been different.)

Is it just me or is it getting crazier out there.
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-02-2020, 04:15 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by truant View Post
Most people don't understand a problem unless they have it themselves, so they don't understand coping mechanisms or adaptive responses associated with the problem, either. (Not sure the video is a good example--I only watched a couple snippets--but violation of social scripts is probably a big part of the response.) People with a milder, more common, more relatable problem are more likely to get understanding and support than a person with a more serious, less common, and less relatable problem. That's just statistics. When a problem reaches a certain magnitude, the character/quality of the experience changes. So even people with a milder version of a problem don't understand the coping mechanisms/adaptive responses of people with a more serious version of a problem. This is one of the reasons why advice that works for one person won't work for another person. But yeah, how you think about the world determines the kind of evidence you accumulate and therefore how you see the world.

Rejection doesn't bother me. 99.9999% of the population has no interest in someone like me, so I don't take a person's rejection/indifference personally. There's no pain there to heal from, since I assume lack of interest to begin with. (I think "What did I do wrong? Why was I not good enough?" only applies when there's a possibility that the outcome could have been different.)
You don't have to go through the exact same problem to co-exist with them. It's a matter of acceptance. Just knowing that '' hey everyone has their problems and they need to do what they need to do. I might not understand it, but there's more to it.''

When it comes to disability, as a rule of thumb, you should just treat everyone indifferently. Their disabilities are their own struggle and they have their own ways of coping with it. So just focus on what needs to be focused on. Eg: If you're playing basketball with someone in a wheel chair....Do not alter your playing style to '' cater '' to them. Just play the way you always do, and let them play the way they do.

But people aren't like that. Even if their intentions are good. They know that they're not supposed to make fun of people's disabilities. So instead they'll go the other extreme and offer unwanted pity, 24/7 sympathy and BS like that.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-03-2020, 01:31 AM
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Originally Posted by DukeDuck View Post
This is a sidetrack but it makes the point of what I'm talking about: A lot of men say that you shouldn't be bothered by rejection when interacting with women. Rejection might be inherently bad and any normal '' default '' person would be hurt by it. But they have adapted their outlook on life to make themselves not look at it that way. Instead they look at it in a positive way (rewiring normal thinking patterns). Because why feel bad, when you can instead feel good?
Rejection isn't inherently bad, it's natural. You can't possibly give everyone the attention they demand from you, so there is no choice but to reject people. The way you worded it makes it sound like anyone who isn't offended by rejection is merely fooling themselves, but in reality, there's tons of people who could not care less whether you accept them or not. It's easy to see in children and teenagers, so I don't think it's an adaptation.


Regarding your other point, being understanding with people who can't understand your problem is also a sign of empathy. Rather than dwelling on it or resenting them for not seeing why something is such a struggle to you, you can try to understand that they have a different background and it's only natural they react in certain ways. It's not nice when people patronize you for not being able to do something, but in some cases it can be an opportunity for them to learn a life lesson.
This works both ways, because I've seen many people with depression/avoidant personality disorder downplay other people's problems or doubt the diagnosis of people with SA because they think the other person doesn't have it as bad as them. Even those people you complain about might have problems that you can't relate to.
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-03-2020, 03:19 PM
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Originally Posted by DukeDuck View Post
You don't have to go through the exact same problem to co-exist with them. It's a matter of acceptance. Just knowing that '' hey everyone has their problems and they need to do what they need to do. I might not understand it, but there's more to it.''

When it comes to disability, as a rule of thumb, you should just treat everyone indifferently. Their disabilities are their own struggle and they have their own ways of coping with it. So just focus on what needs to be focused on. Eg: If you're playing basketball with someone in a wheel chair....Do not alter your playing style to '' cater '' to them. Just play the way you always do, and let them play the way they do.

But people aren't like that. Even if their intentions are good. They know that they're not supposed to make fun of people's disabilities. So instead they'll go the other extreme and offer unwanted pity, 24/7 sympathy and BS like that.
Well, the problem is where to draw the line. If someone discriminates against me, I need to remind myself that it's not their fault that they don't understand people like me. "Everyone has their problems," and in this case, it's ignorance/lack of exposure to people like myself. To what degree should I accept their behavior?

If you don't understand someone's problem, it can be hard to even recognize that there is a problem there that you don't understand. With something like a stutter, people understand that there is a problem that they need to be sensitive about. And that may lead to the pity reactions that you're describing. But with many kinds of mental disorder, the disorder is only visible as "mood" or "making bad decisions". It's often extremely hard for another person to tell, based on your facial expression or behavior, that you have an anxiety disorder (for example) and that you're not simply being rude.

Most of the present circumstances of my life can be traced back to my various disorders, but to other people (like my father, who doesn't understand mental illness) it looks like I'm just making "a series of unfortunate decisions." At what point is a person allowed to criticize another person's behavior? If I complain about being poor (which is a byproduct of my disorders) are they entitled to tell me to shut up and get a job? Because to 99% of the population, it just looks like I'm lazy.

If any negative behavior can potentially be traced back to one kind of disorder or another, are we ever entitled to be upset about another person's behavior? The point being, if someone truly sees the world differently than we do, they often see it so differently that they're not even in a position to understand that we experience their behavior as being rude or offensive. Many of the people who offend us really are trying very hard to be nice. Is it right for us to be angry at them?

Is it just me or is it getting crazier out there.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-03-2020, 03:31 PM
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No they don't, but then you don't either. Nobody sees the world the same way as anyone else, but how I see certain things is far removed from most people.
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-05-2020, 01:48 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Saeta View Post
Rejection isn't inherently bad, it's natural. You can't possibly give everyone the attention they demand from you, so there is no choice but to reject people. The way you worded it makes it sound like anyone who isn't offended by rejection is merely fooling themselves, but in reality, there's tons of people who could not care less whether you accept them or not. It's easy to see in children and teenagers, so I don't think it's an adaptation.


Regarding your other point, being understanding with people who can't understand your problem is also a sign of empathy. Rather than dwelling on it or resenting them for not seeing why something is such a struggle to you, you can try to understand that they have a different background and it's only natural they react in certain ways. It's not nice when people patronize you for not being able to do something, but in some cases it can be an opportunity for them to learn a life lesson.
This works both ways, because I've seen many people with depression/avoidant personality disorder downplay other people's problems or doubt the diagnosis of people with SA because they think the other person doesn't have it as bad as them. Even those people you complain about might have problems that you can't relate to.
Yeah but the reaction to rejection is naturally disappointment and other negative feelings. I was talking about the scenario where someone seeks someone else out (who they are interested in) and then get rejected.

I'm not talking about resenting people for not seeing how how big your problems are. In fact the opposite. I'm resenting them for reacting to the problems instead of looking past it. Is it really that hard to accept people the way they are and treat them indifferently? I have met a lot of people who have looked past my speech impediment and just talked to me like I was a normal person......but they were in the minority. The majority can't comprehend anything that sways out of the norm.
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-08-2020, 02:43 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by truant View Post
Well, the problem is where to draw the line. If someone discriminates against me, I need to remind myself that it's not their fault that they don't understand people like me. "Everyone has their problems," and in this case, it's ignorance/lack of exposure to people like myself. To what degree should I accept their behavior?
Discrimination is always wrong. If someone denies you service for example, how can you not hold them accountable? They made the choice to do that. Their feelings, exposure experience is irrelevant. I mean you have to expect some degree of civility from people and not treat them like cavemen who are only driven by instinct. You have to expect some level of intelligence.

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Many of the people who offend us really are trying very hard to be nice. Is it right for us to be angry at them?
Oh I really don't know about this. This is very rare. Most of the people who offend us are only concerned about themselves and not how their actions are coming across or how they are making others feel.
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-09-2020, 12:39 AM
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Originally Posted by DukeDuck View Post
Discrimination is always wrong. If someone denies you service for example, how can you not hold them accountable? They made the choice to do that. Their feelings, exposure experience is irrelevant. I mean you have to expect some degree of civility from people and not treat them like cavemen who are only driven by instinct. You have to expect some level of intelligence.
Is it discrimination to tell me I can't use a woman's washroom? Most people probably wouldn't think so. If no one will hire me because of the way I dress, is that discrimination? In the first case, people are trying to protect the rights of women; in the second, they may be trying to avoid making their customers and other employees feel uncomfortable. Does this make them bad people? They probably wouldn't think so, since they haven't imposed on my freedom. I'm free to use the men's room, and I'm free to present as a man when applying for jobs. If I run into problems, it's because I've made bad decisions and I could choose to act differently. I should "keep my weird fetish to myself" like a civilized person, instead of acting like a caveman.

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Oh I really don't know about this. This is very rare. Most of the people who offend us are only concerned about themselves and not how their actions are coming across or how they are making others feel.
I don't think it's rare at all. Some people are like that, but most people do consider themselves good people who care about others. The problem is that they understand things in a different way, so how they think about who needs protection from whom differs from the way some other people think. Many people who refuse to respect my pronouns believe that it's bad to encourage "delusional thinking," that it's in my own best interest that they not support my identity, that my beliefs are directly harming women and children, and that I'm eroding "science" and/or "values". These are not people who are "only concerned about themselves," but people who are concerned about people in a way that differs from the way I'm concerned about people.

Is it just me or is it getting crazier out there.
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-09-2020, 01:05 AM
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I'm not sure how many people genuinely care since they keep beating straw men. I'm sure it's somewhat enjoyable for them kind of like a sport. People also often enjoy tragedy/chaos.
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