The Strange Feeling of Not Existing - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 09:36 PM Thread Starter
Don
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The Strange Feeling of Not Existing


I don't necessarily mean that in the metaphysical sense. I don't feel that I've lost my sense of "self," but it's a general temperament I've had the last few weeks as if I've been forgotten by family and friends, and that I've just stopped enjoying life at all. I haven't exactly felt like being around anyone. I feel the need to isolate myself until my life gets better, I get a job, and can start alleviating a lot of the worry I have right now. Partly I'm isolating myself because being around others right now makes me feel more shame, more anxiety, and more paralysis. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone or something. I'm stuck. I can't move forward. I can't enjoy life, and I'm just watching everybody move on without me. To all these places I'm applying to, I might as well not exist. Most of them I can't even get to the interveiw phase. When I'm not looking for a job, I've tried to watch YouTube, play video games, read, or write. None of it really helps though. I've kind of lost interest in everything. A lot of my worst fears about my life feel like they've already come true or coming to be true. I genuinely don't want to be alive anymore. All I'm doing with my life right now is a whole lot of waiting after the little initiative I can take. Wish I could do more than vent. I don't really know how to be happy with life right now. I don't know how to orient myself back to feeling some semblance of "okay." I'm just stuck.

Just wanted to vent this I guess, but I'm I quite sick of myself venting on here too 🙂

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old Today, 05:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Don View Post
I don't necessarily mean that in the metaphysical sense. I don't feel that I've lost my sense of "self," but it's a general temperament I've had the last few weeks as if I've been forgotten by family and friends, and that I've just stopped enjoying life at all. I haven't exactly felt like being around anyone. I feel the need to isolate myself until my life gets better, I get a job, and can start alleviating a lot of the worry I have right now. Partly I'm isolating myself because being around others right now makes me feel more shame, more anxiety, and more paralysis. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone or something. I'm stuck. I can't move forward. I can't enjoy life, and I'm just watching everybody move on without me. To all these places I'm applying to, I might as well not exist. Most of them I can't even get to the interveiw phase. When I'm not looking for a job, I've tried to watch YouTube, play video games, read, or write. None of it really helps though. I've kind of lost interest in everything. A lot of my worst fears about my life feel like they've already come true or coming to be true. I genuinely don't want to be alive anymore. All I'm doing with my life right now is a whole lot of waiting after the little initiative I can take. Wish I could do more than vent. I don't really know how to be happy with life right now. I don't know how to orient myself back to feeling some semblance of "okay." I'm just stuck.

Just wanted to vent this I guess, but I'm I quite sick of myself venting on here too 🙂
Iím basically in the same boat. Ive been looking for jobs but nobody wants me. When I do get to the interview phase, they always seem to find someone better. I had a great job at Winco earlier this year but I messed that one up doing something stupid and now Iím banned for life.

My honest advice for you is to just take it easy. Obviously, itís not entirely in your hands. Itís not like you can point a gun at them and say ďgive me a job now.Ē

Just relax, pick up a hobby and listen to music. Just do the things you wonít have time to do if you had a job. Take advantage of that. After all, youíre going to be working until the day you die so you might as well enjoy being unemployed right now.



I've been seeking happiness for years.
I've lived in hiding from the darkness.
I've spent so many hours in question.
I've prayed that God finds me soon.
Only to realize I must find myself.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old Today, 03:17 PM
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If I've learned anything it's that most negativity is perceived. This is what makes life so difficult, all we know is what we know. We're stuck in a first person perspective just making assumptions about everything around us without ever really knowing the truth. At least when it comes to friendships I've tried to instill the habit of always being positive. If someone doesn't message me or reach out to me I remain positive and it's amazing how much of my negativity is nothing more then an illusion created by my own insecure mind.

As far as depression goes **** happiness. You can bounce a freaking ball off the wall and you'd be happier then if you had just gotten a paycheck. Happiness comes and goes therefore there's no point in chasing it. I also don't want to be alive anymore but then I come on this site and I read a story such as yours and suddenly it all becomes clear. It's not about my individual pleasure or pain. I'm not the only one feeling bad in this world. And you know what? That kinda makes me want to figure this out. It might take me a year or maybe 10 years. But if I could one day get to where I want to be and gather the knowledge to help another person get there as well, then it will all be worth it. Sometimes you have to reach much deeper to your higher self for purpose and motivation.


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