The sensation of being an outsider - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #21 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-09-2020, 09:13 PM
🥀
 
f1ora's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Gender: Female
Age: 21
Posts: 574
it's very real

“I’m tired, can’t think of anything and want only to lay my face in your lap, feel your hand on my head and remain like that through all eternity.”
― Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena
f1ora is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #22 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-09-2020, 10:17 PM
formerly Shawn81
 
NPC Shawn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: The desert.
Language: English
Gender: Male
Age: 39
Posts: 167
At all times. I feel disconnected from everyone else and behave accordingly. Keep to myself at a distance because I have no business trying to communicate or relate to "normal" people.

.
NPC Shawn is offline  
post #23 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-10-2020, 11:54 AM
Leftist Darkness
 
Persephone The Dread's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: I've come to burn your kingdom down one ****post at a time
Language: Eng (UK,) 下手な日本語
Posts: 39,093
Yeah I usually feel this way. I think it's pretty accurate in my case.

Kick down the door
Kick through the pain
You've been talking to the wall
Everybody is dead in this house

Kick down the door
Kick through the pain
You never wanted to be born
Everybody is dead in this house

Persephone The Dread is offline  
 
post #24 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-10-2020, 12:50 PM
Half agony, half hope.
 
PandaBearx's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Gender: Female
Age: 25
Posts: 2,727
I get on well with most people, but I never feel like I fit in really. I feel like in an odd way I almost set myself apart? b/c I'm afraid to be open. This isn't to say that others don't experience hardships or that my life is difficult. But I experience this general thought process of 'they probably won't understand' and that I won't be accepted due to stigma associated with mental illness.

"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."
PandaBearx is offline  
post #25 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-11-2020, 03:56 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by PandaBearx View Post
I get on well with most people, but I never feel like I fit in really. I feel like in an odd way I almost set myself apart? b/c I'm afraid to be open. This isn't to say that others don't experience hardships or that my life is difficult. But I experience this general thought process of 'they probably won't understand' and that I won't be accepted due to stigma associated with mental illness.

That's keen. I feel like an outsider almost everywhere. Not just around people I know but also like society as a whole (yes people sometimes seem like sheeeeple to me, not because I want to but that's how I feel). It's such a weird way to live when the whole world around you seems to live according to different metric than you.

Hangin' round that pineapple tree.
kinsey is offline  
post #26 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-11-2020, 05:42 PM Thread Starter
Don
Fupa King
 
Don's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: United States
Language: English
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Posts: 538
Quote:
Originally Posted by PandaBearx View Post
But I experience this general thought process of 'they probably won't understand' and that I won't be accepted due to stigma associated with mental illness.
Yeah, I definitely echo the sentiment. I can't tell if it's in some way my own arrogance to perceive that my experience is something only myself or a select few will understand. But there's the thought of "well, what if it is real? What if the vast majority of people truly don't understand?" If the latter is true, then that's a awful, lonely predicament to be in.

On the one hand, I've felt a lot solidarity with people in my life who I believe are very genuine and open about their life when it comes to who they are, their mental life, and what they think/feel, but I also have this experience of talking to people and not being listened to or feeing perpetually misunderstood. It's the latter experience that most often makes me feel like an outsider and wonder if I fit in anywhere, have value, or a placd in the world. I also kind of wonder if "belonging" or "not belonging" is simply a matter of which thought a person gives the most credence to, as in "you are only what you think you are."

Life's Wack
Don is online now  
post #27 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-12-2020, 03:08 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 565
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinable View Post
I don't know about you guys but I've always kind of liked the idea of being an outsider. I don't want to be like everyone else, I want to be me, even if that means I don't fit in.
I understand this. Even though it hurts being an outsider, I like not fitting in sometimes.

I feel that people who blindly follows a clique don't take the time to understand someone deemed different.
melancholyscorpio is online now  
post #28 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-12-2020, 08:52 AM
SAS Member
 
RelinquishedHell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Vancouver, Washington
Gender: Other
Age: 29
Posts: 16,481
My Mood: Mellow
That's the space I've always occupied.
RelinquishedHell is offline  
post #29 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-12-2020, 10:49 AM
SAS Member
 
Crisigv's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ontario, Canada
Gender: Female
Age: 31
Posts: 8,846
My Mood: Crappy
Yes, I'm an outsider at work (especially since I'm the boss). I'm an outsider at home. I'm an outsider in society. I've never belonged anywhere.
Crisigv is online now  
post #30 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-12-2020, 10:56 AM
SAS Member
 
The Linux Guy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Language: English
Gender: Male
Age: 41
Posts: 4,418
I had an awful time in school. There wasn't very many people like me. I didn't have a group to fit into. I wasn't athletic. I wasn't smart. I couldn't play a musical instrument. I wouldn't do drugs. I wasn't a cusser. Even the things I liked to do: Technology related things like computers, most of my peers were better at it then I was. I had no niche, no reason for anyone to respect me or want to be my friend. It seems that everything is about what you can do.
The Linux Guy is offline  
post #31 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-12-2020, 11:56 AM Thread Starter
Don
Fupa King
 
Don's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: United States
Language: English
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Posts: 538
Quote:
Originally Posted by I_Exist View Post
I had an awful time in school. There wasn't very many people like me. I didn't have a group to fit into. I wasn't athletic. I wasn't smart. I couldn't play a musical instrument. I wouldn't do drugs. I wasn't a cusser. Even the things I liked to do: Technology related things like computers, most of my peers were better at it then I was. I had no niche, no reason for anyone to respect me or want to be my friend. It seems that everything is about what you can do.
I had the sense throughout high school that I didn't have real interests of my own to share with other people. Even the "weird" kids secretly had something they enjoyed and could share with few. But I felt like I had no interests and no personality. I did like video games, but didn't have many people share that with. I've always had niche music taste that no one else listens to, so I couldn't share that. And those interests I did have that I might could share, I still couldn't really have a conversation with someone about because I don't really know what to say. I have the problem of not being super passionate about the things I like. I went through high school looking for ways to try and feel special. Never really worked. Lots of people saw me as the "smart kid" because I was quiet so I tried to play the part. But I also had some brain trauma in juinor high that effected my development throughout high school. I over valued intelligence way too much and became insecure about my own intelligence. Just a source of more anxiety that I carried into college, which is where I found out that even if you begin to think you might be smart, someone else appears smarter. Always, always putting my value as a person in all the wrong places and comparing myself to other people too often.

Life's Wack
Don is online now  
post #32 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-12-2020, 12:02 PM
SAS Member
 
The Linux Guy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Language: English
Gender: Male
Age: 41
Posts: 4,418
Quote:
Originally Posted by Don View Post
I had the sense throughout high school that I didn't have real interests of my own to share with other people. Even the "weird" kids secretly had something they enjoyed and could share with few. But I felt like I had no interests and no personality. I did like video games, but didn't have many people share that with. I've always had niche music taste that no one else listens to, so I couldn't share that. And those interests I did have that I might could share, I still couldn't really have a conversation with someone about because I don't really know what to say. I have the problem of not being super passionate about the things I like. I went through high school looking for ways to try and feel special. Never really worked. Lots of people saw me as the "smart kid" because I was quiet so I tried to play the part. But I also had some brain trauma in juinor high that effected my development throughout high school. I over valued intelligence way too much and became insecure about my own intelligence. Just a source of more anxiety that I carried into college, which is where I found out that even if you begin to think you might be smart, someone else appears smarter. Always, always putting my value as a person in all the wrong places and comparing myself to other people too often.
I understand what your saying. I've been on an emotional ride ever since. What I mean is sometimes I think one way and other times I think another. I think family and friendship is important on multiple levels. People don't understand this until they need to get someone place in life, and there is nobody to help you. Also you can't help anyone else. It's a very lonely place to be!
The Linux Guy is offline  
post #33 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-12-2020, 12:49 PM
SAS Member
 
CNikki's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: USA
Language: American English, Gibberish
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,827
It's something I've known since I can pretty much remember. Learned to adapt so I'm not really phased.
CNikki is offline  
post #34 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-19-2020, 05:33 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Posts: 7
I've been an outsider for as long as I can remember. I gave up on trying to fit in at some point when I realized I'm wasting my energy trying to make contact with people that don't value my presence at all. If everyone else thinks I'm not good enough for them I might as well stop trying, and I haven't tried since. During the years in school people tried extra hard to ignore me while I was around which contributed to my lack of confidence. If people were talking to me it was only to make fun of me, telling me how weird, quiet, dumb I was, how I was the guy with no friends, how I was a virgin, how I was ugly, you name it. On those few occasions were people were trying to have a genuine conversation with me I would scare them away with my weirdness and they would never try to talk to me again. It's because those situations are overwhelming to me to this day and I never know what to say.



Admittedly, I don't think I'm a very interesting person. I don't have any special interests and nothing that I'm really passionate about or good at. Maybe people like me are predestined to be forever alone. I feel like at 28 it's too late for me to learn social skills. The thing is I hate being alone. I hate that everyone out there takes friends for granted, that everyone can meet people and make new friends and build relationships like it's nothing, that everybody is doing social things together and I'm not part of that. I've been living in complete social isolation (not corona related) only observing the outside world through the media because there's nothing left for me to do and I hate every day of it.
dinosaurparty is offline  
post #35 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-25-2020, 10:04 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Kovac
Gender: Male
Posts: 128
My Mood: Brooding
Someone once told me a story; This guy used to be a fitter and turner. One time he worked on a slaughter house. The strange thing about working in this environment is the blood. It is almost impossible to clean off. The animal blood literally seeps into person's skin and almost becomes a part of them. The smell is almost impossible to clean out.
Sometimes I think I am the same. As if all the things I have been through have somehow seeped into my very soul. And I just can't seem to cover it up or remove it. There is something about me that puts people off. People look at me and give me a strange look. And I can just sense it, the gears in their head begin turning. Somehow they just know, You don't belong here. And then comes the questions, the interrogations. The grilling. Go on prove that you are one of us. I can't give good enough answers so I just kind of shrug and move away.
I have accepted that I will always be a loner. Never fitting in. I have made a strange kind of peace with it. But sometimes it makes me sad. Why can't people just treat me like a human being? Why do I have to prove myself before I am given a shred of dignity?
shouldeyefallbehind is offline  
post #36 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-25-2020, 11:16 AM
SAS Member
 
That Random Guy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: America
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,642

2-Cents


For me it I think it has to do more with the fact that my interests are not shared by the many and that I lack common knowledge for adult things.

I like foreign things for one and I'm a computer geek. The majority of people simply aren't going to find my topics that interesting when it comes out of my mouth.

The second thing is that I'm pretty ignorant about a lot of things. I'm not knowledgeable on a lot of things and I often cant share sentiments/opinions on things I simply don't know about.

All of that really puts me in a spot where I simply don't have much to offer in conversation and therefore because I don't get into the common things like sports, politics, and et cetera—I often feel like I don't really fit in anywhere. Also I have this real bad habit of making people awkward real easily.

Though I have always made it my practice to be pleasant to everybody, I have not once actually experienced friendship. I have only the most painful recollections of my various acquaintances ..."
― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human
That Random Guy is offline  
post #37 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-30-2020, 11:58 AM
Nefelibata
 
Lohikaarme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Point Nemo
Gender: Female
Age: 26
Posts: 4,022
Meh, I'm used to it.

“I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧
─ Anaďs Nin
Lohikaarme is offline  
post #38 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-30-2020, 07:15 PM Thread Starter
Don
Fupa King
 
Don's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: United States
Language: English
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Posts: 538
Quote:
Originally Posted by That Random Guy View Post
For me it I think it has to do more with the fact that my interests are not shared by the many and that I lack common knowledge for adult things.

I like foreign things for one and I'm a computer geek. The majority of people simply aren't going to find my topics that interesting when it comes out of my mouth.

The second thing is that I'm pretty ignorant about a lot of things. I'm not knowledgeable on a lot of things and I often cant share sentiments/opinions on things I simply don't know about.

All of that really puts me in a spot where I simply don't have much to offer in conversation and therefore because I don't get into the common things like sports, politics, and et cetera—I often feel like I don't really fit in anywhere. Also I have this real bad habit of making people awkward real easily.
I don't have many common interests with people either, and when people try and talk with me about things I'm interested in that they aren't, I'm immediately suspicious of them. I have tendency to make things I like sound boring too.


My dad once told me I should "get into cars" so I have something to talk about and share with people. But I don't like forcing myself to "like" things.

Life's Wack
Don is online now  
post #39 of 45 (permalink) Old 05-01-2020, 02:46 PM
SAS Member
 
That Random Guy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: America
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,642

Yes


Quote:
Originally Posted by Don View Post
I don't have many common interests with people either, and when people try and talk with me about things I'm interested in that they aren't, I'm immediately suspicious of them. I have tendency to make things I like sound boring too.


My dad once told me I should "get into cars" so I have something to talk about and share with people. But I don't like forcing myself to "like" things.
Yes! This is exactly how I feel! I just want to be myself. I don't want to have to change myself just to fit in.

It's all very complicated honestly. I don't know how I'm supposed to do things.

Though I have always made it my practice to be pleasant to everybody, I have not once actually experienced friendship. I have only the most painful recollections of my various acquaintances ..."
― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human
That Random Guy is offline  
post #40 of 45 (permalink) Old 05-06-2020, 08:23 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 4
I feel like that everywhere. No one cares about me except my parents and maybe some of my family.
music_fan1 is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome