The sensation of being an outsider - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-29-2020, 09:20 AM Thread Starter
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The sensation of being an outsider


How real/unreal is it? I always feel as though I don't belong in any group.

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post #2 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-29-2020, 02:23 PM
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Same here, although sometimes I find a group I briefly feel I fit in with and then I figure I don’t actually fit in as much as I thought. Wonder if the other people of the groups feel the same.

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post #3 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-29-2020, 03:15 PM
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Always.
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post #4 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-29-2020, 08:28 PM
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Always an outsider. Even though people have been nice to me and I feel that I belong, I really don't. And it shows with the lack of respect.

I'm always treated like a freak.
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post #5 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-29-2020, 10:38 PM
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It's too real. Even if I try to be normal, after a while I get a bad feeling like no one wants me around or gives a **** about anything I say. Then I get irritated so end up leaving the group.
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post #6 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-29-2020, 11:34 PM
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When I don't fit into Group A, it's probably just isn't right group for me.

When I also don't fit into Group B, it's probably just isn't the right group for me as well.

When I also don't fit into Group C, it's probably just bad luck/coincidence. Keep seeking.

When I also don't fit into Group D, E, F, G.. so on. Yeah it's not the group. It's not others. It's me. Something is definitely different about me. I just don't fit in with the world.

Eventually I learn to just say "screw it!" and just embrace Group ME. If several strays come along to wanna join Group ME, or if any other groups happen to invite me in, I will join. Even if they are temporary. I just learn to enjoy whatever comes to me and stop trying so hard. I am probably just a social Nomad. I feel much happier this way.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #7 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-30-2020, 11:16 PM
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I think just about everyone feels like an outsider, at least some of the time. Just like everyone gets anxious. But some people really are outsiders. Just like some people who feel ugly really are ugly. It's all a matter of degree.

I don't have to question it, personally. I know I'm an outsider the way I know my shoes will still fit the next time I put them on. I hear "weird", "strange", "odd", "different", all the time. I've never blended in, and no one has ever tried to make me feel like I do.

I love Society. It is entirely composed now of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what Society should be.
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post #8 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-30-2020, 11:32 PM
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Sure. I've felt like that for years. I'm sure my quality of life suffers for it as people are fundamentally tribalistic apes that shun those who are different from them. However, I despise the petty social games people play and I'd rather remain an 'outsider' than engage in them.
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post #9 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-31-2020, 04:39 AM
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Well, the good thing about being an adult is that youíre not obligated to be confined to a group. Unless the group is part of youíre job, then I donít think itís a big problem. As for me, Iím a huge introvert and Iím also very kind, awkward and young looking in real life so throughout my life at different jobs, Iíve been the odd one out sometimes. Itís not a big deal or noticeable but I know that my personality mixed with my work ethics and lack of confidence makes me seem weird or awkward in the workplace. It is what it is though.



I've been seeking happiness for years.
I've lived in hiding from the darkness.
I've spent so many hours in question.
I've prayed that God finds me soon.
Only to realize I must find myself.
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post #10 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-31-2020, 08:54 AM
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I don't belong anywhere even if I try to. Nobody cares. Even when I find some people to be a great company they ditch me anyway. I wouldn't care if my husband didn't do the exact same thing. All I wanted is to have a lovely little family with a loving husband. Needless to say my in-laws hate me from the second they heard ABOUT ME, my husband doesn't give a damn, my colleagues are happy to see me gone, none actually asks about me and my parents are abusive (emotionally). I am being gaslighted on a regular basis and when I finally think that I've found a friend the person turns to be a creep (yes, even women can be creeps) and the last time I went to sales to a neighbour country with a "friend" of mine (mind you I'm a woman and she's too) she made me afraid for my life as she turned out to be nicely speaking a very disturbed lady. Needless to say how much I resented my husband for refusing to go with me. SO YEAH, whatever I do - I'm always an outsider. ALWAYS.
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post #11 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-31-2020, 02:23 PM
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I'm certainly an outsider as far as society is concerned nowadays - and have been for years. I'm pretty good at pretending though - and I look as conservative as anyone else, so most people would have no idea. I used to be able to fit in reasonably well at work etc - but I'm not a very good team player. I used to just walk away from jobs etc all the time.

Nowadays I don't really mind - I have my own "group". People that care about me and accept me the way I am. You don't care about fitting in to society as much when you have that.
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post #12 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-31-2020, 03:36 PM
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post #13 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-31-2020, 03:54 PM Thread Starter
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I think I feel naturally at odds with people somehow, even though I don't really want to feel that way. I don't have a good sense of social ques. I feel distracted and depressed all the time around people. Not being able to communicate well and potentially having selective mutism--I think people just find me offputing. That, and I deeply fear and avoid eye contact. I think people sometimes assume I'm ignoring everyone when I'm just trying to cope with my own anxiety. I'm very inward too and not very expressive.

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post #14 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-01-2020, 06:06 AM
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The issue is that as soon as you don't feel a part of the group, you're on a path of self-confirmation bias. You feel like you're not part of the group, so you create a 'me vs group' mindset, and then you could either try to fight back into the group, stay on the outside as you're not 'in' with the group, or leave as you're not part of it. There's a host of reasons as to why we get to this place, but remember that no one is a 100% 'fit' for any group, as the group has unique individuals anyways. Everyone feels like they're not fully 'part of the group' in some way

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post #15 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-01-2020, 07:28 AM
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Honestly I've felt that way ever since I was a kid. Now I don't know if I'll ever find anybody I'd be okay with hanging around.
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post #16 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-02-2020, 11:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RSxo View Post
The issue is that as soon as you don't feel a part of the group, you're on a path of self-confirmation bias. You feel like you're not part of the group, so you create a 'me vs group' mindset, and then you could either try to fight back into the group, stay on the outside as you're not 'in' with the group, or leave as you're not part of it. There's a host of reasons as to why we get to this place, but remember that no one is a 100% 'fit' for any group, as the group has unique individuals anyways. Everyone feels like they're not fully 'part of the group' in some way
It's really hard to distinguish between what is real and what is perceived. At least in how humans process rejection, real vs perceived rejection are treated identically by the body and brain.
If you feel that you don't fit in, you may partly be correct. Maybe the group members don't actually feel that comfortable around you. Or maybe it's all in your mind, and they really like you, they enjoy hanging out with you, but you're just attending to the negative stuff more than the positive. I think it's important to trust your gut to some degree, but not before considering both sides of the coin first. If the evidence really suggests that your "friends" aren't that interested in you, then best move on, I suppose. But do not simply jump to that conclusion, and don't make too many assumptions. After all, assume makes an *** of u and me
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post #17 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-04-2020, 10:08 AM
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I don't know about you guys but I've always kind of liked the idea of being an outsider. I don't want to be like everyone else, I want to be me, even if that means I don't fit in.

ďLet the wise hear and increase their learning, and let those of good comprehension seek guidance." - Proverbs 1:5
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post #18 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-04-2020, 11:27 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinable View Post
I don't know about you guys but I've always kind of liked the idea of being an outsider. I don't want to be like everyone else, I want to be me, even if that means I don't fit in.
I don't know. I like be uniquely "me" and I try to feel comfortable with the person that I am.

But the problem is that I don't really know where myself begins and my anxiety ends.

If I liked myself, though, in a sense, I probably wouldn't feel like an outsider. I'd just pay no mind to how I'm perceived by others.

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post #19 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-04-2020, 02:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Don View Post
I don't know. I like be uniquely "me" and I try to feel comfortable with the person that I am.

But the problem is that I don't really know where myself begins and my anxiety ends.

If I liked myself, though, in a sense, I probably wouldn't feel like an outsider. I'd just pay no mind to how I'm perceived by others.
That's why you gotta do some soul searching. Stop looking at yourself from an outside perspective and start seeing life through your own eyes.

SA is an illusion you need to look past, it's you believing you can see yourself through the eyes of others and envision a false self. The you that your anxiety wants you to believe is you isn't actually you.

You don't really know who you are anymore because of how often you at yourself rather than within yourself. Define your identity and separate it from the false one.

ďLet the wise hear and increase their learning, and let those of good comprehension seek guidance." - Proverbs 1:5
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post #20 of 45 (permalink) Old 04-09-2020, 08:51 PM
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The song/statement ďwe who are not as othersĒ sums it up for me, I always feel alien & thereís no exception, not even family
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