(Support Thread) What's Bothering You Right Now? - Page 717 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #14321 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-20-2020, 01:45 AM
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My therapist wants me to take this dissociative experiences test. I think it'll probably be pointless. I have about half the symptoms for about a dozen different disorders but not enough symptoms for any one disorder to get a firm diagnosis. I'll tick off a few things on this test, like I do for every test, and it will just be another dead end. Clearly there's nothing wrong with me, so no one can help me. The solution, in that case, is obvious. Let's just skip all this busywork.

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post #14322 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-20-2020, 03:45 PM
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my brain is in such a bad place lately. idk how to pull myself out of it. its got to pass at some stage. my friend is no help at all. can i really spend more weeks trapped in my room? i don't know how to just get past it and i don't think i have the capacity to purposefully do it. my mind has been a bit on the find a gf caper, which is going nowhere. probably thinking about it because i hope it would solve my problems? i mean loneliness kind of sucks. no one is really there for me. most people don't know what its like to have had a family that wasn't there for you and just useless and then still not there and point in reaching out to them. they don't have the capacity to help either. the original source of the problem is not the cure. rant rant rant. there just isn't anyone like me, not on dating sites. i would need to go to protests and vegan meetups, but i don't like them. actually mental health related groups were the ones where i felt ok. but there aren't any groups i can go to?


my coping strategies are games and shows and movies. i just sit and click click click. i don't enjoy it. its just a way to distract my brain from the emotions that i ought to be experiencing i guess.

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. ― Mother Teresa
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post #14323 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-21-2020, 04:21 AM
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Coronavirus. Emptying buckets every 6 hours to keep my basement from flooding (living with plumbing issues for 2 months straight now, anxious every day, having to keep calling and emailing people who can't do anything about it, huge bills in immediate future I have no money to pay for). Living in dread of being homeless. Having to push myself to work every single moment I can possibly manage because I can't get any assistance. Never any rest, never any relaxation, not enough time, relentless stress. Coming out and trying to deal with my transition somehow. Trying to fight rising levels of transphobia. Loneliness. Isolation. Frustration. Dealing with crazy and unsupportive and uncooperative family. Dealing with my new GP and my weird, inexplicable autoimmune-y/somatoform issues. Teeth hurt, no way to fix them. No health insurance. Nightmares. Insomnia. Migraines. Vertigo. A constant state of exhaustion. Trying to work through my issues with my therapist but feel completely hopeless about turning things around. Trying not to kill myself every day. Trying not to depress people with my problems. No one can help me. No one is supposed to live like this. Life is hell. I want to be dead.

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post #14324 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-21-2020, 02:54 PM
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@truant The water bill may not be bad. A bucket every 6 hours would be less than running a bath once a day, right?

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post #14325 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-21-2020, 03:06 PM
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The water bill may not be bad. A bucket every 6 hours would be less than running a bath once a day, right?
Two buckets every 6 hours. It drips in two places. I don't get the water bills myself, they go to the condo board, and if the water is high for some reason, they find out which unit has a problem and they make that unit pay the bill. My last water bill was $1,300. I know the repair will be at least $350. Plus, now I have laryngitis, and I'm afraid they'll refuse to come into my unit to do the repair. As soon as they hear me they'll know that I'm sick. I can't afford to wait another 2 weeks. A week ago I was emptying one bucket every 12 hours, now I'm emptying 2 buckets every 6 hours. At this rate, by next week, I'll just be running a garden hose down my drainpipe 24 hours a day. This kind of thing could only happen to me.

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post #14326 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-21-2020, 05:29 PM
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At $1300 it sounds like they're just making up fake bills to get as much money as they can because they think you won't sue.

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post #14327 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-21-2020, 05:59 PM
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At $1300 it sounds like they're just making up fake bills to get as much money as they can because they think you won't sue.
When I got the bill I assumed exactly what you did and called the city and explained the situation. The person I spoke to told me that the bill sounded reasonable to her based on other cases and that it was probably accurate. I also spoke to a plumber about it, and described the reason they gave for the bill, and he told me the same thing. I could have taken them to court anyway, but I probably would have lost. And, ofc, I can't afford to hire a lawyer.

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post #14328 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-21-2020, 06:02 PM
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Just cut the water pipe completely then they'll have to fix it.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #14329 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-21-2020, 10:35 PM
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There really are a lot of *******s on reddit. Like this woman posted a photo of her husband who managed to self publish a book while working a full time job but because she used the word published in the title most of the comments are just full of *******s talking about how 'he isn't actually published, he's just self published.' typos, the cover art (didn't get that, it was genuinely cool looking.) You can guarantee most of these people haven't tried writing a book and have never self published anything, they just have ridiculous standards. One person criticised the prevalent attitude there and got massively downvoted lol.

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post #14330 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-22-2020, 01:21 AM
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There really are a lot of *******s on reddit. Like this woman posted a photo of her husband who managed to self publish a book while working a full time job but because she used the word published in the title most of the comments are just full of *******s talking about how 'he isn't actually published, he's just self published.' typos, the cover art (didn't get that, it was genuinely cool looking.) You can guarantee most of these people haven't tried writing a book and have never self published anything, they just have ridiculous standards. One person criticised the prevalent attitude there and got massively downvoted lol.
Writing a book is hard. It is very difficult to get a book deal with a trad publisher, so that is something to be proud of. On the other hand, self-publishing can be a lot more difficult/work in other ways. I have to do all my editing myself, whereas people who get book deals have professional editors and proofreaders helping them. I have to make my own cover art. I have to write my own ad copy and do all my own advertising. I have to handle all the social media. I have to handle the business side of things entirely by myself. And I don't have deep pockets, so I can't advertise like a trad publisher, which means I'm not going to see nearly the same kind of sales for what is arguably more work.

Self-published authors have to be a lot more versatile than trad published authors to be successful, and they have a lot more control over the final product, so they can get away with writing things that would otherwise never be published (like everything I write, haha). Trad published authors may be better writers on average (since the publishers are looking for a certain level of ability, and a lot of them have MFAs) but even writing ability is hard to judge because readers never see what the author's writing is like before the professional editors get their hands on it. When a reader reads one of my stories, they know exactly how good (or bad) I am because, aside from getting my friend to read it over to catch the few typos I might have missed (and they're damned good at spotting them, too, haha), I did everything myself.

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post #14331 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-22-2020, 02:12 AM
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Writing a book is hard. It is very difficult to get a book deal with a trad publisher, so that is something to be proud of. On the other hand, self-publishing can be a lot more difficult/work in other ways. I have to do all my editing myself, whereas people who get book deals have professional editors and proofreaders helping them. I have to make my own cover art. I have to write my own ad copy and do all my own advertising. I have to handle all the social media. I have to handle the business side of things entirely by myself. And I don't have deep pockets, so I can't advertise like a trad publisher, which means I'm not going to see nearly the same kind of sales for what is arguably more work.

Self-published authors have to be a lot more versatile than trad published authors to be successful, and they have a lot more control over the final product, so they can get away with writing things that would otherwise never be published (like everything I write, haha). Trad published authors may be better writers on average (since the publishers are looking for a certain level of ability, and a lot of them have MFAs) but even writing ability is hard to judge because readers never see what the author's writing is like before the professional editors get their hands on it. When a reader reads one of my stories, they know exactly how good (or bad) I am because, aside from getting my friend to read it over to catch the few typos I might have missed (and they're damned good at spotting them, too, haha), I did everything myself.
Yeah I thought it was a shame that people were nitpicking that part of the title, although I guess it's very difficult to get published in the traditional sense.

I can't really judge what is good writing tbf because I'm not a big reader so there's work that's good from a technical pov or very popular that I might buy and then never read/finish (which I've done with lots of books, until I stopped buying them for this reason,) and then meanwhile I'll read entire fanfics (probably hundreds at this point,) and not lose interest and the quality of those varies a lot.

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post #14332 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-22-2020, 11:25 AM
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I don't have the energy to go into detail how inapplicable this would be to me even if we weren't in the middle of a pandemic, and I wouldn't blame anyone for not wanting to read that anyway so I'll just say that constantly seeing advice like this gives me the impression that the average person can't possibly hope to understand what things are like for so many of us on here.
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post #14333 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-22-2020, 01:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by truant View Post
Coronavirus. Emptying buckets every 6 hours to keep my basement from flooding (living with plumbing issues for 2 months straight now, anxious every day, having to keep calling and emailing people who can't do anything about it, huge bills in immediate future I have no money to pay for). Living in dread of being homeless. ...Teeth hurt, no way to fix them. No health insurance. Nightmares. Insomnia. Migraines. Vertigo. A constant state of exhaustion. Trying to work through my issues with my therapist but feel completely hopeless about turning things around. Trying not to kill myself every day. Trying not to depress people with my problems. No one can help me. No one is supposed to live like this. Life is hell. I want to be dead.
I wish there was a way to help somehow. I'm sure many here on Sas would be willing to help you.
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post #14334 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-22-2020, 01:53 PM
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Well they're interviewing Nigella Lawson on the Tv - that always bothers me in a way. Dear oh dear.
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post #14335 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-22-2020, 04:17 PM
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Racism/xenophobia

It doesn't feel nice. Its really insulting when first worlders visit 3rd world countries and spend the entire time making snide remarks about us.
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post #14336 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-22-2020, 05:24 PM
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Thanks, @coeur_brise . I know there are many lovely people here who would like to help. And they do help by providing emotional support. I just don't think emotional support is going to turn things around at this point. I have to find a way to function in this society the way I am, and I have to do that on my own.

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post #14337 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-22-2020, 05:49 PM
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Medication adjustment has being showing its ugly head these few days. Supposedly it'll take a few days for my mood to balance out. Glorious and slow few days.

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post #14338 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-22-2020, 08:39 PM
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Haven't been able to use my washing machine for two months and washing clothing by hand ****ing sucks!

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post #14339 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-22-2020, 09:56 PM
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@truant

I had to do that for about a year. I could technically borrow a neighbours one (I think, I was never 100% sure on that,) that was in an outhouse type thing (they lived in a bungalow behind, the layout of that place was weird) but I didn't want to because of anxiety so I think I only used it once. So since I had a bathtub I just washed them in there. I think I'd just pour washing powder in the bath and then swirl the clothes around a bit (I probably didn't really do it properly.) It was kind of annoying. The worst part is how much longer everything takes to dry since washing machines help with that process a bit.

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post #14340 of 14352 (permalink) Old 11-23-2020, 04:12 AM
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Yeah I thought it was a shame that people were nitpicking that part of the title, although I guess it's very difficult to get published in the traditional sense.

I can't really judge what is good writing tbf because I'm not a big reader so there's work that's good from a technical pov or very popular that I might buy and then never read/finish (which I've done with lots of books, until I stopped buying them for this reason,) and then meanwhile I'll read entire fanfics (probably hundreds at this point,) and not lose interest and the quality of those varies a lot.
Yeah, well, people obviously look for more than technical skill. They're looking for stuff they can relate to, stuff related to their interests, etc. All that can make up for a lack of technical ability. Some of my favorite authors are not technically gifted (Lovecraft) and some of the most technically gifted authors write dreadfully boring books.

I'm not trying to be a great literary author, all I care about is being entertaining. But I understand why there's an association between trad-pub and writing ability and self-pub and amateurish writing. Not that all trad-pubbed authors are good writers only that they often have more technical skill because the people who decide which manuscript gets published get turned off by bad grammar and punctuation.

I don't have any formal training in writing and sometimes I feel like I'd probably sell better if I had. I know my stuff is amateurish and would be eviscerated by Goodreads reviewers if any of them deigned to read it. But then other times I think it wouldn't make any difference. I think commercial success is mostly about appealing to the largest demographic, which is hard to do if you're a weirdo. And literary success is mostly about appealing to academia. So I think I was doomed from the start.

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Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
I had to do that for about a year. I could technically borrow a neighbours one (I think, I was never 100% sure on that,) that was in an outhouse type thing (they lived in a bungalow behind, the layout of that place was weird) but I didn't want to because of anxiety so I think I only used it once. So since I had a bathtub I just washed them in there. I think I'd just pour washing powder in the bath and then swirl the clothes around a bit (I probably didn't really do it properly.) It was kind of annoying. The worst part is how much longer everything takes to dry since washing machines help with that process a bit.
It's wringing things out that I hate. So much work just to get something that will only take 2 days to dry instead of 3. Jeans are the worst. And they turn out crusty and stiff. And I have nowhere to hang anything. I have to hang stuff off the backs of chairs in my living room and they drip all over the floor.

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