Haven't posted here in a while.
I feel like I am on breaking point and going to have a mental breakdown soon.
Loneliness has gotten worse in recent years, have constant meltdowns and always in tears. It has gotten worse during COVID restrictions being stuck at home.
Years ago I made an online friend on a now shut down blog site. It was the first person I could be myself around, share stuff with etc without being slagged off. Only in recent years that has changed when they made other online friends and we slowly started drifting apart. I would send them Easter cards, Halloween gifts, birthday gifts (our birthdays were close together) and still talked but it was never the same. A few months ago their mum died and I gave them my sympathies, they said thanks then there was nothing. Two months ago I found out that they had gotten a new Facebook account without telling me or adding me. This was the only person in my life I never fought or had any drama with like previous ex friends. I'm too boring for them now I guess.
I have tried to move on but I don't fit in anywhere online, I argue on Discord and Reddit out of boredom and frustration. Tumblr, Twitter and all those social sites are no go zones for me. Hobbies don't help. I just give them up at the first sign of drama or trouble. I hate everything, I'm called negative, if I like something, I still get the name calling and the loneliness and the drama then I just start to hate everything again. As for making friends in real life, no to that as well. I am not in bars or sports or any 'normie' activities.
I just don't want to live anymore.
You deserve a medal or a holiday or at least a cuddle from somebody