(Support Thread) What's Bothering You Right Now? - Page 713 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #14241 of 14262 (permalink) Old 10-15-2020, 04:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Riava View Post
Ps. Funny thing is that a few hours later I will probably be laughing or in a good mood. The brain!
lol I know exactly what you mean. Yesterday I was feeling seriously down just starting the afternoon so I went to sleep, and completely another person woke up a few hours later. Sometimes it's quicker and more drastic, too.

I don't have any pointers since I don't have much problem talking on the phone, or being heard doing so.

I also would like to improve my speaking in my second language (english) and don't get to practice, ever, except when I talk to myself in english, which I do sometimes. I also think in english sometimes, guess that means it's properly incorporated.

Flowers will grow from these wounds.
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post #14242 of 14262 (permalink) Old 10-15-2020, 05:59 PM
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Kinda in a bad place right now mentally.
Feel really alone and estranged from everyone, devoid of worth, socially inept, I hate my job, and I'd rather not deal with this anymore. I just want to be functionally normal. Instead, I can barely speak around people, I distrust everyone, and I can't enjoy anyone's presence because I look at everyone through a lense of distrust and anxiety. I've been trying really hard to love myself, but it's hard. I've been trying to make progress but I can't ever make enough and I'm tired of trying.

Life's Wack
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post #14243 of 14262 (permalink) Old 10-16-2020, 08:47 PM
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It's weird, I've been here on and off for ten years and while somethings have changed, some have remained the same.

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post #14244 of 14262 (permalink) Old 10-16-2020, 09:26 PM
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Haven't posted here in a while.

I feel like I am on breaking point and going to have a mental breakdown soon.

Loneliness has gotten worse in recent years, have constant meltdowns and always in tears. It has gotten worse during COVID restrictions being stuck at home.
Years ago I made an online friend on a now shut down blog site. It was the first person I could be myself around, share stuff with etc without being slagged off. Only in recent years that has changed when they made other online friends and we slowly started drifting apart. I would send them Easter cards, Halloween gifts, birthday gifts (our birthdays were close together) and still talked but it was never the same. A few months ago their mum died and I gave them my sympathies, they said thanks then there was nothing. Two months ago I found out that they had gotten a new Facebook account without telling me or adding me. This was the only person in my life I never fought or had any drama with like previous ex friends. I'm too boring for them now I guess.

I have tried to move on but I don't fit in anywhere online, I argue on Discord and Reddit out of boredom and frustration. Tumblr, Twitter and all those social sites are no go zones for me. Hobbies don't help. I just give them up at the first sign of drama or trouble. I hate everything, I'm called negative, if I like something, I still get the name calling and the loneliness and the drama then I just start to hate everything again. As for making friends in real life, no to that as well. I am not in bars or sports or any 'normie' activities.
I just don't want to live anymore.

You deserve a medal or a holiday or at least a cuddle from somebody
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post #14245 of 14262 (permalink) Old 10-17-2020, 06:39 AM
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@christacat sorry your going through that
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post #14246 of 14262 (permalink) Old 10-17-2020, 07:55 PM
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I have nowhere online to go anymore.
I argue on Reddit in depression related subs.
I deleted my Discord account after been thrown out of another support server for arguing.
Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram etc are no go zones for me. Too old for them anyway.
Livejournal is a graveyard, and I am only on Dreamwidth for graphic making challenges, I don't belong anywhere else on there.
I'm not into gaming or popular things, I'm just a boring pos.

You deserve a medal or a holiday or at least a cuddle from somebody
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post #14247 of 14262 (permalink) Old 10-18-2020, 06:37 AM
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I have a friend whose autistic, and he's autistic in a way when he doesn't know he's being irritating and annoying. Like just completely unaware of it. It's so annoying and makes me not wanna be his friend sometimes.


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post #14248 of 14262 (permalink) Old 10-18-2020, 09:34 PM
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The internet gets to me in that the rage of the day is now telling me what to get mad at. sorry, I'm so dispassionate about some things and sorry you seem to be bothered by it. It just adds to personal stuff. Like my bff telling me now that if I want to hang out, I do the calling. Ultimatum city. She texted back "Im bored" and my gut reaction was...am I supposed to entertain you? It feels like you never ask me how I am. Hows life. Hows things. I feel like a meat TV.. or however you phrase it. Last time you called, you needed to talk. Skipped me for someone else. And now that you call again, its just "boredom"? I'm there a lot. But I'm not a TV. I can't talk about my life, well I can but your boredom matters more in some cases at least.
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post #14249 of 14262 (permalink) Old 10-18-2020, 09:56 PM
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trying the dating site caper again. because apparently i'm very lonely and willing to try something i hate (again). though i can never send those messages.

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. ― Mother Teresa
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post #14250 of 14262 (permalink) Old 10-19-2020, 01:25 PM
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I think I'm about to lose my oldest friend because they can't respect my boundaries. I cant tell if it's me being a dick, or it's them. BUt I said my boundaries loud and clear, and if they can't stick to them then what can I do? There's nowhere to go. Everyone loses.
I swear they're trying to emotionally manipulate me so that my boundaries don't apply to them. It's sickening to me.
I know it must suck for them, but this is my life and I gotta prioritize myself before anyone else.


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post #14251 of 14262 (permalink) Old 10-19-2020, 01:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by andy1984 View Post
trying the dating site caper again. because apparently i'm very lonely and willing to try something i hate (again). though i can never send those messages.
I hope it goes well..


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post #14252 of 14262 (permalink) Old 10-19-2020, 02:24 PM
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I need to try and take meds again. Had a a conversation with a friend recently that reminded me being chronically depressed all day, unable to experience joy, and anxious around people actually isn't how it's supposed to be. I don't know how to fix it. I can make a small amount of progress every now and then, but I can't make leaps. And I'm really tired of existing this way. Trying to not let myself fall into my own debilitating shame-traps, because it makes it worse. I have been feeling less shame lately though. And that helps.

Life's Wack
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post #14253 of 14262 (permalink) Old 10-19-2020, 04:25 PM
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What to do when both your parents are depressed?
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post #14254 of 14262 (permalink) Old 10-19-2020, 04:34 PM
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I really need to calm down.
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post #14255 of 14262 (permalink) Old 10-19-2020, 04:36 PM
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Originally Posted by aqwsderf View Post
What to do when both your parents are depressed?
I think I'd go out for the day - and not come back.

Are they clinically depressed - as in take medication etc?
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post #14256 of 14262 (permalink) Old 10-19-2020, 04:57 PM
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I think I'd go out for the day - and not come back.

Are they clinically depressed - assuming in take medication etc?
No they aren't diagnosed. They both have bleek outlooks on their life and feel stuck. My mom was crying on our drive today and my dads just been away by himself in a room

I wish I could do something
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post #14257 of 14262 (permalink) Old 10-19-2020, 05:36 PM
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Originally Posted by aqwsderf View Post
No they aren't diagnosed. They both have bleek outlooks on their life and feel stuck. My mom was crying on our drive today and my dads just been away by himself in a room

I wish I could do something
That's horrible - sorry about that, I didn't mean to be stupid. (I'm still a bit manic from going out this morning)

That would be a very hard thing to deal with. Hopefully things will pick up for you all soon. I hope so anyway.
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post #14258 of 14262 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 12:13 AM
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My bosses want to have a conference with me in the morning, and Iím low key a little anxious because I know itís going to be constructive criticism.

"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."
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post #14259 of 14262 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 01:01 AM
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Had to increase my medication because of this morning. Got in touch with my psychiatrist. Hopefully I won't feel sick tonight.
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post #14260 of 14262 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 11:12 AM
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My bosses want to have a conference with me in the morning, and Iím low key a little anxious because I know itís going to be constructive criticism.
Well I hope they take it well and you can set 'em straight.
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