(Support Thread) What's Bothering You Right Now? - Page 710 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #14181 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-08-2020, 05:44 PM
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Originally Posted by aqwsderf View Post
I feel kind of overwhelmed. My family is really dysfunctional. Small things become these huge things. And I have to be exposed to the constant tension, scrutiny, and mood changes on what feels like a regular basis. I can tell things aren't normal. My dad's not normal. My mom's not normal. Even my grandma. They all behave in ways that do not make sense for mature adults. There's a lot of manipulation and I'm just here to witness it all. I can't fix it. I don't really have a say.

I wish I could escape from it. Ideally I wish things were normal. But it seems like normality is just a brief instance in my life.

I'm pretty depressed about it. I can feel myself on the verge of tears sometimes just thinking about it. My anxiety is up. I was shaking earlier trying to explain my point of view to my mom.

I just wish things were normal. Why is that so hard. I'm just stuck witnessing this endless cycle of negativity.
That sucks. I hope you can find a way to handle this situation.
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post #14182 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-08-2020, 06:24 PM
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That sounds crappy. Sorry I don't know your situation, is escaping to go live somewhere else a feasible goal to work towards? In the mean time, hopefully posting here helps. You are a positive.
Not currently no. And it's not like I want to leave my family. It's just so hard sometimes. It's not healthy. I try to stay positive.

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That sucks. I hope you can find a way to handle this situation.
Thank you. Just trying to get past it emotionally. Venting helps
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post #14183 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-10-2020, 01:33 PM
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I find things like this in old notebooks all the time.



Nada has changed :/
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post #14184 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-11-2020, 01:27 AM
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Several things about my basically non-existent social life which I can't go into detail here kinda make me wanna stab myself repeatedly tbh. I know that's edgy or over-dramatic, but that is one of the forms of self-harm ideation I catch myself having just about everyday and it seems largely out of my control at this point.
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post #14185 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-11-2020, 01:03 PM
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@Barakiel

I don't have thoughts about that everyday but I do have thoughts about stabbing myself repeatedly (specifically, weirdly) too now and then.
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post #14186 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-11-2020, 04:42 PM
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So, someone at work said they're trying to ''introduce banter'' to me, so now I feel like I don't fit in there even more now, and feeling like something is wrong with me.
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post #14187 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-13-2020, 04:52 PM
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I dislike football. I dislike hearing about football. I really dislike living in a football crazed community where everyone and everything is about the team. Honestly, I used to feel like I was missing out but not so much anymore with the way the league presenting itself these days.
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post #14188 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-13-2020, 08:52 PM
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Lack of caring or someone's habit of apathy is getting to me. I'm trying to stay positive and to keep things in perspective, but when someone doesnt "care" enough that their lack of responsibility then sloughs off onto you, it gets really annoying. Maybe I need to be a hardass. Maybe I need to just redirect my focus. I'm usually a happy team player, a cheerleader, a good supporting actress,. except when I'm not. I need to see through this rough time. Its good that I got to get away for a while and reconnect with the family.

I don't want to resent but honestly, I'm put into a difficult spot.
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post #14189 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-14-2020, 03:12 PM
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Nothing is really bothering me rn. Just bored and lonely

Late Bloomer or Dead Man, idk
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post #14190 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-14-2020, 11:52 PM
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Allergies are awful, I've developed itchy hives on my chest. Got a meeting with my boss later today that I'm not yet prepared for. Worried about what he thinks of me and whether he regrets hiring me. Can't focus, haven't been able to focus on work at all in the last 3 days.

Every act of creation is first an act of destruction.
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post #14191 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-15-2020, 04:07 AM
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I can't stand these people that resurface like once a year like "gurl I miss you, I care so much about you" just stop. You don't care if I live or die lmao.

more issues than vogue
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post #14192 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-15-2020, 12:21 PM
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I hate how suicide is treated not just by people in general but also by "professionals". [Staff Edit]

Last edited by WillYouStopDave; 09-16-2020 at 01:19 AM. Reason: Suicide discussion
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post #14193 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-15-2020, 06:45 PM
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Don't really want to exist sometimes. Really tired of it quite frankly. Have this constant back and forth of feeling as though I'm accepted by people finally and then not long after I feel insecure again, and it's back to me mentally abusing myself. I don't know how to be kind to myself. I'm tired of feeling at odds with myself, with friends, and with family. I'm not very good at this.

Life's Wack
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post #14194 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-15-2020, 10:33 PM
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I guess, for some reason I don't understand, my cat wants nothing to do with me anymore. Doesn't beg to go outside with me anymore. (She actually tries to hide now if I try to take her outside.) Doesn't want to knead on my leg and purr for me anymore. Doesn't want to play with me. Doesn't keep me company lying on my blanket or in my window late at night anymore. She'll show up when I have food to eat, but she does that with all of us (then leaves). I used to always be able to turn to an animal when everyone else had let me down, but for the first time in my life, not anymore.

I have no one to hug. No one to get a little bit of affection or love from. No one to keep me company late at night when I'm alone and the only one awake and the silence and painful thoughts are stronger than ever. No reason to even bother leaving the house anymore. Just when I thought it was already as tiny as it could get, my life has gotten even smaller. I imagine soon I'll be too embarrassed and anxious to even step outside. But I guess it doesn't matter because I no longer have a reason to, anyway. Yesterday was a beautiful day and I missed it because I feel too stupid to go out by myself. I stayed inside and cried.

It's bad enough when nobody wants you. When even animals don't think you're worth it anymore...what does this say about me? I must be among the lowest forms of trash, if even my own pet doesn't care about me anymore.

Whenever I think I can't feel even lonelier or more worthless, life proves me wrong.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

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post #14195 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-15-2020, 11:50 PM
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Mania. One minute I'm fine and then I'll be talking to my wife and it starts. Can feel everything starting to go too fast - and my wife can even hear it in my voice and the way I'm talking. Jesus what a horrible feeling.
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post #14196 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-16-2020, 12:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ScorchedEarth View Post
I hate how suicide is treated...
This bugs me, too. Can't talk about it anywhere.

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Originally Posted by tehuti88 View Post
I guess, for some reason I don't understand, my cat wants nothing to do with me anymore.
My last cat didn't like to be held or cuddled. She'd let me pet her back when she was in a good mood, but for the most part she didn't want me around unless she was hungry. She'd get savage if you tried rubbing her belly. None of my other cats were like that, but they each have their own personality. People always say, "Get a pet", but not every pet is affectionate. I had a dog that absolutely hated me and made my life hell. I finally gave her away because I knew I must have been making her miserable, too.

Are you using some new kind of topical medication? Maybe there's a new odor that she doesn't like. I hope she comes around. I relate to having no one to get affection from.

Is it just me or is it getting crazier out there.
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post #14197 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-16-2020, 06:32 AM
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A number of days ago I burned my little green notepad of randomness. Now I'll never know the dumb crazy things past me was thinking. Also burned the guitar lessons from when I took guitar lessons (with a very good musician). That's all on the internet of course, but he had translated it into stupid for me. So that sucks.

Flowers will grow from these wounds.
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post #14198 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-16-2020, 05:46 PM
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Feeling pretty damn lonely. And pretty damn tired of it. Not sure what to do about it. Except post about it. Which generally feels like a bandaid to a bullet wound.

Life's Wack
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post #14199 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-16-2020, 09:03 PM
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Originally Posted by tehuti88 View Post
I guess, for some reason I don't understand, my cat wants nothing to do with me anymore. Doesn't beg to go outside with me anymore. (She actually tries to hide now if I try to take her outside.) Doesn't want to knead on my leg and purr for me anymore. Doesn't want to play with me. Doesn't keep me company lying on my blanket or in my window late at night anymore. She'll show up when I have food to eat, but she does that with all of us (then leaves). I used to always be able to turn to an animal when everyone else had let me down, but for the first time in my life, not anymore.

I have no one to hug. No one to get a little bit of affection or love from. No one to keep me company late at night when I'm alone and the only one awake and the silence and painful thoughts are stronger than ever. No reason to even bother leaving the house anymore. Just when I thought it was already as tiny as it could get, my life has gotten even smaller. I imagine soon I'll be too embarrassed and anxious to even step outside. But I guess it doesn't matter because I no longer have a reason to, anyway. Yesterday was a beautiful day and I missed it because I feel too stupid to go out by myself. I stayed inside and cried.

It's bad enough when nobody wants you. When even animals don't think you're worth it anymore...what does this say about me? I must be among the lowest forms of trash, if even my own pet doesn't care about me anymore.

Whenever I think I can't feel even lonelier or more worthless, life proves me wrong.
Your cat might be sick. I read that behavior changes are a sign of illness in cats. That or something might be bothering her in the environment. Cats don’t just hate their owners suddenly. Idk but if she’s showing other weird symptoms then maybe you should take her to a vet or try to revert to her old environment when she was nice.
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post #14200 of 14219 (permalink) Old 09-16-2020, 09:09 PM
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Are you using some new kind of topical medication? Maybe there's a new odor that she doesn't like. I hope she comes around. I relate to having no one to get affection from.
Yeah this could be it. From what I remember, your cat has fleas too. If I put just a little bit of coconut oil on my cat, he’ll scrunch himself up and turn into a cocoon, he won’t even want to move, much less cuddle. Maybe you got something like that going on. Some of those flea medications have really bad side effects.
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