♎ Mackinac Island Fanatic
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: At the bottom of Lake Algonquin (Michigan)
I guess, for some reason I don't understand, my cat wants nothing to do with me anymore. Doesn't beg to go outside with me anymore. (She actually tries to hide now if I try to take her outside.) Doesn't want to knead on my leg and purr for me anymore. Doesn't want to play with me. Doesn't keep me company lying on my blanket or in my window late at night anymore. She'll show up when I have food to eat, but she does that with all of us (then leaves). I used to always be able to turn to an animal when everyone else had let me down, but for the first time in my life, not anymore.
I have no one to hug. No one to get a little bit of affection or love from. No one to keep me company late at night when I'm alone and the only one awake and the silence and painful thoughts are stronger than ever. No reason to even bother leaving the house anymore. Just when I thought it was already as tiny as it could get, my life has gotten even smaller. I imagine soon I'll be too embarrassed and anxious to even step outside. But I guess it doesn't matter because I no longer have a reason to, anyway. Yesterday was a beautiful day and I missed it because I feel too stupid to go out by myself. I stayed inside and cried.
It's bad enough when nobody wants you. When even animals don't think you're worth it anymore...what does this say about me? I must be among the lowest forms of trash, if even my own pet doesn't care about me anymore.
Whenever I think I can't feel even lonelier or more worthless, life proves me wrong.
If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.
(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)
Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."
(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )
"No canoes...no maple sugar...this place is horribly uncivilized."--Manabozho, Escape From Manitou Island