(Support Thread) What's Bothering You Right Now? - Page 701 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #14001 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-11-2020, 09:21 PM
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I haven't been able to stop crying all day. I know it's good to let out emotions but I feel so overwhelmed. My skin is starting to itch which happens to me when I get really emotional.

Language is a virus from outer space!

--William Burroughs; Laurie Anderson
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post #14002 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-11-2020, 09:39 PM
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Existential crisis.
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post #14003 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-12-2020, 02:46 AM
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Well, guess Iíll be struggling the next few weeks with extreme anxiety. This ****ing sucks.

Ēweíve moved on now
but if Iím honest
I am still
a little bit
in love
with all the ways
we were.Ē
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post #14004 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-12-2020, 03:43 AM
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perhaps what I did was wrong, but I have every right to be upset.
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post #14005 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-12-2020, 05:48 AM
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There's a few things that are bothering me and I think I'm internalizing them and it's going to eventually overwhelm me.

My parents haven't been speaking to each other in a week because of a stupid conflict. I have to be experiencing this tense and negative energy everyday because I live with them. When I mention it to my brother he just brushes it off because he doesn't want to get stressed out. So I feel like I'm stuck experiencing this on my own.

My parents don't take care of themselves the way they should. It's always at the back of my mind that they're aging and how am I going to be able to help them. My moms mental health concerns me.

This pandemic has me feeling like I'm stuck. My routine is just work and home. I don't have the option to go anywhere or do anything. It feels like it's going to last forever. I wanted to travel this year. I feel like I'm just living to live right now.

I don't feel like I'm good enough at work. I feel like I could be better but my anxiety stops me from reaching those levels.

I don't have friends here. They're all spread out in different cities away from me. I can't even make new friends because of the way I am.

I feel like my way of communicating isn't effective enough sometimes. Especially in my relationships. I have anxiety there too and that frustrates me.

Why can't I just feel okay. Life feels meaningless sometimes
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post #14006 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-12-2020, 10:50 AM
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I am currently writing my life story. And I get to a really quite harrowing part. It kind of got too hard to edit.
It brought back too many bad memories. So, I started listening to lofi music and came on here.

Last edited by shouldeyefallbehind; 07-12-2020 at 10:52 AM. Reason: bcoz the voices in my head told me to
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post #14007 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-12-2020, 01:30 PM
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It does feel like 2020 is a vise squeezing things together. From "I cant breathe" to a virulent respiratory disease. (I'd rhyme more but can't think of anything).
100 years ago, James joyce? Or who was, I forget. Oh, Yeats wrote the famous lines
ďAnd what rough beast, its hour come round at last, / Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?Ē
Kind of harkening the coming of the 20th century. I always found that poem to be quite prophetic if not just telling of "the times"
This year in January, earth couldn't breathe due to the fires. And some humans can't breathe now. When can we let out a sigh of relief, of relaxation.
What rough beast comes to shake us at night or day, spreading anxieties galore.
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post #14008 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-12-2020, 03:01 PM
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This heat! Its like 100 degrees.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #14009 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-12-2020, 03:23 PM
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Sore and tired. Not ready for another work week tomorrow. But I never am. Wish they'd give us some hazard pay or something for continuing to work during corona. Wondering when/if we're gonna see an outbreak at work.

Life's Wack
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post #14010 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-13-2020, 02:20 AM
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My parents will always settle for mediocrity and I'm not going to be really living as long as I'm stuck with them.
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post #14011 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-13-2020, 08:52 PM
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Stupid lying Imgur. You're supposed to be able to upload PNGs up to 5MB and it'll keep the original quality, if they go over that it'll convert them to lower-quality JPGs. I noticed it's started converting my images UNDER 5MB to JPGs! After looking around for quite a while (they surreptitiously got rid of their Imgur community forums back in May, looks like--no announcement about it), I found the FAQ and it still says 5MB and under. Lies! These are the sizes of recent PNGs of mine that were converted to crappy JPGs.

Around 2.09MB--converted.
2.93MB--converted.
4.11MB--converted.
3.70MB--converted.
780kb--not converted!
1.87MB--converted.
3.38MB--wow NOT converted!--I think this must be around when this started, five days ago, July 8

I really wish I had some other Imgur users I could discuss this with, see if I'm the only one. But their community forums are gone.

I notice they're introducing some new paid version of the site and can't help but think that connects to this. Really nice, degrade the quality of images without notifying users, get rid of the community forum without notifying users, but hey, spam the crap out of them begging them to pay for...what, stupid little badges near their names? Cool.

They could update their s****y FAQ to reflect these changes...

If there was only a way to replace my older Tumblr images with newer ones I'd try to find a way to upload to Flickr and just link them from there. Already a paid user. But of course there isn't. And it'll take me ages to upload all my stuff to Flickr by now.

Stupid s****y site. Already had to give up DeviantArt because they made it so absolutely nobody will be able to find the work of nobodies like me. -_-

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

"No canoes...no maple sugar...this place is horribly uncivilized."--Manabozho, Escape From Manitou Island
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post #14012 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-13-2020, 11:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shouldeyefallbehind View Post
I am currently writing my life story. And I get to a really quite harrowing part. It kind of got too hard to edit.
It brought back too many bad memories. So, I started listening to lofi music and came on here.
Thatís sounds cool about writing your life story. I been thru so much and I just donít tell no one nothing. Which is going to change!!
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post #14013 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-15-2020, 03:05 PM
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Awkward moment in the staff lounge today.

Today I was in the lounge and the manager didn't know I was in there apparently. They started talking about work and Manager said that "cool ice dude has one of the files".

Coworker : Cool ice dude is here.
Manager: Yes I know they are at work right now which is why I don't want to say anything bad.
Coworker: No, i meant Cool ice dude is in the lounge right now!
Manager: oh Cool Ice Dude I didnt know you were here you must have crept in! *awkward laughter*.

Now i feel so anxous. What does he mean he doesn't want to say anything bad about me? Does that mean if I wasn't at work they'd be talking trash about me? Urgh.
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post #14014 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-16-2020, 06:36 AM
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I feel insecure about posting selfies. It isn't simply because of how I look. It's because of how old I am. Younger people to whom is the most active online, treat me like there is something wrong with me that I'm still single and looking. I get the impression that many think I'm a pervert or worse. For that reason I try to protect myself by being more reserved and cautious. It isn't fair.
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post #14015 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-16-2020, 09:49 AM
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I'm starting to get those horizontal forehead wrinkles. I'm only 28.

After furiously Googling retinol products, I'm probably gonna try something from Neutrogena and cross my fingers. I'd rather use The Ordinary but a lot of their formulations aren't approved to be used in Canada due to the strengths (ironic, considering they're based here).
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post #14016 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-16-2020, 12:54 PM
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Got yelled and jeered at and called stupid for not opening a horizontal blind "right." (I had just been told to fix it after he'd opened it wrong.) Outside with the cat now because it gives me an excuse to cry (he'd get mad and call me stupid for crying in front of him, too). All this over a stupid ****ing blind he didn't open right. But I'm the stupid one for not being able to fix it or open it up to the "right" level or whatever, I don't even really know why I was called stupid this time or why he got so mad, all I know is it happens at least several times a week. Lost track of the times he'd start a "conversation," then the moment he said something racist or even blatantly wrong (nonfactual) and I'd try to say something he'd just yell at me oh shut up, never mind, you're stupid, you don't know anything.

He says he keeps doing this because he hopes the next time he tells me to do something maybe I'll get it right. That was his same explanation for why he used to "tease" (insult) me all the time growing up, maybe I'd grow a thicker skin. I told him to stop hoping for that because it's never going to happen. I never grew a thicker skin and I never get anything right.

I literally cannot do anything right.

It would be a huge favor and relief for me to not wake up in the morning, not just for me but for them. I'm literally too stupid to live, if I can't even open a blind without causing a big argument.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

"No canoes...no maple sugar...this place is horribly uncivilized."--Manabozho, Escape From Manitou Island
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post #14017 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-16-2020, 01:00 PM
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They have ignored me for 8 days straight.

But when they come back, I will ignore it, let them have it. Act like everything is okay.

They probably wont want me to reply to them. But I know I wont be able to help myself.


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post #14018 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-16-2020, 01:09 PM
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I have to sometime, but I really do not want to go back in the house. I'm so exhausted walking on eggshells, never knowing what dumb insignificant thing will result in me being jeered at as "stupid" next. I've even been called stupid for being so nearsighted I can't read the TV screen without my glasses. I feel like the only way to avoid it is to just not talk at all, but that gets him angry, too; he once gave me the cold shoulder for an entire week and I spent the whole time thinking he was sick or had gotten bad news from the doctor, I agonized the whole time. It turned out he was trying to teach me some kind of lesson for mumbling too much when I talk, when the day I had done that, I myself hadn't been feeling well, and for obvious reasons I have trouble raising my voice. (I raise my voice, he gets mad.) A WEEK of silence from him, the whole time with me thinking maybe he was dying, to teach me a lesson.

I have this fantasy of just walking away down the old railway tracks and disappearing. Not being missed. Just lying down in the woods and fading away. Some tiny two-line obituary nobody reads. No funeral for nobody to attend. Nobody motivated enough to let SAS know. But I know I'd mess that up, too.

I wish I was just smarter and not so useless so I wouldn't have to face this every day. I know I'm an idiot and nothing but a disappointment, I don't need somebody else to remind me constantly. Constantly I remind myself.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

"No canoes...no maple sugar...this place is horribly uncivilized."--Manabozho, Escape From Manitou Island
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post #14019 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-16-2020, 03:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aqwsderf View Post
There's a few things that are bothering me and I think I'm internalizing them and it's going to eventually overwhelm me.

My parents haven't been speaking to each other in a week because of a stupid conflict. I have to be experiencing this tense and negative energy everyday because I live with them. When I mention it to my brother he just brushes it off because he doesn't want to get stressed out. So I feel like I'm stuck experiencing this on my own.

My parents don't take care of themselves the way they should. It's always at the back of my mind that they're aging and how am I going to be able to help them. My moms mental health concerns me.

This pandemic has me feeling like I'm stuck. My routine is just work and home. I don't have the option to go anywhere or do anything. It feels like it's going to last forever. I wanted to travel this year. I feel like I'm just living to live right now.

I don't feel like I'm good enough at work. I feel like I could be better but my anxiety stops me from reaching those levels.

I don't have friends here. They're all spread out in different cities away from me. I can't even make new friends because of the way I am.

I feel like my way of communicating isn't effective enough sometimes. Especially in my relationships. I have anxiety there too and that frustrates me.

Why can't I just feel okay. Life feels meaningless sometimes
ĎItís always at the back of my mind that they are aging, my mom mental health concerns meí
This is so true for me, I really hope you feel better! What do you work as? Is it a stressful job?
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post #14020 of 14091 (permalink) Old 07-16-2020, 04:44 PM
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Do you hate me?
Probably not?
But you don't care.
Cause my life isn't fair.
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