(Support Thread) What's Bothering You Right Now? - Page 691 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #13801 of 13826 (permalink) Old 05-21-2020, 08:16 PM
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Ate too much pizza!
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post #13802 of 13826 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 01:03 AM
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Originally Posted by TheWelshOne View Post
My mother's thrown a tantrum and gone into Silent Mode. Not normally an issue. But she's the one doing our weekly shopping. My dad's in the risk group and I have a mild chest infection and SA, she is the one we are relying on (we're very insular, so it's not like we have anyone else to ask, and the online shopping wait is like two weeks). My dad will just go to shop by himself but I swear to God, if he gets this virus because she's acting like a child, I am not responsible for my actions.

She can, ofc, still go to the shop to pick up wine when she wants it. The beauty of an alcoholic, their drink is the only thing they care about.
Hilarious update to this that perfectly shows off her behaviour.

She normally shops on a Friday. So last night while my dad and I were in the kitchen getting ready to eat (she refuses), she stormed out saying 'You two will have to decide which of you is doing the shopping, because I sure as hell won't.'

I called after her 'yeah, we figured that one out.'

As we were finishing our dinner, she comes back in, 'I take back what I said, I'll go shopping so make a list.'

Translation: 'I wanted to hurt you and throw you into a panic, that didn't work so I will control you this way instead.'

She's so petty, it's amazing.

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And not waving but drowning
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post #13803 of 13826 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 09:44 AM
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Originally Posted by ravens View Post
Almost 550 miles one way. My father bought a house so we're moving.
That sounds exciting, Ravens. Are you happy about the move to a new house/area?

Waiting for a beam to break through here,
A chain-way vision bright and clear.
This must be it,
Longed for Bliss,
First it was so quiet and now I know I am not alone in here.

___________
Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride, nobody gonna slow me down. I gotta keep on moovin!

If you can read this, you must look at my profile page. I like people who have attention to detail, and curiosity.
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post #13804 of 13826 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 12:22 PM
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All the ****ing travel restrictions.
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post #13805 of 13826 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 01:13 PM
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I don't know how to make friends anymore.
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post #13806 of 13826 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 09:48 PM
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Why Am I alive?
Everyone doesn't want me to be.
I can't see anything good.
Death is what I should.
But I don't have the guts.
I do a good job living in the ruts.
Eventually the bottom will fall out.
Like it or not,
The end is coming.
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post #13807 of 13826 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 10:56 PM
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Originally Posted by The Linux Guy View Post
Why Am I alive?
Everyone doesn't want me to be.
I can't see anything good.
Death is what I should.
But I don't have the guts.
I do a good job living in the ruts.
Eventually the bottom will fall out.
Like it or not,
The end is coming.
I wish I knew the right thing to say to make you feel better. But I can't even say that for myself. I just hope you get through it, I'm sure trying.
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post #13808 of 13826 (permalink) Old 05-22-2020, 11:04 PM
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I wish I knew the right thing to say to make you feel better. But I can't even say that for myself. I just hope you get through it, I'm sure trying.
I don't think anyone knows the right thing to say, to make us feel better.
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post #13809 of 13826 (permalink) Old 05-24-2020, 09:36 AM
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Originally Posted by KILOBRAVO View Post
That sounds exciting, Ravens. Are you happy about the move to a new house/area?
Not really. The house we had I had the entire upstairs to myself where I had my bedroom and where I would workout. This house is about 800 square feet smaller. My exercise machine and weights are in the garage here, along with boxes of my things from my room.
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post #13810 of 13826 (permalink) Old 05-24-2020, 02:07 PM
Taking out the trash 🗑
 
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I basically did something wrong and got tipped for it. Nothing unforgivable but it sure feels that way without any sort of punishment. I'd much rather be confronted than have to deal with the good ol' guilty conscious.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ominous Indeed View Post
Isn't it a bit early to worry about that at 7 years old?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chevy396 View Post
I don't believe you at all about the taste. You are vegan anyway, so how would you know what meat tastes like. I get sick of vegans saying it tastes the same and then you bite into it and it's horrible.
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post #13811 of 13826 (permalink) Old 05-24-2020, 07:37 PM
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Uber/Lyft are scarce right now.....sucks.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #13812 of 13826 (permalink) Old 05-25-2020, 02:20 AM
Not A Low Calorie Food
 
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So, my dad had/HAS this enormous Sterlite tote out in the garage that's just crammed full of old papers and log books from his years on the road. The man kept every log book he used from the early 70s until he retired in 2006 or so! Also in there are all sorts of bills and papers and stuff that they will never need again.

So I got a wild hair one day months ago and decided I was gonna make clean happen in the garage. Now I know how my parents are about throwing anything with addresses or anything private like that in the trash so I tried to accommodate their paranoia. So I tried approaching the fact that I wanted to shred a whole bunch of this massive hoard of junk paper delicately with my dad and I could tell right away that this was gonna be a losing battle. His first objection to it was that we were gonna wear out the shredder. OK. Fair point. Shredders are obscenely expensive (for what they are) and ours is old anyway.

So I found an almost new shredder at Goodwill for like 5 bucks. I also had the idea that if I brought just a couple stacks of things in at a time he would be more cooperative and would chip away at it if nothing else.

Nope! Nope! Nope! What did he do? He stacked it up in a big ugly pile in one of the (few) empty slots along the dining room wall and put a hideous old blanket over it. And it's been sitting there ever since. It's just in the damn way. If I had known he was gonna do that I would have just left it out there or just started throwing it away a bag at a time when they were in bed.

Also helpfully in the way in there is a big stack of bulky kids toys that they had here for when my sister's kids used to come over. It was also a losing battle to try and talk them into either putting them out in the garage for the time being or donating them to Goodwill. Oh! That's the kids toys and it's so CUTE to have them sitting there just taking up space in a tiny apartment!

So I went in there a couple of hours ago and did my best to at least make the piles of junk in there a little less of an eyesore. Kinda not possible because a pile of junk is a pile of junk and it's never going to look good just sitting in your dining room. So I'm gonna throw down the gauntlet. Sometime in the next couple of days I'm gonna get out the shredder and tell my dad we need to get rid of all those papers. If he doesn't cooperate, I'm gonna tell him to put them back out in the garage and take all those toys out there too.

There's a pile of trash in front of our door that's just hideous and unbelievable because my mother forces him to strip naked and sterilize himself every time he goes out to take out the trash. So he naturally avoids doing it until the door is completely blocked with trash.

Stuff is just piling up in here because he compulsively collects religious literature and doesn't have anywhere to put it. So he crams it into every nook and cranny.

Our couch is hideous and old and worn out. It was pretty nice when it was new but that was like 20 years ago. The kids destroyed one side of it by jumping on it until they broke it. My dad can't see well anymore so he can't sit all the way on the other side of the living room and watch TV. So he sits in a computer chair right in front of the TV and falls asleep and just about falls over. I tried to get them to buy some new furniture before this disaster happened because there literally is not a comfortable way for him to exist in there and he has to be in there all the time when he's awake.

We've got a stack of water and Gatorade in there that's just also hideous looking. My mother hates it and they keep rearranging it to make it look less like what it is (a mess).

My dad went to Costco one day last week and came back with big boxes of commercial grade toilet paper (the massive rolls) and paper towels and three gallons of bleach. So that's been piled up by the door along with the pile of trash. I finally took that and put it all away as best I could.

I just don't know why the man can't live without putting junk in piles everywhere he goes.

/WYSD
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post #13813 of 13826 (permalink) Old 05-25-2020, 02:42 AM
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I told them when they moved in here there wasn't enough closet space and they needed to start buying those floor to ceiling wall cabinets so they'd be able to store stuff without having everything they own piled up on the floor like that. But those things cost money and even though they last forever my mother would rather drown in junk and complain about it the whole time than let go of a dime.

/WYSD
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post #13814 of 13826 (permalink) Old 05-25-2020, 10:24 AM
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Been thinking about childhood. When I was in primary school, this new girl joined. She seemed ~super kewl~ and lived opposite me! I thought this is my chance to be ~kewl~. We did hang out but it was never real friendship. She wouldn't invite me to the halloween parties that all the ~kewl kids~ from our year would go to. I felt rejected. We went to the same secondary school, and like most kids from my primary school they stopped talking to me when we went to secondary school. They literally thought they were too cool for me. She was well liked in sec school and i was very uncool. Situations like that have given me the inferiority complex today - the feeling like no-one likes me and thinks that they're above me in some way. I just stalked her IG and she still seems that kewl person with fun and friends. Dang, life's a bi***.


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post #13815 of 13826 (permalink) Old 05-25-2020, 01:52 PM
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Well. I guess I'm going to save time I'd otherwise spend uploading my art and writing to DeviantArt, since their last site update broke many of the useful functions, such as getting rid of categories (basically, site organization by topic/type, nothing is sorted into anything anymore) and then making it so when you try to use tags to sort/organize your work instead, it randomly drops bunches of them so they don't even all show up. Making any sort of organization or searching or finding an audience useless.

Plus infinite scroll on gallery pages now so it's almost impossible to easily find something, bad formatting/no more formatting in posts, no more journal portal, weird/dysfunctional comment sections that randomly add and delete text and emojis, being taken to somebody else's gallery when you try to click the "next" or "previous" arrows on your own deviations (what are those there for if not navigation?), lots of big blank spaces on profiles that make them difficult to view, near impossibility of posting journals on tablet, complete inability to post journal entries whatsoever in mobile view...this doesn't even take into account how clunky and buggy just browsing others' deviations or your messages is now...I know I'm missing a lot. (Oh yeah. They even BLOCKED a user's personal link on their page. It wasn't an offensive site, just some social media hub thing. I've never seen DA block a link before. I assume, like certain blocked links here on SAS, it was an admin decision to eliminate competition.) Seriously, I can't find one single improvement. But I've already found LOTS of flaws and bugs that were implemented purposely.

I just can't understand this. They didn't improve anything. They took away most of the functionality! It's like they wanted to drive people away, and it seems to be succeeding, I've already seen many of the users on my watch list sadly mention cutting back on submissions or quitting entirely. I thought maybe some of them were overreacting...now that I've tried it for myself, I can't blame them. I'm reluctantly joining them. I can't submit/edit my works to properly show up on the site even if I wanted to. I gave it a chance and it's literally broken for me.

I wouldn't mind so much, if I hadn't just returned after several years' absence and tried to get noticed again. I didn't succeed, but I did spend a LOT of time submitting stuff, and I hate that I wasted all that time just for them to break the site like this. No categories, no tags, no way to even find my work. Genius move.

I could wait for them to fix it, but this has been in the works for over a year, they would have fixed it by now if they planned to. I honestly can't wrap my head around what about the site is supposed to be an IMPROVEMENT, or even what anyone likes about it now. Maybe I'm just the wrong kind of user, the kind that DA doesn't want or need.

It's really too bad because it was at least a decent place to fullview larger works, and have unlimited submissions. No more of that.

One more abandoned site to add to my list, I guess. -_-

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.

***

(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )

***

"No canoes...no maple sugar...this place is horribly uncivilized."--Manabozho, Escape From Manitou Island
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post #13816 of 13826 (permalink) Old 05-25-2020, 11:28 PM
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The usual toxic and emotionally passive aggressive and attacking texts from my mom. An hour later (apparently she had a fight with her husband) and she is suddenly soft, fragile and lovey dovey to me for emotional support with her venting to me about the fight.

I just responded something like "Is there something you're ordering me to do for you in regards to this? If not and you're just emotionally venting, you should find a friend, someone you respect, or someone of equal standing as you for that." She instantly went in complete silence and stopped texting me. I might have just set myself on fire for texting her that which will burn me later on. But it felt good texting her that.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #13817 of 13826 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 01:17 AM
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Wow I came to this thread because I'm angry at my mum but after reading some replies I'm angry at all your mums instead. Mums suck, seriously. I met this like 60-year-old lady on my street years ago who said that the elderly people across the road were sort of like her stand-in parents (I think her parents had died). Isn't that the sweetest. I want some stand-in parents and grandparents. I don't want some ****ty parent that just happens to have ownership over me. Disgusting. I just want to meet some nice old people who like gardening. But like, old people who have up-to-date ethics. Not old people who like gardening and being racist. NEVER mix gardening and racism, people.


Also don't want them to be the kind of old people who like to mix gardening and sexual harassment.


Yeah, that's why stand-in parents and grandparents would be difficult to find.



Anyway I'm kind of good because I felt very, very sick and violated today but instead of doing my worst coping mechanism I did one of my other terrible coping mechanisms!! I am very happy that I did not do my worst coping mechanism. I am doing really good in that regard.


But I ranted at my parents. I feel bad because I am emotionally abusive. I also don't care though because they are emotionally abusive and have been for so much longer and I was ranting at them because they were being abusive. I had tried to talk to them about it multiple times without getting angry and I felt so helpless and violated. I don't feel very bad for being abusive to someone if they are abusive first or have done abusive stuff and I get angry about it. But I feel bad that when I get angry and rant at them, I'm forming bad behavioural habits that can lead to me doing the same thing with people who aren't abusive. Like if someone abuses me I don't really care for their sake if I treat them the same way back. But I don't want to do that because I want to be able to be around mentally healthy people who treat me with respect and I want to treat them with respect too. But I basically feel like I can't get a grip on being angry and ranting until I'm not being abused anymore. When I used to just let them abuse me and I was quiet and put up with it I felt a lot worse and they kept being awful. But if I argue back and get angry they sometimes leave me alone.



So I think it is a better plan to just get away from them asap and then work on dealing with my anger. I don't get close to anyone right now and I don't want to until I have been mentally healthy and stable for quite a long time. I just want to gradually form closer connections so that if I turn out to be disproportionately angry I can pull back and work out what to do. I don't know. I have never had any problems treating my only friend with respect. But I worry that if I had a misunderstanding I would be mean. Actually I have had misunderstandings with him and I wasn't mean. So I can't tell if I have anger issues or only have issues with anger with abusive people. I definitely had disproportionate anger a few years ago with people if I thought they were being mean. That was when I was being abused by my parents and people at work a lot more. I would misinterpret people who were not being mean and get angry at them. Or they would be a little bit mean and I would get disproportionately angry.


I'm a lot better now and I don't feel angry anywhere near as much and I am much better at dealing with it in healthy ways. But it's hard to work on my anger issues when I am being abused because if someone is being abusive, I stop caring about whether I am being mean and angry back at them. Actually that's not true, I spent all day trying to deal with it by myself without being argumentative. I only caved when I had been scared all day of being assaulted and was crying and panicking all day and couldn't deal with it anymore. And even then I wasn't abusive until my mum told me I am delusional (for identifying her behaviour as emotional abuse). So that was when I gave up and argued with her and some of the stuff I said was kind of sarcastically mocking. When she said that she hadn't broken my stuff, it just broke... when the reason it broke is because she threw it all together in a heap, I was sarcastically like, "oh oopsy I guess it got broken by gravity." Most of what I say is not emotionally abusive but it is abuse because it is part of a pattern of ranting. I don't intend to be abusive or mean but it is still abusive. Wow honestly I was the most sarcastic ***** today but it's hard to even care because I was responding to them being so crappy and they have been so horrible. I don't want to be a sarcastic *****. I just want to hang out with sane respectful people and learn how to be sane and respectful. Or be left alone. I just want to hang out with people who are as sane and respectful as my friend, all the time, only, ever. Just sweet kindness and rationality and empathy. Well, and my cat. I can accept lack of empathy from cats.



My "mother" literally told me to not mention her being abusive or gaslighting me because she doesn't agree that she's abusive and thinks I'm delusional. Hilarious and ironic that she denies gaslighting me in the same breath as telling me I'm delusional. Well at least if I don't have a kind mother I have a funny one.



I managed to not talk to my parents for many months last year and it was very lonely but a lot better than having them be horrible. It's just very lonely being disconnected from any sort of community, family, nature, humanity, history, my body... Oh and according to my mum I'm disconnected from reality too. Cheers mum.


I wonder if I can replace human connection with some other kind of connection. Like maybe if I connect with vegetables more I'll be happier. I do really like leeks. When you cut them open, they're like a crispy rainbow, but the only colours are shades of green. But I can't remember if I mean leeks or that other green vegetable. If you want to see the rainbow you might have to experiment with spring onions and the other ones, I get them mixed up. See, no wonder I feel disconnected from vegetables, I can't even tell the long green ones apart. This is why most of my generation has depression.

hello I am anna I like patting bumbleebess and playing detective and I want tummypats pleas
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post #13818 of 13826 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 01:26 AM
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I basically did something wrong and got tipped for it. Nothing unforgivable but it sure feels that way without any sort of punishment. I'd much rather be confronted than have to deal with the good ol' guilty conscious.

Okay I'll confront you about it. Get ready.


Oh dear, I hear you did something wrong (though getting tipped for it was not your fault). Try not to do the wrong thing again. Or if it wasn't that bad just recognise that wrong things happen. My cat also pressed the backspace button while I typed this, I think he was telling you that you can't backspace your mistakes, you can only accept and/or learn from them. But he is wrong that that's all you can do, you can also dwell on them. But he can't because his memory is not as good as ours. My memory is so good I can dwell on mistakes for decades. But I don't advise it. Anyway my point is, what you did has been acknowledged. By me and my lovely cat. He is still purring so I think he forgives your wrongdoing.

hello I am anna I like patting bumbleebess and playing detective and I want tummypats pleas
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post #13819 of 13826 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 02:12 AM
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@Fruitcake Anger is usually confined to the settings that provoke it, especially family since you're stuck with them and have decades of resentment to draw on. Don't think you'll have a problem with it once you get away from the parents. With anyone you don't live with, you don't have to respond to provocation because you know you aren't going to be trapped with them for years so the stakes are low and you can take a deep breath and shrug it off.

Personally, I get terribly angry having arguments in my sleep. But I never lose control when I'm awake.

Good to see you around here again.

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"Many people need desperately to receive this message: 'I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.'" ― Kurt Vonnegut
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post #13820 of 13826 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 08:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Dissonance View Post
I don't know how to make friends anymore.
just communicate with the people you share same situation with like work colleagues, school friends etc... And then show interest in there life , most of them will become friends if you took long enough time doing that
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