(Support Thread) What's Bothering You Right Now? - Page 673 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #13441 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-07-2020, 10:13 AM
anxiolytic
 
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This executive is wasting my time I just want to watch castlevania man.
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post #13442 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-07-2020, 03:56 PM
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I formated a usb flash drive without a partition. I didn't even know that was possible!
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post #13443 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-07-2020, 08:48 PM
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Why i always say dumb **** and cant filter it
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post #13444 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-07-2020, 09:27 PM
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Physically tired and sore from my job, mentally exhausted from anxiety and depression. First thoughts I have every morning and often the same thoughts I have throughout the day are that I want to kill myself. Very sick of myself, though I suppose that's nothing new on this forum. I worry about the frequency at which I have these sorts of intrusive thoughts now. Grown worse over the years.
I seem to have become addicted to relaxation. Now nothing satisfies me. Still smoking like there's no consequences. Made some friends but feel guilty when I hang out with them because they think I have money because I dress nice and drive a two year old car. I haven't tried making friends of my own caliber because I'm afraid of being the poor friend or losing interest in my current girlfriend.

In the past year since March I heard voices nonstop. I committed self injury several times. I've wanted to kill myself before but I've always been curious about what's next. I feel like my family likes me underperforming because it makes them feel justified about their loveless whitewashed lives. Escaped porn addiction by taking legal cheap mild testosterone pills to make me feel more manly, which made me not want to watch.

My brain doesn't do what I want it to do. I've got a million life problems to solve and all I can think about doing is that my parents want me to go back to college. I'm 31 and I feel like a high schooler could run me over at the game of Life. I'm diagnosed chiefly with disorganized thoughts and it sure shows in my daily activities.

My choice activities vary every three days from driving all day long, hanging out with friends, writing stories, writing my self learned theories about life basics, binging on audiobooks, hiking, etc. None of which pays my bills. My dad pays most of my bills, which is worse for me than I can imagine. It takes all the seriousness out of life.

I have a girlfriend in a different state who says she wants to marry me and have children. I love her to death but there's no possible way were ever getting together. It hurts to think I found true love and that I totally failed it. There's not a single person that encourages us even though I've been barking her up for over two years now. It would be wrong if I quit on her. Jealous of all couples especially ones with children.

Stuck between better and worse. Trying to figure out how I'm going to be able to organize myself. All I can think of is writing down everything and organizing it that way, but I haven't tackled that yet. It takes a degree of organization to be able to begin to organize myself in that way. I'm afraid of wanting to quit anything I start. I used to be very organized growing up.

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post #13445 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-08-2020, 12:02 AM
 
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Public speaking anxiety, I have a speech today.
I hope it went well .
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post #13446 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-08-2020, 10:14 AM
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I feel stupid for caring so much but I hate how 'normalized' having certain social media is and it continues to **** with my head, particularly facebook and everytime I log into it looking at my meager friends list and how people who have me on there are probably fully aware of my loserlyness. It makes me want to just delete it again and move on but then I start to feel paranoid about not having it and that also contributes to people finding me weird if they know I don't have one so it's a catch-22 I hate and I just wish the site would keel over and die.

And this is something that has been circulating in my brain for a while and causing me tons of stress. I wish I didn't care so much but it's irritating me greatly and I feel lost and all it does is reinforce how much of a lonely friendless loser I actually am despite feeling like I can 'cope' day to day but when it comes to actually getting to know people/making friendships? ha, who? where? don't know.
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post #13447 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-08-2020, 10:14 AM
Half agony, half hope.
 
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I hope it went well .
Thank you for the support I didn't end up being called and I was too nervous to go up first at the beginning of class, so this week is probably when I'll do it. Which is good b/c it'll give me time to practice.

"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."
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post #13448 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-08-2020, 11:31 AM
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I'm 31 and I can't even help my dad fix his fence. They treat me like I'm 4. I feel like I'm 4. I can't get myself to do anything. I studied the brain and nutrition and exercised but I still can't get anything productive done. The only things I ever do is smoke and sleep. I don't even like to eat. I tried going to God but he's become this distant whitewashed figure to me who tells me not to do anything. What's worse is I have a girlfriend in a different state who wants to marry me and I wish we could, but financially I'm going to have to ditch her, making me an even more despicable person. I feel like I'm going to go to hell.

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post #13449 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-08-2020, 11:41 AM
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I'm supposed to go to the ball but my evil sisters won't let me, got a pretty dress & hired a pumpkin coach & everything 😞






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #13450 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-08-2020, 07:06 PM
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Why do I keep trying to form friendships and bonds? Everyone leaves me for either one reason or another. No matter what I do and how I do, I can't seem to keep friends or get close to anyone. Other people on this site are able to, and many people out there on this ****hole called Earth are able to have friends and loved ones.

At thispoint, I am doomed to be alone in multiple ways. The only reason why I keep trying is to kill time I have between work and sleep, until I die.
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post #13451 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-08-2020, 07:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Velorrei View Post
Why do I keep trying to form friendships and bonds? Everyone leaves me for either one reason or another. No matter what I do and how I do, I can't seem to keep friends or get close to anyone. Other people on this site are able to, and many people out there on this ****hole called Earth are able to have friends and loved ones.

At thispoint, I am doomed to be alone in multiple ways. The only reason why I keep trying is to kill time I have between work and sleep, until I die.
You'll make some good friends sooner or later.
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post #13452 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-08-2020, 09:34 PM
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All I want is some restful sleep before work in the morning, but it's already almost midnight and I'm still up. Wish I was a hard sleeper like the rest of my family. When I sleep I often feel like I'm barely sleeping. I have to force myself asleep with zzzquil or melatonin and even then it doesn't always work. Honestly, I think if I could eliminate sleep as worry in my life I think I'd be at least a little bit happier.

Life's Wack
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post #13453 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-09-2020, 08:34 PM
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Today I had the worst headache yet. I am sure I had other headaches in my life... only this lasted all day long. It's the allergies. This is why I hate the beginning of spring, because of allergies. I'm the kind of girl who loves flowers and roses, but allergies... nope! Finally it's 11:31 and I can finally get some relaxing time. Finally put on some meditation music on to relax. This isn't the worst thing, I am sure other people had issues going on at hand, but yeah... headaches are my enemy. I hate them.... =\ I could sure use some hugs right now. Hugs would be nice.

"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." ~Tori Amos
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post #13454 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-10-2020, 09:38 AM
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When websites/webpages either won't load or take forever to load. Or badly done websites that have little information.

When stuff I want/need goes out of stock.

Rude cashiers/bank tellers/service people who act like they have a chip on their shoulder. I've been running into a lot of these recently.
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post #13455 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-10-2020, 11:32 AM
Half agony, half hope.
 
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I havenít been really feeling Ďwellí in terms of depression Iím going to take a mental health day off from work, but I guess I just feel isolated? And sort of blah. Itís not really rare for me to experience boughts of suicidal ideation or really just impulsivity. Itís something that unfortunately Iíll never really ďget used toĒ it always feels scary, unreal, and like the world is closing in on me. I think what gets to me a bit too is that as Iíve grown older Iíve grown better at hiding that pain. To the point where my family doesnít associate my suicide attempt at 16 or 19 with clinical depression, but a phase that I no longer experience. When the truth of the matter is: those thoughts never really left and Iíve had has multiple close calls majority of it isnít even known about, sometimes I felt like I needed to drive myself to the hospital or speak to a suicide support line (which I doubt would help) just to feel safe and reaching that point where Iím on my way or I have the number up, itís a lot. And that rational thinking isnít easy by any means but I try really hard to avoid putting my family through the pain again. Though it still would no doubt. Itís disappointing the highs and lows.....not just to me. Iíve driven or walked to the middle of nowhere just to breakdown. So it sucks to be alone in that and have been it dismissed as a phase...because itís not and never was. Unfortunately haha.

Tbh I donít get why it happens to the consistency it does. Even for depression I just donít think it should occur as much as it does...

I just feel blue right now.

"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."
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post #13456 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-10-2020, 01:54 PM
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I miss the past. I feel nostalgic. I want to re-do some things when I was growing up. Why it have to end?

The world is quiet here.
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post #13457 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-10-2020, 07:36 PM
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Going ****ing insane! My basement is flooded again (spent 2 hours shop-vac-ing, but it's coming in as fast as I can suck it up), and I can't tell if it's a bad hot water tank or groundwater and a cracked foundation. I had to call the hot water people and now I've got a repair person sometime in the morning. More stress! If it's not the tank, then it's the foundation and last time I had a problem with it the condo people charged me like $1,500 to reseal it. I don't have that kind of money!

The only thing better than money is more money.
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post #13458 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-10-2020, 07:53 PM
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Originally Posted by truant View Post
Going ****ing insane! My basement is flooded again (spent 2 hours shop-vac-ing, but it's coming in as fast as I can suck it up), and I can't tell if it's a bad hot water tank or groundwater and a cracked foundation. I had to call the hot water people and now I've got a repair person sometime in the morning. More stress! If it's not the tank, then it's the foundation and last time I had a problem with it the condo people charged me like $1,500 to reseal it. I don't have that kind of money!
That sucks.

I hate dealing with that kind of stuff. I think my sister spent $10k when she had to have her basement fixed (maybe more I don't remember). Her house has been the definition of money pit.

/WYSD
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post #13459 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-10-2020, 08:23 PM
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That sucks.

I hate dealing with that kind of stuff. I think my sister spent $10k when she had to have her basement fixed (maybe more I don't remember). Her house has been the definition of money pit.
I've spent about $3,000 on basement flooding so far since moving in. And thousands on plumbing and electrical issues.

And now I have a nice headache to go with my stress.

The only thing better than money is more money.
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post #13460 of 13600 (permalink) Old 03-11-2020, 06:53 PM
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What makes me lonely? Why do I dream of a future of me and another? Why do I strive to love? To connect? To share?


I don't want to imagine a future where it's just me. The one I'm meant to be with... Part of me believes I can claim the true happiness I seek, shared with another. Perhaps my soul is cursed. Maybe I'm the one that needs to be rescued from a lonely fate. Or maybe it was never destined to be.
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