(Support Thread) What's Bothering You Right Now? - Page 661 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #13201 of 13224 (permalink) Old 11-28-2019, 01:57 PM
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My program had a potluck today I always take a cake with. Since it's difficult to take a cake on the bus I rely on my RETIRED Dad to drive me to my pot-luck days. He did this morning. This afternoon I had 2 and half slices left of the cake. I got the cake on the bus and back to (town) and then as far as the grocery store before calling Dad since my arms were going to give out. He took his anger out on me about something which had nothing to do with me. 1)I should have tossed the 2 and a half slices of cake into the garbage instead of hulling it home 2)he drove my *** to the program this morning and 3)he will never drive me anywhere again including bowling OR program (the only other way I could take a cake to the program is if I had a bundle buggy that way I wouldn't have to be carrying it in my hands) and he wasn't going to haul my *** (along with Mom) to the church tonight 4)I don't do anything all day.. but sit on my ***. um I have more of life then he does.. and he sits on his *** if he has nothing else to do. When I was pointing out he was being nasty to be right in the moment without me having done ANYTHING he said "I BEEN NASTY SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN"


When I tried to talk to Mom she didn't really want to hear it. Because she wanted to snooze before we had to eat. She said I was taking it out on her I wasn't I needed someone to LISTEN. But she wasn't in the mood to listen.
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post #13202 of 13224 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 08:19 PM
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I think I pee more than I drink. I think my bladder is actually a portal to the elemental plane of urine.

For forty-seven years I've put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming ... but how?
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post #13203 of 13224 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 08:41 PM
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I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. I guess I never really do since I feel like I’m devoid of a personality anyway, but it’s been worse lately. I don’t know what to do. I want to cry all of the time I don’t know why. I’m so empty nothing helps. I feel like people have stopped listening to what I have to say when I talk. My reactions to everything feel disingenuous and fake I don’t feel good.
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post #13204 of 13224 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 08:56 PM
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Aww.
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post #13205 of 13224 (permalink) Old 11-30-2019, 12:39 AM
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The thing is, I want to work, it's just that I don't want to work as much as I want to die. So I just don't do anything. I'm not sure if this still technically counts as laziness. You can vote either way, bc idgaf, I'm mostly just pondering the meaning of the term.

For forty-seven years I've put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming ... but how?
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post #13206 of 13224 (permalink) Old 11-30-2019, 01:00 AM
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Originally Posted by truant View Post
The thing is, I want to work, it's just that I don't want to work as much as I want to die. So I just don't do anything. I'm not sure if this still technically counts as laziness. You can vote either way, bc idgaf, I'm mostly just pondering the meaning of the term.
Maybe you are more of a be-er instead of a doer. Of course society doesn't like that but then society is kinda slowly destroying itself anyway.
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post #13207 of 13224 (permalink) Old 11-30-2019, 01:18 AM
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Maybe you are more of a be-er instead of a doer. Of course society doesn't like that but then society is kinda slowly destroying itself anyway.
Gonna be more of a non-be-er if I don't work.

You have to have a reason to live before you can work a job. Not having a reason to live makes me lazy. But if I had a reason to live, I probably wouldn't be lazy. Are other people harder working, or do they just want to live more than they don't want to work? Not going to get a job if I don't have any reason to live in the first place.

For forty-seven years I've put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming ... but how?
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post #13208 of 13224 (permalink) Old 11-30-2019, 09:59 AM
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Take it up with me then. You don't understand because you don't know the details. Maybe it'll cure your cancer.
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post #13209 of 13224 (permalink) Old 11-30-2019, 03:24 PM
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I think I have just about resigned from trying to get better. I don't care about making friends or trying to sustain relationships. I'm tired of it. I'm alone but I also don't think I care enough to do anything about it. I don't think I ever will. I'm not happy, not really content with life either, but I'm just barley comfortable enough where I'm at to just not give damn anymore. Think I've gotten tired of myself and people, and I've just checked out. I don't know how to get to a place where I do care, or if it's even worth it. I'm a waist of space anyway. Isn't anyone around who needs me in their life.

Life's Wack
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post #13210 of 13224 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 01:01 AM
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My brother has just informed me he can't give me a ride to my therapy appointment in just over 24 hours. Because he doesn't like driving in snow. (It's about a 10-minute drive.) Now I have to take the bus (which takes about 50 minutes). One of the reasons I started therapy (among many others) was because ... I can't use buses. Because buses give me panic attacks. So now to get to my therapy, where I'm hoping my therapist can somehow help me overcome my fear of riding buses, I must take a bus.

Also, my ****ty library, which already has a ****ty selection, will no longer do interlibrary loans. Because of budget cuts. So now I can't even properly research or educate myself.

It's at this point that you realize God is just ****ing with you and doesn't actually want you to get better or do anything with your life.

For forty-seven years I've put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming ... but how?
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post #13211 of 13224 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 02:54 AM
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@truant

I hate buses too. For many reasons (not the least of which is the close proximity to a bunch of strangers). I think a bus or a plane is a nightmare scenario to most people with SA issues. It's very discouraging when a person's own family fails them in desperate times.

/WYSD
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post #13212 of 13224 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 04:25 AM
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I think that (in the past) I was the type of person who made a pretty good first impression because I was so good at seeming totally normal. If people didn't know me they would have no idea that I was a 30 year old living with my parents with no income whatsoever. So I could go out somewhere and talk to someone and leave them thinking I was a cool, chill dude.

That kind of backfires eventually because the more time you spend by yourself, the worse you get at tolerating even small doses of people being obnoxious. And the more not good you are at that the more obnoxious they get. And the more obnoxious they get, the more you notice it and the more you don't want to be around them because of how obnoxious they are.

And eventually, you're sitting there with this perfect map in your head of exactly how you got to the place where you're at. And you have completely lost the ability to communicate to other people so they have no idea what's going on and they just think nothing you do makes sense.

/WYSD
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post #13213 of 13224 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 11:27 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WillYouStopDave View Post
I hate buses too. For many reasons (not the least of which is the close proximity to a bunch of strangers). I think a bus or a plane is a nightmare scenario to most people with SA issues. It's very discouraging when a person's own family fails them in desperate times.
On top of my generalized fear of people, I was also once harassed on a bus by a group of guys. Who -- for whatever reason -- decided they wanted to steal my hat. Which they did. They then tried to provoke me into fighting them over it. (This all happened on the bus. And ofc, nobody else did anything.) Like restrooms, buses are places where people can corner you. And when you're a freak, the odds of being cornered rise exponentially. So now I just walk everywhere.

Quote:
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And eventually, you're sitting there with this perfect map in your head of exactly how you got to the place where you're at. And you have completely lost the ability to communicate to other people so they have no idea what's going on and they just think nothing you do makes sense.
My actions appear completely irrational to others, I'm sure. But they'd make complete sense to other people if they were me. The more you learn about anyone, the more logical their actions become.

We get sold this idea that there are normal and abnormal behaviors, but those normal behaviors always depend on normal conditions. The moment anything out of the ordinary happens, you deviate from the norm. And then people accuse you of being abnormal. When, in fact, your behavior is probably perfectly normal, under the circumstances. People who say, "I would never do that," are generally wrong. We all have the potential to turn into the things that we hate. All we need is one bad day.

For forty-seven years I've put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming ... but how?
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post #13214 of 13224 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 12:19 PM
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My actions appear completely irrational to others, I'm sure. But they'd make complete sense to other people if they were me. The more you learn about anyone, the more logical their actions become.

We get sold this idea that there are normal and abnormal behaviors, but those normal behaviors always depend on normal conditions. The moment anything out of the ordinary happens, you deviate from the norm. And then people accuse you of being abnormal. When, in fact, your behavior is probably perfectly normal, under the circumstances. People who say, "I would never do that," are generally wrong. We all have the potential to turn into the things that we hate. All we need is one bad day.
Well, I mean "normal" in the context of the fact that at a given time in the past, I was not doing the adult thing (working, living on my own, paying bills, etc). And not only that. I actually didn't want to. I think most people in that situation would probably want to get out of it but I was fine with it because working means leaving the house. Being out of sight and out of mind is the only thing I ever felt was normal for me. But knew it wasn't considered normal anywhere else. I despise structured environments and rigid expectations. By that I mean it's like poison to me. It's unbearable.

I was happy with the arrangement. I guess that's the one thing that was/is so abnormal about me that no one even wants to understand. If you don't even want to work, the world just doesn't want anything to do with you. It doesn't just seem irrational. It kinda is. (I mean in my case. Not yours). You can't survive in this world being the way I am. I can't even live on the streets because I need medicine to live.

/WYSD
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post #13215 of 13224 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 08:36 PM
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The pnw has the worst kind of people. Screw this place, srsly. Backstabbing lying sociopaths who can't own up to anything they do wrong.
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post #13216 of 13224 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 08:48 PM
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How to get through losing all my progress and transitioning back to the way things were.

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post #13217 of 13224 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 08:47 PM
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Boss openly laughed at me at work after I told her I have never been married.

I guess this is what I get for opening up. Last F'ing time I ever do that, this is what I get for trusting someone. Life is stupid *** Sh-t show.

Peace, Love, And Infinite Light
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post #13218 of 13224 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 08:58 PM
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Boss openly laughed at me at work after I told her I have never been married.

I guess this is what I get for opening up. Last F'ing time I ever do that, this is what I get for trusting someone. Life is stupid *** Sh-t show.
She sounds really judgmental, and that was quite insensitive of her. Lots of people aren't married, that doesn't mean anything. It doesn't take anything away from you either. I hope you feel better soon.

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post #13219 of 13224 (permalink) Old 12-04-2019, 08:58 PM
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Every F'ing day I get and take sh!t from everyone, work, home, people on the street. I work my ***** off and all I get is laughed at. Nobody cares, nobody F'ing cares at all. Everything sucks.

Wish I had the money to just leave and never come back to this stupid hell hole. I want to leave this freaking useless valley and never ever come back. Stupid valley sucks I hate it and I cannot stand anymore. People are mean Winter drags on forever and nothing ever to do hear.

Peace, Love, And Infinite Light
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post #13220 of 13224 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 03:35 AM
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My arms keep falling asleep when I'm sleeping, sometimes even when I go running, and my legs are twitchy. The hypochondriac in me is worried I have some kind of degenerative disease, but hopefully it's nothing other than stress and carpal tunnel.

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